Drinking (alcohol) etiquette question.

[luvdzny]

My daughter got engaged Tuesday, this weekend her fiance's parents are coming from out of state to celebrate the occasion. His parents do not drink, and do not think anyone else should either. When we have visited them in the past we have respected their view and have not drank while with them. We are having a small party at our house, all of our friends drink, but we are by no means crazy, falling down drunks lol. We would like to have alcohol at the party. Is this OK since it is at our house? FYI: we will be having alcohol at the wedding, a wedding in Wisconsin is not complete without it. We did buy sparkling grape juice so we can all toast the happy couple.

 

[Mrs.Reese]

Your house, your rules. No one is putting a gun to their head forcing them to drink. Your being quite respectful by having sparkling grape juice for them. They may as well get used to the fact their new in-laws drink now rather than later.

 

[Stacerita]

Have what you want to drink. If they don't drink, they don't have to. Just make sure you have non alcholic drinks for those who don't drink. And maybe try to make them a little festive too. But yeah....your house your rules, especially for a party.

 

[Tink888]

I agree with the others. It is your house, you should serve what you like. I'm not much of a drinker either. As long as you have non-alcoholic beverages for them and your other guests aren't rowdy hard core drinkers (nothing wrong with that - just might make them uncomfortable), I can't imagine them having an issue with it. Congratulations to your family!

 

[Minniemama350]

I agree. While I respect those that don't believe in alcohol (and I really don't have it very often myself), it is your party. If the bride and groom did not wish it because of their beliefs that would be different, but a life choice of any kind should not be forced into every situation(would they expect you to not eat meat at the same event if theywere vegetarian?). Your respecting them by not drinking at their shindig was tasteful and appropriate. Their turn to respect you by peacefully co-existing. I agree that the offering of the juice is very kind.

 

[sunnyday123]

Is there a specific reason they don't drink? The only reason I ask is because I worked with a woman who's child was killed by a drunk driver. She never drank outside of her home, and would decline to go to happy hour or dinner's we planned out. We she did attend, no one drank out of respect for her.

We never drank alot, but if there was one drink involved, she wouldn't attend.
If there reason for not drinking is something like that, then I might rethink the alcohol. My famiily is German, so we're a big drinking family, but for something like that I would reconsider.

Otherwise, my house, my rum.

 

[disykat]

I have a different opinion. I agree with the others that you are well within your rights to serve alcohol at your party in your house. However, since you know they don't approve of alcohol it doesn't seem particularly welcoming to me to do so. Since this party and the wedding are specifically about two families coming together I would honor them above the other guests.

If you were having a holiday party and just happen to be inviting them as two of the many guests, I would say serve the alcohol. However, for this party I would try to make them feel as welcome and comfortable as possible for your future SIL's sake.

 

[pearlieq]

In general, as long as you provide adequate non-alcoholic options for them, it's perfectly acceptable to offer alcohol in your own home.

With that being said, I would also echo a previous poster and say that if you know why they don't drink, and it's a particularly painful reason (such as having had an alcoholic parent, losing a close family member to a drunk driver, or one of them being a recovering alcoholic themselves) maybe you would choose not to serve alcohol at an intimate party where they are a key part of the celebration. You certainly don't have to do this, it would be more of an act of grace on your part.

 

[luvdzny]

There is no reason that they don't drink, they just think it is "bad." I agree with the poster that mentioned the drunk driving incident, we would certainly respect a situation like that. As I said, we do not drink so much that we are too drunk to function, just maybe a beer or a drink or 2. One of our neighbors does not drink and he offered to drive anyone home that has too much, although I am sure this will not be needed. We do want them to feel welcome here. They are going to be here for dinner before everyone else arrives and we won't be serving alcohol then.
Thanks everyone for your honest replies!

 

[JessicaR]

It is absolutely fine. Sparkling cider is very good too.I'm sure it will be understated since its known they do not drink and the real celebration will be the highlight anyway!

Hope you have a very nice party and everyone enjoys themselves. Some of my husbands cousins don't drink and take it a bit too far. However when we are at their house we go with the flow, When they are at my house I serve champagne and wine along with sparkling ciders.

 

[hentob]

His parents do not drink, and do not think anyone else should either. .

There is no reason that they don't drink, they just think it is "bad."

What controlling people They think alcohol is "bad" and don't think anyone else should imbibe because of their beliefs

Good luck to your daughter

 

[BeachGirlFLA]

I have a different opinion. I agree with the others that you are well within your rights to serve alcohol at your party in your house. However, since you know they don't approve of alcohol it doesn't seem particularly welcoming to me to do so. Since this party and the wedding are specifically about two families coming together I would honor them above the other guests.

If you were having a holiday party and just happen to be inviting them as two of the many guests, I would say serve the alcohol. However, for this party I would try to make them feel as welcome and comfortable as possible for your future SIL's sake.

How is having alcohol at their party any less welcoming than the parents that don't drink not having alcohol at their past events when they knew that the OP and her husband drank?

 

[hentob]

If you were having a holiday party and just happen to be inviting them as two of the many guests, I would say serve the alcohol. However, for this party I would try to make them feel as welcome and comfortable as possible for your future SIL's sake.

They seem like bossy and rude people. They EXPECT others not to drink because they think it is BAD Time for the bullying to stop.

Why should they get to control what others put in their mouths? In their house, yes. In someone else's home? Time to grow up and stop putting YOUR expectations on others.

I hope your daughter has a nice glass of wine to show early on that these people will NOT be able to control her, as she is an adult

 

[AKL_Megs]

You are all going to be family now, and it is time to set "ground rules"... if you don't know, they will never be followed.

They don't like drinking in their house. Fine, you won't drink there.

You drink in your home. You drink socially, casually, and to celebrate. They can choose to celebrate that way or not.

Don't live your life for your in-laws. I learned this the hard way with my in-laws.

We have a lot of mutual respect for one another now that we understand how the other works.

 

[RadioNate]

I'd guess I'd ask what your future son in law's feelings are on the matter? Does he drink?

What does your daughter think you should do?

ETA; I also agree with the PPs. I think you are setting a dangerous precedent with them if you don't serve alcohol. If they really believe no one should drink you need to make your position clear now that while you'll respect their wishes in their home you aren't changing your beliefs.

 

[Ephany]

Your house, your rules. As long as you provide non-alcoholic beverages, in my opinion you're fine.

DH and I went to a party once where the whole time this man we didn't know kept glaring at us. Finally we asked our host who he was and what we could have possibly done to offend him. We were told this individual was a relation to someone who had been invited and had just showed up. He didn't drink caffeine and therefore thought that no one else should either. He was very upset that we were drinking Pepsi in front of him. It was apparently wrong for us to drink a soda, but it was ok for him to crash the party.

 

[AKL_Megs]

Your house, your rules. As long as you provide non-alcoholic beverages, in my opinion you're fine.

DH and I went to a party once where the whole time this man we didn't know kept glaring at us. Finally we asked our host who he was and what we could have possibly done to offend him. We were told this individual was a relation to someone who had been invited and had just showed up. He didn't drink caffeine and therefore thought that no one else should either. He was very upset that we were drinking Pepsi in front of him. It was apparently wrong for us to drink a soda, but it was ok for him to crash the party.

I have an in-law who is currently mad at me because I posted on Facebook that I "hate New England with a passion". I've been before, and I don't like that scene, and apparently she LOVES it. I guess I am not entitled to my own opinion and only her opinion matters! People are sometimes so set in their ways, it's crazy!

 

[sunnyday123]

There is no reason that they don't drink, they just think it is "bad." I agree with the poster that mentioned the drunk driving incident, we would certainly respect a situation like that. As I said, we do not drink so much that we are too drunk to function, just maybe a beer or a drink or 2. One of our neighbors does not drink and he offered to drive anyone home that has too much, although I am sure this will not be needed. We do want them to feel welcome here. They are going to be here for dinner before everyone else arrives and we won't be serving alcohol then.
Thanks everyone for your honest replies!

Good luck then, and drink up!

 

[Disney Doll]

I think offering a variety of beverages, both alcoholic and non-alcoholic is fine. The sparkling cider for them is a nice touch.

Don't make this the hill to die on. The less issue made out of it, the better. In your home when you have a party, you serve both alcoholic and non-alcoholic beverages so all your guests feel welcome.

 

[luvdzny]

I'd guess I'd ask what your future son in law's feelings are on the matter? Does he drink?

What does your daughter think you should do?

ETA; I also agree with the PPs. I think you are setting a dangerous precedent with them if you don't serve alcohol. If they really believe no one should drink you need to make your position clear now that while you'll respect their wishes in their home you aren't changing your beliefs.

DD & her DF are only 20 years old, so drinking is not an option for them yet. That being said, they both fell that it is OK to serve alcohol.

I agree with the PPs concerning the dangerous precedent being set by not serving alcohol. The bride & groom will be over 21 at the wedding and they plan to have alcohol so this is something his parents will have to get used to. (I am not trying to be rude, just stating a fact. )

Thanks again for the replies, and for the record we will have both alcoholic & non-alcoholic beverages available tonight!