Does anyone else have a sibling from.......

[luckywife]

Well, I think we can guess where I'm talking about!

This is a rant, will probably end up being too long, but I just wondered if anyone else has a brother/sister like mine.

I have 2 older brothers, one is 12 years older than me, the other is 4 years older. For some reason I have always had a better relationship with my older brother than the one closer to my own age. I can actually call my oldest brother a dear friend. My other brother, on the other hand, can be a total jerk 99% of the time. He has always been selfish and thought he was the MOST important person in the world.

Example(s): Oldest brother is getting married in one month. Our other brother (I shall call him "the jerk") was asked to be best man. Fine, no problem until yesterday. He got mad because everyone in the wedding party is going to ride in a limo from the church to the reception but since his wife isn't in the wedding she'll have to drive herself to the reception, which is probably 15 minutes away from the church. "The jerk" told my other brother that it wasn't fair that he would be riding in a big fancy limo while his wife had to ride in the car. He also went as far as to suggest that he rent TWO limos. Why? I guess for him and his wife!

The biggest thing he has said/done was to our dad. My mom passed away a little over a year ago so obviously my dad has been having a rough time. My dad casually mentioned to him the other day that he owed my mom quite a bit of money and that he could really use some of it right now if he could pay him a little bit at a time. My brother "The Jerk" told my dad...."I have a family of my own now. I can't AFFORD to pay you back!"

Sorry to go on and on but I am FURIOUS about all of this and just needed to vent a little. Thanks for listening.

 

[LindaR]

That's why you should NEVER "loan" money to anyone close to you (family or friends). If you feel strongly, then GIVE the money as a gift. There is usually a reason why they can't get a loan from a bank...........they haven't repaid in the past...........signal to you that they will not pay you back.

If you don't really like your brother, then why keep having contact? If someone else (not related) treated you this way, would you still hang out with them? Blood does not excuse crappy behavior.

 

[Amberle3]

I have one in my family like that. A cousin. He's arrogant, self-centered, and thoroughly thoughtless. He lives in a different province now, and there's no contact between him and my branch of the family unless he wants something, or to email what his kids would like for presents.

He's often told my aunt (his mother) that any time she needs anything, especially money, to just let him know. Well a few weeks ago she got a surprise water bill in the mail. For whatever reason her bill had been estimated for a few years, and someone finally did an actual reading on it. Thanks to a few small leaks and a running toilet she has an accrued balance owing of around $1600! She's on a definite budget, and just can't afford that. She did call the utility company who said that beacause they bill was estimated for so long they can't adjust it. So she contacted her son, who said he'd loan her money whenever she needed it. He's told her to call the utility back and insist that they adjust it (because being rude works miracles doesn't it?) and then insist on a monthly payment plan in amounts she can afford.

What happened to loaning her money whenever she needed it? This is a guy who's taken 2 cruises and a big ski vacation in the last year, and has 2 more vacations planned for the upcoming months. He constantly brags about how much money he and his wife make, and yet he's not willing to send his mother money to pay a utility bill.

Of course this is the same guy who once told his sister that she had more money than brains. And who stormed out of a family dinner pouting because someone had the gall to disagree with him. Oh, and when I was engaged last time (called it off) he TOLD me that he'd be walking me down the aisle, as the last remaining male in the family.

 

[luckywife]

If you don't really like your brother, then why keep having contact?

That's right, I don't "like" my brother sometimes but I do love him. We don't have much contact with each other. I see him at family gatherings, holidays and obviously I will be seeing him when our brother gets married next month. Other than that, neither of us go out of our way to talk to each other or even visit one another very often. I didn't think that in my first post I made it sound like I spend a lot of time around him because I don't.

It saddens me that my mom and dad trusted him to repay the money he borrowed but my guess is that he never had that intention. I know that my dad won't be burned by him twice and wouldn't give him a dime if he needed it now. I think the whole thing that ticked me off was him saying he had his own family and couldn't afford to pay him back.

But as I said, I do love my brother. Sometimes I wonder why, but I do. I have good memories of our childhood but he wasn't raised to be disrespectful and uncaring for other people.

 

[disneyatl]

The limo thing is a bit ridiculous. Whatever!!! Surely his wife doesn't have a problem with not being able to ride in the limo. When my sister got married, my brother's wife wasn't in the wedding party either and she didn't whine like a baby because she wasn't able to participate in some things. Next he'll be complaining about her not being in the wedding pictures! Bottom line....it's not his wedding!

 

[DVC-Don]

I have a sister who has done buglaries, arrested for distributing coke and the list goes on. Last I heard from her she was complaining I had "too much money", but that was more than 2 years ago. She lives in another state and I will not have anything to do with her and neither will my father. She does suck up to one aunt & uncle who get suckered by her all the time.

 

[eeyore kelly]

I have a sister that's the jerk of the family too. I wish I had some words of wisdom, but I don't. All I can say is I feel for you.

 

[VAN]

Suggestion for your Father. Our family is large and we have one brother who is, let's just say, a bit different. Anyway, he owed my parents money and at some point it became clear that he was not planning on repaying it. Well, my parent's changed their will to say that this brother (and there was a promisary note signed, so it was documented) owed the estate so much and his share would have that amount deducted.

With this matter taken care of, my parent's were able to put it behind them and the rest of us kids knew that it was "taken care of". (Similar situation on my DH's side)

Much of people's frustrations come from their expectations of how others should behave. We all love each other, right, so shouldn't we all act that way? Wrong -- expect him to be a jerk and then if he behaves like a human being, you can be pleasantly surprised!!!

He is the one with the problem -- don't make it your's!!

 

[luckywife]

disneyatl I agree, the whole limo thing is very childish. My brother (the one who is getting married) told me that Bob (the one brother I am speaking ill of) was upset because his wife will arrive at the reception before we do. He said she has panic attacks (I don't know if she does or not) and just isn't comfortable being there by herself waiting for him to show up in the limo. The rest of our family will be there...my DH, my dad etc. so I don't really understand the "she doesn't know anyone" story.

I guess in my first post I should have made a thing or two clear. My brother is a jerk most of the time. I said 99% of the time, maybe that's stretching it a little. I'll just leave it at, he's a jerk a LOT of the time. But that being said, when he's nice, he's VERY nice. He's funny and knows how to cut up and have a good time. It's just that he feels one way about family and I feel another way. To me, family is the most important thing in the world. I wouldn't be selfish and try (most of the time) to put how someone else feels above my own feelings. That's why what he said to my brother about the limo and to my dad about the money, made me angry. I figured there were other people out there with a sibling like mine. I guess there's always one in every family.

 

[luckywife]

VAN I guess we posted at the same time because I didn't see your post until now. That's very good advice about the will. I will certainly pass that along to my dad. And you're very right, it's his problem so I shouldn't make it "my" problem. Thanks for the advice.

 

[ILUVDXL]

Oh boy, don't get me started. I haven't spoken to my sister since Christmas. I don't know what I'm going to do about Thanksgiving and Christmas this year. I so want to see my Dad (she lives with him) but I so don't want to see her.

 

[leahannpen]

He comes from a place called " Very irresponsible-ville "

If you have, oh, about a month, I could fill ya in! LOL!

 

[ladydancer]

When my daughter was married a few years ago her sis-in-law was in the wedding but her dh (my son) was not. Also my daughers "new" sis-in-law (dh sister) was in the wedding but her dh was not. Only the people in the wedding party rode in the limo and there spouses didn't. Never heard a word of complaint from anyone.

 

[NMAmy]

I haven't spoken with my younger sister in more than a year. She's constantly fighting with everyone. Everyone who doesn't agree with her is jealous of her because she has a Ph.D. Couldn't possibly be the fact that she's arrogant and rude to everyone. She's been hateful and rude to me and to my child for several years.

The last straw was when my dad was dying in a nursing home. We were taking turns with my mom at the nursing home (me during the day and my sister at night.) I got a hysterical call from my older sister (who lives 2 hours away) that she was on her way to the nursing home because our other sister had called and said that he was really bad and she thought he was dying. No call to me who was 10 minutes away. The look on her face when I arrived at the nursing home just showed me that she knew exactly what she had done.

I was civil after my dad passed but I have not spoken to her since she left town and refuse to have her at my house when she visits.

 

[Missy1961]

I have 2 brothers (1 older, 1 younger) and 3 sisters (all younger).

If you had asked me this when I was younger I would have picked one of my sisters as the "sibling from ----". We just didn't get along. I was close to my other sisters, close to my brothers, especially my younger brother. He was almost 2 years younger to the day (10 days short of exactly 2 yrs apart) We had similar interests and did lots of fun stuff together.

Well, fast forward about 20 years. Now my sister & I get along great--we can talk for an hour on the phone, laughing and having a great time. I have taken vacation days to help her with her kids while her husband is out of town on business, and we didn't argue once. And my younger brother is the pain. He's rigid in his views, makes no effort to visit and we're never invited to his house either. The last time he visited, and when I asked his kids to stop jumping on the new bed, he told me "WE let them jump on the beds" EXCUSE ME? This is my house, my new bed, and I asked them nicely.

So, yes, I know what you mean.

 

[luckywife]

What bothers me the most about my brother is how he uses people. Now, I don't allow him to use me but he has used my mom and dad and still to this day tries to use my dad. I thought once my mom passed away he would open his eyes and grow up a little but obviously I was wrong. The only time he goes to visit my dad is when he wants something. He doesn't have a lawn mower of his own so he was "sneaking" over to my dad's once a week and taking the lawn mower and the gas can, which was full of gas, and using it without even asking him. My dad finally had to put a lock on the shed to keep him out. Someone else mentioned about a "bragger." That's most definitely my brother! He brags about how much money he has but yet he can't repay money that he borrowed YEARS ago from our parents. He has money for what he wants. I think he thinks 'spend my money on the fun stuff and what's left over, I might pay some bills.' Just very irritating. I try to keep my distance from his as much as possible but that kills me because I don't get to see my neice and nephews very often. I guess I just need to realize he's going to that way for the rest of his life.

 

[Cindy B]

My sister is from the beyond as well.

She is a total and complete nasty woman. She just has this horrible tone of voice, and is just so rude to her kids!

She is a a control freak to the top degree, so she go nuts if her kids have dirt on thier face or their outfit isn't perfect.

She will also outfit them in incoreect season clothes.. for example a spring dress on Christmas? She tells them they can't do things, and they don't have a computer, TV, or radio in thier house. They don't have much to do except draw!

However, she goes out with her live in boyfriend all the time. I'm not too totally fond of the boyfriend either.

She lords her higher education over all of us, and chastises me constantly about not going into the military like all the other members of the family!

 

[disykat]

I can understand why, in certain circumstances like the suppossed anxiety problem, your brother would want to ride to the wedding with his wife. What I don't get is why he thinks she should ride in the limo. Wouldn't the obvious thing be for him to forgo the limo ride, ride in his own car with his wife, and just meet the wedding party there?

 

[VAN]

disykat -- I think that's the perfect response!!!

 

[luckywife]

It was suggested by my other brother that he just ride in the car with his wife to the reception. It's hard telling what the response was but I guess if she doesn't want to go alone and she can't ride in the limo because there's not enough room, that will be their only solution.