Dog vs. Cat Diary

[Tigger_Magic]

As seen in a dog's diary:

7 am - Oh boy! A walk! My favorite!
8 am - Oh boy! Dog food! My favorite!
9 am - Oh boy! The kids! My favorite!
Noon - Oh boy! The yard! My favorite!
2 pm - Oh boy! A car ride! My favorite!
3 pm - Oh boy! The kids! My favorite!
4 pm - Oh boy! Playing ball! My favorite!
6 pm - Oh boy! Welcome home Mom! My favorite!
7 pm - Oh boy! Welcome home Dad! My favorite!
8 pm - Oh boy! Dog food! My favorite!
9 pm - Oh boy! Tummy rubs on the couch! My favorite!
11 pm - Oh boy! Sleeping in my people's bed! My favorite!

As seen in a cat's diary:

Day 183 of my captivity...

My captors continued to taunt me with bizarre little dangling objects. They dine lavishly on fresh meat, while I am forced to eat dry cereal. The only thing that keeps me going is the hope of escape, and the mild satisfaction I get from clawing the furniture. Tomorrow I may eat another house plant.

Today my attempt to kill my captors by weaving around their feet while they were walking almost succeeded - must try this at the top of the stairs. In an attempt to disgust and repulse these vile oppressors, I once again induced myself to vomit on their favorite chair - must try this on their bed. Decapitated a mouse and brought them the headless body in an attempt to make them aware of what I am capable of, and to try to strike fear in their hearts. They only cooed and condescended about what a good little cat I was. Hmmm, not working according to plan.

There was some sort of gathering of their accomplices. I was placed in solitary throughout the event. However, I could hear the noise and smell the food. More important, I overheard that my confinement was due to my powers
of inducing "allergies." Must learn what this is and how to use it to my advantage. I am convinced the other captives are flunkies and maybe snitches. The dog is routinely released and seems more than happy to return. He is obviously a half-wit. The bird, on the other hand, has got to be an informant and speaks with them regularly. I am certain he reports my every move. Due to his current placement in the metal room, his safety is assured. But I can wait. It is only a matter of time...

 

[disneynutt1225]

Does anyone else read the cat diary in the voice of Stewie from Family Guy??

 

[Tigger_Magic]

That was exactly the voice in my head (Stewie) when I read this... uncanny.

 

[ReggieB]

My cat's dairy entry would be something like this:

zzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzz

I'd like to think my cat was some sort of maniacal genius, but I just don't see it.

 

[BeNJeNWaFFLe]

Does anyone else read the cat diary in the voice of Stewie from Family Guy??

Yes!

My 3 cats are exactly like that. It really makes me wonder sometimes...

 

[PrincessDeb]

Thank you for posting this! My husband and I read this joke years ago and make jokes about our cat "saying" these things to us sometimes but I lost my copy of it. I'm going to send it to him-thanks!
Deb

 

[Briarmom]

Does anyone else read the cat diary in the voice of Stewie from Family Guy??

Yes!

 

[Am_I_There_Yet]

Loved it!

I have to admit, as I was reading the dog part, I was reading it in "dog voice". Sorta like Scooby Doo. The cat however, got an English accent.

 

[Am_I_There_Yet]

I posted my response before I read the others. Is Stewie English??

 

[carolfoy]

I love this!! totally true, guess that's why I'm a 'cat' person not a dog

 

[Thumper's Tara]

Does anyone else read the cat diary in the voice of Stewie from Family Guy??

That is how I invision my cat talking!