Drama, drama, drama

[SC Minnie]

I work with a lady that has some sort of drama going on ALL THE TIME. I sit next to her and she talks really loud so I can't help but hear. Its ALWAYS something. Every. Single. Day. If she's not yelling at her husband, her children have done someting, a company she has done business with has done something (usually she is in the wrong), or is our business related. Seriously, she is never just content to be happy. I am so sick of listening to her drama every day I don't know what to do.

Any body else work with someone like this? How do you deal with it??? It's been 5 years now and getting worse.

 

[Jennasis]

Headphones. Or you could try being direct and telling her to shut it? Me? i'd go with the headphones.

 

[njmom47]

Thank goodness we are allowed to use headphones at work, or I would have gotten fired a LONG time ago. Hopefully you are allowed to as well. That is my answer. (And yes, there are quite a few women in my office with the same issues!)

 

[SaraJayne]

I have a person like that in my life and I always look at her and think "it must be exhausting being you."

I'd go with the headphones and be glad it isn't you.

 

[NHdisneylover]

Well, I live with a 14 year old girl--so I don't work with it, but I live with it

 

[SC Minnie]

I have a person like that in my life and I always look at her and think "it must be exhausting being you."

I'd go with the headphones and be glad it isn't you.

I do use headphone sometimes but she talks soooo loud. If I turn them up loud enough to drown her out I can't hear the phone.

There are 7 of us that work in the same room. No one has as much drama as she does. And we have all said how exhausting it must be to be her. Everything is a battle.

 

[Jennasis]

Is she talking about her problems TO you or are you just overhearing her problems as she tells them to others or deals with them over the phone?

 

[BeckyKay]

It is a tough one. None of us know anothers plight.. And, typically, when someone behaves in this manner, it is attached to something much deeper. I once worked with someone like this and when I finally asked them to lunch to talk, they broke down in tears about some horrific life issues. It seemed, once she had an outlet, the complaining started to wain..

Now, that being said, there is another individual in my life whom complains about EVERYTHING.. Someone whom is fed with a silver spoon and feels they need to weigh in on EVERYTHING and it is always negative. I have learned to live with it and chuckle. Yes, even when she is ranting at me. I think it is ridiculous and treat it as such.

When it comes to my work environment, I cannot allow someone to negatively effect my productivity. If you address the issue head on and nothing is done but the individual to right the situation then I would go through the chain of command as a unit. With the others whom are being effected. There is nothing worse than going to work each day and being miserable because of negative energy.

~ Good Luck

 

[SC Minnie]

Is she talking about her problems TO you or are you just overhearing her problems as she tells them to others or deals with them over the phone?

Mainly she is talking on the phone to other people. You can't help but over hear. She practically yells. If I ever talked to my DH the way to talks to her husband we wouldn't still be married.

 

[Imzadi]

People have emotional patterns and habits. Unfortunately you work next to one that has to have to be in a state of high drama in order to feel alive.

So it's actually not exhausting for her. She feeds off of it.

Instead of saying how exhausting it must be for her, point out how she just gets off on it. How flushed she gets, how whipped up and agitated she is, how her breathing quickens. She LIKES to be in that state.

The best you can do is act very bored by whatever she says and act very under-whelmed in response to whatever she says. If you do not act like an interested audience and give her the response she craves, she will at least, direct her dramas towards other people.

If she gets upset at YOU and asks aren't you even interested or care what happens to her, just shrug and say, "This just seems to be another one of your ongoing situations. This doesn't seem any different." She will get momentarily huffy and dramatic at you, may even make YOU the drama for a moment. But, high drama people need an audience to feed off of. Don't be one of them.

Other than that, maybe get some ear plugs.

 

[robinb]

People have emotional patterns and habits. Unfortunately you work next to one that has to have to be in a state of high drama in order to feel alive.

So it's actually not exhausting for her. She feeds off of it.

Instead of saying how exhausting it must be for her, point out how she just gets off on it. How flushed she gets, how whipped up and agitated she is, how her breathing quickens. She LIKES to be in that state.

The best you can do is act very bored by whatever she says and act very under-whelmed in response to whatever she says. If you do not act like an interested audience and give her the response she craves, she will at least, direct her dramas towards other people.

If she gets upset at YOU and asks aren't you even interested or care what happens to her, just shrug and say, "This just seems to be another one of your ongoing situations. This doesn't seem any different." She will get momentarily huffy and dramatic at you, may even make YOU the drama for a moment. But, high drama people need an audience to feed off of. Don't be one of them.

Other than that, maybe get some ear plugs.

You are on a roll this week .

 

[Imzadi]

You are on a roll this week .

I got my hypothyroidism meds adjusted. I have all this extra energy and brain power to over-analyse situations.

 

[kwelch10377]

If it weren't for the fact your co-worker was married to a man I would think that you worked in my office. My co-worker is married to a woman AND has a girlfriend.

I have been dealing with this for about 4 years now. I go through phases with how much it bothers me. She is always on personal calls and talking about her personal life over the cubes and to co-workers. She usually isn't talking to me, but there is no way to avoid overhearing it.

As to what to do, I still can't figure out how to tune her out. I do wear headphones, but I can still hear her since I don't like to keep them loud because otherwise I can't hear if someone is talking to me. Lately I have been trying to take the drama as entertainment, I feel like I'm listening to a soap opera. My other co-worker and I also mock her through email exchange, that helps with getting some of the fustration out.

 

[focusondisney]

People have emotional patterns and habits. Unfortunately you work next to one that has to have to be in a state of high drama in order to feel alive.

So it's actually not exhausting for her. She feeds off of it.

Instead of saying how exhausting it must be for her, point out how she just gets off on it. How flushed she gets, how whipped up and agitated she is, how her breathing quickens. She LIKES to be in that state.

The best you can do is act very bored by whatever she says and act very under-whelmed in response to whatever she says. If you do not act like an interested audience and give her the response she craves, she will at least, direct her dramas towards other people.

If she gets upset at YOU and asks aren't you even interested or care what happens to her, just shrug and say, "This just seems to be another one of your ongoing situations. This doesn't seem any different." She will get momentarily huffy and dramatic at you, may even make YOU the drama for a moment. But, high drama people need an audience to feed off of. Don't be one of them.

Other than that, maybe get some ear plugs.

Perfect assessment & advice. I have a co-worker like this too. We are nurses & she was always on the phone at the desk, dealing withone life crisis after another. First few years, everyone was sympathetic. She was young, with a family & had a hard life as a kid. Also she lost a child after a long illness. So of course, we felt for her. But after several years of escalating drama, most of it her own doing, we got pretty tired of listening. Stopped giving her the feedback & "rewards" she needed. We stopped asking what was up, stopped showing interest in the latest crisis or offering advice. Acted very indifferent to her drama. Guess what? Her life dramas have quieted down a lot! Now, she may make a call or 2, but not nearly as many or as much drama. Or if there is, she keeps it to herself. Asking about her family is a casual chat, not an exhusting talk.

Since we were at a general work desk, we could move away from this woman. You are stuck next to her, so it will be harder for you. But I still think you should act as indifferent as possible, ignore what you can. When she starts, walk away to do another chore away from your desk, if you can. Good luck!

 

[SC Minnie]

Most of the time we don't acknowledge her phone conversations unless she brings it up. We will instant message between the rest of us though

Today, she called her credit card company to redeem points for airline tickets for an upcoming trip. Thing is she already bought the tickets and to top it off she used a difference card to pay for them. She wanted the credit card company to send her a check for her points . Then started yelling at the woman when she told her she couldn't do that. She had to redeem the points at the time of purchase. Coworker started yelling that she had never had to to that before and wanted to speak to someone else. Someone who would listen to what she was saying.

 

[Carly_Roach]

The best you can do is act very bored by whatever she says and act very under-whelmed in response to whatever she says. If you do not act like an interested audience and give her the response she craves, she will at least, direct her dramas towards other people.
But, high drama people need an audience to feed off of. Don't be one of them.

Exactly right on! You're either the audience or you've been assigned a supporting role in her stage play entitled, "All about ME!" I agree wholeheartedly with Imzadi's advice and can tell you that it works!

I also want to add that I got these about two years ago when I was dealing with a non-stop drama-talker of my own: http://www.amazon.com/Sony-MDR-NC40-Noise-Canceling-Headphone/dp/B0002T3UQ0 They were around $80 or $90 when I got them, but I see the price has come down a little. WELL WORTH THE MONEY!! Blocks out about 80-90% of the background talk around me and blocks 100% of any ongoing noise such as A/C, portable heaters, etc.

I can go about a month on 1 little AAA battery and then I have to replace it. I've been using these for about two years and they're still so comfortable and light on my head. My ears don't hurt at all when I'm wearing them and I can keep the sound down because the noise reduction lowers the noise level of those around me.

 

[disykat]

Shouldn't she be in hot water for her personal calls, etc. interferring with her work? Heck, they're interferring with YOUR work!

I don't think it should be tolerated in the work place. IMO you're all being way too tolerant. Has anyone tried telling her that her calls are interferring with their work? Has a supervisor talked to her?