Do you think that not taking a vacation is cheating your kids???

[Planogirl]

I feel blessed. Thanks to DH traveling so much he earns tons of free hotel nights and free car rental too. I don't have to worry about that when we travel. Of course there's food and gas and entry fees but our vacations cost very little.

 

[Ka' eo]

I guess I don't fit in here at the Bargain Board, because I do prioritize family time over debt. .........

Wow. Only people that spend money value their family time????????

We're not promised tomorrow. Many people plan and plan for that dream vacation that never happens. I don't want that to be me.

The OP had that "dream vacation" last year.

I hear this form of debt justification all the time. 10% of Americans are unemployed. The average length of time being unemployed is 30 weeks. I'd say "we're not promised tomorrow" applies to a job and income too.

 

[pacrosby]

I guess I don't fit in here at the Bargain Board, because I do prioritize family time over debt. We do have a small amount of credit card debt and a car loan (both of which I could pay off out of savings if I wanted to, but I'd rather pay them monthly and have my savings cushion). We took 2 Disney vacations last year, one with 2 other families, one by ourselves. They are not part of that cc debt - they were paid at the time.

I place a high value on vacations together. One, it's about the only time my husband will take off work. He just doesn't take off a week to stay home and "staycation." Just won't happen. To get him away from work, he needs to be out of town. We live in a beach community and once or twice a year we'll load up the boys on a Saturday and go to the beach. My sister has a pool, my boys and I go there a couple of times a week, so getting a hotel for the sole purpose of having a pool doesn't hold any value to us. If we're at home, we have something on the schedule - family events, church events, school events. Going on vacation is being able to take a break.

Two, I was fortunate to be widely travelled as a child. Every couple of years we took month-long vacations in my grandparents' motorhome all across the USA and Canada. 7 people in a 25-ft motorhome for 30 days may not sound like fun to anyone else, but it was amazing. I have lots of memories of those trips and we still talk about them today. We also went to Disney World every year or two for a week (again, grandparents' motorhome at Fort Wilderness). I have seen a lot and I want my kids to see a lot too but I'm waiting for my youngest to get a bit older (he just turned 4).

Three, most of the time, I do not count it as a vacation to go see family. When we travel to see my husband's parents, we have to stay in a hotel and then spend 2-3 hours at a time sitting in their living room trying to keep our kids contained. It's stressful. This summer, I do plan for our big vacation to be a trip to see my brother's family in Oregon, but there's stuff to see there and do there, we won't be trapped in their house, so that counts as vacation in my book.

So, OP, while I don't think you OWE your kids a vacation, I don't think it's evil to want to give them some fun! I know that if I don't get out of town every once in awhile, I get cranky and pile in the van for a day trip to eat and shop in a nearby town. I just had a "girls' weekend" with my best friend.

We're not promised tomorrow. Many people plan and plan for that dream vacation that never happens. I don't want that to be me.

I've been trying NOT to reply to this thread (since some time ago I promised myself not to get involved in these kinds of discussions since there is rarely a point in offering up yet another opinion) but your last three sentences made me change my mind.

Life is short. Life is unpredictable. In life there are no guarantees. And while it's true that I know everyone 'knows' that, I must say that I never really 'understood' what it meant until I had a child with a life-threatening medical condition.

Vacations ARE important. Time away from the everyday routine. Time to really appreciate one another. Time to experience new adventures together as a family. Time to make extra special memories. Sure it's important to make memories every day but memories from special family trips are often extra special. I think it's a mistake to wait 5 yrs, 3 yrs, or "until little Johnny is 'old enough'", or "we pay off the car". Talk to people who have done that and they will often tell you how the years kept rolling along and there was always another reason not to go. Of course in the case of my family, we may have all our debt paid off but be missing our cherished little boy. I think the choice is obvious.

Sure we go to the movies and for day trips to the beach. We play in the backyard and camp out in the family room. We go sledding in the winter and have picnics in the summer. And those activities are wonderful memory making opportunities. But to say they are the same as 3,4, 5+ days in a row; waking up leisurely with NOTHING to do but enjoy our time together as a family, well, that's simply not true. The extended uninterrupted family time is so much more. And I do happen to think that it should be a priority.

Of course like many have said vacations don't have to be expensive. Alot of fun can be had without spending thousands of dollars. Too often people lose sight of that. I actually pride myself on seeing how many trips we can take per year on our vacation budget. It's a hobby. Even Disney can be done without breaking the bank. Don't make the mistake that too many do and think that you have to 'go big' or not go at all. You can have fun no matter how you 'go'. It's all in the attitude.

So I'm going out on a limb and saying that yes you do owe your children, and yourselves, regular vacation time. It is important. Life is supposed to be enjoyed. But obviously be responsible. Establish a budget and stick to it. Pay your bills but make sure that money is set aside for extended uninterrupted family time. You can't count on tomorrow, only today. Enjoy it




Oddly enough my 7 year old 'Wish' child just came up to me, gave me a hug and said "I wish we could live forever". Out of the mouths of babes.

 

[C.Ann]

Paying off your debts is a number one priority.. And not going on a "vacation" (especially a costly one) is in no way "cheating your children" - nor is it not "placing any value on family time"..

A vacation is what you make it - and you can "vacation" for free - with a little creativity.. Your children are very young and their imaginations are as free as the wind.. Find a safe place close to home (since you say you live out in the middle of nowhere) and camp together under the stars if need be.. Have a campfire and sing songs.. Toast some marshmallows.. "Pretend" you're out in the old wild west..

Spend a weekend in your backyard - no trips into the house except to use the bathroom.. Make it magical by allowing your imagination (and theirs) to run free.. Take a tarp, shoot the garden hose on it, and use if for a water slide.. Have a picnic.. "Create" a circus.. Pretend you're in a jungle.. How about a "Treasure Hunt" around the yard?

There are so many "special" things you can do without even leaving home - if you take the time to think of creative, fun things that you don't normally do - or even some you don't "allow" on a regular basis..

Believe me - the kids will cherish the time spent - it's every bit as "valuable" as a trip to Disney or an amusement park or a museum - AND you will still be paying off your debt..

The key is "creativity" - which in most cases can be had for absolutely NO money!!

Good luck - and have fun.. Your kids will be much happier in the long run when all of you are able to live a debt-free life..

 

[sasywtch]

I get the feeling that people are thinking I want to go in debt to take a vacation. We have NEVER used credit to go on vacation. If we dont have the cash we dont go. I just thought if I get some good replies It would be easier to make a decision and I see that there are plenty of people out there for paying off the debt before going on vacation, and plenty of people saying go on vacation. I know that the loans will be here when we get back and as long as I dont default on loans just to go on vacation, then there wouldnt be a problem. HOWEVER, I would like to get the loans paid off and paid off quickly. So if DH and I decide to go on a vaca it wont be the end of the world, and if we dont, then we can take that money and pay some bills.

Guess I'm at a loss why you posted the question then????

I get what some people are saying and they must know some of the people I know. Coworker is upside down in their house, worrying if they are going to keep it and talking about a vacation to Hawaii because they deserve it. I think there are more people out there with that thinking than alot would like to believe. My friend and I talk about this all the time as we both grew up the opposite, my family had money, her's didn't. We still didn't go on expensive vacations every year. Honestly, I think starting with my generation (I'm 50), we started the "need to do things now before it's too late" mode. People use to save for years for that trip to Hawaii and it use to be after the kids were 18. We started the charge it, pay later plan. (showing how old I am, there was Master Charge and Bank Americard with that heavy thing you put the slip in and slid across twice).

 

[wdwfan16]

I guess I don't fit in here at the Bargain Board, because I do prioritize family time over debt.

Really!!! One of the best weeks our family has every has was two weeks ago. We had two back to back blizzards and both of us were off work for the week. We stayed home and had a relaxing time.

 

[Indiana Rose Lee]

Really!!! One of the best weeks our family has every has was two weeks ago. We had two back to back blizzards and both of us were off work for the week. We stayed home and had a relaxing time.

Yes, but her husband won't spend time with them unless they are on vacation. I suppose that if that were the case here, we might be desperate for a vacation, too.

Vacations are a good time, but whether you are talking about couples of families, spending quality and quantity time together should not be left for a once a year party. My opinion, of course.

 

[Colleen27]

I get what some people are saying and they must know some of the people I know. Coworker is upside down in their house, worrying if they are going to keep it and talking about a vacation to Hawaii because they deserve it. I think there are more people out there with that thinking than alot would like to believe.

I think right now it has become almost "fashionable" in a way to gripe about being upside down on a mortgage, but the fact is that being upside down doesn't matter at all if you can make the payments and aren't planning to sell any time soon. So I don't see why that should effect vacation plans or other lifestyle decisions.

 

[jodifla]

I've been trying NOT to reply to this thread (since some time ago I promised myself not to get involved in these kinds of discussions since there is rarely a point in offering up yet another opinion) but your last three sentences made me change my mind.

Life is short. Life is unpredictable. In life there are no guarantees. And while it's true that I know everyone 'knows' that, I must say that I never really 'understood' what it meant until I had a child with a life-threatening medical condition.

Vacations ARE important. Time away from the everyday routine. Time to really appreciate one another. Time to experience new adventures together as a family. Time to make extra special memories. Sure it's important to make memories every day but memories from special family trips are often extra special. I think it's a mistake to wait 5 yrs, 3 yrs, or "until little Johnny is 'old enough'", or "we pay off the car". Talk to people who have done that and they will often tell you how the years kept rolling along and there was always another reason not to go. Of course in the case of my family, we may have all our debt paid off but be missing our cherished little boy. I think the choice is obvious.

Sure we go to the movies and for day trips to the beach. We play in the backyard and camp out in the family room. We go sledding in the winter and have picnics in the summer. And those activities are wonderful memory making opportunities. But to say they are the same as 3,4, 5+ days in a row; waking up leisurely with NOTHING to do but enjoy our time together as a family, well, that's simply not true. The extended uninterrupted family time is so much more. And I do happen to think that it should be a priority.

Of course like many have said vacations don't have to be expensive. Alot of fun can be had without spending thousands of dollars. Too often people lose sight of that. I actually pride myself on seeing how many trips we can take per year on our vacation budget. It's a hobby. Even Disney can be done without breaking the bank. Don't make the mistake that too many do and think that you have to 'go big' or not go at all. You can have fun no matter how you 'go'. It's all in the attitude.

So I'm going out on a limb and saying that yes you do owe your children, and yourselves, regular vacation time. It is important. Life is supposed to be enjoyed. But obviously be responsible. Establish a budget and stick to it. Pay your bills but make sure that money is set aside for extended uninterrupted family time. You can't count on tomorrow, only today. Enjoy it




Oddly enough my 7 year old 'Wish' child just came up to me, gave me a hug and said "I wish we could live forever". Out of the mouths of babes.

These are great points, and often lost on this particular board, where the only thing that seems to matter to people is paying off debt.


To care for my elderly father back in Florida after we moved up to Michigan and, I had to travel back and forth every four months weeks or so. I ran up a fair amount of CC debt doing that. It was NOT something that could be 'put off" or "saved for." And I didn't want to use my emergency savings up for it. Or stop going of vacation with our family. Once we found out he was dying, the trips got even more frequent.

Now, that debt is paid off, and I don't regret it one little bit. Did it cost me some extra money in interest? Yeah, but it was worth it.

Life is all about balance.

Good luck to you.

 

[Colleen27]

Vacations ARE important. Time away from the everyday routine. Time to really appreciate one another. Time to experience new adventures together as a family. Time to make extra special memories. Sure it's important to make memories every day but memories from special family trips are often extra special. I think it's a mistake to wait 5 yrs, 3 yrs, or "until little Johnny is 'old enough'", or "we pay off the car". Talk to people who have done that and they will often tell you how the years kept rolling along and there was always another reason not to go. Of course in the case of my family, we may have all our debt paid off but be missing our cherished little boy. I think the choice is obvious.

Sure we go to the movies and for day trips to the beach. We play in the backyard and camp out in the family room. We go sledding in the winter and have picnics in the summer. And those activities are wonderful memory making opportunities. But to say they are the same as 3,4, 5+ days in a row; waking up leisurely with NOTHING to do but enjoy our time together as a family, well, that's simply not true. The extended uninterrupted family time is so much more. And I do happen to think that it should be a priority.

That's it exactly, and you said it so much better than I could.

Yes, family time at home is a priority, but vacation is a different sort of family time, time that can't be interrupted by getting called into work or receiving an e-mail about an assignment too good to pass up or friends dropping over or any of the other distractions of home. And that extended, undivided time with family is too important to put off until some perfect financial someday.

I suppose I might feel differently if we had jobs that we could leave at the office, knowing we'd have weekends or afternoons uninterrupted for at-home family time. But the nature of DH's business is that frequently when we make those kinds of plans, something comes up and he can't be with us - I plan to take the kids sledding on a snow day and just as we're going out the door he gets a call from a customer with frozen pipes, I plan a night away to hit the zoo and science center and he ends up mired in a roofing job that ran long, etc. One way or another, a lot of our family time turns to mom-and-kids time, which is an understandable part of keeping a still-newish business afloat in a tough economy/market. But when you can't count on those little everyday family times really being family time, the isolation of vacation does take on a different level of importance.

 

[gillenkl]

I think I feel cheated if we don't get a family vacation. We don't have any debt other than our home so that plays into our vacations as well. If I had a ton of CC debt I'm not sure I would enjoy a vacation. We also own a small camper that we use and so we vacation for 3 weeks a year plus some weekends but less expensively than we did flying/staying in hotels/eating out for meals.

 

[wdwfan16]

These are great points, and often lost on this particular board, where the only thing that seems to matter to people is paying off debt.


To care for my elderly father back in Florida after we moved up to Michigan and, I had to travel back and forth every four months weeks or so. I ran up a fair amount of CC debt doing that. It was NOT something that could be 'put off" or "saved for." And I didn't want to use my emergency savings up for it. Or stop going of vacation with our family. Once we found out he was dying, the trips got even more frequent.

Now, that debt is paid off, and I don't regret it one little bit. Did it cost me some extra money in interest? Yeah, but it was worth it.

Life is all about balance.

Good luck to you.

My goal is not go get into debt.

A dying or sick relative/child is different. The OP is not taking about an ill child.

 

[Claire&TheBoys]

Yes, but her husband won't spend time with them unless they are on vacation. I suppose that if that were the case here, we might be desperate for a vacation, too.

That's pretty harsh. I didn't say my husband "won't spend time with us." He happens to be an Army Reservist that spends quite a bit of time away from home, plus has his regular civilian job. It's just not easy for him to take off a week at one time, and when he can he doesn't want to just stay at home. If he's at home, he feels compelled to do things like mow the grass, catch up on "honey-do" tasks and other things that get pushed to the back burner in our daily lives. Not much "vacation" in that.

Not everyone enjoys camping. Not everyone likes to just sit around and do nothing. Our family's idea of fun is going somewhere and doing something. We don't like to just sit. We don't do beach or lake vacations; we're bored. We bond over doing stuff, enjoying experiences. With too much down-time, it's just like being at home and there's no fun in that for us.

We did our time with no "real" vacations. When we were newly married, we would go to Atlanta for a weekend and see a Braves game. Maybe stay with my brother in Orlando and play a round of mini-golf at Disney. That was about it. We didn't take any vacations the year we built an addition to our house and I was pregnant with our youngest. Then, my husband was in Iraq from the time our youngest was 3 months to 18 months old so no vacations then. When he came home, we started prioritizing our time together. We've taken at least one vacation a year since then. Some are weekend trips, some are week-long. With Florida resident and military discounts, even our Disney trips are not extravagent. We live in our "starter home" with an affordable mortgage and make other decisions so that we can vacation and feel like it's our trade-off. It's what's important to OUR FAMILY.

 

[daleswife]

My goal is not go get into debt.

A dying or sick relative/child is different. The OP is not taking about an ill child.

While I am not speaking of an ill child, I do understand where the pp was coming from. My son did have some medical issues when he was a month old that I thank GOD every day that he outgrew.

We are not upside down on a mortgage, we are not behind on any bills for that matter, My question was a simple one and maybe could have been worded a little better than what it was. We can afford a vacation, but are thinking of not going so we can pay down some of the debt we have. But I dont want to cheat my kids out of some special family time that they will remember.

 

[jodifla]

My goal is not go get into debt.

A dying or sick relative/child is different. The OP is not taking about an ill child.

But you kind of never know, do you?

My wedding photographer had been an engineer. He had been healthy all of his life. They put off everything...vacations, etc. -- until he retired. And he retired on the young side, in his 50s. But two years after he retired, he got Parkinson's. And all those dreams went out the window in a flash. We were one of the few weddings he ever shot, and it had been a lifelong dream of his to be a photographer.

Balance, balance. For my family, the be-all end-all isn't to be debt free at the expense of everything else.

 

[design_mom]

That's pretty harsh. I didn't say my husband "won't spend time with us."

Claire -- I don't think she was talking about your husband. I think she was talking about the OP (see quote below), who did say she needs her husband to be out of the house to get quality time with him. Perhaps it's for the same reasons as your husband -- and industriousness is a good quality.

Yes, I get plenty of time with my kids, but my DH works a whole lot and to acutally get some quality time with him I have to practically MAKE him take a vacation....and get out of this house.

 

[daleswife]

That's pretty harsh. I didn't say my husband "won't spend time with us." He happens to be an Army Reservist that spends quite a bit of time away from home, plus has his regular civilian job. It's just not easy for him to take off a week at one time, and when he can he doesn't want to just stay at home. If he's at home, he feels compelled to do things like mow the grass, catch up on "honey-do" tasks and other things that get pushed to the back burner in our daily lives. Not much "vacation" in that.

Not everyone enjoys camping. Not everyone likes to just sit around and do nothing. Our family's idea of fun is going somewhere and doing something. We don't like to just sit. We don't do beach or lake vacations; we're bored. We bond over doing stuff, enjoying experiences. With too much down-time, it's just like being at home and there's no fun in that for us.

We did our time with no "real" vacations. When we were newly married, we would go to Atlanta for a weekend and see a Braves game. Maybe stay with my brother in Orlando and play a round of mini-golf at Disney. That was about it. We didn't take any vacations the year we built an addition to our house and I was pregnant with our youngest. Then, my husband was in Iraq from the time our youngest was 3 months to 18 months old so no vacations then. When he came home, we started prioritizing our time together. We've taken at least one vacation a year since then. Some are weekend trips, some are week-long. With Florida resident and military discounts, even our Disney trips are not extravagent. We live in our "starter home" with an affordable mortgage and make other decisions so that we can vacation and feel like it's our trade-off. It's what's important to OUR FAMILY.

Thanks to your hubby for what he has done for this country!!!!

I feel exactly like you do. we dont like to sit and do nothing. and as far as the beach or the lake goes, yea there possibilities, but so far away it wouldnt be a "cheap trip" anyways, and I am so scared of water that I wouldnt be able to enjoy myself. I try to plan something my family would enjoy.

 

[MarilIncredible]

DH's family really struggled when he and his sister were young an they only ever went on one vacation - they drove from Williamsburg (where they lived) to Virginia Beach. DH's mom passed out on the street while down there, and the vacation was pretty much over from that point on.
He does feel totally ripped off that his family never went anywhere or did anything when he was young. But, Mom and Dad needed to smoke, and Dad needed to drink (a bottle of Scotch lasted about 2 days for him), so the kids didn't get vacations.

My parents took us somewhere every year when I was a kid. It wasn't always a big trip by plane somewhere (that was only every other year b/c arifare was muy expensivo back then) but we always did something.

I think vacations are a lot of fun and good for families, but not every family can afford a Disney vacation every year, which is something that really tends to get lost on ths DIS Boards.

 

[daleswife]

Claire -- I don't think she was talking about your husband. I think she was talking about the OP (see quote below), who did say she needs her husband to be out of the house to get quality time with him. Perhaps it's for the same reasons as your husband -- and industriousness is a good quality.

I never said he wouldnt spend any time with us. I said some quality time meaning a lot of time spent enjoying each other, all four of us together.

 

[design_mom]

We can afford a vacation, but are thinking of not going so we can pay down some of the debt we have. But I dont want to cheat my kids out of some special family time that they will remember.

As I was looking back through your posts, I was caught by this snippet...

I get that its not a need nor a necessity to take a vacation, and we can afford it, but if we take that money and pay off bills, maybe we can do a really good vacation in a few years.

For my family, I would choose several cheaper vacations over one really expensive blow-out vacation.

If the choice is between taking no vacations to get yourself into a good financial place, or staying in a risky place and taking vacations, I'd say "no vacations." (But that does not sound like where you are.)

If the choice is between a "cheap" vacation every year, or a blow-out vacation every five years, I'd choose the cheap vacations. There is something special about being away from everything for a while. (The exception would be, of course, if there was a place you really, really wanted to go that would take several years' worth of budget. If you had a specific vacation in mind, I'd consider skipping to save for it... but if it's a vacation now versus a yet-to-be-determined "better" vacation later, I would live in the moment.)