Does anyone else feel a bit selfish today?

[luvsJack]

I am hoping to find a family in need to help next year as well. I couldn't do it alone, but I would love to partner with someone. Our school staff was supposed to sponsor a family this year, but that fell through. I was not going to participate in that, because the children they picked are dressed in all the latest styles every day, as is their mom. They may be on state assistance, but if she has the money to do all that, she should be using it on providing for her children other needs as well. She is one of the ones working the system.

OTOH, we have quite a few latino families in our school that seem to be living on the edge. They don't qualify for state assistance and/or are too proud to ask for help. I wish I could figure out a way to help one of those families without offending.

Marsha

This is something I would love to do, too. Help a family that needs help but isn't receiving any from anywhere else.

I don't pay that much attention to whether someone is playing the system or not because I just figure I am doing it for the kids, but I have seen where more than one organization will try to help the same family. I know of one family in particular that has had years where more than one church will send them gifts and so will the school--these kids ended up with this HUGE stack of Christmas gifts and another family may be right down the road getting nothing. Sometimes the churches around here just get the family's names from church members and the schools from their students so its easy to double up accidentally.

 

[karen l]

Every year the my Church has a "Giving Tree" on the altar on the first weekend of Advent. Each tag on the tree names a gift that can be donated - ie
size 14 girls pants, books, toys. We choose tags & then return the tags with the items we've purchased. This works great for me because I can't afford to sponsor an entire family. We pick some tags & then enjoy shopping for others. It really helps teach my family the true meaning of Christmas.

 

[Acklander]

The thing is, I'm not as worried about those who are able to ask for help through social programs, toys for tots etc..... I try to keep my eyes open for the ones who are too proud to ask for help. Those are the ones I worry about. I keep an eye out for those who are scrimping at the grocery store to buy just the basics, the elderly who can't turn on the heat, my kid's classmate, which one is wearing a coat too small and doesn't have gloves and a hat? If I've heard about someone who has had a prolonged illness, when I go to visit, I glance around and listen to see if there are any struggles that I might be able to help with.
While I'll give to the toy for tots and food bank and places like that, I make it a mission to try and find a few people who aren't involved in "the system" and try to make a difference in their lives.

 

[bridget]

Something else to consider is the elderly in nursing homes. Our church has a tree with various ornaments. If they are star shaped they are for children in foster care. If they are heart shaped they are for people in nursing homes. If they are diamond shaped they are for the homeless shelter. I really like this. I know my mom is one of the people that delivers to the nursing homes, and they are so appreciative.

 

[ceecee]

As for nursing homes...a lot of people are so alone there. Volunteering to read or write letters for them, do a puzzle or just visit is a real blessing to them. Their faces always lit up when I took my Girl Scout troup for a visit, some of the girls started out quite afraid but warmed up over time, a blessing to all of us.
I know of too many people who work the system as well and you do want to help those who are the neediest, but who's to say who is and who isn't? The fact that anyone is even in "the system" is sad. So I really do feel blessed.

 

[NaplesRI]

This thread brought a few thoughts to mind...

as far as nursing homes go... we just lost my mother in October, and she had been in a nursing home for 3 years. It is really sad to see how many people have no visitors. Then, you see the people who bring their dogs around to visit everyone, just because most people love dogs. You see the families bringing in grandchildren, and how the faces of all light up- it doesn't matter if they know the child or not- the elderly just love children. I will never forget our experiences there.

Our church has a giving tree. We always have taken a star and purchased gifts for a child. This year, we did an electronic Christmas card, and used the money we saved to take a second star and hopefully we added joy to 2 families. We enjoyed shopping and purchasing gifts for the 5 and 6 yr olds we got. As our grandson was surrounded by so many gifts, I thought of the 2 children who probably had only the gifts we gave, and probably appreciated them so much more.

I don't know how we got to this place where lots of presents make a good Christmas, but we are there. I hope we all can begin to move back to a greater appreciation of all we have, and share some of it when we can.

One last thought... food is a basic human need. Our church has a monthly food drive. What we do is watch for sales on items, and match with coupons. We will buy items and save for the food drive. Soups, peanut butter, anything we see that is a deal and healthy, we will get. We need to help each other.
There but for the grace of God, go I......

(stepping down off my soapbox....sorry)

 

[mickeygaga]

Three weeks ago a family members home burned down due to an iron being left on. Nobody was home at the time-thank goodness. The mother has a great full time manager job and the father is in the guard and is currently in Iraq. Thankfully she had great home owners insurance with replacement, so everything will be replaced. Sadly all photos and keepsakes were destroyed. Local media got wind of the tragedy, and an abundance of donations including clothing, toys and money came pouring in. Bank accounts were started in their honor and the father was even allowed to fly home to be with his family. The sick part is this man used to have a great manager job but was demoted for various reasons. He decided to join the guard and worked 2 weekends per month. When his wife asked him to find another job he told her his 4 days per month were it. He never worked on the house that needed many repairs, did not take care of the yard, or even watched the kids while his wife worked. Eventually he was deployed. Before he went, they took their kids to WDW to help with the transition. A couple months after he was deployed she decided to drive down to WDW again because she had park hopper days left and she wanted to cheer up the kids. He was angry that she did this and decided because they got to go on another vacation he would order himself a Harley motorcycle that would be delivered to their house and would be waiting for him. Due to the Christmas season and he being a service man, many people wanted to pitch in to help this family. A total of about $18,000 was donated hundreds of dollars worth of gift cards, and Sears donated $5,000 worth of appliances. The kids were taken shopping by the "shop with a cop" program and were able to buy many gifts. A local hospital donated furniture. Now, am I wrong to think that they should have not accepted all these donations? The insurance company immediately cut them a check for clothing and necessities. They will have all their appliances and all belongings replaced by the insurance company also. All the kids Christmas gifts were hidden next door at Grandmas house-and these kids are very well taken cared of. Not once did either of them tell the media that they were both working and have great insurance coverage-most people don't have replacement insurance. All they asked was that people stop donating clothing because they have so much. They are staying with her Mother next door and the insurance company is paying her for that. The shop with a cop program was designated for low income families who otherwise might not have gifts at Christmas. They buy children coats, boots and toys for Christmas. Now, I know people want to help when things like this happen, but I feel like the good intentions were taken advantage of. I know of a family who father is serving in Afghanistan, and the wife and mother of 3 is battling a heart condition and they barely have enough to make ends meet after the medication bills. Now that is a family in need. I know this family member works hard for her family, and a fire is devastating (our kitchen burned when I was a child), but I just feel that they should have informed the media that they were financially sound, and would be taken very well cared of. I just find it sad that the donations could have went to truly need people. Just need some help wrapping my head around all this.

 

[Acklander]

Three weeks ago a family members home burned down due to an iron being left on. Nobody was home at the time-thank goodness. The mother has a great full time manager job and the father is in the guard and is currently in Iraq. Thankfully she had great home owners insurance with replacement, so everything will be replaced. Sadly all photos and keepsakes were destroyed. Local media got wind of the tragedy, and an abundance of donations including clothing, toys and money came pouring in. Bank accounts were started in their honor and the father was even allowed to fly home to be with his family. The sick part is this man used to have a great manager job but was demoted for various reasons. He decided to join the guard and worked 2 weekends per month. When his wife asked him to find another job he told her his 4 days per month were it. He never worked on the house that needed many repairs, did not take care of the yard, or even watched the kids while his wife worked. Eventually he was deployed. Before he went, they took their kids to WDW to help with the transition. A couple months after he was deployed she decided to drive down to WDW again because she had park hopper days left and she wanted to cheer up the kids. He was angry that she did this and decided because they got to go on another vacation he would order himself a Harley motorcycle that would be delivered to their house and would be waiting for him. Due to the Christmas season and he being a service man, many people wanted to pitch in to help this family. A total of about $18,000 was donated hundreds of dollars worth of gift cards, and Sears donated $5,000 worth of appliances. The kids were taken shopping by the "shop with a cop" program and were able to buy many gifts. A local hospital donated furniture. Now, am I wrong to think that they should have not accepted all these donations? The insurance company immediately cut them a check for clothing and necessities. They will have all their appliances and all belongings replaced by the insurance company also. All the kids Christmas gifts were hidden next door at Grandmas house-and these kids are very well taken cared of. Not once did either of them tell the media that they were both working and have great insurance coverage-most people don't have replacement insurance. All they asked was that people stop donating clothing because they have so much. They are staying with her Mother next door and the insurance company is paying her for that. The shop with a cop program was designated for low income families who otherwise might not have gifts at Christmas. They buy children coats, boots and toys for Christmas. Now, I know people want to help when things like this happen, but I feel like the good intentions were taken advantage of. I know of a family who father is serving in Afghanistan, and the wife and mother of 3 is battling a heart condition and they barely have enough to make ends meet after the medication bills. Now that is a family in need. I know this family member works hard for her family, and a fire is devastating (our kitchen burned when I was a child), but I just feel that they should have informed the media that they were financially sound, and would be taken very well cared of. I just find it sad that the donations could have went to truly need people. Just need some help wrapping my head around all this.

You can't wrap your head around it, but also keep in mind, you may not have the entire story.
When my sister's condo burned down (the fire started in a neighboring unit) she had great insurance, but it still didn't cover everything. She had a year of renting somewhere else (which was mostly covered by insurance) but still had to pay her mortgage AND condo dues. Her possessions were covered at a depreciated cost, not replacement cost; she had to miss many days of work due to meeting with insurance people, contractors etc... insurance just didn't cover the entire thing. All of us got together and went through photos that had her and her family in it and made copies so that she could have new photo albums.

 

[Minnie]

At work we go through a program that selects families from the school. That way we know the families really need our help.

We also donate to all the food drives trying to do our part as thankfully we do have more than many

What concerns me however about some of the programs is the people that really do not need the help. I personally know someone that had absolutely no business asking for assistance. The fact their kids were on the 'angel tree' literally made me ill. They "worked" the system in so many ways.... It really makes me wonder how many need the help and how many were just like this woman

 

[momxx5]

Not selfish this Christmas, or any other really.

We have always sponsored at least one child. Even this yr with DH out of work and things extremely slim here DH & DD(7) picked an angel from the school tree....a girl, 11 book w/gift card. Perfect.

I was so proud of my kids this Christmas morning. Not all got their wishes, the stocking were 3-4 items & an apple. Everyone was happy!

The interesting part will be when the younger ones go back to school and hear about the big haul the others got. We have never competed with others....having 5 kids we never wanted it to be about how much you get.

I am just thankful that we were able to provide for the kids this yr. The coming year is not looking as good. We are losing our health ins in first quarter unless I get them and DH will start teaching with only 2 courses lined up thru June.
Who knows, praying our names are not on the angel tree next yr.

 

[madcat]

I run a charity for the police department that I work for, I have done it for the past five years. This year we helped 25 kids (10 families) we provided all of the kids's christmas gifts (they usually get about 5 gifts to open for each child) we also give some kids bikes/skateboards etc. We do make the parents show some sort of financial declaration in order to qualify for the program. I have seen both ends of the stick. The mother that was so surprised and greatful that she was crying so much that she could barely breath and then the others that just acted like they were expecting to get things. This year I told my husband that we were not going to get a lot for the kids because every year I end up going through their closet and picking out gifts that the kids had gotten that they never even opened to contribute to the charity. Remember the "night vision goggles?" that were so big last year? my sons both got a pair and only ended up opening one of them. While we were wrapping gifts my husband said that it looked like they weren't getting that much, but when they woke up on christmas morning they were still very very satisfied. Seeing a lot of gifts made us as parents feel better.