Do your kids have "chores"

[pls5286]

Do your kids have regular household "chores" that they are expected to do?

I am asking because there was a huge argument today at my parents' house between me and my sister about the kids and doing chores. My sister, who thinks we don't need to take custody of my DFs son because he is special needs--he is on the Autism Spectrum, ADHD, ODD, and Bipolar. He became homeless this week because his mom lost her house Wed, so we moved him in here. This is the second time since Sept. She said we don't need to move him in because my son is losing his privacy. The boys are sharing a room until we can add on. Hopefully within a year.

Anyway. Do your kids have "chores" around the house that they are expected to do? The kids are DS 14, DS11 (ASD) DD8

DS14 cuts grass-Takes approx 1 hr on a zero turn lawn mower.

All 3 clean kitchen after supper. Only DS14 handles sharp knives
clean rooms
pick up dirty clothes after shower
pick up any mess in living room you created

My sister is under the impression that this is too much. Especially for DS14.
She has always thought he should have to do nothing and should get everything he wants. Are we unreasonable parents?

 

[The_Alice]

We have both of the boys complete household tasks. I bought a "Responsibility Chart" from Melissa & Doug and we used that to help them track what they are responsible for doing and also giving them praise.

 

[RockAndRollBallerina]

I stopped getting a weekly allowance for household chores when I was a freshman in high school. When I was in high school I was simply expected to do the housework that needed to be done around the house without being told, or being asked. As a member of the houses (my parents are divorced) I was living in I was expected to contribute, even during the school year.

I did laundry, sorted laundry, folded laundry, dusted, did dishes, vacuumed, clean windows, clean bathrooms, mopped floors, watered the gardens in spring and summer, was expected to keep my room clean at both houses, and ect.

 

[hereyago]

What's up with your sister thinking that? He's 14, not 2.
Did she say all this in front of the kids?


DD12 has chores:

Feed the dog and cat. Pick up said poop from said pets. (she wants to have her own doggy day care, so she might as well practice for what is to come) She wanted the cat, so......

vacuum, dust, living room ,sweep and mop kitchen. pick up her clothes, help with laundry. help with dishes.


We'll alternate: I will do the living room while she does the kitchen. DM will pay her to clean DM's room. I pay a flat rate and say if she thinks of something to clean or do on her own, I will pay her just for taking the iniative.

 

[castmember19]

I never had specific chores as a child. I just did what was asked of me usually. To this day, the most common things were putting soda in the refrigerator and taking out the trash.

I no longer put sodas in the refrigerator because I do not drink them anymore (lame reasoning, but really, I try to avoid them at all costs because I don't want to tempt myself). At this age I still get asked to take out the garbage, the recycling, put dishes away, vacuum, put clothes in and take them out of the laundry on a regular basis. On a less occasional list, my mother will sometimes ask me to make her bed when she leaves extra early in the morning and wash the dishes.

Today she asked me to clean the toilet for the first time.

 

[Conservative Hippie]

My daughter is 3 and she is expected to help put away the toys in the living room and help pick up her room. She also is supposed to put her dirty clothes in the hamper. We always had chores when I was growing up - at 12 we were given the chore of doing our own laundry.

I think your chore list is very reasonable.

 

[ncmickeyluvr]

My children are responsible for picking up after themselves and putting away their belongings. They keep their bathroom picked up but they don't clean anything with chemicals or detergents yet, just keep it tidy, empty the trash and sweep.They also are expected to put away their clean clothes when I do their laundry. They must keep their rooms tidy and also vacuum and dust once a week. Other than that, they don't have assigned jobs. They are just expected to do what needs to be done to maintain our home when they are asked. Most often, unloading/loading the dishwasher, feeding dogs or cat, getting the clothes from the dryer and folding them.

We don't pay the children to do these things. We all are expected to take care of the home that we live in.

 

[pls5286]

What's up with your sister thinking that? He's 14, not 2.
Did she say all this in front of the kids?

Thankfully, the kids were all outside playing, frisbee and did not here this exchange. She has always favored DS over DD, so I think she looks at DS11 as a major intrusion on the house. Everyone at my house looks at him as a lost little boy right now who really needs to be loved. The look on his face when DS called just to talk to him Thurs was priceless.

I frankly told my sister that my home was just as much DS11s home (DF son, not mine biologically) just as much as it was DS14 and DD8s home (not DFs kids)

 

[hereyago]

Thankfully, the kids were all outside playing, frisbee and did not here this exchange. She has always favored DS over DD, so I think she looks at DS11 as a major intrusion on the house. Everyone at my house looks at him as a lost little boy right now who really needs to be loved. The look on his face when DS called just to talk to him Thurs was priceless.

I frankly told my sister that my home was just as much DS11s home (DF son, not mine biologically) just as much as it was DS14 and DD8s home (not DFs kids)

I am tearing up about when your DS called just to talk to him,etc. You rock. You know, so many times, a step parent,etc. won't treat the step kid as their own. You have really stepped up to the plate.

 

[klhill]

I have five children ages...5,6,8,11,15

I do not have set chores for them and never have. Part of the reason is that I have OCD and I am constantly cleaning the house. I don't like them to clean because I have to have thing s a certain way. My oldest she does do the laundry (has since she was 13) when I try to help she gets mad at me because she says its her job.
My 11 year old takes out the trash all the time without me asking.
My 8 year old cleans his own room and puts away all the dishes and sweeps the floor.
My 5 & 6 yr olds just pick up whatever is needed to be picked up.

They all do whatever I ask of them without any complaint so I do not see any reason to have set chores. But each family is different so whatever works works.

 

[Aisling]

I voted no, but I now regret not giving them set chores starting when they were little.

 

[indimom]

Absolutely, they live here and make messes here too.

My kids are 13 and 11. They fold laundry, put clothes away, clean bathrooms, clean their own rooms, help clean the living spaces, dust, vaccuum, mop, wash dishes, take out trash, feed the ferret, push mow, pull weeds in the mulch, work in the garden.

Jobs are simply assigned whenever they need to be done to whoever is available to do them. Sometimes I pay them if they did a particularly difficult job on their own or go above and beyond.

About the only jobs they (and I) do not do is bathe our ferret (he hates water) and hande the weed wip. DH tackles both of these chores.

 

[aprilgail2]

Not any set chore but I never felt the need to do that- if something needs to be done she will either help me out when I am doing it or do something on her own. She does always keep her room and the rec room straightened up and she makes sure anything she doesn't want the cleaning lady to touch is put away before cleaning day!

 

[Jedana]

Pretty easy chore list.

DD2--17:
(DD1 is out of the house now, but when she was growing up, same chores)

Kitchen nightly
Her own bathroom
Her own bedroom
Anything in the living room
Her own laundry
Cooking dinner at least 2x monthly (usually more often)
Maintain 2 litter boxes (one for her cat, one for ours)
Walk, feed, bathe the dog
Feed the cats
Help take out trash

DS(7):
Clean his own room
Help with dishes 2x weekly
Take out trash w/adult (have to drive to the dumpster in our complex)
Earn money chores (for either kid):
dusting the walls/pictures/ceiling fans once a month
Wipe down walls, lightswitches, window sills, etc
Pick up living room
Help with laundry
Dust tv/PS3/etc every two weeks
Help with grooming the dog

Earn money chores (infrequently):
dust walls/ceiling fans/pictures
Clean baseboards, lightswitches, walls, doors, etc.

Chores are expected to be done before playtime--no video games, heading to the mall, etc without work being done. Their bedrooms--I'm not overly strict on them--clothes need to be put away, no trash/food/dirty clothes left in them and there must be a decent walkway. Other than that, I just shut the door. DS is in the "messy" stage and DD is now in the "neatfreak" stage (after years of battling the messy stage, I have decided it's easier just to expect those three things instead of giving myself an ulcer--and it works for us).

 

[PollyannaMom]

DS is 10. During the school year, he has to pick up his own things, feed his fish/frogs, and clean out their habits (with supervision). He also helps with random things as asked - little things just to be helpful, but it's a big thing that I usually do, I will offer to pay him.

Each summer, he has some sort of extra chore(s) to do, so he learns how to do different things, but I take them back at the start of the academic year in favor of school and homework.

 

[scrapquitler]

DS14 cuts grass-Takes approx 1 hr on a zero turn lawn mower.

All 3 clean kitchen after supper. Only DS14 handles sharp knives
clean rooms
pick up dirty clothes after shower
pick up any mess in living room you created

My sister is under the impression that this is too much. Especially for DS14.
She has always thought he should have to do nothing and should get everything he wants. Are we unreasonable parents?

Are you serious? Of the things you listed, I'd only consider DS14 cutting the grass as a 'chore' all the rest are common sense things that fall under the rule "clean up after yourself" which isn't a chore.

I was half expecting a Cinderella-like list of tasks for your children based on the argument that your sister made of your children having too much to do.


Some of my children's chores: (not even listing the "clean up after yourself" type chores of clean your room, make your bed, put your dishes in the sink, etc. They don't have a long list of chores, but they know that I am apt to ask them to do things at any time, and they help with whatever I need.

DD14 scoop the litter box (daily)
do her own laundry
sweep the kitchen
help shovel when there's snow
empty the dishwasher when I ask (not always, just when I need help)
vacuum the living room
brush cats


DS8 feed cats, make sure they have water
help Dad wash the cars
carry trash/recycle bins in from the curb
help rake/shovel as needed
brush cats
help put away groceries
sort recycling

 

[J3nn78]

Absolutely. My boys are 4 and 5 and they
1. Put away their laundry
2. Clean their room and play room
3. Set and clear the table-no sharp knives or glasses
4. Clean their bathroom with me. I handle the chemicals but they help
5. Both have an interest in cooking, so they often help me with that too.

THey obviously need my help and I often have to follow behind to neaten up a bit, but they are getting the idea of it. I will NOT raise "mommas boys" in the sense that they cannot do anything for themselves.

 

[golfgal]

In the summer the kids take care of 100% of house cleaning, laundry and most of the cooking and have for the past 5 years or so. They started early doing jobs around the house-even at 2 they were given a dusting cloth. By the time they were 12 they were responsible for cleaning their rooms, cleaning the kitchen after meals, cleaning their bathrooms, putting away laundry, etc. They could earn money by doing bigger things like scrubbing the kitchen floor, etc. During the school year they do jobs as asked mainly because they are busy with activities/homework.

 

[bellarella]

DS14 cuts grass-Takes approx 1 hr on a zero turn lawn mower.

All 3 clean kitchen after supper. Only DS14 handles sharp knives
clean rooms
pick up dirty clothes after shower
pick up any mess in living room you created

My sister is under the impression that this is too much. Especially for DS14.
She has always thought he should have to do nothing and should get everything he wants. Are we unreasonable parents?

Hahahaha!

Chores in my house:

1. Empty the dishwasher and fill it with your own dishes.
2. Pack lunches for school.
3. Keep room and bathroom tidy (and any other messes that you make).
4. Hang up/fold all clothes when they come out of the dryer.

These are the chores for my kids ages 5, 8, 10! (of course we help with 5 year old as needed).

IMHO being a parent is teaching responsibility. As my children are capable of doing a job, they are given a job. When they leave the house I want them to be functioning adults where doing things like laundry/cooking/cleaning are no big deal.

 

[3boymthr]

Yes, yes they do and I feel guilty that they don't have more chores.

DS15: Empty dishwasher; mow the lawn when it's summer; help with raking leaves in spring/fall; bring up a bucket of pellets for the stove (fall thru spring); strip bed and put on clean sheets.

DS11: Take kitchen recycle bin downstairs and sort into appropriate bins; feed his kitten and change the water; change the litter (but this is hit or miss - dh often ends up doing this); strip bed

DS8: Bring in trashbins from curb weekly; strip bed

They all are responsible for the usual cleaning up after themselves; putting their dishes in the sink after meals/snacks; putting dirty clothes in hamper, clean clothes in their drawers. They also must help bring in the groceries when I go to the store - two bags each for the younger kids, 4 bags for the oldest. They all also must help with random projects/tasks when required.

And while this is hit or miss - Oldest DS is also learning how to cook, do laundry, sew a button, etc. as I feel he must be fully capable of this when he heads off to school in a few years.

ETA - I was reading another post and realized I forgot to add they are also responsible for helping shovel. for DS15 this included shoveling the roof this winter when the snow got be over 2ft deep up there. The kids are also responsible for packing and unpacking for themselves when they go on a trip. The oldest 2 are in Boy Scouts so this happens at least monthly if not more often.