Does your child go to college but live at home?

[IUTBAM]

What made him/her decide to do that?

I was reading the long thread about the parent contemplating their child going far away to school, and I suddenly felt like the odd man out because my DD just started her freshman year in college at a university that is a 20-minute light rail ride from our home. In fact, four days a week, she rides the train with my husband since he works two stops past her stop for her school! I guess that makes us helicopter parents? lol

My DD was a very high achiever in HS...Valedictorian (of a class of 550+), and received numerous scholarship offers (9, to be exact) from various schools in our state. She had no desire to go far away from home for school...in fact, she didn't really care which school she went to...she just wanted a place that would provide her a good solid education (she is pre-vet), and not cost us a fortune (God bless that child!). She ultimately chose a very good school right here in our town, and was admitted into their Honors program, which is giving her what amounts to a private school education at a fraction of the cost. She also WANTED to live at home...on campus housing is not run by the school (the campus is a block off the downtown area), and consists of suite-type dorms that are about $10,000 per school year, and that dosen't include the meal plan. I believe her exact words were something along the lines of not wanting to live in a 12x12 small suite-type dorm that smelled like pot with a stranger and eat nasty dining hall food, lol.

We cover what her scholarships do not, and it looks like her undergrad degree (all four years) will cost us out of pocket maximum about $15,000 total, including books. It's a win/win situation for all of us, as she's happy living at home, and we're happy having her here.

 

[taylor3297]

I lived at home while going to school and was glad that I did. My parents were able to help much with the cost of college, so I had to pay for it myself. By living at home, I didn't have to spend money on a dorm room, food etc.

 

[kimmyann]

Our DD is in her second year at the community college here & will begin her third year at the university that is only 10 minutes from home. She has no desire to live on campus and I personally would rather her live here considering the high crime rate around the university campus. She does very well in all of her classes, works part time, & has a contract with the city school system already waiting for her as soon as she finishes school. This saves money & it's what she wants & is comfortable with so that is really all that matters.

 

[onelilspark]

One of my best friends stayed at home and went to a local school. In the other thread, I strongly urged the parent to let her child do what the child felt comfortable with. I know my friend stayed back because that's what her and her family could afford. I went away because I knew if I stayed home, I would never cut the apron strings so to speak. I was always really close with my family, so I wanted to spread my wings and have a chance at independence while having the safety net of my parents and college. I'm still close with my family, but gained a sense of independence I'm not sure I would have had if I stayed close to home, so that was the right decision for me and apparently I'm lucky that my parents supported me!

I just look at it as, if your child wants to go to school far from home, why limit them? Or if your child wants to stay close to home, I think it'd be foolish to send them away. At 17-19 years old, it's time for your child to start making their own decisions. So for example, my friend decided to stay closer to home so she wasn't graduating with huge amounts of debt.

 

[mommystieg]

DD#1 is starting her first day at the local community college and is perfectly content to live at home. We cannot afford to pay for her to live away from home so she would have to work and attend school and we only have two cars between the three of us. She does work -- babysitting, helping coach one of the teams at her cheer gym and running an after school shuttle service for her sister and some of our friends' children. This way she can focus on her classes and adjust to college without stressing about expenses.

 

[HM]

I had one HS schoolmate that lived at home when we went to college in our town. Her parents "forced" her to. She wanted to live on campus, but they wouldn't let her. I never saw her after freshman year and I have no idea if we just never crossed paths or if she left school. I always felt so sorry for her. I loved being on campus, so close to everything, even if I was in a tiny room.

 

[Deb in IA]

Yes, our DD.

She is a junior this year at the University of Iowa, where both my husband and I work.

She lived in the dorm her first 2 years. The first year, she roomed with a friend from high school and soon learned that sometimes it is hard to live with people who are your "friends". No huge problems, but just living with someone can get on your nerves.

Last year, she was in a single room. The problem with that is the room was at the end of the hall, and all the other 47 girls on the floor would go and sit outside her door when they had "personal" conversations on their cell phones at 3 am - and she could hear EVERYTHING! It drove her nuts, and caused her to get no sleep.

She thought about an apartment, but then realized that it was silly to pay thousands of $$ to have a room and a bathroom, when she has that already at our house.

So far, it seems to be working out well. She likes living at home, and we like having her around!

 

[Scornelius]

My dad worked at one of the best universities in the world, so I lived at home and went there. I commuted with him because I also had a job in his department. I got married halfway through but stayed in the same town, so we still commuted together. Campus housing was insanely expensive, so I was happy to be able to save the money.

 

[Duchie]

What made him/her decide to do that?

I was reading the long thread about the parent contemplating their child going far away to school, and I suddenly felt like the odd man out because my DD just started her freshman year in college at a university that is a 20-minute light rail ride from our home. In fact, four days a week, she rides the train with my husband since he works two stops past her stop for her school! I guess that makes us helicopter parents? lol

My DD was a very high achiever in HS...Valedictorian (of a class of 550+), and received numerous scholarship offers (9, to be exact) from various schools in our state. She had no desire to go far away from home for school...in fact, she didn't really care which school she went to...she just wanted a place that would provide her a good solid education (she is pre-vet), and not cost us a fortune (God bless that child!). She ultimately chose a very good school right here in our town, and was admitted into their Honors program, which is giving her what amounts to a private school education at a fraction of the cost. She also WANTED to live at home...on campus housing is not run by the school (the campus is a block off the downtown area), and consists of suite-type dorms that are about $10,000 per school year, and that dosen't include the meal plan. I believe her exact words were something along the lines of not wanting to live in a 12x12 small suite-type dorm that smelled like pot with a stranger and eat nasty dining hall food, lol.

We cover what her scholarships do not, and it looks like her undergrad degree (all four years) will cost us out of pocket maximum about $15,000 total, including books. It's a win/win situation for all of us, as she's happy living at home, and we're happy having her here.

Sounds a lot like me when I was in school Including me, my parents would have had 3 kids in college at the same time. So when I was offered a scholarship to the local universtiy (which was a good school), I took it. I lived at home and worked part- to full-time the entier time I was in school and it worked our great for me.

 

[daughtersrus]

My two oldest DD's both went to community college 2 years to get their AA. It wasn't really what they wanted to do but it was all that we could afford. They both transferred to a state university about 100 miles away. My oldest graduated 1 1/2 years ago and DD# is set to graduate Dec 12. Both have chosen to get a degree in SpEd and chose the state university because it's ranked very high for education majors.

 

[Robinrs]

I commuted to college for the entire four years of school. I was a BABY when I first went, 16 and when I tell you I was an immature 16 it would blow your mind . I was smart but not in the ways of the world.

I graduated on time at 20 and was still kind of young and dumb. I took my time growing up which is probably why I'm still trying to at 55!

 

[Planogirl]

I mentioned in the other thread that DS was going locally and that I hope that he would go further away during his last two years. I think that it will be better for him.

However I won't make him do anything. If he wants to go away now or stay local the whole time then he has my support.

 

[KimR]

I lived with my parents when I went to college and it was purely for financial reasons. I was working to pay my way through college and I could not afford to pay tuition as well as room and board. I do feel like I missed out on the whole college experience and my college years were not enjoyable at all.

I am thankful though that we are able to afford to pay for DD to go away to school. She is a sopohomore now and having the time of her life.

 

[maddiel]

My DD18 will be starting University next week and will be living at home Her school is a twenty minute walk from our house.

Back in the 80's, I spent two years at a commuter school living at home, transferred to and graduated from a small liberal arts school living where I lived in residence for two years and then spent two years in grad school living in an apartment. My DH commuted to a large university and to grad school while living at home. Because we know you can live at home and still have a good university experience, we pushed her to look first at the local universities. (There are 5 within commuting distance.) If she'd been really interested in a program that was not available locally, she would have needed our financial support and we would have considered it.

DD had a pretty good idea of what courses she wanted to take, feels very strongly she wants to graduate with little or no debt and wants to travel. The school she will be attending - which is not one she would have considered at first - has a great program where the requirements match her interests almost perfectly. She has a full tuition scholarship. She's already met with the international exchange department and plans to take at least one academic term abroad and we've committed to helping out with the expenses of that. I expect that in her 3rd or 4th years she'll want to live on campus or in an apartment and we will probably help her out with the cost of that as well.

To answer your question about how she made her decision, I guess we had enough options locally that she was able to find an excellent fit right here.

Maybe it's different in Canada or here in Halifax, but most of the best and the brightest from her graduating class are staying here and living at home ( at least for the first few years.)

M.

 

[Darcy03231]

DD #2 opted to stay home and go to school locally for a number of reasons.

1. She got a great financial aid package which covers about 75% of her tuition through grants and scholarships.

2. Its a smaller school with small class sizes. Last year the class size ranged from 7-15 students per class so there is a lot of individual attention.

3. She has a part-time job that she loves and didn't want to give up.

4. She has what used to be the master bedroom suite in our house so she has a huge bedroom and her own bathroom - she didn't want to have to go into a dorm and share.

She's been very happy with her decision to stay home. She did very well her freshman year and will be starting her sophomore year shortly. Her best friend opted to go away to school (a bit over an hour away) and she's now looking at transferring to the same local school for next year. She hasn't been happy with the class size or the roommate situations.

 

[johnsontrio]

This thread is near and dear to my heart....

We just moved DD 17 to campus yesterday... a whopping 15 minute drive from our home. Our original plan was to have her live at home at least the first 2 years and then perhaps find a roommate to share an apartment with. We made a drastic change about 2 weeks ago for a multitude of reasons.

She is directly admitted to a Nursing program and has 19 credits this semester. She will need plenty of study time and will not be working much. We had originally thought she would work 10 -12 hours a week at her job, which is at the end of our street. She will benefit from study groups which will be facilitated by living on campus. The girl she was planning on carpooling with has all the same classes as DD and was planning on leaving campus the minute class was over to go to work 5 days a week. I didn't want DD to develop the habit of switching off school mode, into home or work mode, the minute they left.

Her university has around 600 incoming freshmen and those friendships are going to be well formed the first year. One of the second year students lives not far from us. She is in a sorority and is a cheerleader, loves the school and the nursing program, but told me she wished she lived on campus. She obviously is one who gets involved and yet still wants to be living there. I felt like if DD decided 2nd year to move, it might be a little late to break into the groups on campus.

All the nursing students take all their classes together. I thought living on campus would give her more opportunity to meet the students in other programs and participate in extracurricular activities.

Over the summer I noticed DD putting lots of time and energy into creating space between me and her. We have always been very close, she would tell me everything about what was going on with her friends etc... but she was clearly trying to create distance through conflict with me this summer. I thought that she would do much better if we just gave her the space she needs and let her put that time and effort into something else.

I reflected on the kids I know who have lived at home through their college years and I can honestly say that in many ways I see a lot less emotional and social development than the kids that go away. One young man I know is 4 years out of high school and still fighting with his little sister verbatim to the insults and taunting that I heard 6 years ago. I notice other kids still hanging with their church and school friends from high school and grade school. Only a few of them have developed new friends from the colleges they attend.

I think DD will just blossom from the opportunity to develop new interests, friends and skills without the input from two very attentive parents. I think it will be harder on me than her. I am sure other children can make this change to more autonomy while still living at home but I'm not sure that would work for us. DD was hesitant to leave but we have assured she can move home anytime she wants to. I don't think she'll be doing that. She seemed very excited yesterday on moving day.

There is a downside to all this though. It is very expensive and will require some sacrifice on our part. Also, the school currently has poor athletic facilities for the students and DD is a gym rat. She will either miss the pool and the gym or be home to use our Rec Center.

 

[RitaE]

I have a Senior in college and this is the first year he's been at home. A couple of things piled up.

1. His girlfriend is here at HER parent's house.
2. His apartment arrangements fell through and he hasn't figured out a new one yet. He then shockingly discovered that his parents weren't going to pay for him and his girlfriend to live together.
3. After he was here for awhile, he realized here is pretty cheap.
4. He's kicking around Grad School vs job plans and is trying to stash some money away....

So we've bought him a monthly train ticket and he's commuting in right now. I'm holding on - thanks for asking.

No seriously, he honestly isn't an easy kid-man-whatever he is now to have live at home. I'm constantly having to gripe at him about messiness, noisiness, and all the other stuff. Our house is not a college residence and he doesn't quite seem to get the difference.

 

[SLK1]

I lived at home my freshman year (my university was about 30 minutes away). My parents strongly encouraged me to live at home. The following year, they changed gears and encouraged me to live on-campus as I was kind of becoming a hermit. Twenty years later, I can say I wish I had gone further away to school. Knowing what I know now, I would have chosen a much different school and done things a lot differently. Now that DS is looking, we are letting him decide what he wants, while trying to help guide him with what we know.

 

[PrincessHeather'sMom]

DD22 didn't start college until she was 21 (long story). She lives at home and goes to a State college nearby. She works nearly full time and goes to school full time and hasn't asked us for a dime! (see 'long story' above). Though if she were to ask us to help we would gladly help her. She makes us so proud now. She's going to be a middle school or high school teacher. A family profession on DH's side.

DD19 is away at college, about two hours away. She lives in an apartment with two roommates. She got a full ride when she graduated high school because she is so smart. (we don't know where she got her brains!) She works at WallyWorld and pays her own share of rent and expenses. Again, never asks us for dime. And again, we would help if she asked. And again, she's going to teach, probably college level.

DD16 is in the A+ program in high school which will give her 2 or 3 years free State college when she graduates. I'm encouraging this, of course. She has her eye set on a couple of colleges already. One in CA! and one in FL! Geez! I've told her if she does her A+ program, living here at home, for the first two years, we'd support her going away to college. Hopefully by then she'll pick something closer to home. This one wants to go into animation! She's already made two stop motion movies for school. I just hope this kind of profession will earn her money to make a living! and not be a poor starving artist type...

 

[DeaverTex]

Our DS is at Baylor, almost exactly a 90 minute drive from our house in Austin. We're very glad that he's there, not only because of the quality of the school but because going "away" to school has made him deal with a level of independence that is still controlled, but much greater than he could have living at home. Living in the dorms gave him access to college life outside the classroom, which is just as vital a part of the university experience as the academics.

Mrs. Tex went to University of Michigan, over two hours from her home in Michigan. She wouldn't have had it any other way.

I went to college about 15 minutes from where I lived. There was no opportunity to take part in anything other than class, because I went home in the afternoon. (I picked up my dad from work -- we shared a VW beetle.) In short, it was exactly like high school. I don't think I ever really DID feel like I was attending a university, and today I have no more loyalty to the school than I do to, oh... Sears, where I worked one summer. I think of myself much more as a Baylor alumnus. (Got my MS there.)

Mrs. Tex and I decided that we would do what it took to make sure that DS actually got the full experience. Living at home might work for the VERY dedicated, very organized, very self-motivated, very focused student, but otherwise I firmly believe it's a handicap.