Do you treat your husband like a child?

[redboxcar]

There are things I do in our relationship that might seem like mothering... I do tend to pick out most of DH's clothes when we're shopping, but it's because I have far superior taste. However, he gets himself dressed just fine in the mornings because he has such a nice selection. When he was in Montreal for two year without me he reverted to looking like a grad student - wearing ratty t-shirts, hoodies, and worn out jeans. Now that I have him home he's back to looking much nicer.

I remember the important dates and I tend to plan most trips. I enjoy the planning and he doesn't, so that just worked out naturally. I also control the finances. After he made a few "mistakes" I couldn't take the stress of not knowing if he had remembered to actually pay something or if he only thought he did. So I took that over, too.

However, he does all the grocery shopping and cooking, so in that sense I guess he mothers me... He also does most of the laundry and we split the rest of the chores.

Haha, I just went back and read your post and realized this sounds almost identical to our situation.

 

[kellyg403]

Honestly, sometimes my dh IS a child. But, for the most part he is an adult. I take care of the kids, the trips, the house etc. But, he will put in laundry without being asked. If I cook he cleans the kitchen afterwards, if I can't get one of the kids he will. He does all the finances because he is soooo much better at it. Truthfully, I like not having the stress of it all. I ask how much for groceries, but the checkbook is an open book. Sometimes he talks to me about money and bills and what is the best way to do this and what do I think about that..when really I just am happy that he makes the decision because he is so analytical about finances he really doesn't need my imput.

I do not shop for him. He does that for himself. We had to come to an understanding early on...his tastes are way different than mine, I prefer he NOT shop for me and I would be happy to do the same for him. His idea of shopping for me usually includes granny sweaters and underwear. I am old but really I would like to pretend I am not.

But...I have seen some wives who do and I agree with some of the posters where it is usually a laid back guy with a really confident wife or the guy just doesn't like to make decisions and be on the hotseat so he uses the old "I have to ask my wife".

Kelly

 

[Disney Doll]

Some thoughts:

What someone might see as "mothering" might be a couple dividing up their "responsibiities" according to who is better at that particular task (ie-finances & bill paying).

Generally, men who eventually complain that their wife is too "mothering" were looking for exactly that when they married, even if they didn't realize it. There are very few people who change completely between dating and marriage. What seems to be more the issue is that someone wasn't paying attention during dating, and didn't "realize" that their partner was the "mothering" type (or the "fathering" type, for that matter).

Our childhoods have a big impact on who attracts us as adults. I know several women who lost their fathers at young age who always tended to go for the strong male figure in terms of dating & marriage, usually men older than them by several years or men who acted much older than their actual age. They were seeking the father they never had. Men with strong mothers tend to be attracted to the same type of woman as a spouse....it's what they know. An those of you who say you think your DH may be ADD based on his behaviors..well, he was attracted to you, a caretaker type, becayse he knew he'd need support and help and someone with organizational skills etc.

As far as DH & I are concerned, we try and divide the household chores up pretty equitably, I think. He will not notice when things need to be done, but will do anything I ask him to do. He has not yet learned where the toilet paper and paper towels are kept (in the same closet where they have been for the 15 years we have lived in this house), butr he tends to be a person who remembers things that he considers "significant", apparently paper goods are not among them! . Finanaces....we combine all our money, he handles the physical paying of the bills and I handle getitng the $$ where it needs to be in terms of bank accounts...he hates going to the bank and that doesn't bother me. He does not ask permission to do things, but we will both check with each other before making plans to make sure there are no conflicts with other plans.

I guess "mothering" becomes a fine line between respecting each other's time and space and being overbearing....

 

[princess momma]

Disney Doll, I can't stop giggling about your husband not knowing where the toilet paper and paper towels are. That's hilarious.

 

[Judy from Boise]

we also divide up chores based on who likes to do what, and we certainly indulge each other, just to show love, but if either one of us dropped dead tomorrow, the remaining spouse could pick up the ball and easily carry off all of the adult responsibilities.

 

[Disney Doll]

Disney Doll, I can't stop giggling about your husband not knowing where the toilet paper and paper towels are. That's hilarious.

Yes, if I die, he's in trouble...

 

[LaurenLC]

Only when he acts like one......