Does anyone else have a problem with saying NO

[binny]

I admit I always harrassed a friend of mine because she can never say no to anyone. She gets totally overwhelmed by being the coordinator of this and the volunteer for that. I always joke and tell her " say it with me now N-O noooooo"


I never thought I was like that until recently.

Prime example, today the secretary for the youth group called me and said " I know your mum is coming in tomrrow, but is there any way you could come and paint the cafe at some point before Halloween?" Of course I figured I could squeeze it in in the morning before I have to go and pick my mum up from the airport at noon.
Not so bad right?

Well earlier today I was supposed to be cleaning my house and my girlfriend stopped by and asked if I could go run a couple of errands with her. So of course I went along.

My house is not the cleanest its ever been and I was hoping to get more done but it just didnt happen.

Does anyone else have this problem? Do I need a 12 step program?

 

[Blueeyes101817]

i have a hard time saying no too....lately, i ve been better about it, but i notice that i just say yes whenever anyone asks me anything

 

[binny]

well its nice to know Im not alone at least.



I wonder why that is though. Do you think we're just people pleasers?

 

[Desiree]

I am totally guilty of that. So much so that it gets me in trouble sometimes and I get burned by people for it.

 

[Mike.Wazowski]

NO




just kidding -
my thing is being the work at home mom they all call on funky days off and holidays asking me to watch their kids -
and I can never say NO and I spend the days regreting it.

 

[MissMinnie]

It's called the "disease to please". It is a hard thing to break because many people are afraid of offending someone by saying no to a request for help. The result is an overwhelmed and exhausted person who can't get their own stuff done. I know because I used to be that person. I had to force myself to start saying no to requests and actually did feel better when I did. You can't do it all. Some people may get offended, but then they were probably using you anyway. Of course, if the request is a very important event to a friend or family member, I say yes. I want to ease my obligations, not become a selfish or inconsiderate person.

 

[Luv'sTink]

My first response is to say "sure I can do it" then later I think what did I say yes for! I guess it is just the way I am, I am a giver and I don't think before I speak, usually I just go with it.

 

[Chattyaholic]

Nope, not a problem for me anymore!

Several years ago we were quite involved in our church. I was a Sunday School teacher, president of the women's group, and Church Treasurer. Along with raising two children, working, and taking care of the house...well, it was just too much and I finally learned how to say no.

And DH and I both found that the more you are willing to do, the more you are asked to do.

 

[miss missy]

Not anymore.. I hit 40 and said thats it! I really found my voice LOL. Nope No Not ... its easy now!

 

[lulugirl]

I used to have a difficult time saying no, as I got older it became easier.
I'm 36 and it is very easy for me to say NO, it's really quite liberating!

 

[gemjoy]

It's called the "disease to please".

This is what I have. Although, I realize it and because of that, I'm getting better at saying no.

 

[EthansMom]

I've found that a lot of people don't take "No" well.

What I use that seems to work better is "I'm sorry, but..." In binny's situations above, I would have said, "I'm sorry, but I'm going to be too busy getting the house ready for my Mom's visit." and "Oh, I would love to run errands, but I promised myself that I would get this house clean."

I'm involved in the PTO, Friends of the Library and volunteer at the grade school. I have to be picky about which projects I volunteer myself for so that I have time for everything (not to mention time for the kids). I didn't volunteer to run the PTO gift-wrapping fundraiser since I don't like to buy the stuff myself, but did volunteer for the Scholastic Book Sale since we love to read. Likewise, for the Friends of the Library winter auction, I volunteered to help decorate a Christmas tree for auction, to make appetizers, and help clean up, but I'm not going to go around soliciting local businesses for auction donations because I don't feel comfortable soliciting.

Good Luck with standing up for yourself!

Edited to add: Personally, I think it's somewhat presumptious for someone to call asking you to paint with less than 6 days notice when they know you have family visiting soon. You should call her back and tell her that you've looked at your schedule and realized you just don't have the time to get the painting done now but would be happy to help out after your Mom leaves town.

 

[DisneyGirl4188]

DH is like this. He hates to hurt people's feelings.

I, on the other hand, have no problem saying no. If I think someone would get upset for me just saying no, I will make up an excuse.

I would rather have someone tell me no, then to say they will do something and they don't. One of my brothers is like this. He will promise anything and then not do it. Then he will avoid you, until HE wants something.

 

[horseshowmom]

Nope, not a problem for me anymore!

Several years ago we were quite involved in our church. I was a Sunday School teacher, president of the women's group, and Church Treasurer. Along with raising two children, working, and taking care of the house...well, it was just too much and I finally learned how to say no.

And DH and I both found that the more you are willing to do, the more you are asked to do.

Similar situation here (but only one child) - definitely had that "disease to please". Along with everything under the sun at church, I was on the Fair Board and took care of the 4-H group. I finally had a rude awakening at one point and realized that the hard work is often not appreciated, and people don't mind using you at all.

I can honestly say that the experience freed me. I stepped back and took a long hard look at everything I was doing. I realized that I was doing way too much and resigned from several things. I agree with MissMinnie, there's a happy medium that we can reach that includes helping others without abusing ourselves.

 

[DISUNC]

nnnnnnnnnnnnnnnnnnnnnnnnnnnnnnnnnnnn..................nnnnnnnnnnnnnnnnnnnnnnnnn.....NNNNNNNNNNNNNNNNNNNNNNNNNNNNNNN......YES!

 

[ilovepcot]

I look people right in the eye with a *huge* smile on my face and tell them I'd be happy to do "whatever". Inside I'm cursing myself and my heart is pounding over the fury I already feel toward myself for caving. DH calls me the "Snow Queen". Says people never really know how I feel about anything. Sadly, he's right. I need a 12 step program, too.

 

[PaulaSue]

I will join you all, I can't say no.

For example I volunteered for school thing only to find out it was an outside event for 2 hours. I hate the cold and my skin is already dried out. I am in pain it is so dried out from today.

 

[AKLRULZ]

Nope, it's actually pretty easy for me to say no.