Dog Problems...Please Help!

[becka]

I feel so bad about this situation and I just don't know what to do. This will probably be long and rambling but I am having a hard time getting my thoughts together on this.

Rusty is our 5 1/2 year old toy poodle. We got him for our 1st anniversary and he is our first baby. We spoiled him rotten and I think we are now paying for it. He has not handled the addition of Nathan well. We also moved to our new house just weeks before Nathan arrived and that was a hard move for him. In the last year and a half he has become somewhat agressive, non-obediant, un-housebroken and it appears depressed. He is so cranky and just seems like he wants to sleep a lot and if you try to move him he will growl at you.

He snaps at us or Nathan on occassion but then turns around and seems desperate for attention. I know he has not had the kind of attention he was used to before Nathan but it just isn't possible anymore. He is very jealous and when he gets mad he will intentionally find something of DS's to pee on - mostly his books - which Nathan plays with a lot.

He also is very agressive when Nathan or us has food. He constantly is begging for food from us and gets really mad and will even growl at us. We don't give in but Nathan does throw food on the floor or Rusty will try to get it out of his high chair when we are distracted. Also, I don't know if it is because he is eating food he should not but he is having lots of problems with diarrhea and vomiting. He usually does this in or near our bed....it is disgusting and obviously makes me very upset. He has had a vet checkup and they didn't find anything physically wrong with him.

With all of this going on it doesn't exactly make me want to spend extra time snuggling with him. I feel so guilty about it but there are days when I just am not sure I can handle him anymore and that makes me so sad. I am worried that he will bite Nathan or us someday and I am really tired of coming home to dog mess all over the house or going to bed only to find that he has vomitted all over it.

I was thinking that maybe it would be better if we found him a new home but I can't in good conscience give him to a family with kids. With the other problems we are having as well I don't know who would even want to take him. The thought of giving him up is very upsetting but I just don't know what to do. I do love him and I just feel so guilty for even considering this but I just don't know what else to do.

I apologize for my rambling but I am just really upset about this right now. Any advice?

 

[jipsy]

becka - take a deep breath and relax.

Yes, if you spoiled your dog rotten and now give all the attention to Nathan, Rusty is definitely upset. Imagine how you would feel if you were him. As you said, between that and the move, he definitely is having a hard time.

I know he has not had the kind of attention he was used to before Nathan but it just isn't possible anymore.

I think that states it well right there. Since your vet says there is nothing physically wrong, then you know it has to be emotional. You said yourself that he gets upset over food, then vomits near your bed. And that he pees on Nathan's stuff. Dogs are pack animals and very territorial and Rusty is just exhibiting normal pack and territory behavior. To correct this behavior is going to take time and effort on you and your husband's part. If you can't invest the time and effort to correct it, then you need to do what is best for the dog.

Contact your local animal shelter and ask them for the number of the poodle rescue group in your area. Call them and explain the situation - they will help you find Rusty a good, new home.

You have to do what is best for Rusty, which sounds like it means giving him to someone else.

 

[jwsqrdplus2]

Becka-

While jipsy had some good advice, we also found that our dog (Sasha) did not respond well to having a baby in the house. She almost got put down when DD1 was 5 months old (she is now almost 5 years old) for snapping at our daycare provider's daughter. Sasha also came close to losing her home when DD1 was 18 months old (another long story). To this day, Sasha is still very nervous/skittish around DD1.

On the other hand, DD2 (2 on Oct 29) can do anything she wants to the dog and Sasha will take it. That includes beating, biting, pulling, riding, etc. While Sasha cowers around DD1, she is very playful and CAREFUL around DD2. Keep in mind that Sasha is a Rott/Retriever mix (80-90 lbs). And our cat is exactly the same (cat predates DH, and dog predates DDs).

I wouldn't necesarily give up on Rusty yet, but definitely be careful.

 

[becka]

I did mean to add to my original post that DS has never hurt Rusty in any way and just adores his "dog-a". We did leave Rusty for the afternoon with my in-laws one day while we took a day trip when DS was about 5 months old and my stupid in-laws let their 18 month old old great-niece try to strangle him. When he snapped they locked him in their bedroom for the rest of the day - in essence punishing him so I can understand why he would be leery of any younger kid. I was so ticked off when I found out what they did but I was hoping that with time he would get over his fear. We always watch so closely when DS is around Rusty and we never let him get to him by himself even though DS wants nothing more than to pet him.

I really just don't understand why he is still behaving the way he is. We do try to give him attention but like I said we spoiled him rotten before we had DS and it is really just not possible to give him the same kind of attention. He used to sit on my lap the entire evening while we watched TV, etc. but with DS running around even if we let him sit in my lap all night, DS running over to me would scare him away. He stills sleeps with us and I try to make time for him everyday but it can not be the same - not for lack of trying or wanting to but it really is just not possible.

I just feel so bad for even considering giving him up. It makes me feel like a terrible person and I really want to find some way to make this work but we try to give him extra attention and it does not seem to work. It is so hard because we still have to let him know when he does something wrong like growling at us or DS, or going in the house, etc. and that just seems to set him back but we can't ignore the bad behavior by telling him "good boy" and giving him a treat.

and

 

[Tuffcookie]

Becka, Maybe what Rusty needs is a Time Out when he misbehaves! Just put him in a crate nearby where he can still see everyone AND put a blanket that Nathan has cuddled on in there with him. After 15-20 minutes let him out. This could show Rusty that you're not going to put up with his shananigans and also, by cuddling on Nathan's blanket, it may help him bond better with Nathan.

TC

 

[Jenzebelle]

Rusty is exhibiting normal pack behavior. He sees Nathan as competition for placement in the pack.
I know several people that have had very similar problems with dogs and all have them had the problem rectified by hiring a behaviorist.

 

[chesirechik]

I agree with Jenzebelle. I think that the problems can be eliminated with help from an animal behaviorist. I would try that before trying to find Rusty a new home.

And just to touch on something Tuffcookie mentioned - if you crate Rusty when you go out or at night, please DO NOT use the crate as a punishment or time out tool. Dogs should look at their crate as a safe haven, not something to be feared.

Good luck, I really hope you can work things out!

 

[dianeschlicht]

I would reccommend a behaviorist too. If he never exhibited these traits before, they can be overcome. The problem is what happened at your in-laws. The dog has "learned" to not trust children, and now must learn to trust and respect them. Just be sure you do this very carefully. It can turn into a volitile situation, so do not leave Rusty and Nathan alone. The idea about Nathan's blanket is a good one too. Try to spend some one on one time with Rusty each day. Even 10 minutes of doing something he loves should help. If he likes to fetch, do that. Maybe he likes a walk or enjoys trick training. Perhaps an obedience class is in order. This is dedicated one on one time with the dog in a dog social situation that gets him away from home for an hour each week.

 

[DoeWDW]

I'm worried that Rusty is getting mixed signals. As others have said, dogs are pack animals. There are no equals in the dog world. Each dog is trying to figure out who is above him in the pack and who is below him. You need to set things up so that Rusty knows he's at the bottom of the pack. He'll probably accept that, as long as you show him that's his place.

Rusty sleeps with you and Nathan does not. In Rusty's mind, that elevates him above Nathan. You may want to consider getting Rusty his own bed, even if it's in your room.

Nathan should always get fed before Rusty. The leaders of the pack always eat first and the lower members wait. If Rusty is getting a treat, give Nathan a small treat first where Rusty can see you doing it.

These are just a couple of ideas. I think a dog behaviorist could truly help you sort this out.

Good luck, Becka! Our pets become so dear to us and we hate to see them in obvious emotional distress. The vet may be able to help with some anti-anxiety medicine on a temporary basis until you can find a behaviorist to help you. However, if Rusty continues to misbehave, then I agree that he'd be better off with people who can give him a happy home.

 

[dianeschlicht]

Actually, Doreen, some of the things you suggest are exactly what I would expect a behaviourist to reccomend as well.

 

[jamsmom]

You have already received some great ideas and I only can add a {{{HUG}}} that all is worked out soon.

 

[robinb]

It sounds like you got some great advise so far! Start with Doreen's suggestions and then get professional help. You might also want to work on some basic obedience with Rusty. A good sit-stay is indispensable. My friend had a lot of luck with her older dog using the clicker method. Since Rusty is getting sick on people food you'll have to keep him away from the table so he can't beg food from Nathan. I like the idea of crate training Rusty. Buy a roomy (but not giant!) crate for him and line it with comfy blankets and a special toy he only gets in his crate. I listen to a show on our local public radio called Calling All Pets http://www.wpr.org/pets/ . I once hired Trisha McConnell from the show to help me with my dog.

Good luck!

 

[Pin Wizard]

Before DS came along, we had a dachshund. Once DS was here, you could tell she was jealous of him. I tried working with a dog trainer at home. Nothing seemed to help. She snapped once at DS while was sitting right there with him. Couldn't believe my eyes. A couple months later when I saw her snap at him again...that was it! I struggled with the same thing...keep on trying to work with her or give her away. Finally, I gave her to a pet organization in our county that guaranteed they wouldn't put her to sleep. A friend of mine took DS for the morning while I took Holly to the lady's house. She adored Holly! Said she would look for a home for her, but if she didn't find one, she would keep her herself! I felt terrible for the longest time. When DS was in first grade we went to the local pound and came home with a flat-coated retriever. He's the gentlest dog I've ever seen! So sweet, and obviously trained! Having DS here first and then brining a pet in was the best thing. Now we've added a puppy. Oy! We've got our work cut out for us with him!