DS is moving back home

[jx3smom]

He is always welcome to come back but I am a little nervous, to say the least. He is a slob and DH and I are more on the neatnik side. He's lived with his GF for 7 months and it just didn't work out. He's still trying to find a teaching job so he doesn't want to sign a lease and I really think he needs a few weeks/months to figure out what's next. Before he moved out he and I would fight some but since he left we've gotten along great. I hope that this can continue. If you have a little pixie dust to spare, send it my way!

 

[DawnCt1]

As challenging as its going to be for you, I like the expression, "a soft place to fall". That doesn't mean you have to be a push over. Set the rules of neatness, who comes and goes, a reasonable time for him to be home, etc. My oldest DS has been on his own for 3 years but he is now considering a career change and wants to go back to college. I hope he does. In order to do that however and be successful, he will need to give up his apartment and move back home. He is still sitting on the fence so we will see when next summer rolls around. I have always made it clear to my sons that as long as they are in school they are welcomed to stay home as long as they want but if they think that they can live home and not have to worry about the "cost of living", they are mistaken.

 

[Keli]

Oh my, I can see the complications that could bring in your life. I'm sure it will all work out fine and maybe he's become neater since living on his own.

 

[dmslush]

You know, after many years of all of us struggling financially, we all moved back in together. There is me, so, dd, mom and brother all in the same big old house. We actually get along better now than we did when we all lived apart. Heck, and we only have one bathroom LOL! We pool a portion of our money and that goes towards the house payment, upkeep, utilities, and groceries. We all have our off limits spot (our bedrooms), and there is a meeting place for our daily conversations (dining table). I have to say that it has had a huge positive impact on dd14. It doesn't matter what time of the day or night it is, someone is here for her.

Good luck with your son, I hope it is one of those wonderful adventures that you will look back on with a few laughs and a lot of love.

 

[chrissyk]

Set some ground rules/boundaries regarding neatness, contributing to the household, etc. before he moves back in, and it will probably be a lot smoother for everyone. I have a sibling that has moved back in with my folks repeatedly over the years, and now they are wishing that they'd set some boundaries from the beginning. It's your house, so you have every right to set rules that allow you to feel comfortable there (re: neatness, etc.).

 

[The Mystery Machine]

Does he have a job? That would be my first request. In order to live at home he has to work 40 a week, no matter where.

I would discuss this first as this may be the issue with him. A guy that is still looking for a permanent job, is probably bruised and may be the reason things didn't work out. Guys feel there worth thru their jobs as we all know.

The messy factor could be resolved by he pays for a maid service to come to the house. This way he has to contribute to the house being kept clean, esp if he is a slob.

There are lots of ways to handle this. The key is to lay them out BEFORE he moves in. That way you guys aren't fighting while he is trying to get his head on straight.
He may change his mind when he discovers all the "rules", which is OK too. Just be fair, honest & upfront.

(ETA...might want to discuss, ahem, having girls over, esp the one he is splitting from.)

 

[jx3smom]

DS is working. He works 20-40 hrs per week as a Starbucks shift supervisor and also substitute teaches. He is not lazy and has also had the same summer job since he is 14. He is now 24. Today was difficult on all of us but hopefully things will get better.