Does this warrant punishment??

[KTSMOM]

My DD had the same issue with holding it to the last minute and then having a minor accident on the way to the bathroom. I would get so upset about it, thinking she was not paying attention to her body and would punish her by taking away certain privileges. This ended up backfiring on me. She would not be honest about having these accidents. So, my DH and I finally decided to back off. I make her go to the bathroom before she does any type of activity or before we leave the house, and that's all I do now. She does know that if she has any type of accident she has to clean herself up on her own. Since we have taken the laid back approach, she has done a wonderful job with getting to the bathroom on time.
Based on my experience I would not recommend punishment for accidents.

 

[ntink]

This sounds a lot like my DD4. We don't use punishment but instead have a couple of rules about when you go. In our house, you go when you get up in the morning, go potty, wash hands, brush teeth. If she says she does't have to go, I just remind her what the rules are for our morning routine and then she goes. Same for when we are going out in the car, our rule is that you need to go potty (or at least try) before we get into the car. This has worked well for our family.

 

[KelsiesMommy]

My 3 1/2 yr old has been PTd for over a year and she has similar issues. Her pediatrician suggested that perhaps her bladder isn't fully developed yet. Also girls have shorter urethras than boys, so they can't always hold it as well.

((((_)))) I know how frustrating this is- I wouldn't discipline, but instead use a reward method, sticker chart or something- also, I went back to making her go potty every hour to make sure she always had an empty bladder.

 

[gris gris]

Thanks a lot for all the tips!! I'm really glad to hear Liv isn't the only one that does this. And she really does have a bladder of steel like one poster mentioned. She has never ever had an accident while sleeping, and she doesn't even go before she goes to bed!!

It's just this last minute issue of not wanting to stop what she is doing. I really didn't think she needed to be punished and was happy to hear from all of you so I could show DH. Sometimes when we have new situations we have no idea who to ask.....thank you DIS for helping out!

Anyhow I don't really view this as a big deal and I try to remember to praise her when she actually does go on her own without waiting until the last minute. I like the idea of cleaning up her own mess!

 

[CEDmom]

I've found from experience that punishing during potty training does nothing to help the process. The less you harp on their accidents the quicker they'll pass. Kids often wait to the last minute well beyond their potty training years. Heck, I have to admit to doing the potty dance on occasion because I wait too long.

 

[goofinoff]

Folks dont think you should punish but i will tell you what worked for us... and really i dont consider it a punishment. My stepson was 5 when i got him and had accidents all the time no matter what we did, Finally the Dr. said when he has an accident you must stop his world. He has to quit playing, rinse his undies out, take a bath,( because pottying on ourself is dirty) and change his own clothes. He finally got so annoyed that he kept missing playtime, tv time etc.. that he finally got with the game. We didnt scream or fuss, just said this is how it is. I wouldnt think this would work for a just potty training child. WE also pulled the im real sorry you had an accident, so im thinking you need the rest of the day without TV to help you remember when you need to potty. It worked within a week. I wouldnt recommend this for a 2-3 yr old only for a child that is older.
Good Luck, i know how difficult it can be!

I have to agree with this. I don't think we should ever punish for a bathroom accident....ALL children have them (some adults too!!!) but I do feel teaching them responsibility is great! I've done this as well an it works! I think kids get so wrapped up in what they are doing that they forget to go or just wait until it's too late. I know that's what happens to my youngest. Punishing will only set them back!
Good luck!!

 

[PrincessMommy2]

I'm so glad I came across this thread because I have been having the same problem with DD5 on and off since she has been potty trained. I would notice her bouncing up and down or locking her legs together at the knees while she was playing. I would have to tell her to go to the bathroom and she would just tell me "I don't have to go". Meanwhile, she's got herself twisted like a pretzel!

I had the pediatrician check for bladder infection, which was negative. So, what we do now is reward her with stickers everytime she goes. I also have a timer that rings every hour to remind her to go the bathroom. These things work well. And, in case she has to go while we are on the road, I have a collapsible travel potty that uses plastic bags in the car with me.

I feel like I've been potty training my oldest forever! I started when she was 2 because everyone was telling me that was the right age. My pediatrician finally told me that a child will let you know when they are ready to potty train, not when you are. I listened to this with my DD3, and I really have not had to do anything. A couple of months after her third birthday, she asked for big girl underwear. She goes to the bathroom with hardly any reminders from me. It just goes to show you that every child is different.

 

[castleeto]

Folks dont think you should punish but i will tell you what worked for us... and really i dont consider it a punishment. My stepson was 5 when i got him and had accidents all the time no matter what we did, Finally the Dr. said when he has an accident you must stop his world. He has to quit playing, rinse his undies out, take a bath,( because pottying on ourself is dirty) and change his own clothes. He finally got so annoyed that he kept missing playtime, tv time etc.. that he finally got with the game. We didnt scream or fuss, just said this is how it is. I wouldnt think this would work for a just potty training child. WE also pulled the im real sorry you had an accident, so im thinking you need the rest of the day without TV to help you remember when you need to potty. It worked within a week. I wouldnt recommend this for a 2-3 yr old only for a child that is older.
Good Luck, i know how difficult it can be!

I think this is a great idea! It teaches the child that there are natural consequences for their choices, and makes them take responsibility for themselves. It creates a situation where they can really learn WHY they should do it the right way, rather than to just avoid getting in trouble, and leads to a child thinking things through and making good choices. Great advice!

 

[Pamle]

I think making her responsibile for cleaning it up is the way to go. That is the way I potty trained one daughter. She knew what she was doing and was stubborn. The doctor told me to make her responsibile. The fun part was #2. She had to get in the bathtub, take off the undies, and hold them while I squirted the panties with the handheld shower. She did not like that at all. She only had to do it twice. At the end of 4 days of potty training, I went to put a diaper on her for bed and she told me she didn't wear diapers anymore. She never had an accident day or night. She was so ready, but stubborn.

 

[rhiannonwales]

Just wanted to chime in here. My DS7 does this all the time. He is ADHD, and although it may in some way be related to that i think it is more of a control thing, as he also has sensory issues. He does it with both #1 & #2. It is really gross, but i can't make a big deal about it as it just feeds his control need. This as per his ped.
We do make him clean himself though.

 

[MissyPrissy]

Well, I can definetly relate to this. I don't necessarily think it is a punishable offence like some bad behavior is but definetly needs to be dealt with some how. My daughter was doing the same thing, never wanting to go to the bathroom directly after getting up and we had a few of these "accidents". Finally, we have decided to just not let her do anything else until she goes to the bathroom and we haven't had an issue with it. She actually has started going by herself now. Good luck!

I agree with GFD3! My stepson is 4 and he had a simaler issue. We stopped "asking" if he needed to potty. It was "Time to go potty", and he sat till he did it. It was NOT a choice. Unless your little girl was recently potty trained, she shouldn't be having accidents so much anymore. It sounds like she is having a "control" issue. Going or not going is the one thing kids truly have control over. But she needs to sit on the potty until she goes whenever she is told to sit. That will end the "holding it" issue. Also, on a seperate note, I had SEVERE kidney issues as a child and I could literally hold it for days at a time. My parents didn't know I was doing this and I wasn't having accidents, but I was damaging my already damaged kidneys. I still have problems with kidney infections b/c of all that. So letting her hold it isn't a good idea in a physical sense either.

Once you take away her option of going or not, she'll figure it out! Good luck!!

 

[ilovejack02]

I think this is a great idea! It teaches the child that there are natural consequences for their choices, and makes them take responsibility for themselves. It creates a situation where they can really learn WHY they should do it the right way, rather than to just avoid getting in trouble, and leads to a child thinking things through and making good choices. Great advice!

Thanks, I do what I can to help the masses! ; )