Do your parents get along with your inlaws?

[padams]

No, my mother does not get along with my inlaws (my dad doesn't seem too care, and I'm good with that). Too many stories to post.... I envy all of the posters who have families that get along. We don't do birthdays, holidays, etc. any more with both sides. I couldn't take hearing my mother complain about my MIL. I don't particularly care for MIL but for the sake of my marriage I have to try to get along with her. I wish my mother could either keep her opinions to herself or get over every little slight and fault.

 

[Pakey]

We've been married 25 years and both of our sets of parents live here locally. They have probably met 5 times in 25 years. I doubt they would get along but since we don't do joint family events, it's never been an issue.

 

[Keli]

My parents and inlaws get along fine. They aren't best friends or anything but no conflicts either. They've known each other for a long time and have went to the same church for years.

My dd married last year and dh and I get along fine with both dsil's mother and stepdad and dad and stepmom. Since we all live so far away I doubt we'll have that much contact but I'm sure we'll all get along nicely at holidays and special events in dd and dsil's lives.

 

[luvmyfam444]

Yep - my mom & his mom scrapbook together once a month!

 

[puffkin]

My parents and inlaws are very very different. They are civil to each other at family events and usually no drama so I guess we couldn't ask for much more.

I think that since DS has been born (he is almost 4 now) there is more tension. My parents are very involved in his life and my inlaws have very little involvement. So at family functions my MIL gets very jealous of the relationship between DS and my parents. When she gets upset she pretty much clams up and then takes it out on DH later which upsets him. My FIL will just make snide comments at the get together. My inlaws have every opportunity to spend time with DS and they choose not too so we all just roll our eyes and try to ignore them. But it is a ticking timebomb and one of these times there will be a big blow up. Can't wait (PS both sets of parents are local both within 10 minutes of us).

What is really funny is DH's sisters kids are so sweet and they think of my mom as their grandmother. She sees them more and spends more time with them than MIL. My mom usually travels with us to Disney and we have taken both nieces so my mom has spent a ton of one on one time with them there as well. My MIL is INSANELY jeoulous and hurt by that but again, she does nothing to foster a relationship with them either (SIL's family is local too, about 15 minutes away).

 

[minniecarousel]

I really like my older DDIL's parents. They live a mile or so down the road. We don't see them often, mainly because we're at different places in our lives. They're retired, we're still working and have my elderly mom living with us = we don't get out much.

Our younger DDIL's mom lives on the other Coast, so we don't see her often (in fact, she was here for Christmas, and we never did get to see her )
We haven't seen DDIL's Dad much. But he seems like a nice enough guy. He's remarried and has another family.

I don't know how much dynamics will change once grandkids enter the picture. My DH's mother died before we were married and his Dad was is a Conv.Hosp. and died when we had been married for 2 years. So we never had any conflict with my parents/his parents.

I think too many people don't understand the art of compromise. "Can't we all just get along?"

 

[Disney Doll]

My in-laws are dead almost 9 years now, but when they were alive, they got along fine with my parents. We were able to do joint holiday dinners and so forth, my in-laws had 2 big parties per year (St.Patrick's Day and 4th of July) that my parents always attended and enjoyed. They were from the same era, so had a lot in common, knew people in common from "the old days" and so forth. They didn't hang around together other than at joint family things, but there was never any drama...it was always pleasant.

 

[pirateofthecarolinas]

oh my, yes.

the only way they could be closer would be if they were 'swingers'.

That's funny!

 

[KandD]

I'm not married (yet) but my BF and I have lived together for about three years so we do have to split time between his family and my family for holidays. His family has never really met my dad (both of our parents are divorced). I am actually a little nervous about his family and my dad sitting down for a dinner together, his family tend to have little boundaries and will talk about anything and swear up a storm. My dad doesn't care for that kind of language, I don't think he would actually say anything because he is very passive but I know it would make him uncomfortable.
As far as my mom goes, she has met BF's family and they have gotten a long to a certain point. BF's mom, like I already said, has no boundaries and will comment and criticize about EVERYTHING while my mom will only comment if she is asked about something.

My parents divorced when I was 16 and they had been married for about 20 years. My mom's dad and his wife got along very well with my dad's mom. Even after they divorced they got together a few times a year for dinners and holidays and such.

 

[RadioNate]

Thanks for all the replies. I'm actually a bit sad that my family can't get their act together.

My inlaws can be problematic, my mother is right, they are thoughtless. However, it's been 10 years and she needs to stop complaining that they "slight" her. She seems to think that they are purposely doing it to hurt her. They aren't. She doesn't factor into their thoughts at all which, I guess, is the problem.

The latest drama is that my inlaws didn't send her a sympathy card when my grandmother passed away. My MIL did express condolences to me and she did tell my DH to tell my mother how sorry she was. However, mil didn't call my mother personally nor did she ask to personally speak to my mom when she was on the phone with my DH.

Now everyone, including my DH, agrees they should have at least sent a card. But really why so much drama over them? I have cousins who didn't call, show up to the funeral or even send a card. My mom isn't livid at them. It is just my inlaws.

My inlaws aren't thoughtful. They forget my DHs birthday. I just wish my mom would stop taking it so personally.

 

[samshane]

We had issues when we married and my FIL was extremely vocal about it. My Mom wrote him off - and still feels the same way about him to this day. Took me 10yrs to speak with him again. The like my MIL okay (his parents are divorced) - she is quirky, but they like her (my parents are quirky too).

We don't really talk much about it - since between us our parents live in VA, FL, and NV, there's never an issue with getting together or meeting up. I kinda like it that way

 

[mousey]

My parents are great and always around if you need anything and very good to my kids.

MIL, very different. Out of 11 grandchildren, chose 1 who is now 30 yrs old and does everything for him. The other grandchildren get $10 for their birthday (card left in door) and $15 for Christmas. No other money or contact (other than her birthday, Thanksgiving and Easter) even though they are all college age and have college expenses. My son graduated with his Masters degree in May and she didn't even acknowlege the event with a card.

The 30 yr old is currently living with her and can't hold a job. We think she is payiing his bills and that is why he is sticking around. They fight (words) all the time and she tries to run his life.

My parents tolerate her, but after 26 yrs of marriage between my husband and I, I'm having a real hard time being civil to her. She was very opionionated throughtout our marriage and quite nasty at times. My husband avoids her like the plaque!

 

[lecach]

My Dad REALLY dislikes my inlaws. As far as I can tell it stems from the fact that my FIL gave my dad a weak handshake. And they are republican. They are very different from my Dad so I couldnt imagine them ever being friends. They maybe see each other once a year so it's a non issue.

My Mom is okay about my inlaws but doesnt understand a lot of their behaviors. The very first time my Mom met my MIL, my Mom congratulated her on SIL getting married. My MIL said "well, we're not paying for it. We put her thru school and she's going to be making more money than us so she can pay for her own wedding". My Mom was taken aback by her "candor". The way they behaved over the Christmas day visit REALLY upset my Mom. They all get along but if it werent for our marriage they would NOT be friends.

I dont really know how my inlaws feel about my family. I dont know that they have an opinion on my Dad. They have never said anything about my Mom but I do know that they are jealous of the time she spends with DS and her close relationship with him. That's in large part because she comes to our house and comes when it works for us. They dont come very often and when they do its around DH's scheduled time home (he travels for work) and then they stay for like 8 hours so it's harder to schedule visits. They only live about 40 minutes away. We dont exclude them at all but then we dont necessarily invite them over. We dont invite Mom either - she'll call and say "havent seen you guys in a week or two, what day is good for you?".

 

[Duckyiam71]

My parents really dislike my in-laws. A few years ago, my husband and I were having marital problems. It was because I hid a lot of bills from husband. We got back together went through counseling and are financially stronger for it. Now my parents visited us and my in laws picked them up from the airport. My father was chief financial officer for a larger company. My mil asked why he could not have taught better finances. She attacked him as a parent. I am a 38 year old and I take full responsilbity for my actions. I could not believe my mil would attack my parents. I never really cared for her and now the distance is even greater. There really is no more tension because my parents live in VA, my inlaws live in FL and we live in TX. That may have been TMI...sorry!

 

[NYPDwife]

My MIL hates my mom with a blinding passion and my mom tolerates my MIL for my sake. Both of them think the other one is manipulative, sneaky and occassionally diabolical.

You too? It's funny b/c Mom and MIL are so alike. But my mother's a sneaky little "B" and my MIL is very protective of her son, so she takes everything my mother does or says about my husband personally. It's exhausting! I wish we could be like "Everyone Loves Ray" and go to one house for Thanksgiving or Christmas but instead of being able to focus on my DH and kids, we spend our time traveling to their houses during the holidays. I'm so ready to just stay home!!!

 

[pilesoflaundry]

My mom is jealous of my mil because the kids like her more and we visit my mil more just because we live closer. My mom is also jealous of any family member though so I don't think it's because she's my mil.

My mil is very nice and often asks how my mom is doing and stuff. My dad and my fil don't know each other at all and that probably won't change just because there is no real reason for my dad to mix with that side of the family. Nothing bad or wrong behind it.

 

[cheermom1]

My parents and in law's are fine with each other..they are just very different people ..my parents live in an rv and travel ..my in laws live in a middle class house in a suburb ...but they hardly see each other ..when they are with each other they are not rude or say anything bad about each other ..mainly they worry about themselves not each other...does that make since??

I'm sorry you have to deal with that

 

[Mermaid02]

My mom hates my mil. MIL doesn't know it though. When ds was less than 2 weeks old I got VERY sick.... fever of 105*- incoherent- the whole package. We lived way out in the country and my Mom came out to take care of me while dh took care of ds and dd(7 at the time) MIL brought out my antibiotic (very nice, thank you) AND a plate of dinner for my husband. NOTHING for anyone else, not even her granddaughter. My mother will NEVER forget it....

 

[SC Minnie]

My IL's are both deceased now but when they were alive my parents got along great with them. They lived in OH and my parents (and DH and I) lived in SC. When my IL's would come to visit for several days my parents always invited them over for dinner. When my FIL died my dad and brother drove 500mi for the funeral. My mom was ill and couldn't make it.

See, people from the South and North can get along.


My exSIL parents and my parents used to vacation together. ExSIL father is still living and my mom and her husband invite him to dinner occasionally. He even came over for Christmas dinner.

 

[cheermom1]

I just wanted to say I have great MIL ...I can go to her when dh and I get into and she doesn't just pick his side...THAT says a lot...I remember one time she was over and dh and i were kinda at odds and I didn't want to fight or anything in front of her ..dh said something rude and I fired back with "read my mind" ..I thought mil was going fall out of her chair laughing so hard...

I wish that everyone would remember how they felt and the things they had to deal with when it came to their own in laws before they treat their kids SO's that same way...ok back to reality