DS Lied to me ~ WWYD?

[allie&mattsmom]

This isn't the first time this has happened. Evidently our punishment of taking computer, tv, gameboys, etc. away didn't have the impact we hoped for because today I found out DS-9 again lied to me.

The last 3 days he's told me he's had great days, no warnings at school. Well, today he gets in the car and I can tell right away something was up. He tells me that he's lied to me the past three days and that he has gotten warnings for misbehaving at school. I was curious as to why he decided to come clean and fess up now. He said it's because Miss. Hogan told him after repeated reminders to behave today that she's going to have a talk with me. Soooo...not only has he been lying to my face three days in a row, but the only reason he confessed was because he knows his teacher's going to talk to me.

I can not stand lying! My kids know this! I told him he's lost my trust and that seemed to really upset him which is good! I also made it clear that he wouldn't have been in this much trouble just for getting the warnings but he's now in MAJOR trouble because of the lies.

I did take away his guitar lesson tonight as well as TV, computer, basically anything with a screen. I'm kindof thinking the punishment needs to be different/more severe than the last time he lied since he obviously didn't learn his lesson.

Does anyone have any suggestions? I'm not even really thinking straight right now because I'm so angry & upset at him. I know this isn't the end of the world and not a huge deal in the big scheme of things, but the lying is the thing that gets to me. I want to impress upon my kids that it is unacceptable to lie (I thought I had). Lying is the ultimate no no in my book and I need to nip it in the bud now.

Thanks everyone. Oh, and wouldn't you know DH's golfing so this is all falling on me right now which does not make me very happy.

 

[clh2]

Sorry - can't offer you any ideas of appropriate consequences - and I wish you luck.

I just want to say that I absolutely agree with you that you have to "nip it in the bud" because if they feel they can get away with it now, what do they think they can get away with when they are in high school.

 

[devmer]

Maybe you can tell him since you can't believe what he is telling you about what is happening in school you will have to go and sit next to him and follow him around all day, so you can see for yourself. I would think that the embarasment of having Mom sitting next to me and following me around all day would make sure that I never give her a reason to do that again. I fully intend to use this on my children if they require it (they are still a little young, my oldest is in K this year). That lying thing is hard, I feel the same way you do!

Dawn

 

[The Mystery Machine]

I guess since you do not have his trust, you need to stop trusting him and deal with the teacher directly till the end of school.

Get together with the teacher and have a game plan. That way when school starts next year, you are READY!!! Take a positive, proactive approach.
Or if you are a Cesar Milan (Dog Whisperer) watcher, be "calm assertive", head high, shoulder's back, you are in control.
That scares kids more than anything, a mom on a mission!

 

[Tjaleks]

My ds-11 went through this horrible phase as well. It lasted about a 1.5-2 yrs. I continued to tell him that lying to me would get him in more trouble than not lying. What we ended up doing was checking on everything he said he did. I am in constant contact with his teacher, I check his homework, he has a daily planner that I look at, I make sure that his stuff is where it is suppose to be, etc. Basically anything that he tells me that he could possible lie about we had to make sure he was telling the truth. He has finally snapped out of it. He has been doing really well for the past 4-5 months. I think he finally realizes that telling the truth, whole truth, and nothing but the truth always pays off in the end.

It will get better . Hopefully, your ds will learn this lesson sooner than my ds.

 

[N.Bailey]

I wish I had so advice to give, but I'm only subscribing to see what advice you get.

My son took roughly $15 out of my jacket, another $5 from another location. He also sold 12 Xbox games to his buddy for $20 and he refuses to own up to any of it. I ended up giving the one kid back his $20 and I got 9 of the 12 games back, but he sold the other 3 before I told him I wanted them back.

I grounded my son for 4 weeks from everything, not because he took the $20, but because he refuses to own up to it. He'd have gotten a much lighter sentence if he'd have been honest. It's just becoming a routine to lie about everything anymore though and I feel the same way you do.

BTW, I didn't add any days for his selling his video games. I simply told him, if one more leaves this house, I will put every video game and every system we have on eBay and told him he wouldn't be getting anymore. I fully expect that he won't be trying to sell them again anytime soon.

 

[allie&mattsmom]

Sorry - can't offer you any ideas of appropriate consequences - and I wish you luck.

I just want to say that I absolutely agree with you that you have to "nip it in the bud" because if they feel they can get away with it now, what do they think they can get away with when they are in high school.

Exactly...this is minor when it comes to the lies they may tell when they become teenagers. The future for both of my kids scares the you know what out of me.

I 've always tried to stress to both of my kids that they can talk to us about anything and never be afraid to come to us. Matt was afraid to tell me he got in trouble at school. I almost feel like you just can't win....you have to get on them for not following classroom rules, yet they know they're gonna get into trouble so they don't want to tell you when they do get in trouble.

I was teasing my mom and saying thanks for telling me how hard parenting could be. She's so funny, she must be in denial, because she always says that we were very good and easy. Ha! I KNOW I was the furthest thing from an angel. She must have blocked all of the bad memories of my high school years out!