DS16 got a job!! (but........)

[MizTink]

why are you driving him to and from work?

because i want to.
we have 1 car and i don't want to do without it.

The restaurant industry, while being very VERY hard work can be a good career prospect. If he can tough it out and make it work for now, he could work his way up to working out on the floor (which, if it's an upscale place can be VERY lucrative) or get on the line cooking (if he should have any interest in a culinary career).

he does want to get out to bus tables, but doesn't want to be in this field as a career. he has to wait until he's 18 to go to vo-tech for fire fighter/paramedic

When I was young my depression era grandfather had a saying, "You've got 2 choices in life. Work hard in school when you are young or work hard when you are old but don't forget, you are old a lot longer than you are young."

I think it's admirable he wants to help out and all, and I don't know your financial circumstances but if it was my kid I would never ever let him/her jeopardize and education that could end up with a $70,000 + job with medical benefits for a $7.50/hour job. I mean, I understand it if it's a choice between eating or starving but in all other circumstances, in my opinion, the family is best served with a diploma at the end and a chance to break out of poverty. I'd push for college courses at night instead of work, but that's just me - it would kill me if my grandkids didn't have every opportunity my own kids have. Hourly wages just wouldn't be enough, it's respectable and honorable but it's also a hard life full of struggles I wouldn't want for them and would fight tooth and nail to avoid.

exactly what i say too. they are all taken care of. i feel their job right now is school, and raising the baby.

He has a baby to support. The being a 16 year old kid door closed long ago.

I think it is admirable for him to be stepping up to the plate, but I agree with the OP, his education has to come first.

it's not as if they are out living on their own, trying to pay rent, pay bills, etc. he's not trying to support a family. he's a 16 year old dad trying to finish high school.

If I had a daughter and she had a baby, I would 100% expect her to work full time.

really? and go to school? and be a mom? you (or whoever is babysitting), would be raising the baby because mom would never be home.

I would love it if you would explain this statement:



because you couldn't possibly be saying what it sounds like you're saying...

i'm saying that they thought he was mexican and asked if he's legal or not because they (authorities) have been cracking down. the managers words. i don't understand the problem?

 

[MizTink]

The OP lives in Florida.

I suppose she thinks that ALL Hispanics are Mexican. Also, just because someone is Mexican does not automatically infer illegal, just as much as there is a high concentraion of Mexican illegals there is also a high amount of others. The OP didn't state "He isn't an illegal Mexican" but that is he is not "Mexican" which is an entirely different statement. She states "yeah, and all the manager was worried about was if he was an illegal without papers! he's not even mexican" What does being Mexican have to do with being illegal? Why even bring that up? Is it the case that ALL Mexican are illegal because apparently by this statement, it does.

wow. i definitely know that all hispanics are not mexican. 2 of my children are 1/2 puerto rican, the other is 1/2 mexican. my granddaughter's mom is mexican. so is her brother that lives with me.
i also know the difference between legal and illegal. it really means nothing to me. i know many in both situations. a person's immigration status is none of my business. i won't go on or this will turn political

 

[AKL_Megs]

really? and go to school? and be a mom? you (or whoever is babysitting), would be raising the baby because mom would never be home.

FWIW...

My mom's best friend's DD just had a baby a few months ago. This girl and her BF are both 17 and now working towards their diplomas. They are all three living with her mom.

They both go to an alternative school.

She works during the day, goes to her classes in the late afternoon, and watches baby at night.

He watches baby all day and does classes online, and then works at in the late evening.

Grandma isn't babysitter. Either mom or dad are always watching baby.

 

[smidgy]

I don't know if this is a good job for your son or not. all I know is the restaurant business.
nobody gets "breaks". you work when it is busy, you get a little down time when it's not. would you want your server to be "on break"? how about the cook? ("your meal will take another 15 minutes, because it's break time for the cook") the dishwasher comes in and basically works until there are no more dishes. I am a server, and polish silverware with vinegar when I don't have tables. and vacuum. and put dishes away, etc. in this economy, of he doesn't take the job, there are 50 other people waiting for it
now, I'm not saying this is a good job for your son. just sayiing how it is in this business. sometimes I get out early. sometimes I am there very late. no real "schedule"
In a teen pregnancy situation, in an ideal world, both "young" parents finish school and do all they can financially. and both sets of grandparents are financially able to help out until these 2 "kids/new parents" can finish at least high school. there is nothing wrong with a GED. maybe he can work towards that, and go to community college? but maybe the "grandparents" can't afford to help out, or don't have time themselves to babysit.
there are many new college grads today unemployed. and if he can eventually bus tables, he gets tips, there. maybe eventually be a server. would that be so terrible?
let him try it out. if it doesn't work, he can always quit.
but the last thing he needs is lawsuits, his "mommy" complaining about breaks to his boss, etc. He and his girlfriend got themselves into this situation . he does need to work somewhere, and jobs are hard to find.
(ps. notice how I said "they" got themseves into this situation? I despise it when people blame the boy, like the girl had nothing to do with it.)

 

[Sleepy]

I think it is great that he wants to support his kid without his mom and dad doing it for him. It shows responsibility.

Many places don't follow the laws. I know when I was in high school I worked at Burger King. On school nights I worked until 11:30pm and sometimes it was midnight before I got off work. I figured there was not much difference in me being at work until 11:30pm and me being at home watching tv until 11:30pm. With a new baby, I doubt your son is getting a full night of sleep anyway. At least he is getting paid.

I worked 32 hours a week. That is what I was scheduled. I needed the job because my parents did not have the money to buy me the things I wanted and i felt bad that they spent money on the things I needed. In your son's situation, I don't think you should be complaining. If it gets to be too much, then he can request less hours or he can look for another job. He is living the life of an adult now that he is a parent. Let him handle this like an adult on his own.

One of my closest friends in high school had a baby in the middle of 11th grade. The father of her baby dumped her and gave her no financial assistance. She drove the school bus in the morning and after school. Then, when the after school route was done, she had another job she went to. She then came home late at night and cared for her son. She came to school every morning with bloodshot eyes. I had a lot of respect for her. Just keep in mind that your son is not the only one in this situation.

 

[luvsJack]

OP, it sounds to me like you have raised a great son who wants to be responsible for his child. It also sounds like you are being a great mom and are helping them through this hard time. There are many parents in this world that would have put them out and yelled "sink or swim". They are lucky to have you.

Everyone is suggesting different ways to get his education. He is getting an education and has a plan as to what he wants to do after high school. He doesn't need a new plan if this one can work. If the OP was not able to support them and he needed to work full time then yes a GED or online school may be the answer. (BTW: online high schools are not all accredited and a student may still have to get their GED even after graduating from one, so be careful) But that is not the case, here. He doesn't need to work full time so there is no reason to.

His number priority right now is high school and then vo-tech; and then he can buy his child whatever the child needs or wants. OP, I would talk to him about looking for the future and not worrying so much about the now. Its great that he wants to do this and to an extent he should, but not at the expense of his plans for the future.

And like Lisa loves Pooh keeps saying, all that is beside the point, what the employer is doing is illegal and it should not be allowed to continue. We do not get to pick and choose which laws we follow and which ones we do not. Those child labor laws are put into place for a reason. There are many employers (especially in the food service business) that will take advantage of these young employees and working them until closing is just one of the ways. A high school kid should not be scheduled to work until close. I worked in food service for many years and managers that want to follow the labor laws are able to make schedules so that the teens are not working these late hours, its not like it cannot be done.

If this young man was in a situation where he absolutely had to work a full time schedule, I could see it; but he is lucky not to have to.

Even though he is a father, he is only 16. He still is going to think like a 16 year old and they all think they can do anything. Just like any other 16 year old, he still needs some guidance from his mother and if she feels this is too much for him; imho she has every right to speak up about it to him(I would let him go to the employer, though). Yes, many children have been raised by 16 year olds without parent involvement; that doesn't mean it was an ideal situation. And many 16 year olds were out on their own at that age and making their own way, again, it wasn't an ideal situation.

 

[happygirl]

I'm really shocked by how many people are saying that this boy first priority should be school. I think his first proprity should be is baby.

 

[luvsJack]

I'm really shocked by how many people are saying that this boy first priority should be school. I think his first proprity should be is baby.

He needs to support this child for the next 18 years. He needs a job, or better yet a career, that is going to make him able to do that. While there is no shame in washing dishes, if he has the chance to do better he should. He has that chance. Its not like the child is not being provided for. Of course the child is the first priority, and his mom is seeing to it that she (? ) has what is needed.

 

[Mkrop]

I'm really shocked by how many people are saying that this boy first priority should be school. I think his first proprity should be is baby.

I think it is tough becausse we are dealing with two children here.

Also imho, I think you are only looking at the short term, the 16 year old father has familial support so the focus should be on his education which will provide for the baby long term. Earning money by washing dishes is admirable and given the right working conditions for a minor I think it would be a great short term fix but to always keep the long term goal in sight.

If he did not have the support of his family, then yes you do what you have to do to provide for your child. They need to realize that they are very fortunate to have the OP's support both emotionally and financially.

And to other posters, no where did I read that the OP was going to go to the boss on her child's behalf. I think she expressed a concern for her child, to the long hours, and to the legality of it all. No where did I see her wanting to fight his battles with the employer for him.

 

[ReneeA]

I'm really shocked by how many people are saying that this boy first priority should be school. I think his first proprity should be is baby.

How's he going to make a good life for himself and that baby if he doesn't get a good education?

FWIW, my mom had me at 16, and was pregnant with my sister when she graduated as Salutatorian of her high school class. She was fortunate that my dad (they married before I was born) and her parents encouraged and helped her finish and THRIVE...and provided our entire family with a stable base to start with.

 

[MizTink]

i think me, luvsJack and Mkrop think a lot alike!

i am thinking as DS's mom.
i would definitely NOT talk to his manager. if DS choses to, that is his responsibility.

DS is planning on working a while and just seeing how it goes. he is thinking he will probably just ask to not be the 1 closing each night like he is scheduled to do now. i guess from what he could tell so far, there are other dishwashers who leave a little earlier. i guess if not, he'll need to decide to continue, or look for something else.
he also said he's going to ask the manager (after a week or so) when they think he may have the chance to bus tables. if it looks promising, he will hold out until that time comes.

 

[need2cruise]

I'm really shocked by how many people are saying that this boy first priority should be school. I think his first proprity should be is baby.

This isn't about an adult skipping out on supporting their child. It's a MINOR--whose own family is helping him out with supporting this child. The baby & gf live with them-the baby is being supported--maybe not traditionally, where both parents work, etc--but this isn't a "traditional" setting. If mom and dad weren't together---the minor's mom could very well be responsible for paying support for her child till he turns 18 and then the responsibility would fall to him. i've seen that ordered through the courts before--which is an issue with minors having babies.

Seems like they are dealing the best way with the situation dealt--and a very responsible way. If mom wants to help support this baby until her son graduates and works--it's her right. We all want what is best for our children/grandchildren---no matter the costs. This isn't a situation where grandma is raising the child and the parents are out partying, etc. I think they are being VERY responsible and putting this babies future 1st.

 

[DizBelle]

Maybe not but others would be offended by it.

And "others" need to get the sticks out of their butts. I don't think the OP meant to offend.

 

[Cornhusk]

And "others" need to get the sticks out of their butts. I don't think the OP meant to offend.

Oh please, this is the Dis boards where you can recieve an infraction for "sarcasm" this is obviously a place where people need to watch and think carefully of what they post.

 

[N.Bailey]

I'm really shocked by how many people are saying that this boy first priority should be school. I think his first proprity should be is baby.

I think you're giving out advice that I don't necessarily believe that you'd take if faced with a similar situation. I honestly hope you wouldn't be taking your own advice, UNLESS, it was the only option available.

I think we owe it to our children to give them the greatest chance at a successful future as we can. Granted, what 1 person may be able to give won't be an option for another, but that's where the term, "as we can," enters the equation.

The boy's mother says she's willing to help her son raise his child so he can get the education that he needs. If mom didn't have the means, that would be an entirely different ballgame, but since she does, she is making the decision to give her son the OUT for right now. This makes his education the priority for him right now.

If she couldn't afford it, of course the priority would be to take care of the child.

 

[N.Bailey]

i think me, luvsJack and Mkrop think a lot alike!

i am thinking as DS's mom.
i would definitely NOT talk to his manager. if DS choses to, that is his responsibility.

DS is planning on working a while and just seeing how it goes. he is thinking he will probably just ask to not be the 1 closing each night like he is scheduled to do now. i guess from what he could tell so far, there are other dishwashers who leave a little earlier. i guess if not, he'll need to decide to continue, or look for something else.
he also said he's going to ask the manager (after a week or so) when they think he may have the chance to bus tables. if it looks promising, he will hold out until that time comes.

He'll probably make about the same amount busing tables as he does washing dishes, but he'll not work near as many hours. Where I worked, they were the last in and the first out.

How many waitresses work at this restaurant? That's normally how they're paid. The more wait staff, the more a busser normally makes (but I'd imagine any host of restaurants could have any number of ways of paying their bus boys).

 

[MizTink]

And "others" need to get the sticks out of their butts. I don't think the OP meant to offend.

 

[MizTink]

He'll probably make about the same amount busing tables as he does washing dishes, but he'll not work near as many hours. Where I worked, they were the last in and the first out.

How many waitresses work at this restaurant? That's normally how they're paid. The more wait staff, the more a busser normally makes (but I'd imagine any host of restaurants could have any number of ways of paying their bus boys).

yeah, that's why we were thinking that it would work out better.
i have no idea about the staff.

 

[momrek06]

Has anyone here watched MTV's 16 & Pregnant http://www.mtv.com/shows/16_and_pregnant/season_2/series.jhtml

This has to be one of the most painful shows to watch as these "children" attempt to struggle with pregnancy, their families, school, work ALL while they are 16 years old.

Sit down some night and watch it. One weekend, I watched season 1's marathon and wow, it has to be the saddest tv show. These are children having children. It is one huge enormous struggle. Between the struggle to make ends meet, take care of their babies and have a life.

I feel that OP's son is going to collapse from sheer exhaustion between school, work and caring for the baby.

OP, is the baby's mom in school and working like your DS? Just curious.

 

[MizTink]

Has anyone here watched MTV's 16 & Pregnant http://www.mtv.com/shows/16_and_pregnant/season_2/series.jhtml

This has to be one of the most painful shows to watch as these "children" attempt to struggle with pregnancy, their families, school, work ALL while they are 16 years old.

Sit down some night and watch it. One weekend, I watched season 1's marathon and wow, it has to be the saddest tv show. These are children having children. It is one huge enormous struggle. Between the struggle to make ends meet, take care of their babies and have a life.

I feel that OP's son is going to collapse from sheer exhaustion between school, work and caring for the baby.

OP, is the baby's mom in school and working like your DS? Just curious.

yes, DGD's mom is in school. it's a high school for teen parents. they have on-site daycare and include parenting classes. she does not work right now.
i had encouraged both of them to wait to get jobs. a very part time would probably be fine now though. DGD can just be at home with me and my DDs if they are working. each of them working a part time job would probably be better than DS working full time.
we watch 16 & pregnant and teen mom. we are all always shocked at what idiots they all seem to be!
DGD's mom said they should put her on teen mom, but i said they would never do that because she and my DS are doing too good of a job. they wouldn't be any fun to watch.