Does this warrant punishment??

[gris gris]

DD4 is potty trained but she holds it until the last minute. She doesn't wake up and go straight to the bathroom like normal people. She can wait forever and always says she "doesn't have to go". Then, at the last minute she'll run to the toilet and leak into her panties. Tonight she did it with #2. She doesn't do this every time, maybe 1 or 2 times per week.

DH thinks she should be punished. I'm not really sure. If she should be punished how would you handle it?

It's fun at my house this week.....little boy peeing on himself at night, little girl leaking.........!!!!!!

 

[karinbelle]

How about rewarding her for making it on-time instead of punishment?

Let her put a sticker in a special book or a poster/paper you keep in the bathroom. After 25 (or whatever you decide) give her a reward like $1 to spend or a small toy from a "treasure box."

Or, take away all sweets and only give them for making it to the bathroom on time. this is how we trained my DS. A few M&Ms for #1, and a whole chocolate pudding for #2. We didn't have to do it forever - just a couple of weeks. He can also hold it forever. Bladder of steel.

Karin

 

[GoofyforDisney3]

Well, I can definetly relate to this. I don't necessarily think it is a punishable offence like some bad behavior is but definetly needs to be dealt with some how. My daughter was doing the same thing, never wanting to go to the bathroom directly after getting up and we had a few of these "accidents". Finally, we have decided to just not let her do anything else until she goes to the bathroom and we haven't had an issue with it. She actually has started going by herself now. Good luck!

 

[sap1227]

How about rewarding her for making it on-time instead of punishment?

Let her put a sticker in a special book or a poster/paper you keep in the bathroom. After 25 (or whatever you decide) give her a reward like $1 to spend or a small toy from a "treasure box."

This is what I would do! I don't think any part of "potty-training" should be punished. Even at 4 they are still learning exactly how to "read" their body.

 

[blanq]

I don't think this warrants punishment. I actually think this is a common thing with the under 6 set. I doubt your DD is purposefully doing this, and she likely just needs to increase her self awareness about her bodies needs. Kids sometimes get so wrapped up in playing, or whatever else they are doing, that I don't think they think about taking a break for the potty. Then when they realize they need to go, they REALLY need to go, like yesterday!

I have a funny story to tell relating to this topic. Just last week we were on vacation, and I was lounging around by the resort pool, half reading and half watching these two funny little boys playing in the pool who had just met and became fast friends. They were about 4. All of a sudden, one of the boys stops his playing and yells to his mom that he has to go to the bathroom bad, so she encourages him to get out of the pool quick and run to the bathroom. He hops out of the pool, runs to the entrance of the building that houses the restrooms and stands in the doorway and yells to his mom again that he has to pee...BAD! Again, she tells him to get himself to the bathroom. He looks over at the pool and says in a resigned sort of way "oh, I already did", and then he flew himself back into the pool. His mom never heard him, but the lady in the lounge chair next to me did and we bust a gut laughing and agreed that we remembered those days.

Those days will pass, believe me. In the meantime, I would suggest asking your DD directly if she can maybe come up with a little list of things she can try that she can do to help the situation. It is her issue, so involving her in the solution might be good. A reward system for her initiating potty time without an accident, as suggested by karinbelle, is something worth a try too, especially since her accidents are a few times per week at this point.

 

[wewantmore]

I would never suggest a 'punishment' for potty training.

I like the 'reward' for no accidents route better.

 

[ilovejack02]

Folks dont think you should punish but i will tell you what worked for us... and really i dont consider it a punishment. My stepson was 5 when i got him and had accidents all the time no matter what we did, Finally the Dr. said when he has an accident you must stop his world. He has to quit playing, rinse his undies out, take a bath,( because pottying on ourself is dirty) and change his own clothes. He finally got so annoyed that he kept missing playtime, tv time etc.. that he finally got with the game. We didnt scream or fuss, just said this is how it is. I wouldnt think this would work for a just potty training child. WE also pulled the im real sorry you had an accident, so im thinking you need the rest of the day without TV to help you remember when you need to potty. It worked within a week. I wouldnt recommend this for a 2-3 yr old only for a child that is older.
Good Luck, i know how difficult it can be!

 

[Barbers2005]

Dd4 had problems like this b/c she just couldn't be bothered to go potty and wouldn't quite make it at the last second. We did a similar routine to the last poster. First, dd had to take off her own wet pants/underpants and put them in the laundry basket ("but Mommy, they're pee-pee!"). Then she would wash off her body with a washcloth and clean up the floor if any got on the floor. Last, she would sit on the potty to finish going. We didn't really scold her for not making it on time- we just made it clear that if she chose to wait till the last second then she could clean it up. It cured the "accidents" in about 2 weeks b/c she was so grossed out being wet and having to take off the wet clothes.

 

[lovesmurfs]

My dd was 6 before she could sleep through without an accident. I still make her go potty before going to bed (she's 7).

Maybe when she wakes up she can't do anything (play, eat, etc.) before she goes potty? If her world doesn't start, she'll want to try?

 

[Kae]

My friend had the same problem & she got out pull-ups & told her DD that it is ok to have accidents but maybe the pull ups would be a good idea so she wouldn't ruin her nice underwear & clothes. Well that was quite the insult to DD. The accidents stoped.

Now some might view this as punishment & I do like the reward system.

Kae

 

[fakereadhed]

She can wait forever and always says she "doesn't have to go". Then, at the last minute she'll run to the toilet and leak into her panties.

I would have peds check her urine. She might have a bladder infection.

My youngest DD had urinary reflux, which caused her to have to run to the bathroom at the last minute. We actually solved this(with help from a specialist MD) by having her drink 8oz. of water at a time chug-style(rewarded with stickers) and having her go 30min. later on a 3 hour schedule with no sips in between. That way her bladder was full, then emptied, rather than kinda full all day long.

 

[HooKooDooKu]

Folks dont think you should punish but i will tell you what worked for us... and really i dont consider it a punishment. My stepson was 5 when i got him and had accidents all the time no matter what we did, Finally the Dr. said when he has an accident you must stop his world. He has to quit playing, rinse his undies out, take a bath,( because pottying on ourself is dirty) and change his own clothes. He finally got so annoyed that he kept missing playtime, tv time etc...

Something along these lines was the first thing that came to my mind as well. It seems like todays advice is to not "punish" for accidents, but the most resonable course of action if a child has an accident is to make them responsible for cleaning it up (with in age limits/expecations, etc).

 

[CinderellasSister]

Wow, I'm just going through this now with my DD, who will be 5 in October! It's so reassuring to read all your posts, thank you all so much. You've given me some great ideas to work with. Hopefully, I can have her out of this stage before our vacation. That'll be no fun while standing in line for a ride!! Now if I can just get DS3 potty trained, I won't have to pack diapers!!!

 

[WantToGoNow]

I was having this same issue with my dd2 who has been potty trained since last January (just after her 2nd birthday). When she doesn't quite make it, she has to change her own panties/clothes. I told her if she didn't stop waiting until the last minute and peeing in her clothes, I was going to put baby diapers back on her. We went to the grocery to do regular groceries, and I happened to go down the baby aisle (for something else, not diapers) and she freaked on me. There hasn't been another accident.

 

[Samandmom]

My DD holds her pee pee for a LONG time!! She is 3.5yrs and has been potty trained for about 3 months now. Just yesterday she woke up with a dry pull-up (just for night). She does not go potty when she wakes. I know that I HAVE to first thing. So yesterday we were home most of the day so she lounged in her PJ's. Around 12:30 P.M. (YES in the afternoon) she decides its time to go potty she does not make it. Her pull-up is beyond wet!!! It was so wet that when I took it off it had a pool of pee. I had not realize till this point that she had not gone since the night before. How she can hold that for so long is beyond me???
So anyways last night I ran out of pull-ups. DH got home very late and I did not want to go out with both kids and get some. So I told DD that we would try her in undies for bed time. (she wakes up dry so I was not worried about that) This made her happy. But I told she had to try to go potty before going to bed and when waking up. She went last night. This morning she woke and asked for breakfast. I told her to got potty first. She said she did not have to go. I said ok when you do have to go just go and THEN we can watch TV and eat breakfast. She then went to try and what you know she did have to go!

 

[ilovejack02]

My DD holds her pee pee for a LONG time!! She is 3.5yrs and has been potty trained for about 3 months now. Just yesterday she woke up with a dry pull-up (just for night). She does not go potty when she wakes. I know that I HAVE to first thing. So yesterday we were home most of the day so she lounged in her PJ's. Around 12:30 P.M. (YES in the afternoon) she decides its time to go potty she does not make it. Her pull-up is beyond wet!!! It was so wet that when I took it off it had a pool of pee. I had not realize till this point that she had not gone since the night before. How she can hold that for so long is beyond me???
So anyways last night I ran out of pull-ups. DH got home very late and I did not want to go out with both kids and get some. So I told DD that we would try her in undies for bed time. (she wakes up dry so I was not worried about that) This made her happy. But I told she had to try to go potty before going to bed and when waking up. She went last night. This morning she woke and asked for breakfast. I told her to got potty first. She said she did not have to go. I said ok when you do have to go just go and THEN we can watch TV and eat breakfast. She then went to try and what you know she did have to go!

My 4 yr old does the same thing If i dont remind when he gets up he holds it for a while, i dont know how he does it lol!

 

[Fabooliss]

My DD5 does the same thing and always has, since she was potty trained. I started out trying to MAKE her go, but she'd just sit down and say "I can't". So I let her go when she needs to, and she usually makes it now she is older, but she RUNS!
I worried when she started Kindergarten last year that I would forget to suggest she try before she got on the bus. Apparently, she made it until I picked her up at 12pm one day!!! We call her the camel!
I would just let her handle it if she wets herself, and tell her it'll be great when she's really a big girl and can manage to go BEFORE she get to the potty.
IMHO, punishing her will just make it a control issue, it got better when I stopped getting mad and making her go all the time.

 

[sconnell]

My DD4 started PreK this year. PreK at a private school PreK-12th grade, uniforms and everything. She goes over to an aftercare program afterward. She has been potty trained for a very long time. Her only accidents have been when she was sick. UNTIL...
The first 7 days of school (We started on a Thursday.) she had FOUR #2 accidents. 3 of which were not caught until after we got her. (Now mind you one or two were just very, very big skid marks.) She said "I forgot to go." She was holding it too long and was playing and didn't want to stop. Then I finally got her to tell me that the first urge came when she was laying down for nap after lunch and that everyone was sleeping and she's supposed to be quiet. (Now mind you her teacher is very kind, but DD is just learning the rules.) Anyway, I told her that even if it was naptime, she needed to tell her teacher, just do it very quietly. I talked to her teacher and she has been watching her closely at naptime and that's when she needs to go. lol. She's been "doing a job" (as her teacher says it) every day at nap time.
Anyway, we also went to the store, just her and I, left they DH & DS at home, and picked out a prize to have only after a good week at school. No accidents. No loss of "Jewels." No major infractions. Well, this afternoon, I'm sure she is going to get it this afternoon.

ETA: DD doesn't go right when she gets up either. She usually goes when we get to school. lol.

 

[LuvOrlando]

My DS8 and DD7 STILL have emergency bathroom visits on occaision when they just can't wait (although accidents are gone). I think its a combination of miscalculating how long they can hold it and not listening to their bodies. We now have conversations about how long it takes water to make its way out (about 1 hr) or #2 to make its way (15-30 minutes after eating) and that its our body's way of making room for the new stuff comming in when we eat & drink. Even now, when we are out & about I tell them to squeeze out whatever they can whenever I stop in a restroom as opposed to asking them if they need to go because, of course, they never need to go unless its last minute. If they don't go its no biggie, but 9 out of 10 times SOMETHING happens (they think Mommy is a genius )

I don't think punishment is the way to go because that will upset you and the child even more and make the child fearful of the situation. 'Going' is natural and should be a 'matter of fact' sort of thing. How will a child come to see it as an everyday 'this is how we do things' event if it gets to be a big deal? Cleaning up themselves and the mess is an excellent idea. It teaches them that the are responsible for what they do and that they need to fix their own mistakes.

As for the bedtime thing, its all about making things easy on you so you don't get too upset. What I did was cover the bed with a fuzzy side out (for absorption) plastic tablecloth. Then on top of that I placed 2 THICK towels right where my kids tushies were when they slept. When they would have accidents I just stuck the child in the warm shower to clean off (boy they hated that) and then rolled everything up & put it in the bathtub to be dealt with the following morning. I would replace the bedding with a identical set of stuff sitting on the chair next to the bed while the child re-dressed. It wasn't punishment and I never yelled because I didn't have to ... no-one likes a shower at 3am. Needless to say this was not a long term thing.

Good luck with your little ones.

 

[amy4bruce]

Live everyone else mentioned, DD6 holds it to the last moment. The really annoying times are when we are in a car. Still, she hasn't had a real accident in awhile, so she's getting better.

Our biggest problem is a night. She is such a sound sleeper that it doesnt' wake her up. We've taken to waking her about 3 hours after she goes to bed and taking her to the bathroom. It works fine, and she doesn't remember in the morning.

Of course, when she's extra excited, or something is changing (like a Disney trip, for example), three hours usually proves too long.