Well, this thread might stir up a lot of flames, but that's probably the only thing akin to a yule-log I'll see this season.
We have two children,
8 year old dd, and 9 year old ds, plus dh and myself. Christmas always used to be my favorite holiday. I loved everything about it--the decorations, music, food, parties, the general festive feeling, and, of course, the presents. I always enjoyed giving as much as getting. Now that I'm the adult, of course, the work is all on me, but that used to be a labor of love. I dearly enjoyed shopping, cooking, decorating, etc. However, the last several Christmases have left me just hating the whole mess!
First, we don't have extended family--our parents are dead, so there's no "grandma's house" to go for part of the holidays. Also, there's really no one to invite to our gatherings, both dh and I are only children. I always enjoyed creating a special, magical holiday and season for my kids, but seems I'm just a failure at the whole business. No, I'm not Martha Stewart, but I think I do a respectable job of cooking, decorating, etc. The problem is, my family just doesn't care for anything I do. I've given up trying to decorate a tree. Every year,
my kids tear it apart--literally! I find ornaments all over the house--in the garage, behind the toilet, in the laundry, in the backyard, not to mention what they do with other household decorations. I've tried having them help decorate, make decorations, etc. I thought perhaps if they had some sort of "ownership" for the tree they wouldn't be so quick to destroy it. Didn't work! This year, I won't put up the tree until Christmas Eve, that way there won't be so much time to tear it apart.
Forget about wrapping presents!
The minute I wrap one, they sneak it off into their room, tear it open, and proceed to destroy it. I do have better sense than to put wrapped packages under the tree days in advance and expect a child not to touch it. But I can't even set out presents on Christmas Eve long enough for us all to open them. Christmas Dinner????? Forget it!!!!!!The last several years
they get in to the pantry or fridge and "play" with all the special ingredients, such as squirt whipping cream all over the mirrors, dump colored sugar all over the floor, etc. Its difficult enough as it is to try to make a holiday meal, without having key ingredients all over the floor when in the process of cooking. We used to go to church on Christmas Eve (an early service), but I got so sick of the griping (its too far away, its boring--and that was five miles away and a childrens' service). All my kids give a fig about is the "loot". They figured out the "
Amazon" boxes have toys in them, (usually), and
we can't find enough hiding places in the house. Last year they got into several boxes, opened them, and literally destroyed them! They were either broken or the pieces were in such a hopeless jumble we couldn't even begin to figure out what went to what.
I manages to salvage some, and (stupid me) went out and bought more, just so there would be something under the tree Christmas morning! Then, to top off everything, the last two years in a row, dh fell asleep Christmas Day! He said he was tired from being up all night Christmas Eve, being, as he put it, "runned ragged" doing Christmas Eve stuff, then staying up late assembling the toys.
Well, here's what we typically do for Christmas. Christmas Eve, we go to an early church service (about 7 pm). Then, we sometimes eat out, or come home to a fairly simple, cook ahead meal. Then, we open "family" presents. I usually get the kids new sleepers (doesn't everybody, so they look nice for Christmas morning pictures?). I also get a toy to match (last year dd had a Barbie gown and matching doll). I also wanted to start a tradition of giving each child one or two "nice" keepsake ornaments, so they would have a collection with memories when they became adults with their own homes. I throw in a few other items, like a stuffed animal. Well, last year, both kids said "Oh, that's just clothes" and "its the same stuff we got last year". Well, excuse me! Isn't that what a tradition is--the same stuff every year?
Oh,
I usually tell dh not to buy me anything, or just a small gift, so to have more to spend on the kids. I really have everything I need.
Well, finally, the little dears go to bed. Then, dh and I spend another several hours assembling and displaying the "Santa Stuff". We usually get to bed arount 2 am.
The kids are awake at 5 am, and Christmas morning is over before we even wake up! By the time we get up, everything is a hopeless jumble of broken plastic, they're standing in the middle of the mess throwing stuff every which way! Throughout all this, I'm trying to make Christmas dinner, while discovering that half the ingredients are missing because the kids have been sneaking them out of the pantry and playing with them. And, dh decides to take a 4-hour nap! Last year, I was just in tears with the whole mess. And dh told me "I was knocking myself out for nothing". That was about the worst blow I ever received in my life--calling my Christmas "nothing".
I just felt so demoralized. Like I said, I'm not Martha Stewart, perhaps my Christmas isn't like something out a magazine, but it holds its own. And my meals are very good, if I do say so myself. Just not "magazine" quality.
Well, the season is upon us again, and I'm just so demoralized from last year that I can't bear the thought of another fiasco. Oh, BTW, did I mention we went to WDW the week before Christmas, spent big bucks, even had a little tree and presents in the hotel room? Then,
we spent about $1500 on the two kids presents, in addition to the trip! Well, here's what I'm planning for this year--
Get each kid their own small tree. Let them make their own ornaments or buy some. Decorate their own tree. Perhaps they will have a feeling of "ownership" and not be so willing to destroy it. We will NOT put up any trees or decorations until the day before Christmas Eve--less time to destroy them. Christmas Eve we will stay home (no church, I'm the only one who enjoys it, anyways). No "family gift" exchange, just give the kids new sleepers, perhaps lay them out on their bed, but don't try to make a gift out of it. Spend Christmas Eve decorating the tree, perhaps make cookies, watch a Christmas video. Just buy a pre-made dinner or make something simple.
Christmas Day! What to do now? How to keep the kids from destroying their loot before we even wake up? The answer is simple--no toys under the tree. They don't believe in Santa now anyways. Instead, I plan to give each kid a toys r us gift card shortly after Thanksgiving. They can buy what they want and destroy it at their leisure. Christmas morning I might have a few presents undser the tree, but not a whole toy store, like last year. And then I plan to have reservations for dinner at a nice restaurant, just for something to do, get out of the house, and so dh can't sleep the day away. So, sound like a traditional Christmas? Not too bad, not the best. At least I won't be "knocking myself out for nothing". Also, I told my dh and kids what I'm going to do, if they want anything else for the holidays, they can plan it and do all the work. Perhaps they won't be so apt to destroy or sleep through something if they put the effort into it. As for me, I'd just as soon forget the whole mess and got to Hawaii. Hey, not such a bad idea!!!
So, what am I doing wrong? There's something wrong if I spend Christmas crying in my bedroom, when I tried so hard to make things nice for everyone else. Perhaps this year will please my family more, or if not, at least I won't have so much investment of time, money, and effort that I won't feel so hurt when my Christmas is best described as 'nothing".
Where do I start..There are so many things wrong with this picture.I can't believe you all are allowing this behavior. I wouldn't let my dog act this way!
. (2) Your kids do not appreciate the STUFF that they get and they do not "get" the whole idea behind giving and receiving gifts. (3) You and your husband are on complete different pages.
) is that you scale back Christmas. You can always re-add traditions later, but for your own sanity you need to scale back this year. Pick the areas that bug you the most: the tree, dinner, assembling expensive toys, whatever.
