Dog funeral etiquette question

[autumnpalm]

Unfortunately, I am not kidding.

I have a cousin whose dog recently passed away. I am not particularly close with this cousin, but we do see each other at family events often. Anyway, she has decided to have a funeral for her dog because the dog was very important to her- nothing too formal, the invite just says "Celebrating the life of Chestnut" and that there will be stories and refreshments, we are welcome to bring any pets of our own and that donations to the OSPCA are appreciated.

I have to work on the day of the planned funeral and called my cousin to let her know. She seemed okay on the phone with the fact that I couldn't make it but I was talking to her sister today who mentioned that the cousin is very upset that the event isn't important enough for me to take off work, that I don't understand how much she loved Chestnut, etc. I know her dogs are like kids to her but... is it really rude to miss a dog funeral for work? I have never even heard of a dog funeral before, is this something that is done?

I don't want any hard feelings but family drama over a dog's funeral is just something I'm not willing to get involved in! I think I'll just send a card with my sympathies and regrets that I could not make the event.

 

[Belle0101]

Unfortunately, I am not kidding.

I have a cousin whose dog recently passed away. I am not particularly close with this cousin, but we do see each other at family events often. Anyway, she has decided to have a funeral for her dog because the dog was very important to her- nothing too formal, the invite just says "Celebrating the life of Chestnut" and that there will be stories and refreshments, we are welcome to bring any pets of our own and that donations to the OSPCA are appreciated.

I have to work on the day of the planned funeral and called my cousin to let her know. She seemed okay on the phone with the fact that I couldn't make it but I was talking to her sister today who mentioned that the cousin is very upset that the event isn't important enough for me to take off work, that I don't understand how much she loved Chestnut, etc. I know her dogs are like kids to her but... is it really rude to miss a dog funeral for work? I have never even heard of a dog funeral before, is this something that is done?

I don't want any hard feelings but family drama over a dog's funeral is just something I'm not willing to get involved in! I think I'll just send a card with my sympathies and regrets that I could not make the event.

Wow! I'm a dog lover. We actually 5 and in my spare time I rescue greyhounds so I understand the passion with which one loves their dogs but I've never thought about inviting people to a funeral.

I think you have the right idea ... don't call off work that day but do send a nice card. I'm thinking Hallmark makes a card because when I lost Kayla, my greyhound, to mega-esophagus our vet sent me a very nice with a handwritten note inside. I treasure that card. It meant a lot to me that he would take the time to write a personal note about Kayla.

 

[C.Ann]

I think missing work for a dog funeral - being hosted by someone other than yourself - is asking a bit much..

Send the card (they have special ones for the loss of a pet) and your regrets..

 

[chloelovesdisney]

Well I don't think you have to take off work at all, but since you are using laughing faces here about the funeral, your cousin may have picked up on the fact that you don't take her grief seriously when she spoke with you.

 

[C.Ann]

Well I don't think you have to take off work at all, but since you are using laughing faces here about the funeral, your cousin may have picked up on the fact that you don't take her grief seriously when she spoke with you.

Valid point..

 

[autumnpalm]

Well I don't think you have to take off work at all, but since you are using laughing faces here about the funeral, your cousin may have picked up on the fact that you don't take her grief seriously when she spoke with you.

Oh, I understand what it's like to lose an animal. We put our 10 year old down last fall and I have a 1 year old at home who I love. I am definitely an animal lover. I do think getting worked up over an animal's funeral is a bit much and sometimes I can tend to over-use smilies on the board... I meant to convey more that I find it a strange situation and that I'm not angry or anything about it. I'm of the mindset that if you can't look at life with a little humour, it's going to be a long ride... but I'm sorry if it came off insensitive!

 

[Mrs. Darcy]

I try so hard not to take days off from work. I'd have to be really contageously sick to call in for a sub. I'd be upset that I couldn't go if my loved one had a funeral for their pet, and I'd want to show my support for their feelings, but I just wouldn't feel right taking a day off for that. I feel sad for your relative, she must be very very sad over her loss to have a funeral.

 

[cntrygal]

I can actuallysay I have taken off work to attend the funeral of a dog. I am defiantly not a dog lover either, my son class was bussed from school for the funeral too. But is was not just a dog, it was a full fledged police funeral for a K9 officer, and belonged to the dad of one of the kids in my sons class, and friends of mine, the dog and been in class with them hundreds of time over the years at their ball games, etc. It was an extreamly impressive site, and one i never want to have to go through again


but for a pet......no way would i take off from work

 

[Mimi1965]

You need to see the first scene of "The Jane Austin Book Club"

First dog funeral i witnessed

 

[golfgal]

I am sorry but to expect people to take a day off work for a DOG'S funeral is beyond acceptable. If she really wanted people to come she should be having this on a Saturday. Personally I wouldn't even send a card but I know many that do.

Actually, thinking about it more, to have a funeral for a Dog that requires INVITES is really beyond me too.

 

[WDSearcher]

Unfortunately, I am not kidding.

I have a cousin whose dog recently passed away. I am not particularly close with this cousin, but we do see each other at family events often. Anyway, she has decided to have a funeral for her dog because the dog was very important to her- nothing too formal, the invite just says "Celebrating the life of Chestnut" and that there will be stories and refreshments, we are welcome to bring any pets of our own and that donations to the OSPCA are appreciated.

I have to work on the day of the planned funeral and called my cousin to let her know. She seemed okay on the phone with the fact that I couldn't make it but I was talking to her sister today who mentioned that the cousin is very upset that the event isn't important enough for me to take off work, that I don't understand how much she loved Chestnut, etc. I know her dogs are like kids to her but... is it really rude to miss a dog funeral for work? I have never even heard of a dog funeral before, is this something that is done?

I don't want any hard feelings but family drama over a dog's funeral is just something I'm not willing to get involved in! I think I'll just send a card with my sympathies and regrets that I could not make the event.

I don't think you need to take off of work for this, particularly since you obviously find it so darned funny and likely wouldn't exactly have the right attitude going in. But I do think it would be a nice gesture of you to send a nice, appropriate card that acknowledges the fact that you know how much your cousin's dog meant to her. Since she's also asking for donations for the local SPCA, a small donation would probably also be much appreciated.

For those of us with long-time pets, losing one is very much like losing a part of the family, a "loved one", if you will. Your cousin obviously loved her dog very much and while it's not rude to miss the funeral, I think it is rude to find so much humor in it.

 

[WDSearcher]

I am sorry but to expect people to take a day off work for a DOG'S funeral is beyond acceptable. If she really wanted people to come she should be having this on a Saturday. Personally I wouldn't even send a card but I know many that do.

Actually, thinking about it more, to have a funeral for a Dog that requires INVITES is really beyond me too.

But if you don't invite people, how do they know you're having an event?

 

[golfgal]

But if you don't invite people, how do they know you're having an event?

That is the whole point-a dog funeral is not an "event" to which you invite people.

 

[WDSearcher]

That is the whole point-a dog funeral is not an "event" to which you invite people.

Clearly not to you. But it is to OP's cousin. Just because you wouldn't do it doesn't mean it's wrong.

 

[walden]

I'm a dog lover too and currently have 2 retired racing greyhounds. @Belle0101

I've never had a doggy funeral myself for any of the dogs I have lost and personally think it is way over the top both to have a funeral and to expect you to take time off work to attend. I'd send a card with a letter describing some happy memory of Chestnut that she can read aloud at the funeral. I'd also send a small donation to her chosen animal charity.

Some people do grieve over lost pets hugely, and their grief is very real and should be respected as such. It sounds as though your cousin may be one of those people. There are many pet loss support groups out there, specialized counselling for pet loss, and even an internet forum: http://www.petloss.com/.

I actually have attended a dog funeral! It was an elderly man mourning for his much loved dog. I realized that he would find incredibly comforting so my husband and I took our dogs along to "Mark's" funeral. I admit I was really afraid I'd get the giggles at the wrong moment (does anyone else remember the Mary Tyler Moore episode of Chuckles the Clown's funeral?) Anyway, we buried the ashes, set up a memorial stone and shared memories of his happy times with the dog. It was actually quite a nice occasion because we were spending quality time with him not just burying the dog.

 

[Pigeon]

Your cousin needs to get a grip. I'm sorry she lost her dog, as I'm sure are you. I have pets and I love them dearly. But to expect other people to take a day off from work to attend a funeral for a dog is ridiculous. Send her a card and if she wants to get her knickers in a twist, that's her problem.

For those of us with long-time pets, losing one is very much like losing a part of the family, a "loved one", if you will. Your cousin obviously loved her dog very much and while it's not rude to miss the funeral, I think it is rude to find so much humor in it.

I completely disagree. I have pets and have lost pets. I miss those who have died. But I find the idea of having a funeral and expecting other people to grieve is pretty funny.

 

[paintnolish]

I think it is a nice idea and if it makes her feel better, great; however, I don't think she should expect people to put it first in their lists of priorities.

 

[Kath2003]

Your cousin needs a sense of perspective.

1. Whilst it's very sad that she lost her dog and I'm sure she's heartbroken, why would you be heartbroken?

2. Life goes on. You have responsibilities. Sometimes people's feelings don't trump those responsibilities.

We lost our cat earlier this year and whilst it was utterly gut-wrenching, commitments come first so I hauled my backside into work on two hours sleep and took care of my responsibilities. I would never have considered taking time off work to mourn the loss of my OWN pet, never mind someone else's...

 

[luvmy3]

I would not miss work. I would send a card or even flowers to let my cousin know I was thinking of them, but I wouldn't miss a day of work to grieve her dog.
ANd I'm with the crowd that is . I love my pets, and I dread when we are faced with losing them however it will not be turned into an event that we invite frends and family to mourn with us.

 

[mousey]

Sounds like your cousin treated this dog like her child. I think we are going to see an increase of these "pet funerals" in the coming years. My girlfriend lives on a street where they have doggie birthday parties with presents, cake and company. I think the most comforting thing would be for you to make a donation in the dogs name to the charity she listed. At least she would know that you cared!