Don't know what to do with attitudey 6 year old - UPDATED!

[anewvance]

Thanks for all your replies - an update on 2nd page


My daughter can be the sweetest thing. Everyone at her school knows her because she is so friendly and sweet. Her teachers, the other parents all talk about how wonderful she is. Even to her family she can be sweet. But she can take a turn for the worse so quick and it's coming more and more often. But only to her family. My grandmother has been taking them after school since I had my accident and today my 6 year old had Irish dance. My grandma forgot and had to have my grandpa come home from picking them up and go back out again with Hannah to the class. Well my 6 year old got very nasty with them and was refusing to go. I told her this is what SHE wanted, we paid good money in advance for the classes, she was either going or coming home and going to bed. I finally got her to go to class but my grandma is really upset. She's refusing to take Hannah after school anymore because she is not her parents and don't know how to handle her nastiness. At home she is mouthy and bugs her sister. She doesn't listen for anything. Now, she's not like this all the time though, usually she's so sweet and easy going. I don't know if something is bugging her or what. Also don't know how to handle it. We've tried time out, taking away her dessert for the night and taking away tv. What else is there?? I'm so at wits end.... she's always been so sweet and loving.

 

[lw49033]

Spanking is effective for some kids, and, contrary to popular belief, it is also legal.

 

[anewvance]

My husband has been known to pop them one here or there... just on the rear end. She doesn't give a flip less.

 

[lw49033]

If it doesn't hurt for awhile, it's not a spanking.

 

[phyllis1966]

If it doesn't hurt for awhile, it's not a spanking.

Just my opinion, and the opinion of many experts, but physical violence usually isn't the answer. It may stop some immediate unwanted behavior, but it will teach a child that violence is the ultimate way to get what they want.

I found that at around the same age, my usually sweet and good-natured daughter got mouthy, too. I was very surprised and often at my wits' end. Now that she's almost 7, she has mellowed and is back to my sweet girl again. I think, and her pediatrician agrees, that the stresses and anxieties of attending a new school, all day (as opposed to her half-day kindergarten last year) made her moody. Now that she's adjusting, she back to her old self.

Maybe something's upsetting your DD. Have you tried speaking to her pediatrician about this?

Good luck - I know what you're going through.

 

[mt2]

What I have done with my DS is put a drop of vinegar on his tongue. The size drop I'm talking about is small. The size of a drop of food coloring for icing, cakes, an such. Or think of the size of a tear when you cry.

After I put it on his tongue, I tell him that this is what his nasty words/talking taste like. They sound yucky and they taste even yuckier.

It was needed only 2 times before his attitude changed. If he starts sounding ugly again I tell him that I still have the jar of vinegar. He stops very quickly.

 

[mtblujeans]

What I have done with my DS is put a drop of vinegar on his tongue. The size drop I'm talking about is small. The size of a drop of food coloring for icing, cakes, an such. Or think of the size of a tear when you cry.

After I put it on his tongue, I tell him that this is what his nasty words/talking taste like. They sound yucky and they taste even yuckier.

It was needed only 2 times before his attitude changed. If he starts sounding ugly again I tell him that I still have the jar of vinegar. He stops very quickly.

I like this one! My kids tell me I have "the look" and it takes care of a foul mood.....it has even worked on my 4YO grandson (so far)....that doesn't help you any, tho'!

 

[lw49033]

Controlled spanking on the bottom for a specific act is not "physical violence", and many of the "experts" who claim that it is don't have children of their own.

 

[o'malleyalleycat]

Hi A newvance, first I would like to say, I did say in another thread you commented on but better to say it in a thread you started, that your
signature with little Ian anticipatin Soarin is ABSOLUTELTY ADORABLE ,
don't ever change it.

It is obvious by your signature and homepage your heart is in the right place.
Your love of family is wonderful and heartwarming, and YOU DO have
beautiful children.

Unfortunately the seeds of arrogance that are within all who are born into
this earth can come up at any time. Your six year old's humility is already under attack. Don't be afraid to intellectualize with her and talk with even in
terms you think she may or may not comprehend. Tell her there is a part of everybody's heart that we all fight to maintain, that when we feel an urge to be mean or inconsiderate of others we must look to the nice part of our heart and listen to what it says. Listen to the part of your heart that makes you happy to share,when you are being nice that is the real you.
Everytime you feel like being mean,stop and listen and think maybe what Jiminy Cricket would say. Or how would (insert her favorite Disney Character)
feel to hear you say that?
Tell her to learn to treasure when she is happy and smiling and to remember
Disney World whenever she feels upset.

Lastly, depending on how religous you are believe it or not,prayer can help
win the battle of a child's heart of arrogance vs humility.
Nothing God is more motivated to do then to help the helpless.

Well, hope this helps and bless you, beautiful children and all.

 

[anewvance]

Thank you everyone for your thoughts and suggestions. We keep calling it a "phase" and we hope that's what it is. Still not sure exactly how to handle it. We've had a few talks one on one lately and i've told her she can come to me with anything and I hope she knows that.

o'malley, I didn't see your comment but thanks so much. When I saw him looking at the ride after his sisters and dad went in, I had to snap a shot. My girls are scaredy cats, I'm hoping my little guy will be my dare devil when it comes to rides!

 

[AprilShowers]

Here's what works for me: IMMEDIATELY stop what else is going on and tell her in no uncertain terms that her attitude/behavior is UNACCEPTABLE and because of her unacceptable behavior she will be doing/not doing (fill in the blank here).
It needs to be something she cares DEEPLY about. And you HAVE TO STICK TO IT. If she's looking forward to a play date, she doesn't go. If she likes a special tv show, game, bike ride, McDonald's, privledge, she doesn't get it.
The other thing is the punishment can't be two weeks away. That doesn't work, and we usually don't follow through. It has to be something that's happening or she will be doing that day or the next.
Then when she asks you again for toy/privledge/ tv/etc. You remind her of her unacceptable behavior and how she needs to act in order to enjoy her (fill in the blank)
Do this for as long as it takes. Usually it doesn't take many times, but some kids are more stubborn than others.

 

[swea_pea1]

When you figure it out, please let me know. I do think it's a phase and when I see my DD with other 6/7 year olds, I find they're pretty much all the same. It must be one of those ages where they test the boundaries. The only thing that sometimes works with DD is putting her in her room for longer than the prescribed "minute per year" amount of time. I know the experts think I should only leave her in there for 6 minutes, but that's a piece of cake to her. After about 10 minutes, she gets it. She doesn't have a TV, computer, phone, etc. in her room so she just sits in her room and thinks.

I keep thinking when she's older I'll love the strong-willed young woman she'll grow into. But for now, it drives me insane!

Good luck to you! I feel your pain!!!

 

[chobie]

Spanking is effective for some kids, and, contrary to popular belief, it is also legal.

Oh goodie -- the DIS resident spanking enthuisast is back. A bit obsessed about this topic aren't you?

 

[jesszac610]

I've been there and I think what everyone is saying is true, it is a phase and it seems to last forever!!!!! Girls are tough!!! So beautiful, yet so strong willed and stubborn! My DD went through this "difficult phase" from 5 up until maybe one month ago - She's seven now! What worked for us is consistency----Say what you mean and mean what you say! Sometimes is really can suck to not be able to do what you take away from her(ie going out for ice cream, movies etc) it sucks for everyone but in the end she'll get it that you are in charge and you mean business!! Good luck and be patient!!!

 

[crazyforgoofy]

I haven't been around here much so I don't know details of your accident but I wonder if your daughter's behaviors have been made worse due to stress.

Having said that I have a 7 year old who can put on an attitude in a heartbeat and has to be reminded often of what is acceptable. We do make it a point to stop and discuss how her attitude affects others.

 

[esmetutu]

Watching "Supernanny" on ABC helped me with my DD6 so much! There are many little techniques. The one that helped the most is the "bad chair" in our house, or the "naughty spot/chair/step/corner", etc on the show. You give a warning first about the bad behavior using a very low and calm voice. "Please stop hitting the dog. If you don't stop you will get 5 minutes in the naughty chair. This is a warning." If the child does it again you immediately put the child in the designated spot (it should never change and NOT be the child's room, bed, etc.), explain calmly why the child is there, and set a timer for the amount of minutes equal to the child's age. Walk away! No matter how much crying, screaming, etc. When the time is up, go over to the spot, get on the child's level, and ask the child to look you in the eye and apologize for the bad behavior. If satisfactory, give a big hug and continue with the day.

They(the people who know this stuff!) don't recommend punishing children by taking away dessert/food because food is sustenence and necessary, and should not be a "reward"/punishment. It can give mixed signals for later on in life (food as reward/punishment), and can lead to eating disorders.

Also, the time out and/or "naughty spot" should not be in the child's room or bed, chair for dinner, etc. These are safe, happy places for children.

If a punishment is necessary, they should be proactive, not reactive. "You have to weed the garden this afternoon" is better than "I am taking away your Playstation". Sometimes I feel like "no TV!" hurts me more than it hurts DD!

And the most important... NO MEANS NO! Never change your mind no matter how many times your child asks over and over. A child psychologist once told me that a child sees mom/dad like a slot machine. The more "quarters" (Can I? Can I?) they put in the closer they are to a "payoff" (Oh fine, okay! Just be quiet!), so they'll never let up. Always think for a few seconds before answering. Don't immediately say "no" first because its easier. Say "maybe" if you aren't really sure, as opposed to just automatically saying "no". Seems obvious, but I think we all do that more than we realize.

The "bad chair"(naughty spot) has really worked wonders for us. Especially with a normally good child who has occasional temper tantrums, and trouble hearing the word "no". Children need boundaries and rules, and really benefit from them.

Good luck to all parents out there! Hope some of this helped!

 

[luvdzne]

I haven't been around here much so I don't know details of your accident but I wonder if your daughter's behaviors have been made worse due to stress.

I have to say I agree.
I was in 2 car accidents 2 years ago (within a month of each other), I had many problems, it was very stressful for both dd's. I still suffer to this day and I know how I am feeling during the day truely effects their mood. If I am in lot of pain, such as today, they tend to sence it (I guess I get a little moody) so they definatly act on that.

I have found with dd7 that if I take things with significant meaning to her, it has the most effect. Her blanket is a big one. There was one night that she was throwing such a fit, refused to go to bed, screaming at us. We would warn her if she did not stop she would lose something. We would take that thing away, and when she did not stop, we did it again with something else. It ended up she lost her toys, pillow, blankets, then the last straw was she lost her mattress. Yep, she had to sleep on the floor covered with a towel, and her sister let her borrow a stuffed animal to snuggle with (I really felt awful, but we stuck through it). That only had to happen once, now when she is in a mood to throw a temper tantrum, or get mouthy she stops when she loses her blanket.

You might have her write an appoligy letter to your grandma.

Good luck, I hope your feeling better soon
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[LadyTrampScamp&Angel]

My DD is 5 and is sweet and loving also, most of the time, she can definitely have her "diva" moments. Immediate consequences work for us, she gets told exactly what she did wrong, in a calm voice, and sent somewhere for a time out. I sometimes send her to her room and tell her not to come back out until she's ready to be respectful. She doesn't like being isolated from the rest of us, even if there are fun things to do in her room, so she'll come back and apologize for her behavior within a few minutes. It took some time to get to this stage, when we first started this she'd throw a tantrum from wherever I put her but when I ignored that behavior she got over it - didn't get the reaction she wanted.

I don't recommend yelling and spanking, it only escalates everything and then you can get into one big power struggle. I also don't think it's modeling the kind of behavior you want from your DD. I have never understood the whole "do what I say, not what I do" stuff. I've had to work hard at breaking DH from that whole thing

Good luck

 

[Tiffann4k]

My 9 year old DD has been a bit mouthy lately, but I will have to say she gets it honest Hopefully we can break her of it fast.

To the posters mentioning spanking, we spank , but it does not work for all kids. It works for my 3 daughters but not my son. To the non spanking poster with the "expert opinions" All I have to say is I agree with the other poster that they probably dont even have kids...most of the "experts" that write raising children books dont even have kids, that is the funniest thing ever.....but anyhow I was spanked as a kid and I am greatful I was, I think if I wasnt I would of turned out like a lot of others I see now. Everyone is into the no spanking, lets put them in time out( dont get me wrong, it does work for some kids but not all.....) and that is why there are so many little kids killing other kids, taking guns to school, etc etc etc I could go on and on, when I was growing up it was rare to hear about these things, now its at least once a week and I live in "hick country"

Okay enough rambling......to the OP

 

[mickeyboat]

I have a 6 year old and a 5 year old, and their mouths get the better of them, sometimes. Usually a reminder that they are being disrespectful is enough to correct their behavior. They definitely are more angelic for other people than they are for DH and I. I expect that.

The other night they were squabbling in the bathtub, and DH put them to bed at 6:30. They were hysterical, but have been almost perfect since then. If they don't cooperate in the morning, they have to go to bed 15 minutes early. They hate it!

Find your child's "currency" and use it to correct behavior.

Good luck.

Denae