Does anyone ever feel like this or am I crazy?

[toledo13]

Hi everyone. My birthday is tomorrow, and last night we celebrated with my parents, sister, and her husband. They all got me presents (nothing extravigant or anything, but all really nice gifts). When I got home, I SOBBED to my husband... feeling like I didn't deserve these gifts. I feel this way after Christmas, birthdays, and any other gift giving holiday. My husband said ''you give and give and give! why do you feel this way every year? these people got you gifts because it's your birthday, and they love you!''

I don't know why I always feel guilty after I get presents, no matter how small the gift is. I love giving... I just have a problem receiving. I don't know why I feel this way- does anyone else feel like this? How do you get over it?

 

[The Mystery Machine]

Guilt implies you did something wrong. So your use of the word "guilt" does not apply here. You are not feeling guilty.

You are feeling sad and/or anxious. Do you have anxiety issues in other areas of your life?

Maybe you are sad because you do not feel "happy" when you receive the gifts.
Are you a control person? You like to feel the power of giving to others, it places you in an important position. Then when you receive gifts you feel a loss of control, which makes you uneasy and sad because you cannot enjoy receiving the gifts.

Not sure what applies, however those are 2 thoughts off the top of my head.

 

[disykat]

I've never felt quite that way, but I don't ENJOY getting gifts. I'd much rather not receive them.

 

[toledo13]

Guilt implies you did something wrong. So your use of the word "guilt" does not apply here. You are not feeling guilty.

You are feeling sad and/or anxious. Do you have anxiety issues in other areas of your life?

Maybe you are sad because you do not feel "happy" when you receive the gifts.
Are you a control person? You like to feel the power of giving to others, it places you in an important position. Then when you receive gifts you feel a loss of control, which makes you uneasy and sad because you cannot enjoy receiving the gifts.

Not sure what applies, however those are 2 thoughts off the top of my head.

I guess I've never thought of it that way. I do like being in control... which is probably why I like GIVING gifts.

I don't know if it's an issue, though, of feeling bad that I'm getting gifts, when others are not. I like Christmas more than my birthday, because... yeah, I'm giving gifts too. I guess it is an issue of me only getting presents, while other people watch. It makes me feel bad. Which opens up a bigger picture I guess...

 

[Darsa]

I give gifts to the people I love to see the reaction they have. I want to give my loved ones pleasure in their lives, and when I can do that it fulfills me. It would be heartbreaking to me if I knew that someone was upset or distressed at being given a gift... I also wouldn't understand it.

Heh, this is actually something that REALLY annoyed me about the Twilight series of books... Bella was SO SO horrible about the gift giving and recognition, it really drove me nuts. Not to say, of course, that YOU are this way, this just reminded me of that in the books.

I think it would be a good idea to try to examine and figure out WHY you would feel badly about others expressing their love and appreciation for you. It stinks that you have to feel badly about it, and it would be great if you could feel the appreciation that it sounds like your family deserves.

 

[ZephyrHawk]

Guilt is a social construct. You're not crazy, you're just very, very socially conscious. It may possibly be a symptom of a mild social anxiety disorder. Note, you did not cry when receiving the gifts, only afterwards. It was the release of the tension of the social situation which triggered your response, not the receiving of gifts itself.

You are a pleaser. You know if you please people and they will like you. It's not just your imagination, it's a fact. People like other people who please them. However, some part of your unconscious mind has not connected to that part of your rational mind that says, "People will like you even if you don't go out of your way to please them." So, when people do like you, and you can't see what you've done to "earn" it, you experience a mental disconnect.

How do you fix it? Well, you probably don't. Is it interfering with your life to have an occasional crying session? If not, then why bother? We all have our little quirks. It's what makes us interesting. If, however, you feel that it is damaging your relationships with others to be this sensitive...well...you kinda have to speak to a professional.

 

[wall*e2008]

Hi everyone. My birthday is tomorrow, and last night we celebrated with my parents, sister, and her husband. They all got me presents (nothing extravigant or anything, but all really nice gifts). When I got home, I SOBBED to my husband... feeling like I didn't deserve these gifts. I feel this way after Christmas, birthdays, and any other gift giving holiday. My husband said ''you give and give and give! why do you feel this way every year? these people got you gifts because it's your birthday, and they love you!''

I don't know why I always feel guilty after I get presents, no matter how small the gift is. I love giving... I just have a problem receiving. I don't know why I feel this way- does anyone else feel like this? How do you get over it?

As the old saying goes it is better to give than receive... but.... we also need people to receive for the others to give to them.

 

[JohnsPrincess]

I LOVE receiving gifts but I'm uncomfortable opening them in front of people. I'm always worried that I won't react like I'm supposed to (I'm REALLY shy...).

In your case, however, you mention that you LOVE giving gifts. I do too! So I think you should think about how giving something makes YOU feel and understand that these people who are giving YOU something...it makes them feel just as happy!

 

[toledo13]

Thanks guys. I think you're all right. I AM a pleaser, and I don't show my emotions about it until I'm home, after the event, in the evening, because it doesn't hit me until then. It doesn't interfere with my life per-se, but I do think about it a lot. The only problem is pinpointing WHY I'm feeling emotions like this.

I don't feel this overwhelmed when other people give me gifts, just my family. I am very appreciative of things I receive, and let others know that. It's just a nag in my gut that I don't deserve them... which hardly makes any sense at all.

 

[krcit]

I LOVE receiving gifts but I'm uncomfortable opening them in front of people. I'm always worried that I won't react like I'm supposed to (I'm REALLY shy...).

In your case, however, you mention that you LOVE giving gifts. I do too! So I think you should think about how giving something makes YOU feel and understand that these people who are giving YOU something...it makes them feel just as happy!

Exactly what I was going to post!

 

[fussymonkey]

Thanks guys. I think you're all right. I AM a pleaser, and I don't show my emotions about it until I'm home, after the event, in the evening, because it doesn't hit me until then. It doesn't interfere with my life per-se, but I do think about it a lot. The only problem is pinpointing WHY I'm feeling emotions like this.

I don't feel this overwhelmed when other people give me gifts, just my family. I am very appreciative of things I receive, and let others know that. It's just a nag in my gut that I don't deserve them... which hardly makes any sense at all.

This is going to come off as judgy and I don't mean it that way, but: that ain't right. I have dealt with a lot of guilt issues in my life, and guilt piles on top of guilt; its irrational and unhealthy.

If you feel unworthy of a birthday gift, I suggest you may want to talk to someone about that, because- and maybe I'm totally off base- that unworthyness will sneak into other parts of your life and have a wider effect than crying after birthday parties.

You'd hate to raise children that felt unworthy of gifts or unworthy of being the center of attention on occasion.

 

[Handbag Lady]

Would it help you if you thought of the pleasure you give others in receiving their gifts and time with joy?


I once burst into tears when the Happy Birthday song was sung to me. TO this day, I have no idea why. I was in my thirties and it wasn't an age issue, I was just overwhelmed by people wanted to be with me and to celebrate me.

 

[Cee]

I love gifts! Some of my friends who don't have children will give me gifts for no reason because they saw it and thought I'd like it. Their reasoning is that they would do this for their kids if they had any, but instead they do it for their friends. Well....when you put it that way.....OKAY!