Double Standard... Comeback Needed!

[AKL_Megs]

My DH and I have these two friends (another couple). We invite them out to dinner with us, out for drinks, etc, quite often, and they quite often turn us down, saying that they've "spent too much money already this month", or "already went out to dinner this week, and shouldn't spend money eating out again," etc.

It NEVER fails that, when we ARE out with this couple, a conversation starts on how I should "allow" my DH to purchase TWO off-road ATV vehicles (sorry, don't know exactly what to call them) so that we can go on trips with them off-roading. I always laugh and say, "Sure, when we can afford $6000 for something like that!" And then, it NEVER fails that they don't say, "But you both could get hit by a car tomorrow and who would care about $6000!"

How BIG of a double standard is it that they CONSTANTLY expect us to shell out $6000 dollars to do something with THEM and it's no big deal, but they can't even shell out $20 to have drinks!!!

I never know what to say. I am always thinking, "You want US to spend $6000 to do something with YOU, but you can't spend $20 to go out with US!" But we are always OUT when the conversation starts, so it wouldn't make sense!

What the heck do you say to that?

 

[memster]

It sounds like you don't even have fun when you are out to dinner with them, I say find some new friends that you enjoy and have something in common with. Hey I see your from Livonia Mi so am I small world!

 

[Kimberly]

I get that every now and then with my friends who I know I do moderately well with my business. It gets quite frustrating, since when I ask them to pick up the bill they say, "Oh, we KNOW you can pay for it, so why don't you?"

It's not really about money, it's about common courtesy. Some people just lack it. Thankfully these aren't my close friends.

 

[Tink888]

My DH and I have these two friends (another couple). We invite them out to dinner with us, out for drinks, etc, quite often, and they quite often turn us down, saying that they've "spent too much money already this month", or "already went out to dinner this week, and shouldn't spend money eating out again," etc.

It NEVER fails that, when we ARE out with this couple, a conversation starts on how I should "allow" my DH to purchase TWO off-road ATV vehicles (sorry, don't know exactly what to call them) so that we can go on trips with them off-roading. I always laugh and say, "Sure, when we can afford $6000 for something like that!" And then, it NEVER fails that they don't say, "But you both could get hit by a car tomorrow and who would care about $6000!"

How BIG of a double standard is it that they CONSTANTLY expect us to shell out $6000 dollars to do something with THEM and it's no big deal, but they can't even shell out $20 to have drinks!!!

I never know what to say. I am always thinking, "You want US to spend $6000 to do something with YOU, but you can't spend $20 to go out with US!" But we are always OUT when the conversation starts, so it wouldn't make sense!

What the heck do you say to that?

I agree with the prior poster. Sounds like they you get more grief from them than joy so I'd just quit asking them out.

But, to answer your question as to what to say, just say this:

"So you're totally okay with us spending 6,000.00 on quads but when it comes to a 50.00 night of dinner and drinks that's too steep for you? Cause that's a heck of a double standard and hey, you could get hit by a car tomorrow."

Every time they say that, it's a dig. They know darned well if you wanted quads that bad, you'd have them by now. They're basically saying "hey look at us, we've got quads and you don't" and I'd totally call them out on it, no spiffy comeback needed. Right to the point.

 

[allison443]

I think a lot of people have the same attitude that your friends do, and actually it seems common here on the dis. People often post how they give up meeting friends for drinks, going out to dinner, etc. and use their money toward a large purchase. Now usually here on the dis their "large purchase" is a disney vacation.

I think every couple/family prioritize their money and budget differently. Obviously that couple is not in sync with you and your dh. Only you can decide if the friendship is worth it.

 

[DawnCt1]

My DH and I have these two friends (another couple). We invite them out to dinner with us, out for drinks, etc, quite often, and they quite often turn us down, saying that they've "spent too much money already this month", or "already went out to dinner this week, and shouldn't spend money eating out again," etc.

It NEVER fails that, when we ARE out with this couple, a conversation starts on how I should "allow" my DH to purchase TWO off-road ATV vehicles (sorry, don't know exactly what to call them) so that we can go on trips with them off-roading. I always laugh and say, "Sure, when we can afford $6000 for something like that!" And then, it NEVER fails that they don't say, "But you both could get hit by a car tomorrow and who would care about $6000!"

How BIG of a double standard is it that they CONSTANTLY expect us to shell out $6000 dollars to do something with THEM and it's no big deal, but they can't even shell out $20 to have drinks!!!

I never know what to say. I am always thinking, "You want US to spend $6000 to do something with YOU, but you can't spend $20 to go out with US!" But we are always OUT when the conversation starts, so it wouldn't make sense!

What the heck do you say to that?

The other posters may be right, in that they are more trouble than they are worth, but the interaction is at least worth a couple of good comebacks.

How about, "we could get hit by a car tomorrow and not care about $6000 but then, on the other hand, we could live a very long time and enjoy spending that $6K on something that we really like."

Or..."To be honest, I wouldn't want an ATV if they were giving them away. Its really nothing I would enjoy".

Or..."I would much rather spend that $6K $20 at a time, have dinner and couple of drinks with friends and enjoy the conversation. How can you talk over the roar of an ATV engine?"

 

[Kimberly]

Or..."I would much rather spend that $6K $20 at a time, have dinner and couple of drinks with friends and enjoy the conversation. How can you talk over the roar of an ATV engine?"

I like this one! I just got a jetski myself!

 

[DawnCt1]

I like this one! I just got a jetski myself!

Now a jetski I could like!

 

[disykat]

I don't think of it as a double standard, just different ways of spending money. Of course they don't get to dictate how you spend your money!

I'm sorry to say it, but if anything, it sounds you BOTH have double standards. Why is it okay for you to be hurt they don't want to spend money on drinks but not okay for them to want you to spend money on stuff? I understand that they are talking about bigger amounts, but the amount really isn't the issue. IMO The principle of the thing is NEITHER of you should be dictating how the other spends their money.

I agree with the poster who pointed out that we see threads all the time about people who like to spend on Disney trips over things like eating out. This is the same thing!

 

[Magic Mom]

Does your husband want ATV's?

 

[bdoyledimou]

maybe after spending the money on teh aTVs and then after the fuel and maintainence for them , they can't afford the $20 to go out with you




My brother is like this in a different manner.. he was whining on how lucky we were to be going to Disney (he has never been) we invited him to come to Disney with us, (all he needed to do was pay for his tickets!!!) and he said he was broke. two days later he shows up with a $2000 subwoofer for his car!!!

Its not a matter of not having the funds, its a matter of fund priority.

 

[Imzadi]

It dounds to me that it's simply a difference in values. They'd rather spend $6000 on two ATVs and you'd rather have the money for 300 dinners out. This is why they don't have $20 for a meal. It's already been allocated for the ATVs. The ATVs are more fun for them, whereas, as people pointed out, the $20 dinners out with you may not be fun after all.

There is a great thread on this type of conversation on the Budget Board. Only, it deals with allocating one's money for Disney vacations vs. all the other stuff other people buy that they consider of more value:
http://www.disboards.com/showthread.php?t=2483231

 

[disneyfans95]

My take..

Your DH wants the quads.. He talks to the other couple when you are not around.

The other couple hears all the time via you DH about a desire to have the quads and all the cool things they could with them

You get the sales pitch from it..

Before you jump on the other couple, might want to be 100% sure what your DH has been saying or hinting at

 

[scrapquitler]

My DH and I have these two friends (another couple). We invite them out to dinner with us, out for drinks, etc, quite often, and they quite often turn us down, saying that they've "spent too much money already this month", or "already went out to dinner this week, and shouldn't spend money eating out again," etc.

It NEVER fails that, when we ARE out with this couple, a conversation starts on how I should "allow" my DH to purchase TWO off-road ATV vehicles (sorry, don't know exactly what to call them) so that we can go on trips with them off-roading. I always laugh and say, "Sure, when we can afford $6000 for something like that!" And then, it NEVER fails that they don't say, "But you both could get hit by a car tomorrow and who would care about $6000!"

It sounds to me not so much as a double standard, but just different priorities. The way I read the post, it seems like they have some specific budget in mind about how much they spend on going out to dinner, and when they reach it, they don't go out anymore. Apparently they think having their ATVs is a priority more than going out to dinner. To each his own.

Really, my husband and I have very different priorities than many of our friends and family. We live in a small house, we drive old cars and we dress in inexpensive clothes from Walmart. But we have a big splurge that has been a priority for us . We don't do a lot of things that other people do, because for us, we'd rather spend our money in other ways. Our friends think we are nuts.

Apparently, same thing with your friends: their ATV riding is a higher priority than going out to dinner or drinks. So if you want to see them, find a way to do it that won't cost them as much money, and they'll be more likely to go out with you. Try a picnic at a free concert and bring your own wine and picnic, have a BBQ at your house or theirs.

I just don't see it as a big deal. Just different priorities.

 

[OceanAnnie]

Next time they say they don't have the money to go with you say, " Oh, just give up a weekend (or a day of) 4 wheeling, I'll bet you'll have money then!". Or "That's why we don't get the 4 wheelers, you're paying for gas, while we're paying for drinks and eating out.".

Or you could say, "We could get hit by a car tomorrow, and then you'd wish you had spent more time with us.". All in the same joking vein they dish out.

 

[DawnCt1]

With all due respect of course, I didn't see where the OP wanted an analysis of the situation or the relationship. She is annoyed and wants a snappy comeback.

 

[kathie859]

OP, I'm not sure there's a snappy comeback that would be appropriate. Do you want to sound as uncompromising as your friends? FWIW, sometimes friendships change over the years and if you do not enjoy this set of friends, you can gently (and without fanfare) back away. Now, I don't think people have to have a complete matching set of values to be good friends. If they are good people who just like to do something different than you do, so what I don't think I'd enter into verbal sparring over how you choose to spend your cash vs how your friends spends theirs. It's not worth the effort.

 

[AKL_Megs]

Thanks everyone!

"So you're totally okay with us spending 6,000.00 on quads but when it comes to a 50.00 night of dinner and drinks that's too steep for you? Cause that's a heck of a double standard and hey, you could get hit by a car tomorrow."

Every time they say that, it's a dig. They know darned well if you wanted quads that bad, you'd have them by now. They're basically saying "hey look at us, we've got quads and you don't" and I'd totally call them out on it, no spiffy comeback needed. Right to the point.

I love this one! And while it would be fun to have ATV's, they aren't a priority right now. If we wanted them, we could have FOUR of them... TOMORROW! DH would want one (two), but we want OTHER things more at this time. We have our whole life to get ATV's (unless we get hit by a car tomorrow, that is... )

The other posters may be right, in that they are more trouble than they are worth, but the interaction is at least worth a couple of good comebacks.

How about, "we could get hit by a car tomorrow and not care about $6000 but then, on the other hand, we could live a very long time and enjoy spending that $6K on something that we really like."

Or..."To be honest, I wouldn't want an ATV if they were giving them away. Its really nothing I would enjoy".

Or..."I would much rather spend that $6K $20 at a time, have dinner and couple of drinks with friends and enjoy the conversation. How can you talk over the roar of an ATV engine?"

All great ones! I'll keep them in my noggin!

Does your husband want ATV's?

He would take them or leave them. There are other things he talks about wanting ALL of the time.

Next time they say they don't have the money to go with you say, " Oh, just give up a weekend (or a day of) 4 wheeling, I'll bet you'll have money then!". Or "That's why we don't get the 4 wheelers, you're paying for gas, while we're paying for drinks and eating out.".

Or you could say, "We could get hit by a car tomorrow, and then you'd wish you had spent more time with us.". All in the same joking vein they dish out.

Nice ones!

 

[Mouse House Mama]

With all due respect of course, I didn't see where the OP wanted an analysis of the situation or the relationship. She is annoyed and wants a snappy comeback.

Why does she need a snappy comeback though? The OP constantly asks them out for dinner/drinks and they don't want to spend the money. The OP's friends constantly ask about buying ATVs and the OP doesn't want to spend the money. Why is there a need for anything snappy? Everyone spends their money how they see fit. Some people think it is crazy to do without to save for a vacation while others spend all out everyday. It is just different spending styles. Why is the OP's way the right way only? I think it is silly to get annoyed about something like this. Oh- and those comments will only make you look petty and snide.

 

[wdwfan16]

Why are you friends with them?