DS having a hard time adjusting to preschool...

[grlpwrd]

I recommend you read The Kissing Hand by Audrey Penn to him.

I looked it up on amazon.com and this is what it says:

Chester Raccoon doesn't want to go to school--he wants to stay home with his mother. She assures him that he'll love school--with its promise of new friends, new toys, and new books. Even better, she has a special secret that's been in the family for years--the Kissing Hand. This secret, she tells him, will make school seem as cozy as home. She takes her son's hand, spreads his tiny fingers into a fan and kisses his palm--smack dab in the middle: "Chester felt his mother's kiss rush from his hand, up his arm, and into his heart." Whenever he feels lonely at school, all he has to do is press his hand to his cheek to feel the warmth of his mother's kiss. Chester is so pleased with his Kissing Hand that he--in a genuinely touching moment--gives his mom a Kissing Hand, too, to comfort her when he is away. Audrey Penn's The Kissing Hand, published by the Child Welfare League of America, is just the right book for any child taking that fledgling plunge into preschool--or for any youngster who is temporarily separated from home or loved ones. The rough but endearing raccoon illustrations are as satisfying and soothing for anxious children as the simple story.

I have a home daycare and preschool so I homeschool my 4yo and my 2yo dd, too. On Friday he goes to a gymnastics class and this book has helped a lot.

GL!

 

[kellyg403]

One of my ds's had a very difficult time adjusting to school as well. He was my 5th and his younger brother was at home with me. It was very difficult for him to start preschool. Combined with the adjustment factor was that he was a severe asthmatic and sometimes he would end up in a full blown attack. He still had difficulty going in to 2nd grade, even though his brother was now in K. It was probably the hardest few years. But, our ped recommended continuing to be consistent with him and making sure that he understands we will be there so that he could calm his anxiety on his own. In our case it did take a while but it did work out to the best idea for him. I knew that once he got over the initial separation he was fine in school, the teachers said so, I watched through the window etc. , and he always spoke highly of all the kids and how much fun they had at recess! But every morning to get him to that point was a true test of patience. I agree with others that being consistent and letting him bring something from home to put in his pocket would maybe help a bit. My ds had a blankie at home, we cut a square and he kept it in his pocket for 2 years! Even at home sometimes I would see him with his hand his pocket holding on to that square.

He is now in 8th grade, a football player for several years and last year his homeroom teacher was his Pre-k teacher. He was embarrassed as heck when the first thing she said was I am so glad you love school now!

Good luck OP...I think sometimes its harder on us. I felt really guilty for even sending him to school for 2 years. But, had I not I have a feeling I would still be fighting him!

Kelly

 

[IlliniMouse]

My son's first and second day of pre-school went great. In fact, driving home, I was in tears because he didn't seem to care at all that I was leaving. Jumped right into things there. On the third day, things were different. He had to be peeled off of me. And this continued for most of the year. Every day it was the same. Put his things in his cubby, sign him in, and then go in to wash his hands. (Every kid had to wash their hands upon arrival.) There was a fantastic aid in his classroom that knew he had a tough time every morning. So, everyday she'd come over and start talking to him and help me get out the door faster. She'd usually whisper something in his ear that would make him smile, and he and Miss Jan were on a mission. Sometimes they jumped out the back door to "scare" me on my way to the car, or they'd knock on the window if it was too cold to "scare" me so DS could wave to me one last time. No matter how horrible the mornings were, he never wanted to leave when it was time to go home. In Kindergarten he was worried he wouldn't be able to wave to me, but he discovered the windows there, and did it himself. Imagine my disappointment the first day he was having so much fun and forgot to wave to me. Bittersweet moment for sure.

DS is now in the third grade, and we have no problems at all. Last year it was a bit different because we moved into a new district, and he started riding the bus. He was a little apprehensive about going to a new school (can't blame him for that!), but he adjusted fine.

Each child is different, and adjusts in their own time. Just be consistant and reassuring, and everything will be fine. It's amazing how quickly they grow up and soon enough Mom isn't the most important person in their life.

 

[Microcell]

I want to share my DS's experience not to scare you but for you to really think about this-

My DS is a wary child, very cautious, and it got much worse in his preschool year. He got the "Best teacher" in the preschool and they treated it like an honor to have her. He did not like it from day one.

She was personable and friendly with me, and told me at the beginning that she thought DS might want to go late to Kindergarten. He is bright, and attentive, so I inquired why she thought so, perhaps social (I knew he was slow to warm up so I figured as much). She told me that her sons (who are LD) really wish she had not sent them early and she just thinks that in general boys are immature and that my DS should wait so he could be physically bigger for sports, a leader in the class... etc... He would also be 19 when graduating from HS and IMO probably bored all through school! I told her that and she got rather cold toward me for the rest of the year.

I could handle that, she does not think I am making the right decision, but she would never take it out on my kid... BOY WAS I WRONG!!!!

At the christmas party she said, in front of me "Class, tell Ben to get a tissue" and the whole class did and then "Class tell Ben to throw it away". I thought it was an isolated incident, and my gut said he was probably humiliated at being bossed like that, but I dismissed it, because after all, she is the preferred teacher, who it was a common fact, preferred the boys.

March came and she told me that she REALLY thought he was not ready, and I should get him tested. She finally told me that he was refusing to participate in activities, in MARCH!!! I got to talking to the other parents about it, and one parent who stuck around the class longer than I usually did said that it seemed to her that he was being singled out quite a bit. By that point it was the end of the year and the teacher practically begged me to hold him back (so she could humiliate him more? I dont think so). I refused and she got annoyed again. She said "I hope he does not get frustrated".

Fast forward to last Thursday when I spoke to his Kindergarten teacher, she said he is doing absolutely wonderfully! I hope his sister understands that when he graduates in the top of his class, one of our four tickets will be sent to you know who! Joking!

Really look at the situation carefully and make sure the same things are not going on. I really think, looking back that there were things I missed, and that stupid teacher of his really lowered his self esteem. Make sure, see if other parents are noticing anything, and really, he does not have to go to preschool to get socialization, there are playgroups etc...

Good luck!

BTW I did get him tested at Parents as Teachers (the district early childhood center) and they said nothing was glaring either way. It was up to me if I wanted him to go, they saw nothing screaming at them to hold him back.

 

[ksumn1]

I don't have alot of great advice, since both my girls adjusted very quickly. My youngest DD (4) started PreK this year and after day #2 she would say bye, kiss and after that I was *invisible* to her. I'm going to eat luch with her and read a book to the class today, and her 1st words when she found out was "Don't check me out early, OK. I have TOO much to do"

But I really feel for you and I know you just want what's best for your DS. I do agree to maybe have his teacher try to encourage a friendship with some of the other children, and that might help a little. Any form of distraction might. At DD's Prek, they go in, hang up their jackets and bookbags, set their agendas on top of the cubby and go straight to their table. Every morning there are blocks, links or some other tub of toys on the table for them to play with until school actually start. Gives them something to focus on besides Mom and Dad leaving.

I hope things get better for ya'll.

 

[julm26]

I totally disagree with some posters saying to take him out. What will you do when he needs to go to kindergarten?? My DD2 has been going to "school" (daycare) since she was 3 months old. She loves it and is a happy adjusted child who is a leader in her room. Did she cry when she moved from the infant room to the one year old room. YOU BET SHE DID!!! did it break my heart? everyday, i would cry my way to work. But she got over it. I didn't have the luxury of a relative taking care of her (my mom is terminally ill). and I believe she will have an easier time in school.

Your beautiful little boy will start to like school. and he will be that great child he is at home at school too!! Keep your head up!!!

 

[Cory's Gal]

I am a preschool teacher, the best thing you can do is to keep bringing him to preschool. Each year we always have a couple of kids who have the same experience, and then they end up liking preschool the most. It is so beneficial even for a 3 year old to go to preschool and learn how to be around other kids, learn rules other than home rules, to be respectful to the teachers, and to learn to cope by themselves. Out of a whole week it is good for your child and for YOU to have them have 8 hours or so to be with someone else. Preschool is a wonderful step to prepare for Kindergarten whether it's more of an academic preschool or social preschool. Most teachers are willing to help you with tools to get used to this, and honestly the most helpful thing you can do is give a kiss and leave. Your child will still love you and they will not hold it against you. You are being a wonderful parent by giving them this preschool experience!!

 

[chris4disney]

Well today I sent DS to school with a picture of myself and DH, plus one of him and his sister. He did much better today, but who knows if the pictures had anything to do with it. Well see if he wants to take them with him again next time.

 

[2tinkersmom]

It sounds like your son has been doing better since you first posted but I have read the whole thread and just wanted to respond.

My first response is as a preschool teacher. All children are different - in the way they adjust to preschool, the time it takes them to adjust and in the way they will seperate from mom or dad. We know to expect just about anything and everything the first few weeks of a year. But I will tell you that for all the tears I've seen, I've also seen as many kids at the end of the year who just love coming to school. At our school, if a child truly does not settle in for the day we will call mom and dad. That rarely happens though, because its usually just the seperation point that is the toughest. You mentioned how different he is at home, talking and active, etc. They are in a completely different environment for the first time, it takes a while most times for their true personalities to emerge.

As a mom of two very different girls, I want to reassure you too. My first daughter couldn't get out the door fast enough for preschool and continues to be that way leaving for eighth grade! My second daughter needed mom's hand and reassurance every step of the way to go to preschool and still needs it some days. Her first days of preschool were traumatic too, as she usually was pretty expressive about not wanting me to go! But she made it and after a few weeks all she could talk about was what her teacher said and did and how she got to play with all the other kids.

I know your mom's instinct wants to protect them from what seems like an upsetting experience. But it does get better for you and them! Your son is learning valuable lessons right now about being part of a class, about making friends, about listening to a teacher and even about leaving you for a short time. Hang in there!!

 

[workinmomof2]

After your story, you will get a kick on why my DS3 does not want to stay in preschool. He has been going to a pre-preschool program since he turned 2. After the 2 year old program he was in a three between program because his birthday is late in the year. At the end of August he started official preschool. He loves his teacher and the teacher's aide. He runs into the classroom when I drop him off. He just goes for 2 hours a day M, W, F. At night when I am putting him to bed we talk about his day. I always ask him if he likes school and is looking forward to the next time that he goes, he has been responding "Mommy, I don't like school. It is too long and takes away from my play time." or "I don't want to go back to school, they make us do too many projects". I have to hold back a laugh because I know the next time I drop him off, he will be all excited to be there and to get started.

Hang in there. I really believe that your son will adjust. He just has to do so on his own time line. I bet once he makes a friend it will be better. I bet many of those kids have been going to school together for at least a year and he is like the new kid. It will work out.

I do agree with pp. Parents who hang around make it worse on the kids and that there are many kids that do it to make their parents feel bad. I have been there and seen kids just stop crying the minute they know their parents can't hear them anymore.

 

[kristenrice]

My DD4 just started preschool last week. On day 1 we were advised that she had MULTIPLE episodes of hitting and punching! When I asked her why she behaved like that, she told me that it was because the boys were taking her toys away and that hurt her feelings. She actually said, "The boy knocked over my blocks so I choked him" I have NO idea where she learned this behavior! The most violent thing she watches on TV is Playhouse Disney and there is certainly no hitting or punching, let alone CHOKING allowed in our house. She has never been to formal daycare, but she does have regular exposure to other children. She goes to Sunday School at church (and has since she was 2) every week. I was mortified to hear this. I was so worried to send her back. She is very tall for her age and she towers over all but 1 of her classmates.
After her second day, the teacher said she was so well behaved. She always "used her words" (which is what we taught her to do in the first place) and there were NO violent outbursts. I just hope that it was her way of expressing "first day jitters". I certainly don't want to be the mom of the class bully! I'm not ready for the "My kid beat up your honor student" bumper sticker

 

[disneymarie]

My first born son, now 33, was like that. It was a terror getting him in half day Kindergarten. He cried everyday, if he saw me at school he ran out of the room...He was difficult, kicking and screaming every day. He did not turn 5 until the end of the first month of school, for the cut off that year. Then everyone else was turning 6.

But, it did not let up for years!!!!!!!
He was 14 got a gf and went everyday, honor roll, named Who's Who among students two years...
After all that Drama!!!!!
I would have found him a gf the first day if I knew it would have helped....