Does anyone else feel a bit selfish today?

[bucket o' butter]

I am feeling a little bit selfish today. Everyone in our family got so much for Christmas. We are not rich by any means. I save all year long to shop for Christmas and I hit all the sales and always get good deals. Probably why everyone got what they asked for. I pretty much stuck to my budget for the kids. But, I know there are families out there in our own community that got very little for Christmas. I am making a vow to provide for a family for Christmas next year. Not sure how I go about doing this though. I know people on the DisBoards have done this before. I just want to make sure the family(ies) we help are not only needy, but deserving. I work with so many people that completely take advantage of the welfare system, it just makes me sick to my stomach. But I also see people who truly try to do better for themselves, but just can't. I just wanted to see what other people have done to give back to their communities in the past! Thanks!

 

[pat fan]

Our family has gotten a family from the "adopt-a-family" program where we live the last 3 years. It is through a larger church than ours, not sure how they got it set up, but the info comes from DSS/WIC programs. I know this only because the you have to put the WIC or DSS # on each box for the family. They only give you the first names of the family members to put on tags. I really like doing it, my DH likes to do it, but he does have issues that it might be someone "working" the system. I kind of decided in my mind that next year, I might try and do something different for that very reason. Not sure what, but I'll have to explore my options. Either way, it's not the kids fault what the parents do and they deserve a Christmas same as any other kid.

 

[polkadotminnie]

You might want to check with your local school. Our school counselor has a list of deserving families. I always help out a family. I never know who it is. I just get the gifts and deliver them to her. Hopefully, it made Christmas special for someone.

 

[bushdianee]

If you live in an area with immigrant or reugee families they are very gratefull for anything that they get. I lve in an area that has many Karen (they are coming from Myamar via refugee camps in Thailand) and African refugee families. They usually arrive here with basically only the clothes on their backs. They really ahve it hard coming from refugee camps and trying to build lives for their families in a foreign place. Last year my family "adopted" one of my students who is Karen and this year one of my students who is from Africa (I'm can't remember just what country) My DNiece and her DH are sponsoring a family of 2 brothers and a sister who just arrived from Burma. She found out that they each only had 2 pairs of socks and underwear so we bought them stuff too. It is so rewarding to help others. I am a teacher so by no means am I wealthy but I have what I need and can help others who truely need it.

 

[gina2000]

I don't feel selfish but I do feel extremely lucky. I just saw a commercial that stated that 1 in 8 Americans are going hungry.

I vow to donate as much as I can to our local food bank. We've always made donations but I intend to ramp it up in 2010.

 

[Poohbear5]

For the person who had concerns about those "working the system", we have a relative that did that for years but I also know of a family that would not have had even one toy for each of their five kids if we and other at church had not stepped in and helped. This mom was so humbled and grateful that someone wanted to give her kids a special Christmas. So we we always do the star child and other programs and hope the help gets to where it is needed.

 

[jessica52877]

We did 3 samaritan shoe boxes this year. They ship them to different countries. I really enjoyed doing that this year. I like to help out my own but have alot of thoughts about those that work it. I bust my bottom all year to scrimp and save to provide for us and give to others that thinking about the few who ruin it really puts a damper on things. So I try to ignore it best as possible. The shoe boxes this year were wonderful for that reason. I cannot imagine that any one who got a box wasn't in complete need.

We also did 7 large bags and a few loose toys, blankets and clothes. My husband is a manager at major food store and has someone from a food bank that comes and picks up leftover/expired food. He happen to the ask the guy if he knew anyone in need the day they got notice that they would not be receiving any toys from toys for tots this year. He was delighted and in tears! It was wonderful. I am sure that some still work the system here but it felt different then doing our usual angel tree kids and toys for tots.

We also asked at school and they told us of a family in need. We were to be contacted and never heard a peep from them again. That was kind of upsetting as they 5 kids. 4 girls and a boy and I had gotten specific items for them.

In the long run though it is so wonderful to help out those in need. I really just try to think that they are in need and not working it. I know of situations that I don't approve of what goes on and see the help that is given because they are "needy".

 

[luvsJack]

Our local Red Cross has an adopt a family program. Their families had their homes burned in the past year. I have also worked places that contacted Dept. of Human Services to find a family to adopt.

I too am feeling a bit selfish this year and plan to do more in the coming year and for next Christmas. I think I will be planning to adopt a family next year.

Our church does the shoeboxes every year. Dd takes part in this through her GA's group. Each Sunday School class does something like either adopting a family or making Christmas dinner for shut ins, etc. Dd and I plan to become more active in Sunday school next year and that will get us involved in more of these things too.

 

[jme829]

You know, I kind of did last night when I put it all out, at the time it seemed sooo much.

Today, seeing it all opened and boxes removed, it actually seems a little sparse


I did keep it in budget (about $200) per kid, but I really didn't get them anything extravagant this year ( or any year for that matter).

What really freaked my out is when they dumped the stocking stuff out, it really seemed skimpy, but most of the stuff in their was nice stuff (but not expensive stuff).

The kids aren't complaining, they are happy with what they got, and we're really not over run with stuff.. it just seems skimpy, but its really not.

 

[DawnM]

We have had big Christmases (this year was one of them) and we have had quite frugal Christmases.....but either way I feel we have way more than most of the world and I am well aware of that.

We have done a variety of things in the past. We have done a homeless ministry with gifts, we have done Angel Tree and delivered the gifts, we have a ministry here that works with the projects and we often buy gifts for those kids, we have done Samaritian's Purse shoe boxes, and we have done an adopt a family.

I grew up in Africa and am well aware of how the "other 2/3" lives. We are indeed very fortunate.

Dawn

 

[Kitzka]

for the past few years my family has adopted a family through one of the local social service agencies. I don't know for a fact that the famiies are screened or if they are 'working the system'. i honestly feel that i can't worry about that and do what i can to help these families.

the first year we got a family of 4 adults and 1 child. all but 1 of the adults had some form of autism. the one adult who was not autistic was the mother and her adult kids were in their mid 20's. one of the mid 20 year olds had a 2 year old who seemed to not be anywhere on the spectrum. this family asked for towels, bath robes, gloves and clothes for the 2 year old. i don;t know if they were taking advantage of the system but i have to think it's hard to trade towels or bath robes for anything illicit. but maybe i am nieve.

this year's family had 3 young children. they all asked for warm winter coats and 1 holiday dvd for them all to share. again i kind of felt as if these were things that would be harder to trade. i have to have some faith that these people are trying to do right by themselves. yes there are people that take advantage of the system but if i want to give i am going to give with all my heart and not to think about what happens after the things leave my hands.

i did inquire with the social workers for each family if there was anything else i could get them and was given ideas. i did purchase what was on their wish list plus but between sales and savy shopping i was able to get each child a coat, hat, mittens, scarf, a toy ish item and something for mom for about $200. Could i have used that $200 to buy for my in laws, my parents or for my husband? yes but they can do with one less thing in order for another family to have something.

i would love to get for more than one family and when i had a girl scout troop they would do this but when it's just my little family i can only do 1 family but it sure makes it easier christmas morning to know that someone out there is having a good christmas because of a little couponing and shopping on my part. i can certainly do without another pair of earrings...

lara

 

[NYCDiane]

I felt that way as well when I was wrapping my daughter's gifts a couple of weeks ago. I hadn't planned on buying as much as I did and was surprised at how much there was when I started wrapping.

At that point, I decided that next year, we are going to 'adopt a family' and use 1/2 the Christmas budget for that family. I told my DD about it -- of course, she balked a bit at first but then realized it will be a great thing to do for someone.

This morning, after she unwrapped all her things, it didn't seem like "that much". Probably because most of the stuff I got her were things she needed. Of course, there were also "wants" in there but the "needs" outweighed the "wants" for sure.

Next year we are absolutely going to adopt a family. I'll either ask a school counselor or go through a local church where many of the families are actually grandparents taking care of their grandchildren because the parents are either in prison or drug abusers and have lost custody.

 

[sk!mom]

I've had the best luck with adopting a family by going through the school counselor. She's been able to recommend a family that really needed a hand. I've tried other agencies but I found that they often don't really know the family that they are recommending. They just know that they applied for help. The counselor has the benefit of really knowing those that she recommends.

Other things that we do every year...sign up to deliver Meals to the Elderly one day of Christmas week. They always need sub drivers during the holidays and the elderly people love to see a smiling young child or teen at their door. Dh and DD sign up for a volunteer slot "ringing the bell" at the Mall one Saturday morning. DD and her youth group volunteered last Sat, morning at the Soup Kitchen. This year we also packed several boxes to send to my nephew and those under him in Afghanistan.

 

[Kitzka]

Our local volunteer agency will match people up with families but we are give the name and number of their social worker and we can email or call them to get some more information on the family.

We have also contacted out local armory to see if there are families of active servicemen that we could help out.

lara

 

[MinnieForMe]

Hi:
Yes, I am selfish because I was disappointed in my own gifts. My husband didn't get me the "best" digital frame and the earrings were not my taste. I was really disappointed but a little while later I was so appalled that I felt this way knowing that so many families are struggling. We are blessed and it really is the thought that counts!

 

[pantherlj]

You know, I kind of did last night when I put it all out, at the time it seemed sooo much.

Today, seeing it all opened and boxes removed, it actually seems a little sparse


I did keep it in budget (about $200) per kid, but I really didn't get them anything extravagant this year ( or any year for that matter).

What really freaked my out is when they dumped the stocking stuff out, it really seemed skimpy, but most of the stuff in their was nice stuff (but not expensive stuff).

The kids aren't complaining, they are happy with what they got, and we're really not over run with stuff.. it just seems skimpy, but its really not.

LOL! I felt the exact same way this morning! I felt like I had planned really well but it felt "light" this year. The girls don't get anything during the year. They know not to ask for things at the store - bdays and Christmas is when they get their "stuff". Makes them really think about what they want instead of the spontaneous requests at the store.

I give to United Way every single paycheck at work and give to food drives with the girls during the year so I don't feel bad this time of year at all. I work hard for my family and I donate what I can.

 

[MrsPooh]

I currently work at a non-profit and have been involved with this organization for nearly ten years. We have the largest "Adopt a Family" program at Christmas time in the three county area we serve. This year, thanks to the generosity of people in our communities, over 600 families received gifts and food for Christmas.

While nothing is ever 100%, I can assure you that we do our best to screen the people in our program. Over 200 of the families are served directly either through our food pantry or through other assistance programs we have. That means they have had to submit documentation to prove they are in need. The additional families are referred to our Christmas program from other area agencies that work specifically with low-income families with children or the elderly as well as one group home for boys. Most of the agencies and churches in our counties work together to make certain that people are only one the list at one place. It does seem that every year we find one or two people who are trying to work the system but it would be a shame for so many truly needy to receive nothing because supporters are worried about the one person who might not be legit.

Believe me, we try to do everything within our power to make certain donors are giving to the truly neediest among us. We had many immigrant families adopted. We also had at least ten families currently living in motels because they are homeless and five more we have just moved into transitional homes. We had a 55 yr old single mom raising her teen daughter, teen disabled son and three grandchildren in a small mobile home. We had a family whose sole breadwinner, a truck driver, was murdered while out of state. We had seniors living in low-income housing with no family to care about them. We had 40 pre-teen and teenage boys who are living in a group home because they have no one to care for or about them. We had families with more health issues than you can imagine. And we had families who, two years ago, were adopting families and this year were unemployed and were about to lose there homes.

Any program can have problems but please don't withhold your generosity just because there might be "issues".

 

[Mkaz]

We made an entire meal for a family on Thanksgiving, donated quite a few toys (toys for tots), and made a sizeable donation to a charity. I don't feel selfish, I feel quite blessed.

 

[torinsmom]

I am hoping to find a family in need to help next year as well. I couldn't do it alone, but I would love to partner with someone. Our school staff was supposed to sponsor a family this year, but that fell through. I was not going to participate in that, because the children they picked are dressed in all the latest styles every day, as is their mom. They may be on state assistance, but if she has the money to do all that, she should be using it on providing for her children other needs as well. She is one of the ones working the system.

OTOH, we have quite a few latino families in our school that seem to be living on the edge. They don't qualify for state assistance and/or are too proud to ask for help. I wish I could figure out a way to help one of those families without offending.

Marsha

 

[Mom2Ben02]

Last year, our local YMCA had a "giving tree". I brought my kids in, explained to them that other people are not as fortunate as we are. That other kids don't have enough food to eat or video games to play. We went to the tree to each pick a gift to buy. The "gift requests" for this family were unbelievable. The dad and dad asked for clothes - but not just any clothing, specific branded clothing. The kids asked for Wii games, and a few other toys in the $50ish range. We ended up going and donating to Toys For Tots, and picking out toys that my kids wanted for themselves.

Every time we go to WDW, I donate one night's hotel price to Make a Wish.

This year, I am not feeling selfish. We did not donate anything, because my DH is out of work and we just don't have it. I am thankful we were able to buy the gifts we were able to for our own kids.