Does everyone force their "junk" on you?

[3girlsfun]

DH and I struggled financially for the last few years. My DH lost two jobs, and I had two babies last year, and ended up on bedrest with both of them.

Anyway, my family has been more than willing to help, and thank goodness, bc there were a few rough weeks scattered in their where after we paid our bills we had about $5 to last until the next week!

Now, we are back on our feet, and almost completely back to normal. However, during the finanical struggles we had over the last couple of years everyone decided that we needed all the "stuff/junk" they don't need anymore. Every once in a while it was something we could use, or we needed, but 99% of the time it was just "stuff/junk." Lots of it I have sold on Craig's List, but now there is just all kinds of junk in my house.

I am so fed up with it. I started saying "no, but thank you" and people got offended, then I got fed up, and started saying, "no, we don't have room for anymore stuff at our house, I am trying to get it organized!"

I told my DH today that everytime I leave the house I am taking a garbage bag to the Goodwill. Period. We finished in our basement, and can't even get organized bc we have so much stuff from other people's houses stuck in our house! LOL!

Just wondering if I am alone in this?

 

[icalum]

My 90 year old grandmother gives me all of her old shoes/clothes that she doesn't want anymore because we wear the same size. I accept it all, thank her, and then wait a few weeks before donating the things I don't want, just in case she gave me something by mistake and asks for it back!

 

[3girlsfun]

I should have added, we need new furniture, and furniture for the den we built in the basement, but, we are not buying until we can pay cash.....so, everyone keeps offering their old, gross furniture!

 

[abmitch01]

that doesn't happen to me but it would make me absolutely nuts!

 

[bettymae1121]

My mother did this to me when I moved out of my parents place into my own first place. 99% was stuff I didn't want/couldn't use. Got stuck with it all anyway. I slowly got rid of it over time, I don't think she ever noticed!

But that was about 9 years ago, hasn't really happened since then. My parents moved to AZ while I stayed in IL so getting their junk wasn't practicle anymore.

 

[kjs1976]

My great aunt started doing this...she's 85 and giving back everything we gave her, plus things she "thinks" we can use.

My mom has started doing this with random things as well. She thinks of a purpose for it for us and then hands it over...like, huh? I don't want that! She doesn that with food some times too...oh, I bought too many grapes, want some? Sometimes it's ok, but don't be offended when I don't take any because I just bought some myself!

Sorry to hear people pushed their junk on you....like crappy furniture will help you out....geesh! How about $10 instead!

 

[3girlsfun]

Reading that I am not alone helps me feel better about it. I am going to get rid of lots of it. I am very ready to reclaim my garage/basement.

My grandmother does the food thing. I meal plan, and only buy the things we need for the week. (My grandmother keeps my kids for me when I work, and when I need to go to the dr. or things like that.) I will come home and there will be a huge ham or something in the fridge. It is always so funny, like, it just appears! LOL! The joke is I can never leave my grandmother's without a bag of junk that no one wants.

 

[My3kiddos]

My MIL does this ALL the time and it drives me bonkers! I know she's just trying to be nice, but I can't get rid of the stuff she randomly drops off at my house because she will come back and say where is such and such that I gave you? Why don't you have it out and displayed? We had a fire in October and believe me she asked if all the stuff she had given us was salvageable. Most of it is holiday decorations, like in every holiday, and sorry but I don't decorate for every holiday.

 

[MissBritt]

My family is like this, but not with "junk" as much as "stuff". There is always something they no longer need or use, or something they picked up dirt cheap with us in mind... I have started saying, "Thanks, but I would rather you give it to someone who would get more use out of it/ could appreciate the style/ really needs it". Things given to you are not always gifts, and not always welcome. There is nothing wrong with that, or with stating that (in a nice way!). Good luck to you!

 

[kirstenb1]

Yes, FIL would show up for years with old broken down stuff he thought we could use. He's a bit of a hoarder, and I believe we became the middleman between his house, and the dump!! Finally, I put my foot down, explaning how we were short of storage space, etc.

 

[Ava]

My MIL does this a little bit. She'll pick up random little things, or bring us things she no longer wants, that she thinks we could use. It's not overwhelming (yet) so we just accept the things and then get rid of them later.

The only thing I wish there was a nice way to tell her to stop bringing is all the random cheap toys for DD. She's only 14 months old now so we can just get rid of them without her noticing, but once she gets older we're going to end up with a house full of junky toys! The worst was a big pink stuffed bunny that was supposed to be jelly bean scented that she must've picked up at an after-Easter sale. It smelled awful (IMO) and who knows what kind of chemicals were used to scent the thing.

 

[disneydreamersx4]

My family is like this, but not with "junk" as much as "stuff". There is always something they no longer need or use, or something they picked up dirt cheap with us in mind... I have started saying, "Thanks, but I would rather you give it to someone who would get more use out of it/ could appreciate the style/ really needs it". Things given to you are not always gifts, and not always welcome. There is nothing wrong with that, or with stating that (in a nice way!). Good luck to you!

I bolded - that's what I would say and whoever gets their feelings hurt, oh well...I'm not going to be dumped on anymore

Also, OP I'm sure you have thanked all the people who helped you when you needed it but maybe if you haven't sent out a little card saying that you really appreciate all the donations/help that the people gave you and that now your family is doing much better now so we have everything we need, thankfully we hope we can help you sometime soon too....something to that effect? might help stop people from giving you things.

 

[AndreaDM]

My sister does this all the time!! Funny thing, we make probably twice what they do, but we have very little new furniture, etc. in our home and spend most of our extra money on travel. She comes over and sees that our house isn't decorated to the hilt like hers, so she thinks I'd love all her castoffs! Um, no! I just usually take everything straight to the thrift store.

I have another friend who tries to push stuff on me, but not to give it to me, but wants us to buy their crap! They've heard me say we want new furniture for the basement, so when they got new furniture they seemed downright offended we didn't want to buy their old stuff. We have a very specific idea of what we want to do down there, not just swap out our old crappy stuff for someone else's old crappy, slightly better stuff. We'll wait until we can get what we really want.

 

[Deesknee]

"Wow, Thanks so much. That's great, but if it turns out I can't use it would you be offended if I pass it on to someone who can?"

If they say yes they would be offended "Oh, I don't think I should take it then, because sometimes I think something will fit/go with my decor/etc, but then realize it doesn't and I'd hate for some not to get use out of it"

If they say no they would not be offended "Oh that's great. I hope it looks/its/works out/etc as good as I think it will, but if not I'm sure I know someone who can use it."


Or,"that is so thoughtful of you, and believe me when dh was out of work(or we were struggling) the generousity of you & others really helped us get thru it. But now that things are getting a little easier for us I can't wait to go shopping to pick out my own...sofa/clothes/food."

I have been on the recieving end of hand me downs both that I very much appreciated and on occassion that I just didn't have room for. I finally realized people were happy to just know stuff they used to mean so much to them was getting used by someone that appreciated it, even if it was to a charity. And honestly, I have handed on some sentimental stuff, that others probably would consider junk. To me, it was memories and hard to understand others didn't see it that way, BUT if someone, anyone could appreciate it I am very happy with that. One time I had passed down a brand name boy coat that got sold at a yard sale. At first I was a little upset, if I didn't care who got it, I thought, I would have sold it at a yard sale. But now I look at it like, the person who recieved the money for it was happy they got money, the person who bought it obviously liked it enough to pay for it so they must be happy. End result I made 2 people happy by giving away 1 coat. Not a bad thing.

Remember the old saying, 1 mans junk another mans treasures. They may think they are giving you treasures. Try to "treasure" the sentiment....as you donate the treasures to charity. Right now I think alot of the charities are hurting due too. Consider homeless shelters, half way houses, boys & girls clubs (I know our local teen center was looking for furniture at one time) If you think it would help the ones who get offended by you not keeping their stuff, give them the receipt when you donate it, maybe a tax credit will lessen the hurt.

Good luck & have fun decorating you basement.

 

[3girlsfun]

Guys, thanks for the feedback!

I am definitely going to be donating/selling, etc. a lot of the stuff. I cleaned out a section of my basement, and I have 3 full totes of baby clothes in the same size that my MIL gave to me, all in the same size. I have never taken them out of the totes. I have 3 girls, so, believe me, we have clothes a plenty! I am hoping to start purging a lot of this stuff over the weekend.

We are definitely looking forward to decorating our new den. Once it is decorated, then our living room will be decorated. Can't wait!

I love the card idea, I am going to do that, as I think that will help!

 

[SILLYANDI]

My mom and sister do this to me all the time. The funny thing is that we make twice the salary of both of them but they still think that their junk will be a treasure to me. I've told them I don't want it, tossed it in the trash while they are sitting there and snuck it back to their houses and piled it in their closets.
Lately they've been sneaking it to my kids when they visit and I have to "shake them down" before they come home to make sure the crap doesn't make it into the house!

 

[disneydreamersx4]

 

[Good Morning Dewdrop]

ugh I hate it when my family does this to us.

Dh went over to help my parents with a project this week - came back with a telephone set (2 phones plus answering machine); an external modem for the computer, a Scene it Harry Potter game and some kind of massage thing - all used - they're trying to 'declutter' and are 'helpfully' giving things away. I looked at him like he had 2 heads - he knows better than to come back with stuff!!

Instead of goodwilling everything we're having a yardsale next spring I'm working my way through the house decluttering and boxing things up specifically for the sale. I can't wait!

 

[dd50]

I don't get many things offered to me because I don't need much and don't like the clutter. When I have things that I am giving away I would ask my daughter if she wanted it and she would always be honest and I was never offended if she didn't want it. I just didn't want to give it away on freecycle and she would say what happened to _____?

Some people get stuck with every ones stuff and really don't know how to say no.

 

[mousebymarriage]

When we were at my mother in laws house 2 weeks ago she gave my DD13 three bags (garbage bags) full of sweaters because she knows my DD likes to wear sweaters(she's wrong it's actually sweatshirts) over everything in the winter so she thought DD would love them. Ummmm..... NO! We took them to be polite but when we got home DD said "mom I don't want to wear old lady sweaters to school".