Ds 11 Crying In His Room Right Now

[robinb]

Since you decided to threaten him with the punishment, both of you should now abide by it. It's a lesson for both of you.

 

[KristaTX]

Don't give in. As a school nurse, I always tell the parent to make them stay in bed or on the couch the rest of the day (especially if I think there is even the slightest chance they are faking). Maybe you don't have to be that strict, but no playing outside or with friends! If he really is sick it might be contagious, and I'm sure Dereck's family doesn't want Dereck to catch it.

 

[Disney Enthusiast]

Originally posted by Disney Doll
I agree with the posters who said that I would probably delve a little more into why he was "sick" at school and is now suddenly better.

As far as the punishment, like it or not, I'd stick to it.

I was a kid and we were eating in a restaurant and I was acting up and my mother told me if I acted up one more time, we'd go sit in the car while my father and brother finished dinner. I didn't believe her. I acted up. We sat in the car.

After that, I always believed her.

I agree w/ Disney Doll and the other posters that said stick to it. I think robinb stated it very well, "Since you decided to threaten him with the punishment, both of you should now abide by it. It's a lesson for both of you." If you didn't mention that to him before he left, I might give him a break (unless he was actually ill as the KristaTX, the school nurse, mentioned and should stay home and rest in case he was contagious) and not pick a battle. But since you made it the cornerstone of going home, I would stick to it so he will believe what you say and understand it to be final.

If he is ill, he should stay home and not play w/ his friend, and if he was faking it, he should learn the consequences of his decision. Good luck w/ your decision!

 

[nemo1987]

i would say no because when i came home from school when i was sick my mom would tell me i could not go outside or do anything but stay inside and rest and/or do homework. i believe you should not give in because then he knows he can get away with that again in the future. i did that once when i came home from school sick, and my mom was going to the store and i wanted to go and she said no because i came home sick from school. those are the rules and in my own opinion they should be obeyed by.
**Sarah**

 

[Celluloidgal]

Parenting is not for the weak at heart

I'd say, stick to your guns. You told him what would happen if he came home. Stick to it!!! There will be other challenges in the coming years, and knowing that what you say WILL happen, will have a big impact on his future decisions.

If he was sick...he needs the rest. Feeling better? Read a good book. If trips to the nurses office becomes more frequent, or he complains of bad headaches more often, have him checked out by your doctor.

If he was faking...resting quietly in bed will have him rethink his "plan". All it did was get him out of school and in bed for the afternoon.

Either way (truly sick, or faking)...You told him what to expect...stick to it.Hang in there...only 7 more years to go !

 

[DIZNYFAN]

Nope if you come home sick from school you can't expect to go out and play after.

 

[Mimi Q]

No.

 

[Daydreamer64]

Just curious--

Why did you feel the need to put a condition on his going home?
Is he prone to "fake" illness to get out of school? If not- 5th, 6th and 7th grades are tough. If he's new to middle school ( starts in the 6th grade here ) then he may have just needed a break being the beginning of school and all.

I get really bad headaches and sometimes I just need to get out of the current environment that I am in when the pain starts ( loud/ noisey/ bright lights ect... )- ALSO- the class that he was in may have had a blinking light about to go out- you can't really see it blink but the energy ebbs and flows in the phor. lights and tends to make brighter and darker rythems- makes me very ill-you can catch this on a video camera if you luck up on one that's going out/

Did he act ill at home or want to play right away after getting home? If right away then the red flag goes up but if he layed around for a while then the tylenol might have kicked in to make him feel better?!

Last fall, I thought that my youngest one was faking ( his older brother had missed that day at school from a fever ) when he said his chest hurt- dr didn't hear anything, he sounded good - no asthma, no cough, no fever, good appitite and all. The next day he said he couldn't breath and we took him to the er and they said he had pnuemonia! I am sure to watch now before I make a decision on restrictions.

 

[CamColt]

No way, stick to your guns.

 

[RitaZ.]

You know your child best, but I have to say that you shouldn't give in. Kids are VERY good at picking up on their parents' ambivalance, if you give in you will lose credibility in the future.

 

[jx3smom]

I would probably give in.

 

[Boo'sMom]

I'd let him go play...life's too short.....if he feels better, let him have a nice time with Derreck......

 

[shortbun]

If you think he was faking about being sick, maybe you need
to find out what's going on at school. Stress? If he really
feels better, I see no reason to punish him for feeling sick
earlier. Tomorrow is a no school day, right?
What kind of school nurse passes out tylenol?
Ours do not dispense meds unless by script.

Give the guy a break. Maybe school was hot and stressfull.
Choose your battles. this one needs more information

 

[auntpolly]

I vote no - don't let him. But try not to make too much of a big thing out of it. You did tell him what was what, and he'll never respect you if he knows he can get you to cave. Be really matter of fact, act in a good mood no matter what he does, ignore his crying.

My DD just told me a couple of weeks ago that many times she didn't do things she shouldn't because she knew her Dad and I don't bluff.

Be firm - hang tough - this mom stuff stinks sometimes!

 

[tiggerlover]

Since it was clearly stated at the beginning what was to be expected, I wouldn't give in.

 

[kidzmom3]

First I would like to say thank you to all your replies. As someone stated, being the Mommy isn't always fun or easy.

The reason I put conditions on coming home, is that he is a kid for whom everything must be spelled out, in detail. Otherwise he tries to change things to suit him. I am usually very firm with my rules, if you stay home from school sick, or come home. No friends, 1 hour of tv, no video games. I will read to you, play a quiet board game etc... I just felt so bad this time because both he and his friend looked so sad.

I decided to not let him go outside, but I did spend some nice time with him working on a diorama for a class project. We talked about school, starting middle school, taking the bus etc...

Turns out, that he knew today was my last day off. For 11 years I have worked the 3pm-1130pm shift. I am switching starting tommorow to 630am-3pm. He is very excited and happy for the change because I will be home in the evening to make dinner and help with homework. However, I will not be home for school days off or if they need to come home sick. I work in the ER of a local hospital and I cannot just leave unless its a true emergency. I have made arrangements for my MIL to help out in these cases. She's a young Nana, only 54 and she does a lot of fun things with them, but shes not me. I think he wanted just one more day of the two of us (even though I have 2 other kids).

 

[kidzmom3]

At 7pm I let him go outside to play with Dereck. Its getting cold now and I am calling him in. Another day down, only 2375 to go.


just kidding I love my kids.

 

[Teejay32]

 

[Dancind]

Originally posted by kidzmom3
I think he wanted just one more day of the two of us .

OK, you gotta forgive him for that!

 

[poohandwendy]

One thing I have learned as a parent is to stop, think and then make the rules and decide punishment. If him 'looking sad' made you 'feel bad' enough to disregard the conditions you set, then why set them in the first place?

The most ineffective parenting comes from indecision and inconsistency.

Indecision:

It is critical to use logic rather than emotion when making rules or standing firm with punishments. If I make a rule or punishment based on emotions rather than logic, it is most likely going to cause me to end up being inconsistent. It will likely be either too harsh for the current circumstances or too lenient and will make future circumstances a bigger battle.

Inconsistency:

I use the safety belt/careseat rule...Inconsistency will set the stage for disaster. Maybe not this time...but if I continue to be inconsistent...eventually, all of my efforts will be for nothing. Using a carseat or seatbelt most of the time means nothing that one time when it really matters. Same goes for making rules, setting punishments and standing firm.

So, when you find yourself 'giving in', ask yourself a few questions:

Was the rule a mistake? Did I make it for logical or emotional reasons?

Is not enforcing the rule a mistake? Am I considering not enforcing it for logical or emotional reasons?

Will the short-term benefits of giving into not enforcing this rule outweigh the long-term effects of being inconsistent with this specific rule? (ie, will the child have the general impression that this rule (or others) will not be enforced in the future?)