Does Mom Ever have meltdowns while on trips?

[vhoffman]

I feel like this is a support group of sorts for people who love to travel, especially to Disney. As such, I'd like to hear from other travelers who have experienced the same problems I do while traveling--please, tell me I'm not alone!

First, I love to travel, to Disney and other places. I'm my own travel agent, preferring to have control over the hotel, itinerary, etc. I enjoy every aspect of the trip--planning, the trip itself, and compiling photo albums and scrapbooks afterwards. But on every trip, Mom has a meltdown. Usually you read here about kids having meltdowns. I've never read anything about Mom's meltdowns . It happens every trip. Usually, about some point in the middle of the trip, I just get worn out and bi----. I become impatient with the kids (a 7 year old boy and 6 year old girl) and dh. Usually at this point I just need some down time and request that dh just take the kids for an afternoon so I can just get a nap, go shopping, just some time to myself. It would help if I didn't start the trip already sleep deprived. No matter how much I plan, I'm always up 'till midnight or later the night before packing, taking care of last-minute details, etc. Then, of course, a mother's work is never done. As the kids are getting older they require less care, but I still need to supervise their baths, pick up the room, and oftentimes wash out clothes. Then, just being in one room with four people when you're used to a certain amount of privacy is unsettling. Actually, my kids do better than I do. They're raring to go every minute. I'm the one with the problems. Does any other mom out there feel this way? Do you reach a point in the trip when you just get overwhelmed and have to have some time to yourself? I'm the family travel agent and I feel I do a good job at it. However, being in charge of every detail takes its toll, too. Last trip I found myself hardly watching the shows I was too busy reading the schedules and maps, trying to plan the next event. Sometines I feel I'm too busy "having fun" to have a good time. Well, I guess letting go of some of the control, such as giving dh one day that's totally up to him to plan, would help. Perhaps I could just plan an afternoon just for myself, rather than waiting for a meltdown then screaming at dh to take the kids and leave me alone for awhile, would help. I just have the feeling everyone else who goes on trips is having a wonderful time every minute without meltdowns. Am I the only one who tends to fall apart in the middle? Hope to hear that I'm normal, or at least in good company!

 

[swilshire]

My meltdown usually occurs during the packing/loading phase. I never seem to get any help and have a million things to collect before our departure deadline. I try to start early, but it's hard with all the other obligations.

Sometimes I work that day expecting to come home and see that everyone has done their "assigned part" to get us ready. They never have. Other times I'm trying to find the kids to get them to help. They're always hiding.

We're two days away from two weeks in Florida and there I was last night slaving away while DH and 2 kids watched TV and the other 2 kids weren't home. DH did do some things to help yesterday.

It always works out in the end, but I'm usually a wreck by the time the van pulls out of the driveway. Keep your fingers crossed that this time will be better.

Sheila

P.S. Staying in larger accomodations would resolve some of your problem. We discovered timesharing in 1996 and love it. We always get a 2 or 3 bedroom condo with TVs in every room. I usually go to bed early for at least the first few nights until I get rested up a bit. You can park the kids in front of the TV in one of the bedrooms and have quiet time in the living room. You can go sit on the balcony with a cold beverage and read a book. Our costs are about the same as or sometimes less than a single hotel room.

 

[DisneyBee]

Glad to see that I'm not alone! I thought I was crazy - here I am planning wonderful trips and having meltdowns - what's wrong with me?!

Mine always happens about 3-4 days before we leave - that's when I'm in high gear finalizing things, packing, etc. Of course, the family is sitting in front of tv relaxing while all this is going on. I get to the point where I totally lose it and become very nasty, so in a couple of days that will be me as we're leaving on the 30th!

I will say, though, that this year I'm not fretting over every little detail as I have in the past. It's still an overwhelming job to plan and arrange everything even though I'm leaving a few things to chance - such as a couple of PS dinner arrangements. My friends say why not just get a travel agent to do it all? I truly enjoy the planning process and like to know that all is taken care of properly. What I don't like are those wild pre-departure days where I feel like it's me against them.

We always wind up having a wonderful time in the end - it's just getting past that meltdown stage!

So, that's my vent! Thanks for starting this thread - I needed that!

 

[mbb]

Originally posted by vhoffman
Am I the only one who tends to fall apart in the middle? Hope to hear that I'm normal, or at least in good company!

Nope, I think you're completely normal...My meltdown usually happens on the plane going home!!

swilshire is right, get larger accomodations...we bought DVC
Lots of room, and everyone has some "space". And that pile of durty laundry that means 3hours at the pool laundry...throw it in your own washer/dryer right in the room

'Cause if Momma ain't happy - ain't nobody happy...

 

[Sandy Feet]

You're definetly not alone.
Crave out some alone quiet time in your itinerary. It's worth it. I always forget that my kids will be the same kids on holiday that they are at home.
We all seem to enjoy the planning process, but it does get overwhelming and then we start the trip tired. And how come I'm the one who packs AND unpacks at hotel AND packs to go home AND unpacks at home. Then dh will take days to put away the empty suitcases. Oops, sorry, got onto a teeny rant there!

 

[jjsmom]

Thanks for this thread; you are not alone. First of all, I have to say, I'm NOT complaining. I love (obsessive kind of love) WDW. I will do ANYTHING to go, anytime. I am the control freak planner so I think everyone instinctively keeps quiet and follows my lead and therefore, are used to ME handling everything.

My meltdowns occur right before/during/after the trip for the following reasons:
1) Before-As stated above, I get no help either, with packing & loading. I do not expect DH to help. He is usually bombarded at his job right before any trip. This is one of the reasons we don't fly! There's never a guarantee that we'll leave (on my schedule of course) on time. However, my DD is at an age where I DO expect her help. She usually becomes distracted and falls by the wayside. AND, I still have to go behind her and make sure she has packed her "staples". "Dear, did you pack enough underwear?" Her response- "Oh underwear?, no, but I did make sure I had all 63 of my CD's!" Oh brother!

2) During-The biggest problem here is the fact is I like to go to bed and wake up at a reasonable hour. DH & DD are late sleepers. This is NOT a good or sensible way to operate at WDW (imop). I usually wake up, do coffee, get news headlines & weather, shower, and get set to go and they're still snoring! I know this is vacation but...this drives me nuts!

3) We get home and everyone does (technically) unpack the car, but, they leave the bags in the foyer for ME to distribute. So meltdown #3 comes due to exhaustion and the Disney trip letdown.

Thanks for letting me vent, I'll try to do better on next month's trip.

 

[undertheseas]

I have them too, usually it's in the middle of the trip. I've spent months planning, I'm sleep deprived and crabby and as soon as someone wants to change the schedule I've worked so hard on or is irratated with a choice I made for lunch, I blow up! No one wants to help pack or plan but they like to complain! So I will have a meltdown and feel guilty and then I force myself to get happy again.

 

[bigsis1970]

As a single mom its harder to melt down but when I do i try to do it when in the bathroom using the excuse of needing a shower!! or on one trip I planned a night out in the middle of the trip when kids got to go to Simba's club !! my kids are 10 and 7 so i still do the clothes packing but have let them for the last year or so pack their own activity bags -- that works well ..

 

[excitedmom]

Originally posted by jjsmom
Thanks for this thread; you are not alone. First of all, I have to say, I'm NOT complaining. I love (obsessive kind of love) WDW. I will do ANYTHING to go, anytime. I am the control freak planner so I think everyone instinctively keeps quiet and follows my lead and therefore, are used to ME handling everything.

My meltdowns occur right before/during/after the trip for the following reasons:
1) Before-As stated above, I get no help either, with packing & loading. I do not expect DH to help. He is usually bombarded at his job right before any trip. This is one of the reasons we don't fly! There's never a guarantee that we'll leave (on my schedule of course) on time. However, my DD is at an age where I DO expect her help. She usually becomes distracted and falls by the wayside. AND, I still have to go behind her and make sure she has packed her "staples". "Dear, did you pack enough underwear?" Her response- "Oh underwear?, no, but I did make sure I had all 63 of my CD's!" Oh brother!

2) During-The biggest problem here is the fact is I like to go to bed and wake up at a reasonable hour. DH & DD are late sleepers. This is NOT a good or sensible way to operate at WDW (imop). I usually wake up, do coffee, get news headlines & weather, shower, and get set to go and they're still snoring! I know this is vacation but...this drives me nuts!

3) We get home and everyone does (technically) unpack the car, but, they leave the bags in the foyer for ME to distribute. So meltdown #3 comes due to exhaustion and the Disney trip letdow

wow you just hit me in a nutshell lol except i pack everything because i'm too much of a control freak to let anyone else near the suitcases. noone can pack better than me or get as much in as me or bla bla bla. I don't plan to the last minute tho because i know it will drive me crazy when they don't comply so we go to disney with no itinerary at all and just go with the flow. I love to sleep in at home but at Disney i wake everyone up at 7:30am so we can get moving lol

 

[my3princes]

I no longer have the meltdowns that you are speaking of. Several years ago on our first trip with kids, my db and dsil, my dmom and ddad I had several meltdowns. I like most of you did all the planning, packing for my immediate family and packing lists for the others, made priority seatings and iteneraries, etc. When we got there I found that the others couldn't care less if they went to all the parks, let alone seeing everything. My Dad only ended up going with us 2 days and my brother and his wife went off on their own. I was devistated that I had spent so much time planning the perfect vacation and no one wanted to go along with it. Even my dh and ds's were stressed trying to keep up with my itenerary. I have come to realize that the planning resulted in "my" idea of the perfect vacation, not everyone else's. Since that time I do much less itenerary planning and just decide which parks we will try to go to on days that we want PS. Other than that we go with the flow. We may do partial days, down days, just hit the rides the kids want to do again. We also go for 2 weeks now instead of one which takes the pressure of "doing everything" off. We now make sure that we do the important things for each person, make PS for must do meals and go with the flow for everything else. I also start packing well in advance. We don't leave for 23 days, but I already have 8 complete matching outfits packed for my 3 boys, and much of the other disposible type items. If I do it gradually (and make a list of what I have packed) I don't get the last minute stress that causes me to meltdown. This trip I have also planned a day where my DH will take the 2 older boys to a park (or whatever they want to do) and my DM, my youngest ds and I will have time to go shopping (Belz) download pictures, do laundry and have some downtime. Usually DH will take the boys for a couple of hours at a time for me to do laundry, but I think a whole day will be much better. Another tip I found is to do all of our laundry before we leave for home. It is much nicer to spend to hours getting it all done, than coming home to large amounts of laundry and one washing machine. It is much less stressful to unpack and put away clean clothes than it is to have to unpack, wash, fold, put away, deal with mail, etc. Overall I am a much happier and less bit*** person. Hope this can help some of you. I know that I learned my lesson the hardway (meltdown city)

 

[Lollipop Mom]

Oh yeah. :lol I typically have one in the early planning stages. I'm the travel planner in our familyl. Since we got married when we vacation, DH and I set a budget and determine a destination together and I take over from there entirely. The problem comes in the fact that I scour all info I can get my hands on to find the best rates. At some point DH announces that he is certain I am going over budget and how irresponsible that would be b/c we agreed to make sure we could do everything with cash. I melt down explaining for the 212th time that I am most certainly NOT overbudget, that it may only seem that way b/c he is thinking rack rate and we are not paying rack rates!

My second meltdown happens in the packing phase. No matter how early I start there are still things you USE regularly that can't be packed untill the last day or even the morning you leave. DH throws his bag together 20 minutes before bed the night before we leave, I have to pack clothes for myself and both kids. Since the kids are 2 and 4 that means making sure we have enough diapers, things to entertain them, all of everyone's toiletries, any meds we may need, all travel documentation etc. CONSIDERABLY more than his "toss one pair of jeans, a few pairs of shorts, some shirts, socks, underwear and a bathing suit in the bag" packing. Of course it's me who loads the car, me who gets the kids ready and all that jazz too. He inevitably makes some comment about why do I wait till the last minute and what is all this stuff that just makes me lose it.

On our last trip it wasn't my family that generated a meltdown, it was the incredibly rude family we encountered at MGM. We sat down to wait for the parade and a few minutes later they sat down next to us. My 4 year old had one of those squirt bottles with a fan and a few other toys he was playing with while we wait. He shared them with their daughters while waiting. As soon as the parade starts they both step out from behind their kids and stand in front of my kids so they can video tape and photograph the parade with their daughters in the photo. I say something about could they move b/c my kids can't see. They tell me they are paying $1400 for this trip and they will stand where they want! I point out that we, and everyone else around us, are also spending a lot of $ (we were spending more than them so by their theory I should have been allowed to sit on thier 2 year old's lap, right?). The woman points to my wedding set and said "by the looks of those rings this trip is nothing and you'll be back. Watch it then, you don't need to see today." I'm still not sure what my jewlery has to do with anything but for all she knows they could be inherited or fake. A family on the other side of us offered to have Mom and Dad get up and stand so our kids could sit in their spots and see a little better but b/c we were in a corner where the parade turns, you still couldn't see past the rude people. I spent the whole time saying to my kids, very loud, "I know you'd like to see Buzz better and I'm sorry some very rude adults stood in front of you where you couldn't see. That isn't very nice of them." No one around me for a few hours that day was unaware that I was quite ticked at that family! This is the view my kids had of that parade:

I figured a small amount of revenge could be had by posting her butt on the web. So, rude woman, if you are out there and see your butt on the DIS, next time think twice about standing in front of other people's children if they have a camera in hand!

 

[Jen D]

OMG that picture is too funny!

 

[barb45]

I love the butt picture!!! Makes you think before you push your way to the front eh? Anyway the OP described me to a T. I usually meltdown while packing and of course with the mess when we get home and maybe a couple of mini meltdowns along the way. The trick is to do something that helps you unwind. I bring along a good book that I have already gotten into. I read just before bed and that help me unwind. Also I suggest you book a massage midweek (I know it is expensive but your family's memories are priceless and you don't want them remembering the meltdown). Also the whole trip is expensive so what's another $60 bucks. Definitely have your DH take the kids to play mini golf or something and take a nap or relax on your own. And if you can afford a condo or to rent DVC points the extra space helps. You are definitely not alone.

 

[vhoffman]

Thanks for all the replies. Its nice to see I'm not alone. I feel I do all the work and get none of the credit. I feel that everyone else has perfect, magical vacations and I'm the only one who blows up in the middle. Guess I'm not the only one. I also have a major meltdown the night before the trip. No matter how hard I plan, I'm always up until midnight or later packing. I get infuriated when dh just pops a few shirts, underwear and toiletries in a suitcase and he's done. Last trip he did his packing during commercials. and why does my family pick that night to be glued to the TV while I'm running around like a chicken with my head cut off? Well, I've come up with a few strategies to ease the stress on Mom. First, involve dh in the planning phase. Usually this means, for my dh, agreeing to go and arranging the dates off work. From now on, I'll still do the major planning, such as plane tickets, hotels, etc., however, I will let dh be responsible for the itinerary for one day. That means everything. Once he sees how involved it is to coordinate everything he might appreciate what I do better. Also, that can be a day I'm not in charge so I can relax. Packing seems to be a major trigger point. I've now decided that every item will be packed two days before. No last minute packing. Buy new toothbrushes, etc. rather than pack yours at the last minute. Spend the night before attending to last minute house details, and get a good night's sleep (lol!). Well, at least its a try. My kids are still way too young to allow them to pack much of anything for themselves. On a weekend trip to Grandma's I set out the kids clothes and told dh he was responsible for seeing to the kids packing. Big mistake! He just told the kids to pack their things I'd laid out. Well, when we got to Grandma's, each kid had a suitcase crammed full of toys and not a single item of clothing. Well, I let dh go to Walmart and shop. Why should I go around correcting everyone's mistakes? Only problem, he came back with all wrong sizes (even though I'd written down the sizes). So guess who ended up going to Walmart at midnight? I get sick and tired of hearing people say not to worry about packing , you can always find a Walmart if you forgot something. Well, who wants to spend half their vacation in a Walmart? Also, I'm thinking seriously about getting a condo or two connecting rooms. Yes, its more expensive, but the extra space is really a necessity on long trips. Four people crammed into one room for a week or more is just asking for problems. The bathroom alone becomes a real bottleneck. Also, we have 3.5 baths at home, so nobody's in the habit of considering someone else when in the bathroom. My dh has the most annoying habit of sitting in there and reading (the room does have chairs!). Worse yet, he doesn't flush it until he gets up, leaving his stink for the rest of us. My ds doesn't flush it at all, leaving it for the rest of us to admire. Usually I'm the last to get showered, so I have all the stink and mess. Then there's the whining from the kids to contend with. Last trip to Disney, we had planned to see Fastasmic the first night. Well, there was just enough time to check into the hotel and get going. It was the only showing of Fastasmic during our stay so it was then or never. Plus it was something the kids were begging to see. Well, as soon as we checked into the room, my dd (age 6) looks out the window and sees the pool. It was Janruary and 50 degrees, but she starts whining about wanting to go swimming! Then ds starts whining! Finally, I just gave up. I kept telling them it was too cold to go swimming and we'd miss Fastasmic, but they kept whining about that pool, so finally I said oh alright, go on! DD jumped feet first into the pool and screamed bloody murder when she found out it was indeed cold. DS never took the plunge. Then I heard all night about how they wanted to go to Fastasmic but it was too late. Well, at least it kept them from whining me to death about that pool! I also try, if possible, to get a hotel without a pool. Otherwise, the kids just whine me silly about swimming. You'd think that's what we came for instead of seeing Disney. Our last trip to Hawaii I told both kids that we would go swimming once a day, but don't keep bugging me about it or they'd not go swimming that day. Well, first day that's all I hear "when are we going swimming?" Believe it or not, there's more to do in Hawaii than swim all day long. I enforced my rule, they didn't go swimming that day because they whined about it. Worked like a charm--I never heard the word 'swimming' from them again.

Oh, well, guess I'm rambling here, but its nice to hear I'm not the only one who has Mommy Meltdowns. Guess that's just part of the trip. I keep saying next trip will be better, and I'm getting better at it, but I think some trip stress is to be expected. Glad to know I'm not alone--Thanks!

 

[gigi1313]

meltdown ? me? the mom? i'm not allowed to have a meltdown, but i do! LOL!

here's the strategy that i found worked best for us... after we're all done for the day, i load up a bag full of dirty clothes, grab a good book or touring plan/maps/etc for the next day along with a handful of quarters, stop at the pool bar for a cocktail, and head to the laundromat... there i sit, enjoying my drink and my book, getting some laundry done... by the time i get back (clothes sometimes take a lonnnnnnnnnnnnnnnnnnggggggggggggg time to dry in disneyworld ;o) dh has both kids washed and pj'd and usually asleep... ahhhhhhhhhhh... and if i'm feeling particularly nice, i will bring back a drink for him as well! LOL!

on our last trip after a particularly not-pleasant-mom time, dh and the kids disappeared... came back w/a grumpy tee shirt... we laugh about it anytime one of us wears it!

i find that a little bit of alone time works wonders... for all of us!

 

[WishingOnAStar]

I've always marveled at how dh can say getting ready for a vacation is stressful - he does NOTHING - he only packs a few outfits the night before while watching tv. I pack everything else he needs (underwear, socks, toiletries, etc). I also pack the 3 kids, put the mail and newspaper on hold, arrange for care for the guinea pigs, the kennel for the dog, plan the ENTIRE trip, shop for all other necessities, get the house spotless - I HATE to come home to house that isn't perfectly clean!
Inevitably, I have a melt down mid-week no matter where we're vacationing. Like most of you, my family just doesn't appreciate the advance planning I've done and don't always see the wisdom in my ways!

I have started handing over the vacation money the minute we leave the house (after we agree on an amount to take) and leaving it to dh to budget the whole time. All year, I control all our money (we own our own company and I write dh's paycheck, sign it and put it in the bank - he never even SEES it!), pay all the bills, decide what we can and can't afford to do, so that's my BIG break while we're away. That little bit helps.
I'm determined to attempt to go with the flow this time - even though I have 10 days worth of itineraries sitting in my "Disney bag"!

 

[vhoffman]

Well, I'm gratified to see that I'm not the only one with meltdowns while on trips. And I thought that term was for kids!

I beginning to think that a condo or at least two connecting rooms is the way to go for a family of four. This Dec. we are staying at POFQ in two connecting rooms, will see how it works out. That's two bathrooms, four beds, two TVs, and two rooms to spread out in. Also, we're planning another trip back to Hawaii between Christmas and New Years. Yes, that's two big trips in one month. Perhaps that's asking for stress right there. Why does it always seem reasonable during the planning stage, but falls apart when it comes time to go? Well, anyways, we've been bitten by the Hawaii bug as well as the Disney bug. This time, in Hawaii, I might consider a condo instead of a hotel. Its actually cheaper than a hotel room in many cases, not to mention the money you can save by eating a few simple meals in rather than a restaurant for every bite. Come to think of it, I'm trying to turn a hotel room into a condo, anyways. Connecting rooms for the space, then washing out clothes in the sink, trying to concoct meals using a hotpot/coffee maker and ice chest while in the room, perhaps we really want a condo after all. It might solve the whining about swimming, too, if we get a condo without a pool.

 

[nordtrjr]

Well, I guess I'm going to be the lone Dad to chime in on this. I can certainly understand all the melt downs from your work and efforts being so "one-sided". I count myself lucky then. My wife and I split up much of the work involved with going on trips.

My wife does not like to be the planner/decision maker. After discussing when we'd like to go and where we'd like to stay she does virtually no planning. I make all the arrangments and reservations. She has one or two places she really likes to eat and as long as they are in the plan she really does not care about the rest. So, I'm the one going crazy trying to set everything up and planning our days events.

However, once we get about a week from going my wife takes over. She does all the packing and pre-trip purchasing. She even packs my clothes. We usually drive so I do take care of making sure the car is "serviced" and fuled before we go but she then packs the car. We have three kids so she makes sure they have everything they need. Last trip she had everything packed and in the car including the kids so when I got home from the office I just changed my clothes, locked up the house, and got in the car and we left.

Once on the road I do all the driving and she sleeps or reads a book nearly all the way down. Our new van has the on board video system so the kids are quite happy most of the way down. Except for getting the occasional drink or snack for the kids she has "down time" most of the drive there. We're lucky our kids are very good on long road trips.

Once at WDW I check us into the resort and get most of the bags to the room. We have our days planned out so most of the desision making has already been done. One thing we started doing on trips of a week or longer was to have a non-park day in the middle of our trip. On this day I generally play golf in the morning while my wife keeps the kids and then when I get back she goes to the spa for the afternoon while I keep the kids. That evening we get a sitter for the kids and she and I have a nice dinner just the two of us.

On the day we leave, she packs all the bags while I take the kids to breakfast. When we get back I lug all the bags to the car and pack it while she takes the kids to the "play area". Once home, I unpack the car and she then (usually the next day) unpacks the bags and starts laundry.

Bottom line, sharing the work has really helped both of us keep our sanity and limits the "metldowns".

 

[barb45]

Wow.....

 

[jjsmom]

Oh Lollipop Mom!! Paybacks are funny! I've heard a lot of "rude people" stories on this board (we have a couple too) but yours takes the cake! Those people should be ashamed!

Excitedmom, Yep, I do all of mine & DHs packing too, and then go back and repack DDs. We've sort of laid off the itinerary thing too. It just doesn't do any good to plan with my bunch!