Dog funeral etiquette question

[Tinkermommy]

I would not miss work either. I would send a card and make a small donation to the charity she chose. I think she really wants someone to acknowledge her grief and sending a card with a nice note would do that.

I have lost two dogs and I still miss them. However, it is just your pet and if I was going to have a service for a dog, I would only have it with my family or anyone that really loved my dog. Not extended family.

 

[Rora]

Add me to the camp of not missing work.

OP- you certainly don't need to attend this event if you don't have the time. If this is something that makes your cousin feel better, then by all means, I shouldn't judge her. People deal with grief, yes, even dog grief, in different ways.

Send a card and maybe make a small donation. But, don't feel guilty about not attending.

 

[disykat]

I would not miss work. I would send a card or even flowers to let my cousin know I was thinking of them, but I wouldn't miss a day of work to grieve her dog.
ANd I'm with the crowd that is . I love my pets, and I dread when we are faced with losing them however it will not be turned into an event that we invite frends and family to mourn with us.

Me too. Can you imagine calling in the reason to work? Or if your co-workers found out? Every place I have ever worked, this would not have been considered eligible for leave.

 

[MIGrandma]

I don't think you're being rude in not wanting to take a day off to attend the funeral of your cousin's dog. I think she is being rude to expect you to take the day off to attend.

I can understand having a private "funeral" for your dog when it passes, but to invite others to attend? To me, that's over the top.

I would send a card and forget about it.

 

[Hoodie]

Both a card and a donation would be nice, but still not required.
Just don't send a menu to the local chinese restaurant. That would be in bad taste, so to speak.

 

[dispor]

I am sorry but to expect people to take a day off work for a DOG'S funeral is beyond acceptable. If she really wanted people to come she should be having this on a Saturday. Personally I wouldn't even send a card but I know many that do.

Maybe it IS on a Saturday and the OP works on Saturdays.

I would not take off for a dog funeral. It sounds like your cousin has made her pets the "people" in her life, which I feel is just sad. I am guessing she doesn't have children?

I agree with the others - send a nice card and maybe even a donation. Look in the "loss of a friend" section in the sympathy cards display. That would probably work.

 

[WDSearcher]

Your cousin needs a sense of perspective.

1. Whilst it's very sad that she lost her dog and I'm sure she's heartbroken, why would you be heartbroken?

2. Life goes on. You have responsibilities. Sometimes people's feelings don't trump those responsibilities.

We lost our cat earlier this year and whilst it was utterly gut-wrenching, commitments come first so I hauled my backside into work on two hours sleep and took care of my responsibilities. I would never have considered taking time off work to mourn the loss of my OWN pet, never mind someone else's...

I don't think the cousin expects OP to be heartbroken. But she probably expects her to understand why she might be. For some people, pet deaths are really tough to get through, and so you hope that friends and family members will understand and support. I do agree that expecting the OP to miss work for it is a bit much, but based on how the OP presented it here, if the OP presented it that way to her cousin (or other family members, and it got back to the cousin) as well, I can see the cousin being upset.

I actually did take time off work when my cat died. I didn't take six weeks of bereavement or anything, but I did take a couple of days, just because I knew that I'd be very preoccupied. Then again, we're a very pet-friendly workplace and everyone "got it". Everyone pretty much has pets, and we do trade pet stories and occasionally have "bring your pet to work" days. So no one thought it was odd when I called in.

 

[WDSearcher]

Your cousin needs to get a grip. I'm sorry she lost her dog, as I'm sure are you. I have pets and I love them dearly. But to expect other people to take a day off from work to attend a funeral for a dog is ridiculous. Send her a card and if she wants to get her knickers in a twist, that's her problem.

I completely disagree. I have pets and have lost pets. I miss those who have died. But I find the idea of having a funeral and expecting other people to grieve is pretty funny.

Based on how the OP put it ("nothing too formal, the invite just says "Celebrating the life of Chestnut" and that there will be stories and refreshments, we are welcome to bring any pets of our own and that donations to the OSPCA are appreciated"), it didn't seem like the cousin was "expecting other people to grieve". It seemed to me as though she was hoping that other people would come and be supportive because she had just lost a pet. That doesn't seem funny to me, but YMMV.

It was the OP who labeled it a "pet funeral". But really, there are no parts of it that are "funeral-like" in nature. The actual invite sounds like more of a get-together to share some memories. If anything, I guess you could label it a "pet memorial". That doesn't seem unreasonable.

I do think it's over the top for the cousin to expect the OP to take off work for it, particularly since they don't appear to be all that close. But I don't think someone wanting to have a get-together to celebrate a pet is something that should cause people to roll with laughter.

 

[Pumbaa_]

I don't take days of when PEOPLE I know pass, that is what the wake is for. Maybe if she had a wake the night before ...........

We have had many pets 'age out' as we call it. I empathize with her grief. However, doggy funerals aren't happening!

 

[Luvchefmic]

Based on how the OP put it ("nothing too formal, the invite just says "Celebrating the life of Chestnut" and that there will be stories and refreshments, we are welcome to bring any pets of our own and that donations to the OSPCA are appreciated"), it didn't seem like the cousin was "expecting other people to grieve". It seemed to me as though she was hoping that other people would come and be supportive because she had just lost a pet. That doesn't seem funny to me, but YMMV.

It was the OP who labeled it a "pet funeral". But really, there are no parts of it that are "funeral-like" in nature. The actual invite sounds like more of a get-together to share some memories. If anything, I guess you could label it a "pet memorial". That doesn't seem unreasonable.

I do think it's over the top for the cousin to expect the OP to take off work for it, particularly since they don't appear to be all that close. But I don't think someone wanting to have a get-together to celebrate a pet is something that should cause people to roll with laughter.

Exactly

 

[Brit17]

Based on how the OP put it ("nothing too formal, the invite just says "Celebrating the life of Chestnut" and that there will be stories and refreshments, we are welcome to bring any pets of our own and that donations to the OSPCA are appreciated"), it didn't seem like the cousin was "expecting other people to grieve". It seemed to me as though she was hoping that other people would come and be supportive because she had just lost a pet. That doesn't seem funny to me, but YMMV.

It was the OP who labeled it a "pet funeral". But really, there are no parts of it that are "funeral-like" in nature. The actual invite sounds like more of a get-together to share some memories. If anything, I guess you could label it a "pet memorial". That doesn't seem unreasonable.

I do think it's over the top for the cousin to expect the OP to take off work for it, particularly since they don't appear to be all that close. But I don't think someone wanting to have a get-together to celebrate a pet is something that should cause people to roll with laughter.

Well said ...

When our beloved dogs passed , we were heartbroken ... we didn't have a funeral or memorial for them, but our family and friends knew how important our dogs were to us, and we received sympathy cards & even flowers from them ... and I have to say, their sensitivity and show of support was very comforting to us during our time of sorrow ...

 

[WDSearcher]

I don't take days of when PEOPLE I know pass, that is what the wake is for. Maybe if she had a wake the night before ...........

We have had many pets 'age out' as we call it. I empathize with her grief. However, doggy funerals aren't happening!

A wake! That's the word I was searching for. Couldn't remember what the term was.

To me, it sounds like the event IS a wake. A funeral would imply that there was a service, a viewing, a burial, etc. The invitation was for an informal get-together with refreshments and pet stories (and that's basically what a wake is, right?). The OP called it a "funeral" -- it doesn't appear as though her cousin ever did.

 

[luvmy3]

I actually did take time off work when my cat died. I didn't take six weeks of bereavement or anything, but I did take a couple of days, just because I knew that I'd be very preoccupied. Then again, we're a very pet-friendly workplace and everyone "got it". Everyone pretty much has pets, and we do trade pet stories and occasionally have "bring your pet to work" days. So no one thought it was odd when I called in.

Taking time off from your job when your own pet dies is not the same thing as asking others to come to a memorial/wake for your pet. One is kind of expected, the other not so much.

Based on how the OP put it ("nothing too formal, the invite just says "Celebrating the life of Chestnut" and that there will be stories and refreshments, we are welcome to bring any pets of our own and that donations to the OSPCA are appreciated"), it didn't seem like the cousin was "expecting other people to grieve". It seemed to me as though she was hoping that other people would come and be supportive because she had just lost a pet. That doesn't seem funny to me, but YMMV.

It was the OP who labeled it a "pet funeral". But really, there are no parts of it that are "funeral-like" in nature. The actual invite sounds like more of a get-together to share some memories. If anything, I guess you could label it a "pet memorial". That doesn't seem unreasonable.

I do think it's over the top for the cousin to expect the OP to take off work for it, particularly since they don't appear to be all that close. But I don't think someone wanting to have a get-together to celebrate a pet is something that should cause people to roll with laughter.

I think that its over the top to have a wake for your pet and invite people to it to stories about your pet like they somehow had this connection to it. I wouldn't be rolling with laughter about it, but if someone sent me an invite to do that I would think they were a bit odd and thats coming from an animal lover

 

[The Mystery Machine]

Send a card and done. Honestly I doubt the person expects the OP to take off work to come to her gathering.

 

[autumnpalm]

Hi all!

Thanks for the input, it's nice to hear from the perspective of people who have such close relationships with their pets so I really appreciate the range of responses.

To clarify, the service is on a Saturday but I occasionally work Saturdays and will be doing so that week. The event was not explicitly called a "funeral" on the invitation but both my cousin and her sister have referred to it as a funeral verbally in passing.

And I just want to state again, I do not find it humorous that my cousin lost her dog or that she was so attached to the dog, I am more just amused at the way families can find a way to find drama in the strangest of places. I was curious as to whether I was alone in my feelings toward the event (that it is not rude for me to miss the funeral for work) and I am glad I have gotten a broad spectrum of opinions. That's what I love about the DIS!

I have written a sympathy card along with a $10 donation to the OSPCA (I am a student and honestly, it's all I can afford right now) and plan on mailing it tomorrow.

Thanks for the help, everyone!

 

[snapppyd]

I think you are doing exactly the right thing!

 

[WDSearcher]

Great choice. I'm sure the donation will be much appreciated!

 

[walden]

Hi all!

Thanks for the input, it's nice to hear from the perspective of people who have such close relationships with their pets so I really appreciate the range of responses.

To clarify, the service is on a Saturday but I occasionally work Saturdays and will be doing so that week. The event was not explicitly called a "funeral" on the invitation but both my cousin and her sister have referred to it as a funeral verbally in passing.

And I just want to state again, I do not find it humorous that my cousin lost her dog or that she was so attached to the dog, I am more just amused at the way families can find a way to find drama in the strangest of places. I was curious as to whether I was alone in my feelings toward the event (that it is not rude for me to miss the funeral for work) and I am glad I have gotten a broad spectrum of opinions. That's what I love about the DIS!

I have written a sympathy card along with a $10 donation to the OSPCA (I am a student and honestly, it's all I can afford right now) and plan on mailing it tomorrow.

Thanks for the help, everyone!

Thanks for clarifying, and I agree that the issue is the family drama and the sister getting involved and making you feel guilty, not the actual death of your cousin's beloved pet. That was actually clear from your second post on this thread -- you were not making fun of the loss, and have sent a card and made a donation you can afford. That is fine and perfectly legitimate etiquette-wise.

And, as the only person on this thread who has admitted to having attended a doggy funeral/memorial/wake (although I did not and would not have skipped work to do it and thought it over the top!) I did it for the person. People deal with grief in different ways and people do grieve for their pets and some have memorials for them. I don't need a "funeral" but some people do.

I lost a wonderful dog less than a month ago. I must say I was very comforted by the cards and flowers I received from our vet's office (signed by every single member of staff with personal memories of Murphy), the groomer, and the three places he visited as a Therapy Dog. Some may find that and the fact that people asked where they could donate in his memory silly, but I found it a great tribute to a lovely dog and a validation of the volunteer work that we did together.

 

[Luvchefmic]

Hi all!

I have written a sympathy card along with a $10 donation to the OSPCA (I am a student and honestly, it's all I can afford right now) and plan on mailing it tomorrow.

Thanks for the help, everyone!

You did the right thing

I lost a wonderful dog less than a month ago. I must say I was very comforted by the cards and flowers I received from our vet's office (signed by every single member of staff with personal memories of Murphy), the groomer, and the three places he visited as a Therapy Dog. Some may find that and the fact that people asked where they could donate in his memory silly, but I found it a great tribute to a lovely dog and a validation of the volunteer work that we did together.

I'm sorry about your dear Murphy. In the past when we have lost some of our dogs and cats we had the same thing happen...as it should be

 

[Poohbear123]

Ummm....mine are buried in the back yard...all 6 or 7 of them...I was not present at 3 of them, as one was my deceased Mom's cat, and another was my last cat, Tiggie, DH buried her when I was at work, couldn't bear the thought of laying her in the ground, she was my Best cat ever, and one was a kitten that was found in the yard deceased..... Gee, now maybe I should have had a funeral for them?