Does anyone have experience with elderly people and Drs?

[Beauty]

As some of you know my 88 year old grandmother lives with us. To say she can be difficult is really mild. She had a stroke a few months ago and it seems she has gone downhill from there. She fell a few weeks ago and broke her shoulder getting up out of bed at night (She is not supposed to get up without calling someone to help. We have a baby monitor and all she has to do is talk and one of us is there immediantly.) Well her therapist had always told her to try and push herself to get better (she was in excellent condition the first of this year) and she said she was going to try to go to the bathroom alone. W

Well since she has broken her shoulder she is in pain which of course is to be expected. She is on pain pills and medication but they were afraid to do surgery because of her age and condition AFTER the stroke. So for the last few weeks she has been in bed. She won't even try to get up and if we try and get her up she gets out of breath almost immediantly. Its very scary!! We let her use a bed pan all the time. Well last weekend she was having some difficulty breathing and we took her by ambulance to the E.R. They admitted her and kept her for a few days. We were hoping that her Dr. would put her in the rehibilitation unit of our hospital. That way she has people who are trained helping her to walk again and not be bed ridden. People who know what to look for and what to worry about. Well the Dr. didn't admit her and said to us that this was her "Getting Old and Declining"

Well I don't buy that! She is in her right mind, she is just difficult with us. If a nurse tells her to do something she trys so hard to please them. If one of us tells her, she does what she wants and ignores us. I guess she feels like she raised us so she doesn't have to mind us???? Wow this is long, sorry.....finally here is my question......we see her going down every single day. She doesn't want to get up for us.....refuses and says her arm hurts and she wants to stay in bed. Is it wrong to DEMAND of the DR. to put her in the Rehab Unit??? Demand is probably the wrong word but I'm terrified if we don't get her some help from people who are trained to be tough on her that she will die....thats plain and simple. Her vital signs are good, her heart is good......just because she is 88 years old doesn't mean everyone should just let her lay in the bed and die because shes old.

Any advice????

 

[HauntedMansionGeek]

Beauty, my dad was AWFUL with us, and he was very well behaved with his nurses and other caregivers at the hospital.

I think you're on to something there with the fact that you are her family members, so she behaves more difficult for you guys.

I'm so sorry you're going through all of this.

What kind of insurance often makes a difference in what the doctor will allow as far as where to send the patient. That could be what's going on with that part of your problem.

Good luck, you are dealing with so much. *hugs*

 

[Serena]

It sure wouldn't hurt to talk to him about it.
I'm sorry your family is going through this, I don't have any experience with taking care of someone like that. My only suggestion is bribery. Good luck, and I'd talk with that doctor again. {{{hugs}}}

 

[JAP]

My mom has gone through this twice with my Granny in the last year.

You have every right to DEMAND that you Dr. do something. The steps my mom took were to get someone out to the house for PT at least 2 times per week. The Dr. OKed this and thought it was good.

Be careful of the pain meds. They may be making her listless and tired. Check with her Dr. again about going down to tylenol. Those meds can cause depression as well.

Please PM me if you want any other info. My mom has gone through it all this last year and is still having to deal with some of these same issues.

 

[Toby'sFriend]

I'm sorry she is feeling so poorly Beauty. One of the hardest things in the world to do is watch somebody you love struggle.

Have you asked her if she wants to go to a Rehab unit? When my Father was failing we were the same way ... to the point where we browbeat him into going. By the third day he simply refused to participate in the therapy which meant he lost his Medicare coverage. Then, since Medicare wouldn't pay, his health insurance wouldn't pay.

There really aren't any easy answers.

 

[Kismet Kitty]

Beauty, does your grandma see a gerontologist? If not, maybe a referral to someone who specializes in the care of the elderly would be possible? Sometimes they know just what to tweak to make things a little better for everyone involved.

 

[Krisu]

I would call the doctor and see if he would order a P.T evaluation by a local visiting nurse agency. Around here they would send a nurse first for an evaluation then she recommends what is needed. Be pleasant but persistent

 

[denisenh]

Beauty...what you feel is OK. I SO understand you!
I went through a VERY similar experience....you are not alone and you are doing the right thing!!
Please, if you need an ear from someone who has been there, feel free to email me at gillayul@aol.com.
I also took care of my difficult to get along with grandmother. She had no one else and I did a great job, the best I could.
What she would do for me and what she would do for others was as different as night and day.
It was very hard to watch her fail and I loved her so much but sometimes things were so hard.
I felt alone and afraid and abandoned.

It was no longer responsible of me to keep her with me. She had fallen a couple of times when I was out. She did eventually wind up in a rehab and passed away about 5 weeks later.
I was hoping that she would gain strength in physical therapy but she would not / could not cooperate with her therapy. I really think she lost her spirit and just let go.
Anyway, she had the finances to pay her way, but she was covered under medicaid.

I am not sure that she would have gotten a bed there if she did not have money. I had to "sign on the dotted line" that she had at least a years worth of funds to pay privately.
Krisu has the right idea. We also had that done. Home health and Hospice were all I had for support during the difficult times.
All my "family" who couldn't be bothered to help or visit sure did come around and fast as soon as she died, and I was labeled "the bad one". (That still smarts, even though it has been 2 1/2 years now.)
Email me or at least remember that you aren't alone. Hang in there!

 

[Breezy_Carol]

Beauty, I sent you a PM.

I do home health care physical therapy. My patients will often do more for me than for their family. I guess they figure they have to be nice to me. I always make sure the patient sees that I show the family what the patient is able to do. Then I tell they family they can use my name, as in "Carol said you should do that for yourself." I agree with Krisu that home health would be a good idea.

Good luck.

 

[Mishetta]

Hi Beth ~ oh, what a painful post to read.....just brings back all the torment I went through with my Mom. It's not easy being a caregiver to a loved one, is it?

Anyway, I too was going to suggest that you ask Beanie's doctor for a nurse to evaluate for possible home care P.T. Actually, if she's that bad off, she really should have Home Care services. That would be a daily or bi-weekly nurse who comes to the house & takes vitals. Then a P.T. to come & help her re-use some of those muscles again. You know what though Beth? I HAD TO ASK FOR ALL THIS STUFF! The doctor never suggested it, I had to ASK him for it! Of course, we've been to the same doctor for years so it was easy to just say to him " Please give me a script for a Visiting Nurse & Home Care P.T. for my Mom." And he did....I asked for a script to get a bath chair & a lightweight wheelchair, actually, I asked for everything. He just wrote scripts....I even asked for a script for one of those bedside trays they have at the hospitals where the foot goes completely under the bed & the tray part can go up & down, etc...It just made life so much easier than the regular TV table tray! ASK (but nicely) for anything & everything to make your Grannie's remaining time on earth as comfy as possible.

It does sound like to me she is giving up. Don't let her. I know you have it in you to help her spirits turn around!

Another poster mentioned Hospice Care. That is for when there is no longer any hope & you're basically waiting for them to die. They make the patient as comfortable as possible & they do try to help family members too.

Good luck my friend.

 

[denisenh]

That is for when there is no longer any hope & you're basically waiting for them to die.

I think that may have been me, and it is a sensitive issue, so just to clarify, the name of the agency we used was Home Health and Hospice...not Home Hospice. We most definitely hadn't lost hope and we were not waiting for my grandmother to die......we just needed help.

It does sound like to me she is giving up. Don't let her. I know you have it in you to help her spirits turn around!

But keep in mind that you can do your absolute best, and I am sure you will, but if this fails do not torment yourself with thinking that you have failed your grandmother. Somethings, as much as we don't like it, are beyond our control, and some of us are way too hard on ourselves.

 

[Beauty]

Thanks everyone, had to go to J.C.'s school again tonight (another thing that makes it hard...a 12 year old that always needs to go here or there which he should!! ) but she goes to see the Dr. tomorrow morning at 10....we plan to be very blunt with him in asking vital questions.

I will definatly update then and check my PMs ! I may have more questions about more specifics.

Its so hard not knowing whats best for her. As a child I literally lived with Beanie (what I've always called her) and my grandaddy during the summer. They taught me to drive (I made mama too nervous...LOL). My grandad has been gone since 1990 and I still miss him everyday. He was that "perfect" image of a grandaddy that everyone thinks of.

Up until she got this way Beanie was always the funny one. Saying outrageous things and always on the go....she drove better than me, oh and she took no medicines unless a drink (YES A DRINK) of Mylanta every now and again. This all changed in January of this year. It started with the Shingles on her leg......well once we thought we had that over with she got a blood clot in the OTHER leg.....she was on blood thinner and I had to give her shots in the stomach....well we got that over with and she had a stroke.....of course no stroke is a good stroke but it wasn't a bad one. She lost some ability in walking but we did have PT coming and she was getting so much better!! Then she feel and broke her arm....after that it was like she just gave up! Its so heartbreaking!

Anyway like I said I will update you all tomorrow on what the DR. suggests. I talked to the nurse today and told her we wanted him to be honest.....don't try to not hurt us because just seeing her this way does that but be bluntly honest about what he thinks she needs and where he thinks she is and what the future looks like.

Anyway...WOW! That was long again!!

Thanks everyone!