Don't you just HATE it when someone NEVER remembers your name?

[talulabelle]

Vent:

I have a few people in my life that NEVER remember my name. Not just people that I have a met once or twice that I could understand them not remembering, as it sometimes takes me a few times to get it engraved in my brain with other people names....but people who I have known as acquaintances for years!!!! One is actually a husband of a friend of mine and our daughters have been close friends for 7 years and in 7 years there have countless sleepovers, play-dates, carpools, dropping off at each others houses, and we belong to the same pool over the summer and socialize there. He can get by with it usually because I say" hi", and he just has to say "hi" back and we talk, and he doesn't have ot know my name. But 2 times (one years ago, and one just recently) he has been put in the position that he has to introduce me to someone else, and he says "this is xxxx's mom" forcing me to say "hi I'm xxxx xxxx, nice to meet you". One time he needed to get my attention from behind me and he called me by my daughters name. the first couple of times I didn't care or notice, but this has been going on for years!!! It makes me SO mad, because to me that just means I am so miniscule in his life that he can't be bothered to learn my name.

Another one is a colleague of my husbands - who doesn't talk to me often, but still he has coached my son in sports a couple times, talks to my husband OFTEN, sees me at church often. Once when he was coaching my son and he saw me approaching, he quickly asked my son "what is your moms name again?"

Admittedly, I have one of those plain jane, common, kind of names. But STILL! these people need to take a moment long enough to care eventually.

A third is a man who is the father of a boy that my son has been on the SAME soccer and baseball travel teams with for YEARS. He coaches the baseball team with my husband. He is another that always just says "hi" but no name. I purposely say "hi (insert his name here)" to force him to feel uncomfortable. He always justs says "heyyy" with this dumbfounded look, like he just can't come up with it. Idiot.

The forth is a WOMAN that although we have never been close friends, we have been friendly with each other for the 12 years our kids have been in school together. I ran into her at a party and she said "HI (insert my daughters name here)" and I didn't say "you mean (insert my name here)" instead I said, "xxxx is my daughter" and she laughed and went, "Oh, I mean, ummm, hold on,, now wait, I can't come up with it!" I could have died.

No one EVER forgets my husbands name. Again, I can understand a couple times, but after being embarrassed for like the 5th time by it, and after realizing we live in the same community, see each other often, and they will clearly run in to me again, dontcha think they would ask someone and TRY to memorize it so it wouldn't happen again?

Does this happen to anyone else? Or am I the only invisible nameless woman in America?

Sorry for the long vent, and thank you to anyone who actually read through this whole post without falling asleep. I feel better now, just had to get that off my chest.

 

[kidzmom3]

I am bad with names. Sorry, I truly am. Especially with people who are acquaintances. Maybe its a character flaw. Maybe I have a problem, I am not sure what the answer is. But, I truly have trouble remembering peoples names. And if you went out of your way to make me feel uncomfortable. I wouldn't remember your name, but I would probably remember the nick name I gave you.

 

[Buckalew11]

Hmm...I've never had that happen. Or I haven't noticed.

Taluabelle is such a different name...I'd remember it for sure. lol

I have a *friend* at church whose name is Tracy. BUT, she does not look like a Tracy to me. She looks like a Sheila. I want to call her Sheila and I have a really hard time calling her Tracy. I've never had so much trouble with someone's name before in my life. It is embarrassing. I even told her that she looked like a Sheila to me and I wish her mom had named her that to help me out. She just laughed.

But somehow I doubt 5 people have that kind of trouble with your name.

 

[Handbag Lady]

Vent:

I have a few people in my life that NEVER remember my name. Not just people that I have a met once or twice that I could understand them not remembering, as it sometimes takes me a few times to get it engraved in my brain with other people names....but people who I have known as acquaintances for years!!!! One is actually a husband of a friend of mine and our daughters have been close friends for 7 years and in 7 years there have countless sleepovers, play-dates, carpools, dropping off at each others houses, and we belong to the same pool over the summer and socialize there. He can get by with it usually because I say" hi", and he just has to say "hi" back and we talk, and he doesn't have ot know my name. But 2 times (one years ago, and one just recently) he has been put in the position that he has to introduce me to someone else, and he says "this is xxxx's mom" forcing me to say "hi I'm xxxx xxxx, nice to meet you". One time he needed to get my attention from behind me and he called me by my daughters name. the first couple of times I didn't care or notice, but this has been going on for years!!! It makes me SO mad, because to me that just means I am so miniscule in his life that he can't be bothered to learn my name.

Another one is a colleague of my husbands - who doesn't talk to me often, but still he has coached my son in sports a couple times, talks to my husband OFTEN, sees me at church often. Once when he was coaching my son and he saw me approaching, he quickly asked my son "what is your moms name again?"

Admittedly, I have one of those plain jane, common, kind of names. But STILL! these people need to take a moment long enough to care eventually.

A third is a man who is the father of a boy that my son has been on the SAME soccer and baseball travel teams with for YEARS. He coaches the baseball team with my husband. He is another that always just says "hi" but no name. I purposely say "hi (insert his name here)" to force him to feel uncomfortable. He always justs says "heyyy" with this dumbfounded look, like he just can't come up with it. Idiot.

The forth is a WOMAN that although we have never been close friends, we have been friendly with each other for the 12 years our kids have been in school together. I ran into her at a party and she said "HI (insert my daughters name here)" and I didn't say "you mean (insert my name here)" instead I said, "xxxx is my daughter" and she laughed and went, "Oh, I mean, ummm, hold on,, now wait, I can't come up with it!" I could have died.

No one EVER forgets my husbands name. Again, I can understand a couple times, but after being embarrassed for like the 5th time by it, and after realizing we live in the same community, see each other often, and they will clearly run in to me again, dontcha think they would ask someone and TRY to memorize it so it wouldn't happen again?

Does this happen to anyone else? Or am I the only invisible nameless woman in America?

Sorry for the long vent, and thank you to anyone who actually read through this whole post without falling asleep. I feel better now, just had to get that off my chest.

I feel for you.

I can NEVER remember names and I hate it. There are a few people in my circle of life that I just can't remember for the life of me. I see it as my downfall but not theirs, if that is any help to you.

Have you tried being overbearing and making a joke of it? Or would that make it worse? For example, calling out to the one who can never remember you, "Joy, my name is JOY!" with an extended hand when you see them again?

I am curious that they seem to associate you with your daughter's name. That puzzles me.

 

[Buckalew11]

I feel for you.

I can NEVER remember names and I hate it. There are a few people in my circle of life that I just can't remember for the life of me. I see it as my downfall but not theirs, if that is any help to you.

Have you tried being overbearing and making a joke of it? Or would that make it worse? For example, calling out to the one who can never remember you, "Joy, my name is JOY!" with an extended hand when you see them again?

I am curious that they seem to associate you with your daughter's name. That puzzles me.

I would think that maybe people use her daughter's name because they could use the excuse of "mixing the two of them up" in some way.

 

[Lassie Lynne]

There could be reasons that someone may not remember. I take a certain medication that makes me every now and then, have a hard time recalling simple things that I may not have said in a while.....I find it especially hard with names. If it someone I deal with and see and call them by their name, it is easier, but if it only a casual thing....I hate to say it, but I might be grasping around.

 

[disykat]

I can't remember names, sometimes of people I know well. I hope people aren't insulted, but I try. I study a church directory on Sunday mornings before going to church because I might talk to people I haven't seen in a week or more, etc. I could tell you everything about that person and know EXACTLY who they are, but that doesn't mean their name comes to me when I need it. Knowing they will feel bad increases the pressure and makes it worse.

I saw a friend on Saturday that I hadn't seen for about a year. I'm still trying to come up with her name. I like her a lot. I can describe in detail every time I've ever talked to her, I could tell you all the jobs she's ever held, her hobbies, the ages of her kids, etc. But I STILL can't come up with it. It's driving me nuts.

I do feel bad when people act like they don't recognize me, but I don't feel bad at all if they temporarily don't remember my name. That seems normal to me!

 

[IDoDis]

Sometimes I get my students' names mixed up -- especially when the students have similarities in their looks, and when their names start with the same 1st letter and their names have the same # of syllables. I "know" their names but would get this brain block that would cause me to always call one student by the other student's name.

One year I had a girl (9 years old) get so upset that she wrote her name on the palm of her hand. She was ready for that day for me to call her the other girl's name. Sure enough, I did. She promptly stuck her palm in my face and said, "Talk to the hand!" Luckily we had a great relationship and could laugh about it, but I knew it bothered her so I made it a point to really concentrate before calling out her name.

I think my next door neighbor of 10 years finally remembers my name! She is finally saying my name when she says hello or asks me a question. Her daughter always says hi to me and uses my name so I figured one of these days her mom would remember. It took 10 years! I also have a Plain Jane name.

It does help me to remember when I repeat the name of the person I'm meeting and then I have to make a mental note of it. So I say, "Nice to meet you, Mickey."

 

[tasha99]

I empathize.

About once a month, someone calls me "Natalie." I can see how they get Natalie from Natasha, but I still hate it.

A few weeks ago, someone who had been my clinical supervisor for 3 months called me "Trish." It was awful because it was in a class that's intimidating--there is no raising your hand--it's just neuro/medical stuff and they call on you out of the blue. The procedure the supervisor was asking me to talk about is something we haven't had in classes yet (this is a clinic class, and some people had had clients with that treatment. I, however, had NO IDEA what it was, and for a while I had NO IDEA she was talking to me since she had used a random name.) Nightmare . . .

 

[FireDancer]

I wouldn't take it personal. I am terrible with names but never forget a face or where I know someone from. I don't try to hide it though. If I am reintroduced to someone and can't remember their name I say something like "I know we have met but I am terrible with names". If it is a situation like some described in the OP I would pull a closer friend aside and ask the name before I just yelled "Hey you" or your kids name.

I also don't think it is all that uncommon for parents not to know each other's names at things like sporting events. Growing up my brothers and I played sports and the city was small enough that we pretty much played with the same kids for years. Usually my mom would know the other parents by who their kids were and not really who they were but my dad, being the salesman, would always remember their names because it was how he worked.

I think that many people who are good with names might take it as a slight when it is just innocent forgetfulness. I know hundreds or people through some organizations I am active in and many of them I could tell you the country they were from (in the case of some international organizations), where they work, or what they do but couldn't tell you their name if you held a gun to my head.

 

[talulabelle]

I am bad with names. Sorry, I truly am. Especially with people who are acquaintances. Maybe its a character flaw. Maybe I have a problem, I am not sure what the answer is. But, I truly have trouble remembering peoples names. And if you went out of your way to make me feel uncomfortable. I wouldn't remember your name, but I would probably remember the nick name I gave you.

I have only been visiting one thread on this board for months and I forgot how the community board can be...

I didn't make them feel uncomfortable to be mean, they were already uncomfortable, and I was uncomfortable...I just didn't immediately save them from it as I have COUNTLESS times before because I thought it would force him to maybe either admit that he just can't remember my name and could I help him out...or at the least cause him to make a mental note of my name before the next game so this wouldn't happen anymore.

 

[talulabelle]

I would think that maybe people use her daughter's name because they could use the excuse of "mixing the two of them up" in some way.

I think that too. It gives them an out, like, "Oh, I know your not XXXX, of course - isn't funny that Your daughters name came to me instead of yours?" Yet they still don't know mine.

 

[talulabelle]

I feel for you.

I can NEVER remember names and I hate it. There are a few people in my circle of life that I just can't remember for the life of me. I see it as my downfall but not theirs, if that is any help to you.

Have you tried being overbearing and making a joke of it? Or would that make it worse? For example, calling out to the one who can never remember you, "Joy, my name is JOY!" with an extended hand when you see them again?

I am curious that they seem to associate you with your daughter's name. That puzzles me.

It's puzzling to me to...it's not like our names are Mary and Marie. i am changing our names here, but they are more in the ballpark of Mary and Tara. One old-fashioned and common, and the other, while not off the wall, is more modern as far as popularity and a different letter and everything. I have a friend named Laura and her daughter is Lynn, and I switch them all the time, but catch myself immediately. Sometimes I get tongue tied over it.
I do feel bad about it, but it isn't that I don't know her name, it is just my brain switches their names with the first letter the same.

 

[talulabelle]

I wouldn't take it personal. I am terrible with names but never forget a face or where I know someone from. I don't try to hide it though. If I am reintroduced to someone and can't remember their name I say something like "I know we have met but I am terrible with names". If it is a situation like some described in the OP I would pull a closer friend aside and ask the name before I just yelled "Hey you" or your kids name.

I also don't think it is all that uncommon for parents not to know each other's names at things like sporting events. Growing up my brothers and I played sports and the city was small enough that we pretty much played with the same kids for years. Usually my mom would know the other parents by who their kids were and not really who they were but my dad, being the salesman, would always remember their names because it was how he worked.

I think that many people who are good with names might take it as a slight when it is just innocent forgetfulness. I know hundreds or people through some organizations I am active in and many of them I could tell you the country they were from (in the case of some international organizations), where they work, or what they do but couldn't tell you their name if you held a gun to my head.

You know. like I said, the first several times, Ok I get it...but these people are a little bit closer than aquintances..some are friends of my spouse, and another is a spouse of my friend. I guess because it is four seperate people that are repeat offenders is what bothers me the most...it is not just one person that I could write off as being forgetful, it makes me start to think its me that is so forgetable.

 

[AnnaS]

I would try not to take it personal either. Sometimes I am called my daughter's name too from other parents.

I am horrible with names - especially my daughter's friends' parents. A few years ago I started to write the parent's name next to the child's number. I have also written children's/babies names in my address book for cousins who have kids. There are too many. I seem to be overwhelmed with things at home, my parent's life, my in-laws, work, etc.

I am good with remembering numbers -

 

[powellrj]

I have an unusual name too, and I learned if people get anywhere close to it, I give them a pass.

I have close family member who after 50 years still mispronounce it!

The only ones that bug me are people that use a shortened nick name. I hate to be called that name and will correct people who do that.

 

[java]

Do you correct him? Like every time? I would.

I did however have someone that I met in college call me by the wrong name- I never corrected him. For 3 years he was calling me by the wrong name and then finally he heard someone call me the right name and was morified. I honnestly had gotten used to it. He will still send me cards with the "other" name. But now clearly knows my name.

What is unusual is that the name he was calling me is what someone else used to mistake me for. So either I have an evil twin out there or it's just the way their brain works with my name(totally different names - not sounding similar in any way- just same short type name)