does "being rich" change people?

[ez]

I am curious about something and am hoping to maybe get some answers from perhaps middle class people and also people who would be considered rich. It stems from something not observed in my immediate family (no one is rich lol) but in a large family that I have known very well my whole life. This is a family with several children that were all brought up middle class. Now as adults they all seem to still be middle class and lead nice lives. One of the siblings however, is now what I would describe as being "rich" as far as house cars and material possessions would indicate. Also it seems like they socialize with "rich" people. I am no longer in same state and dont see these people much but I am still in touch. Anyway, there is some dissension in this family now over "this issue or that issue" basically with the "rich" person having problems with the other siblings. When I hear whats going on it doesnt really make sense to me as historically this has been a close family. I am wondering if there is maybe jealousy on the part of the other siblings or perhaps the person who is rich has kinda changed and everyone else is over it. Most of what I have heard about the problems has been told to me from the "rich" persons point of view. Although none of the conflicts are about money, it just makes me wonder if somehow the haves and the have nots are playing into all this. Is this kind of situation ringing a bell with anyone? curious, thanks!!!

 

[LiveYourLife]

Mo' money, mo' problems

It's probably 50-50. There is probably a bit of jealousy with the siblings, and a bit of the "rich" one changing.

Just my opinion.

 

[2goofycampers]

It's probably 50-50. There is probably a bit of jealousy with the siblings, and a bit of the "rich" one changing.

This^^ and for some reason when a family member has more, the members with less think he/she should share.

 

[lizabu]

This^^ and for some reason when a family member has more, the members with less think he/she should share.

This is big. We have a family member who made his millions. He doesn't loan to anyone and he probably gets sick of people asking.

 

[htmom]

My dads family has a "rich" person. This person has kind of set himself apart from his other family members. At gatherings he complains about money constantly and not knowing what to do with it all. I know the other two brothers are well off as well but nothing like this guy. He is also the brother that complains when we all go out to dinner and is least likely to chip in at all when we do family things. I know it caused a fight last year because he told his brothers he just had "too much money" his one brother said " don't worry, your son will take care of it when you die". (His son can't take care of himself and family without his dad, he readily admits this sadly)
It was harsh but it got the point across that no one wanted to hear his money problems.
In this situation I don't think jealousy takes a part, it is more the fact that he has intentionally set himself apart.

 

[kmb584]

My family has a solid handful of multi-millionaires but I've never witnessed any visible tension between the "haves" and the "have nots". I guess we're lucky in the fact that there's a good foundation of respect between everyone and those who do "have" have always been the first people to step up when someone needs help.

I've definitely seen the families of friends torn apart over money though, and do think that jealousy plays a big hand in that. The attitude of the "have" does as well. Being financially secure is one thing, flaunting it in front of others is another. That's just my opinion though!

 

[lovemygoofy]

So I get both sides of the coin problem now.

I grew up very very poor and most of the people in my family stay that way. Drive run down cars and rent duct taped together houses but then spend money on expensive things that I wouldn't. I don't judge; they work their behinds off but the money just isn't spent wisely if that makes sense.

Anyways now my husband and I are in a good place. When we go home, we are the ones that get the comments about being "rich" (like you get rich in the military!) and driving "fancy" cars(I drive a 2009 Mazda and my husband has a 2013 GMC). I'm exactly the same I think. I don't talk about our money when the others start talking about getting a 25 cent raise or whatever. I just congratulate and high five and toast with beer or whatever.

I do get ugly comments particularly from one cousin who probably won't say anything again because I finally checked her. I send my mom money every month and have paid for her last two cars and make sure she can stay independent. Anyways my cousin (she is 29 and never worked in her life and does live off the system) tells me how easy I have it and I don't understand how everyone else lives. I was done and told her to get off her fat *** and get a job and stop having babies that I worked 65 hours last week and earn every dollar I am paid and my husband sure as hell earns every single penny he earns. I hate hearing things like I just sit around eating bon bons and money is picked off the tree in the backyard.

Now on the other side of the coin, my husbands grandparents are multi millionaires from lots and lots and lots hardwork. This is not a legacy money thing. He loves to tell or show me how he just finds his retirement account checks for couple thousand here and there stuffed in desks or cabinets because he just forgets to deposit them. The last time Grandpa said something to me like that I said, sounds like you have Old Timers(I know its not called that) and we should stick you in the old people's home with monopoly money to count. He brags because he is proud and I mouth back because he likes the sassy but still that rates pretty tacky. He told me one time that he liked me so much because I always genuinely called to say hello and how they are doing and never in the last 12 years have I asked for anything.

 

[ez]

lovemygoofy, your post hit close to home for me. My husbands parents, who are both deceased now, never seemed to understand how hard we had to work for what we had. Living in a small town where they probably paid 20,000 or less for their house, and my father in law being on full disability since ww2, they lived a very nice life without either of them working. So we bought a 2000 sf 10 year old house with a pool and suddenly we had it made (in their eyes). Not to account for me and my husband both working up to 60 hours a week and Saturdays while trying to raise, at the time, 2 young children. Then when his parents first came to visit us at our new house, his mom lectured me that I really should quit my job and stay home with our 2 year old. I felt like...what planet are you on, do you really think we could afford this house if I werent working. But she simply could not understand that

 

[clm10308]

While I would imagine that sudden wealth could "change" a person, I don't see it so much as a "change" and more like a difference in lifestyle that people at a lower income level don't understand. My DH has many siblings who's economic status rang from very upper middle class to lower middle class.

We are a beer, BBQ, camping at state park, public school kind of family. while BIL's family is visits to the shore, private schools, tennis lesson, trips to The City (NYC). We actually get along with them when happen to see them, but that is not very often.

I think that extended families that issues due to economic differences would have something else to argue about if it wasn't money. The differences caused by income are a symptom not the disease.

 

[ronandannette]

Now on the other side of the coin, my husbands grandparents are multi millionaires from lots and lots and lots hardwork. This is not a legacy money thing. He loves to tell or show me how he just finds his retirement account checks for couple thousand here and there stuffed in desks or cabinets because he just forgets to deposit them. The last time Grandpa said something to me like that I said, sounds like you have Old Timers(I know its not called that) and we should stick you in the old people's home with monopoly money to count. He brags because he is proud and I mouth back because he likes the sassy but still that rates pretty tacky. He told me one time that he liked me so much because I always genuinely called to say hello and how they are doing and never in the last 12 years have I asked for anything.

First off let me clearly state that I believe EVERYONE has the right to do whatever they want with their own money and that NOBODY is entitled to what somebody else has just because they have less.

That said, I find it curious that people are threatened or offended by being asked for financial help when THEY are the ones continuously pointing out that they've got more money than they can spend. Who'd know Grandpa had millions shoved in his mattress if he just kept his mouth shut?

 

[ez]

Been there with that too. My husband's dad always made him look at his stock statement with every visit so my husband to see how much money he had, then when he dies he left very little to my husband and the majority of it to my husbands brother. It almost makes me glad there is no real money in my family because people get so weird with it and somehow try to use it to manipulate

 

[lovemygoofy]

First off let me clearly state that I believe EVERYONE has the right to do whatever they want with their own money and that NOBODY is entitled to what somebody else has just because they have less.

That said, I find it curious that people are threatened or offended by being asked for financial help when THEY are the ones continuously pointing out that they've got more money than they can spend. Who'd know Grandpa had millions shoved in his mattress if he just kept his mouth shut?

I certainly can't answer for the Grandparents but I'm guessing it had to do with always being suspicious when someone called to say "hello" but really was just a schmooze for money.

When I first started calling my husband's Grandparents, they could not get over that I was really calling to see how they were doing and fill them in on how my husband was doing. Grandpa would even say "do you need money" and the first time I was so taken back. He made the comment that none of the other grandkids call unless they need something. I assured him that if I needed money I could get another job or go to the bank and that I called for the sole pleasure of hearing his voice.

My husband is the oldest of 28 grandchildren. I'm going to guess that his grandparents have gave a lot over the years some without being asked but a whole lot more because of being asked.

 

[eliza61]

Mo' money, mo' problems

It's probably 50-50. There is probably a bit of jealousy with the siblings, and a bit of the "rich" one changing.

Just my opinion.

I find that rarely are problems all caused by "one" side.

Now my family runs the gamut of financial levels. We have uber successful millionaires, we have folks that made really bad life choices and folks solidly in the middle. We have family members and friends who are hard working that folks don't mind helping when they hit a rough patch and then we also have the family moochers, who have no problem borrowing money (or asking) and always have a sad tale of woe.

Now as far as people changing. I always think its ridiculous that people expect folks to stay exactly the same. I am not the same person I was when I was 20 or 30. heck, I've totally changed since losing my husband a year ago.

So yes being rich changes you but being poor changes you also.

 

[Acklander]

Keep in mind, this isn't a difference between the haves and the have nots. It's a difference between the haves and the have mores. If no one is going hungry and no one is living on the streets, then it's just a difference in size of the paycheck so money in itself probably isn't the problem. I've worked with many wealthy people - some born into it, some self made. The ones who came from middle class or working class and then made their fortune deal with a lot of issues and personality traits that allowed them to pull ahead of the pack, so to speak. It might be the personality differences and different priorities that cause the conflict - not the actual money itself.

 

[Bluestars]

I think a relative being wealthy is usually only a problem when that person brags about his wealth or rubs it in people's faces. Not all wealthy people do that.

I don't think money changes a person. I think it might make their less appealing qualities more obvious.

 

[Minnie_me]

One of my BFFs went from living paycheck to paycheck, to being a millionaire, thanks to an invention that her husband sold to a huge company.

She still works as a teacher's aide (making about $18,000 a year), they still live across the street from me in this working-class neighborhood. Her husband did quit his factory job, using some of the money he got to start a business that will let him concentrate on creating and marketing more of his inventions.

The only thing that has changed is their peace of mind, in my opinion. Instead of worrying about their kids' students loans and weddings, they are able to take care of those things. They've made necessary renovations to their 100-year old house; things that would otherwise have been too costly to tackle.

But we still get together at least once a week for a meal, a bonfire, a movie night or game night. BFF and I still chat daily, go shopping, go to lunch. They are the best people I know. People who don't know about their change in income have no idea that anything ever happened.

 

[skatalite]

I do get ugly comments particularly from one cousin who probably won't say anything again because I finally checked her. I send my mom money every month and have paid for her last two cars and make sure she can stay independent. Anyways my cousin (she is 29 and never worked in her life and does live off the system) tells me how easy I have it and I don't understand how everyone else lives. I was done and told her to get off her fat *** and get a job and stop having babies that I worked 65 hours last week and earn every dollar I am paid and my husband sure as hell earns every single penny he earns. I hate hearing things like I just sit around eating bon bons and money is picked off the tree in the backyard.

I have family like that, too. I have a cousin who is 20 and has a 3-year-old son, is dating a high school dropout who makes minimum wage, and they're collecting welfare. This past Christmas she made the mistake by making a comment to my mom saying something like, "well, you're rich and don't get it." My mom let her have it, reminding my cousin that if they're so strapped for cash they shouldn't have just dropped $1,000 on three pairs of the new Air Jordans. Or bought that 65-inch television. Or bought an Eddie Bauer edition Ford Explorer. But it's easy to spend all their income on frivolous things when section eight housing costs them $100 a month and they receive $400 a month in food subsidies.

Then, on my in-laws' side of the family... My father-in-law's brother is severely jealous of what my FIL has accomplished and has. When my FIL and his new wife moved across town into a house in a gated community, his brother automatically decided my FIL was now snooty and "too good for the rest of the family."

It's all depressing, sort of.

 

[luvsJack]

I have a former co-worker that having money has changed very much.

Her husband has a great job and works hard for his money. They originally lived in another state and moved here with his job. Because of the difference in housing costs from state to state, they made quite a bit off the sale of their house in the first state. And then he received a hefty raised from the move too.

She is a bit obsessed with expensive and flashy things. And has a habit of showing off everything she buys or her dh gives her. When accused of bragging, she says "oh, no, we are blessed" which is all well and good but it still comes off as bragging. But if anyone tries to say anything (and I am talking about close friends and family) she accuses them of being jealous.

The longer they have been with money, the more judgmental she seems to get of anyone that doesn't have as much as they do.


Another coworker came into a huge sum of money due to a settlement from the death of her child. Now, believe me when I say, I am sure she would rather have her child than the money but it has changed her. On one hand, she bought a good friend a brand new car that she knew her friend needed; but on the other she tries to control people with her money. Offering to do things for them but then expecting them to act a certain way. It seems to bother her greatly that no one has treated her differently now that she has the money and no one acts particularly envious of the things she has bought or the places she has traveled. Its not that no one is happy that she is able to do these things, she just has different priorities than most.

 

[Stitchfans]

I believe it can for some people. Like said, it is most likely often 50/50

 

[Wishing on a star]

Of course, it goes both ways...
But, if the question is, does money change people...

I would say at least 90% of the time, YES. And not always for the better.

I have somebody in my family who actually grew up with holes in their shoes and worn out second hand clothing... Actually used to be proud that that money didn't mean anything to them, as in "Life and Relationships, etc.. are SO much more important than material things... Money doesn't buy happiness..." etc.

Well, when her husband did finally come into some better money, OMG, did that tune change... They are paying huge, and possibly struggling, now to pay for the Mini-Mansion that they built and moved into... at one point she drove a Jag... Began hanging in snooty 'artsy' circles....

I think the facts would bear this out....
There are VERY few lottery winners who end up with that happy ending....

On the other side of the coin, there are those few people who are better and stronger than that. I went to my Nephew's wedding... OMG, full on with very nice catered rehearsal dinner, Reception, nice alcohol and booze flowing, live band, etc.... But, let me tell you, these seem to be the nicest and grounded and down-to-earth people that you would ever want to meet.