Ds won't sleep in his crib, HELP!

[Gillian]

You can't just let him cry until he falls asleep. It will be too upsetting to you & him!

We read Sleeping Through the Night by Jodi Mindell (from the library). It was wonderful and not painful at all. It took less than a week for DS to fall asleep in his own room in his own crib. You go in after 5 minutes, sooth the baby, leave, stay away for 10 minutes, go in, etc. I can't imagine that our child is the only one who responded well and quickly to this. Some of the reviews are so mean, but we didn't find the book to be the way those people described at all!

I'd say do this as fast as possible. Good luck!

 

[mamaloya]

We co-slept with all of our children. I found that I slept better with them there. When we felt it was time for them to move on, here is what we did.

We bought a toddler bed and put it next to our bed. It was touching, but slightly lower. Our dd/ds would lay in that bed. Sometimes he/she would put a hand or leg on our bed, but they had to lay in "their" bed. They never gave us any problems because they knew that we would be right there. After they were comfortable with that, we moved it against the wall of our room a couple of feet from our bed. Once they were comfortable with that, we moved the bed into their own room. Never any tears. It also helps to let them pick out the bedding they want. We had one that would require us to sit in the room with him. We would sit with him rubbing his back for like 5 minutes and then tell him that we had to check on something and that we would be right back. He would lay there quietly waiting for us and we would come back a few minutes later. We stayed away for longer and longer until he was asleep. Eventually he went to sleep on his own. We had no problem doing this.

I have never let my children cry it out. Everyone told me that I would spoil them and make them clingy by picking them up everytime they cried and by sleeping with them. My children are more independent than any other children I know. They always know that I will be there when they need me and never have to worry about being alone.

 

[Nanu57v]

I'm too tired to read all the responses, so I apologize if this is a duplicate. DD slept with us part-time for about 18 months (after waking in the middle of the night--she was breastfed). DH had a routine that he'd do EVERY night. He'd change her diaper, put her in a sleeper (same style all the time), read her Good night moon, shut off her lamp, and then rock her to sleep. About 18 months he transitioned her off of the rocking and into just putting her in her crib to fall asleep with him standing there. She now sleeps through the night. If you don't already have a consistant routine, I'd try that. Another thing that helped DD was a crib wedge. They fit underneath the crib mattress to elevate the head. I suspect DD had reflux, and the wedge helped the food stay in her tummy. She would never let us put her down before that.

 

[Beth E. (NJ)]

My kids had their own rooms from the get go -- although with the first she did sleep in a bassinet in our room for a couple of weeks before we transitioned her to her crib in her room.

But even with her starting out in her own bed she still went though a phase where she would not go to sleep. We had to do the cry it out thing. the first night she seemed to cry forever. DH and I sat on the couch clutching eachother as she cried -- it was probably slightly over an hour. The second night more crying, but less time. Progressive nights had some crying, but each night for shorter intervals. It only took a few nights and she was going to be without tears.

It was hard on dh and I though.

 

[Zakk and Marcs Mom]

I had this issue with my first DS (he is 5 now) when he was 5 mos old we moved into a new house and he did not sleep through the night again until he was over 2! Talk about being sleep deprived! I ended up bringing him into my bed every night. Finally I could not take it anymore and tried the Ferber method (letting him cry it out and going in to reassure in expanding intervals) It took about 1 hour the first night (going in every 5, 10 or 15 minutes) the second night only took 1/2 hour and the third about 20 minutes. He has been fine ever since.
Being a toddler child development specialist I know that the crying is not out of fear but more out of "control" and getting what they want but it is still hard to listen to your child scream! But I am SOOOOOOOOOO glad that I did follow through.
I also agree with the big bed thing, both of my kids were 18 mos when I moved them into the big bed and they were much more comfortable. With my first, we just put his crib mattress on the floor and put couch pillows beside it (not that he would fall more than 6" but still...) that worked well until we bought him the twin. My second son went straight into the twin with sides (is a race car bed and the mattress can go at different heights so the sides are quite high right now (he just turned 2 last week).

Good luck in what ever you decide!

 

[momocay]

Different things work for different children. Try all of these methods and see what works. For me, I rocked dd to sleep, and then put her in bed when she was out cold. If she woke up and came in my room, I went and laid down in her bed with her (she was in a bed early because she was a climber), and left when she was sleeping. It took time, but it was peaceful and eventually ended. Be aware, Im pretty sure in the beginning, I rocked myself to sleep first sometimes.

 

[pumpkin5156]

Ds is 13 months old and still sleeps in the same bed with DH and me. We would like for DS to sleep in his own room in his crib, but whenever we put him in it he starts to cry, even if he’s already asleep. I just want to go cold turkey with this and know that probably it will take a few nights for him to get used to it.

My question is: How long can we let him cry at night that won’t be too traumatic for him? Are a couple of hours too much?

I just want to get through with this before changing him from a crib to a toddler bed.

I had to do cry it out with my son and it was so hard! But it was the best thing for him. And for us. The first night, I actually laid on his floor (he didn't know I was there) just to make sure he didn't choke on his spit and tears!

It took two nights for us, but every child is different. I've let my son cry up to two hours (checking on him every 30 minutes or so). He usually fell asleep after that.

IMO, cold turkey is so the best way to go. It's hard, but only for a few days. Gently and slowly weaning them off of sleeping with you takes FOREVER, and only makes things painful longer.

Good luck! Hint: Try to keep yourself busy or distracted while leaving him to CIO. It's really hard to just sit there and let him cry!

 

[Mouse House Mama]

Being a toddler child development specialist I know that the crying is not out of fear but more out of "control" and getting what they want but it is still hard to listen to your child scream!

Not to be rude, but a degree in something doesn't make it black and white. I am not picking on you so please don't take it that way, but just because a book says this does not make it true.

I also wanted to add that having a family bed does not make it any harder to transition to a bed. That is a complete falicy. My kids sleep just fine in their beds and have done so when we decided it was time. We never ever had to cry anything out. We have a routine for bed and that is it. As you can tell I am completely against CIO. If it works fro you then great, but I still think letting a child cry (especially for 2 hours!) is just plain cruel. I highly doubt anyone would let a 10 year old cry for 2 hours if they didn't want to go to sleep so why is it okay for a 10 month old who can't even tell you what the problem is? I'm sorry if I am coming off harsh but this subject makes me nuts. I understand that some kids will fuss for a few minuted at bedtime, but hours IMHO means there is more to it than not wanting to go to sleep. Good luck in whatever you chose.

 

[teresajoy]

I know the family bed works for some people - but thank goodness it is different strokes for different folks - because I would have had a huge problem if my children slept with me for 2 years or even 2 months. If mommy doesn't get enough sleep the whole family plan for the day goes down the tubes and everyone is much happier with everyone sleeping in their own beds. I wish I could sleep better when they are with us when they're sick or whatever but no way - I sleep very little when they are in bed with us - and that makes me grumpy the next day - and no one has any fun.

Exactly. For us, having them sleep with us let Mommy get WAY more sleep. You just have to do what's right for your family.

my kids go to bed GREAT and it is not a huge time-consuming hassle.

Same here.

 

[dvcChrisVWL]

Looks like you received lots of helpful answers to the question of how to transition. Good luck!

As for your question of if 2 hours is too long to let them cry, let me ask you this: How long can you yell and scream at the top of your lungs at a pop/rock concert? And how long would you want to do that every night before ruining your vocal chords and bursting blood vessels in your head? Personally, a good healthy cry is good once in a while. Hours? Never. 15-20 minutes max is my opinion - only once in a while.

 

[coolmickey]

We used the Ferber method too; a md friend suggested it;I went and got Ferber's book and we did it.It was hard at first but I have to say IT WORKED GREAT!!! I only wish I had done it sooner. You do have to stick with it-for it to work.Good luck.

 

[Keara'sMom]

I say, do what's right for you and what feels the most comfortable. Everyone has their own comfort level as well as their own sleep patterns.

As for me, I'm a very light sleeper, and co-sleeping didn't work--I got no sleep! We had our dd sleep in a cradle next to our bed for the first three months. Then it was into a crib in her own room, and I rocked her to sleep. We were VERY lucky that she started sleeping pretty much through the night at about 1 1/2 months...Anyway, at about 8 months, she started waking in the night and crying. We tried Ferber, and for our dd, it worked like a charm. The one night we had to use it, it was really hard, but we never let her cry for more than a couple of minutes before we went in and comforted her (leaving her in her crib, though). It took about an hour, and I won't lie, it was hard to hear her cry, even for, at max. 10 minutes (actually, I cried, too!). But then the next night, she woke once, we went in and comforted her, and she went right back to sleep! Go figure! I think we were among the lucky ones for which this method worked very quickly.

Good luck to you! Try what makes you and your little one the most comfortable.

 

[middleofamerica]

We did our let our kids cry it out, but this never went on for very long. We followed the advice of Marc Weissbluth of Healthy Sleep Habits, Happy Child. His advice was to let your child cry for no mare than an hour, if I remember correctly. Our children would cry for for 45-60 minutes the first night, and the length would rapidly decrease every night.

I agree, this book has helped us and a lot of our friends, I highly recommend it!

 

[Blondiex46]

that is so tough, glad my daughter didn't get Andrew used to that, he sleeps in his bed everynight no problem. Good luck!!

 

[Tikicampers]

Being a toddler child development specialist I know that the crying is not out of fear but more out of "control" and getting what they want but it is still hard to listen to your child scream!

Just to clarify, I never felt DS was crying because he was afraid, and I doubt most of the other parents who won't let their kids cry it out do either. I felt DS was crying because he wanted to fall asleep snuggled next to his mom and dad. I personally do not find that to be unreasonable for a small child. After the first botched CIO night, DH and I talked it over, and we agreed that we are just not CIO people. We both feel that all too soon DS will be grown up, and these moments with him are too precious to give up. Please understand I'm not judging, if parents agree with the CIO method, then they are welcome to use it. Those of us who do not, are not giving in to a crying child, usually it's what we want too. When we decided it was time for DS to move, we stuck to it, but weaned him off gradually.

I will say, that due to my SIDS fears, DD does not sleep in our bed. However, I will not let her cry it out either. It just does not suit my personality.