Does anyone know anything about the LPN profession?

[JerseyJanice]

I was wondering how many posts it would take for you to get fed up, Becki.

Honestly, it does sound like you have a lot of problems in your life, but I don't think coming here for advice is the right way to solve them.

I don't know where to tell you to turn, but I can say this. The people on these boards are not a bunch of Dear Abbey's. There is only so much help you can find here.

It's time to get off the computer and find a more constructive way to put your life in order.

 

[lil mermaid]

Originally posted by honeywolf7
You know what, forget it....No matter what I say on these boards I'm always going to be attacked. I'm leaving and I'm not coming back.

That is ridiculous. Several people on here have given you fantastic advice and you refuse to take it. Just because someone says something that you don't want to hear, doesn't mean it isn't good advice. I have seen at least one poster who has offered to help you find a job, a place to live, and help you get your children back.

You have told us over and over how Thom is abusive, has mental illness, is irresponsible, etc. etc. etc. Yet your children are living with him, while you try to relive your carefree college days. You don't even have to work or pay child support! (Although you tell us you do pay, since you have no income, I don't see how this is possible.) You post endlessly about your new boyfriend, and then you decide that you want your kids back because your ex has a girlfriend. Several months ago, you were thinking about leaving your children to go to college in another state with this man?

It is hard to keep up with you and your constantly changing story.

You need help - you really do. Those poor children.

 

[AirForceRocks]

Bye

 

[lil mermaid]

Becki, maybe people would be more inclined to believe you if you hadn't been caught in so many lies and spent so much time changing your story.

What exactly do you expect from these boards? We are not mental heath professionals here (well, some are I am sure, but most of us are not.)

Again - if your husband is so horrible, and you love your children, WHY ARE THEY WITH HIM??

It's probably a good thing you are leaving the boards. Maybe you can find some help in IRL.

 

[emmy]

You know what, forget it....No matter what I say on these boards I'm always going to be attacked. I'm leaving and I'm not coming back. I told you guys I was scared for my life if I fought for custody and got less sympathy then you would give someone in your lives if this happened to them (or if it does someday, I'd be interested in seeing what you do say to them and exactly how long they keep you around in their lives.) How would you honestly feel if you were abused (emotionally mostly, but some physically) throughout your childhood and then abused (physically and emotionally throughout your marriage) and all anyone did was blame you? I think those of you who have driven me away from the boards should seriously do some thinking about that and about whether your parents, grandparents, or (if you believe in HIM) God would be proud of you for the way you've acted.

If I saw my best friend spiraling out of control like this, I would certainly go to her and tell her the same thing many of us are telling you- I would want her to get the help she needs and stop neglecting her kids. As for turning and running now - how is that going to help? You need to take a long hard look at your life and get the help you need so those children become your first priority and they no longer have to suffer.
Good luck to you and I really do hope you get better soon.

 

[Tiggeroo]

There is no point to a bachelors degree to be an LPN. The pay for LPN's is too low to pay for student loans or all of that time spent in school even if it was completely free. Not to mention all of the time spent away from your kids, who grow up sooo fast. When I mentioned LPN I thought of it as a way to earn some money, and also to get a hospital to pay for your RN degree. I don't believe you could be a single mom forever on an LPN salary. If you get your LPN or CNA certificate and continue to pursue your nursing degree in three years you would be self-sufficient. I just don't think a four year college is a good choice for someone in your position. Community colleges are used to non-traditional students who are trying to get their lives back on track. They offer tele-courses that can be done at night while the kids are in bed. They offer Saturday courses that only meet for 3 hours once a week. The advisors are more realistic about the cost of a degree versus the income it will get you. As the others have said, find a way to get yourself on your feet and get your kids back first. In another 5 years or so, when the kids are older and you have a real job, your employer will help you get the bachelors you want. It will be tough. You will be doing homework at 2 in the morning sometimes. You may take a job that has crazy hours that fit around your kids and school schedule. You may sometimes feel sooo tired. But in the end you will be putting your kiddies first. I remember having to do Anatomy and Physiology flash cards everywhere I went, including at red lights. I went to school but it was around my kids schedule. I graduated with my associates froma community college with honors. I went on to a bachelors program but as my kids lives were getting busier I had to take a few years off. Now at 38, I use the associates to be a substitute teacher, and am back in school. Once you have kids you have to make totally different decisions. I remember being very envious of the kids in my classes who could go out all night, and often slept thru their early classes.
Of course, this is assuming that you want your kids back. If not then go on and do the fun courses, get the bachelors, take low paying jobs. In the end, kids remember very much what their early childhood was like. They will remember which parent was there for them.

 

[vickyBaby]

I'm sorry you are experiencing so much pain Becki. Can you tell me, was this thread that you posted awhile back on the Debate Board, really about you?

http://www.disboards.com/showthread.php?s=&threadid=48765

 

[Deb in IA]

Originally posted by honeywolf7
How would you honestly feel if you were abused (emotionally mostly, but some physically) throughout your childhood and then abused (physically and emotionally throughout your marriage) and all anyone did was blame you

I know you said you are not coming back, but your checkbox is still highlighted, so maybe you will see this.

It seems to be that at least some of your problems may stem from your past abusive experiences. Have you ever had any professional counseling to deal with this? Not just a couple of sessions; in my experience, these issues are long lasting, and may take years of on-going guidance and treatment. And I think you should find a mental health professional that is objective, and NOT your "mother's best friend."

Yes, I do believe you have gotten some pretty good advice here. Especially about doing something NOW if you want to have a part in your children's lives. Even if that means doing something that you "don't like". Even if it means flipping burgers at McDonald's, so that you will have an income, to pay for appropriate housing, and to support your kids. Life is not a bed of roses, and we all have to do things that may not be our cup of tea, but if your kids come first, you'll do it.

Your kids CAN'T wait forever for you to make up your mind about what you want to do. They need a parent NOW.

And if neither you nor Thom can take care of them, well, maybe they would be better off with relatives (grandparents, etc.) or foster care.

I would also be careful about "knowing" that the judge would or would not give custody to Thom. Some folks here, and judges too, may see things very differently from you. Particularly important to a judge is WHO has had a stable job, provided appropriate housing, attended school functions (and they won't take "Thom didn't tell me" well; couldn't YOU have called the school and gotten the information, if the kids' conferences were that important to you?), and can provide transportation -- none of which you are in a position to provide right now.

Good luck to you, becki.

 

[Jenzebelle]

I was wondering when you were going to YAGE about this. Kudos to you for sticking out longer than I thought you would.
You're very good at putting the blame everywhere but where it belongs. On yourself. Thom's to blame for bullying you into leaving the kids. You had a crappy childhood, so your parents are to blame for you being wishy washy. We're to blame here for trying to give you advice and understand the complete story.
As far as how we would feel if we were abused? Been there, done that, sold the tee shirts and matching hats. I could tell you stories about what my Mother did to me that would make your hair stand on end. So couldn't a lot of people here. But you know what? I stopped letting my past win. It's time you stop looking at the past and start working on the present and future

You are a mother. You need to suck it up and deal with the situation. Sitting there and rationalizing your decisions and blaming others is doing absolutely nothing towards getting your kids back. You have been given many excellent suggestions. I see you've followed none of the advice except look maybe into being a CNA or LPN after you get a degree which in and of itself is useless.
As far as your ex not getting custody because of his alleged untreated illness, how do you know? Do you have proof he is bi-polar? Flipping through your DSM !V and diagnosing him yourself doesn't count- do you have proof from a medical professional?
Being bi-polar doesn't make you a bad person or a parent. A judge would most likely order him to seek treatment and would have social services make sure he is following up and the kids are ok. A judge would sooner give the kids to someone who for all accounts is a good parent even if with a mental illness that can be very easily controlled, than with someone who abandoned her kids and is unable to provide the basic things necessary for their quality of life.
I'm not saying this to be mean. You truly need to throw off those rose colored glasses, stop making excuses and blaming everyone else for YOUR bad decisions, and look at what's going on. Only then will you be on the right path for yourself and your kids.

 

[Toby'sFriend]

Vicky -

I was wondering if maybe that thread should be kept up top with all the other stuck posts. Then people wouldn't have to keep searching for it and bumping it.

 

[honeywolf7]

Actually, vickylan it honestly wasn't about me....but I did see my friend's situation and it did make me think about what things are important and what things aren't in a relationship.

 

[Bumbles]

Vicky....how did you come to that conclusion?

She clearly said it was about a friend of hers.........

 

[CinderellaPrincess]

good luck to you...you seem like you need it.

 

[lil mermaid]

Originally posted by Bumbles
Vicky....how did you come to that conclusion?

She clearly said it was about a friend of hers.........

Maybe because it sounds just like Becki and Roger - a reasonable conclusion, I think.

Message edited to add the winking (sarcasm) smiley.

 

[preshi]

Originally posted by Bumbles
Vicky....how did you come to that conclusion?

She clearly said it was about a friend of hers.........

LMAO Bumbles...

Apparently they need a sarcastic smile of some sort...

 

[Miss Jasmine]

I really, really was going to stay of this, really, but... ya know.

HW, I don't think this is the best place to be looking for life altering advice. You know some of these people are looking to catch you in your stories, half truths and lies, and you make it so easy.

Time to grow up. You have two children, you need to decide whether you are going to be a mom to them.

Now here is some unsolicited advice:
1) Counseling (which you have claimed to make an appointment)
2) Time to yourself to sort it all out ( I would even take a break from Roger, time to concentrate on YOU and the decisions you NEED to make).
3)Quit posting here, at least about these life decisions. It's certainly not going to help your already weak self esteem. And like I said there are those ready to pounce on any thread you start.
4)Talk to an attorney once you have decided on some decisions even if you decide you don't want custody. At least get the divorce ball rolling so every one is not in limbo because it sounds like everyone has moved on past this marriage already.