Do You Think It's Incredibly Rude To Bring Uninvited Siblings To Bday Parties?

[sha_lyn]

I also wanted to add...
For her 5 Bday DD invited all of her friends/classmates from preschool for a bowling party. She has a summer Bday so most of the kids were out of town. It was a small class too (12 or so kids) so we weren't going to meet the max number of guest for the set price (before it starts being an extra charge per head). I had 2 mothers that asked if they could drop of their child since they had other children and no sitter. If I remember corectly one asked on the phone, and the other asked at the party. I insisted that the other kids join. both mothers offered to pay for the extra kid (one actually had 2 with her but one was a toddler), but none of them cost us extra. I did send DH out for extra goodie bag stuff, not because of hte extra kids, but because the bags included with the price of the party were very lame. I think they had a coupon for free bowling, a coloring sheet and a pencil in each one. Might have had a sticker too.

 

[totalia]

Where are you from?

I won't tell you the city. Too personal. But I'm from Alberta Canada.

 

[Tigger&Belle]

I am surprised at the number of parents that stay with their child at the party. At what age (if any) would you be willing to leave your child at the party without you?

Is it a safety concern or do you just not want to have to drive all the way back to pick them up, or what?

In my experience and from what I've read here it really depends on the situation and the family. In a public place I would want my child to be at least 7-8 yo, especially in a place that does not have controlled supervision. At a party at someones home, it's more because my kids tend to be a little lost without me unless it's at a friends house that they are very comfortable at. If it's a good friend, they might be fine being left at 3-4yo, but odds are if they are good friends with the birthday child, I am with the mom, so I'd stay for social reasons. Also, I do try to help out. My son is now 5yo and I would expect that in another year or so he won't want me staying any more.

T&B

 

[blowinbubbles]

But you are not being rude. What I think everyone is saying here is that the people who make them mad are the ones who either drop off a sibling or expect the host to pay for the siblings. You are not doing either of those so in a public type place that is certainly nothing to worry about.

I agree with the idea of extra children just randomly showing up and expecting to participate fully in the party being a totally awful situation. If I were asked and the party were at my house, I would say yes, but if it were out somewhere at a per child cost type place I would say they were not included in the count and could not attend the party.

The more the merrier is NOT always the case!

And don't get me started on people who don't RSVP and show up or those who say they are coming and then never show up!

I think there were a few folks who thought it was rude, whether or not one asked. No biggie though!

And I know what you mean about the RSVP'ing. . . it seems like *nobody* knows what that means anymore!!! Now that's a *real* panty-twister for me! Although, I'll admit to being guilty of responding late, but at least I respond!

 

[hentob]

You didn't have to be rude. I was asked what I thought and I said it.

Its assumed that if your going to invite kids, then all of them are invited where I'm from.

All of what kids? I truly don't understand. Siblings? Counsins? Friends of friends? Where does it stop? Do you have children? When you throw them a birthday party, do you just hang a sign on the front porch that says "Birthday Party Inside!! It's supposed to be fun with alot of people, invited or not. So come on in!"??

Who pays for all of the food? Drink? What if there isn't enough space?

I just don't understand this concept. I am not being rude. I am being blunt. I need answers people. Make me understand

 

[LadyFleur]

Its assumed that if your going to invite kids, then all of them are invited where I'm from.

When kids are pre-school and you invite your mutual friends to a party at your house, of course some Moms stay with siblings. But once they are in school and t=you have one of those high $$ parties at a "place", there's no way a parent should assume the siblings get a paid event also.

At least where I'm from.

 

[LadyFleur]

I won't tell you the city. Too personal. But I'm from Alberta Canada.

So do the participents arrive via dog pulled snow sled & that's the reason you expect them all to stay?

 

[bajanswife]

Where I'm from a lot of parents stay at parties b/c they're fun! They are almost always house parties, and the parents almost always have too much food! The only tricky bit is what to do about loot bags? I usually do extras, but for a real specialty party you really can't. I'm planning DD's 4th birthday in August and I'm going to have 8 girls for a tea party. Some parents might need to bring siblings, which I'd rather than not having the invitee at all! But the siblings will only get a small token to leave the party with, not all the stuff the invitees are getting. I know the parents will understand. I want the moms to stay too - I'm having a grown ups tea table as well, and we moms are going to sit and drink tea and gossip while the kids play! That's way more fun than having to supervise them all myself! I love having the parents too. I actually don't look forward to when they get older and parties become more drop-off in nature. Sure it costs more to have everyone in the family, but it's way more fun.

 

[disykat]

Very rude. You shouldn't go at all if the siblings are an issue. When you mention to the host that you can't come due to childcare issues she has the opportunity at that point to say "that's too bad" or "bring them".

The issue for me is gift bags, cost of the party (if it's outside the home), space if it's in the home, and the biggie - supervision! I've had problems with parents dropping off extra siblings and not staying or even staying but not dealing with their own kids. It is also an issue of enjoyment for the guests - I've been to "the more the merrier" parties and often it's not pretty.

I had a kid from the next block show up with a friend and both of their 4 year old siblings (the party was for 8/9 year olds who were all dropped off). Within minutes it was chaos. I sent them right back home. Frankly I wasn't sure if they were even supposed to be here since he hadn't RSVP'd and didn't have a present - I thought maybe he was just wandering and thought our house looked fun. I knew people would be dropping off but I was prepared to supervise 8 nine year old boys - not three extra - two of whom were preschoolers.

 

[FreshTressa]

I'm shocked at the animosity in this thread.

We always plan for a few stragglers that might show up at the party. If money is that tight, you shouldn't be having a big party to begin with.

I would never bring another of my kids along to a party that was not invited, but I don't mind when people do it to me. I guess I just think I'm having a party and I want people to have fun and I can spring for the extra 2-3, for it is never more than that, siblings that may show up. Just like I always buy an extra big cake so adults can have some.

If I was too poor to be a gracious host to families of my children's friends, I would feel I was too poor to be having a party in the first place, or to have a less expensive party.

But, just my opinion. And, again, I don't bring my kids along because it IS a little rude, but not enough to get all bent out of shape over.

 

[chobie]

I'm shocked at the animosity in this thread.

We always plan for a few stragglers that might show up at the party. If money is that tight, you shouldn't be having a big party to begin with.

I would never bring another of my kids along to a party that was not invited, but I don't mind when people do it to me. I guess I just think I'm having a party and I want people to have fun and I can spring for the extra 2-3, for it is never more than that, siblings that may show up. Just like I always buy an extra big cake so adults can have some.

If I was too poor to be a gracious host to families of my children's friends, I would feel I was too poor to be having a party in the first place, or to have a less expensive party.

But, just my opinion. And, again, I don't bring my kids along because it IS a little rude, but not enough to get all bent out of shape over.

I agree. The proper thing to do if you must bring sibs, and this does happen, is to ask the host if that is okay. I alway told my kids friends with sibs to bring them, and I certainly have not freaked out about un-invited tykes coming along. I don't do party favors really anyway. Just a piñata and enough candy and bags for an army. I really think there are worse crimes than uninvited siblings.

 

[summerrluvv]

I think there were a few folks who thought it was rude, whether or not one asked. No biggie though!

And I know what you mean about the RSVP'ing. . . it seems like *nobody* knows what that means anymore!!! Now that's a *real* panty-twister for me! Although, I'll admit to being guilty of responding late, but at least I respond!

I don't even put the words "RSVP" anymore. I write "please call us to tell us if you can/cannot make it" and even with that, half of them don't call.

 

[summerrluvv]

I'm shocked at the animosity in this thread.

We always plan for a few stragglers that might show up at the party. If money is that tight, you shouldn't be having a big party to begin with.

I would never bring another of my kids along to a party that was not invited, but I don't mind when people do it to me. I guess I just think I'm having a party and I want people to have fun and I can spring for the extra 2-3, for it is never more than that, siblings that may show up. Just like I always buy an extra big cake so adults can have some.

If I was too poor to be a gracious host to families of my children's friends, I would feel I was too poor to be having a party in the first place, or to have a less expensive party.

Maybe money was tight for this family and it wasn't intended to be a "big" party, hence the reason they only wanted the invitees to attend. There were at least 8 siblings at the party we went to on Sunday. That's quite a large extra expense for them, not to mention that the party establishment was not prepared for this. It's one thing if it's a home party, but when you are talking about a private establishment (which is where most parties are held here), it's a problem.

ETA: I think poor children deserve birthday parties too, don't you?

 

[hentob]

If I was too poor to be a gracious host to families of my children's friends, I would feel I was too poor to be having a party in the first place, or to have a less expensive party.

Yeah, what is with these poor people who think they can throw a party for their child Why would a poor child deserve a birthday party anyway? And how dare they not have enough money to entertain uninvited guests. Will they never learn? Tsk. Tsk.

 

[FreshTressa]

Yeah, what is with these poor people who think they can throw a party for their child Why would a poor child deserve a birthday party anyway? And how dare they not have enough money to entertain uninvited guests. Will they never learn? Tsk. Tsk.

That seems like a rather mean spirited comment.

I never said they did not "deserve" a party. They should throw a party within their budget. I don't think it is a good idea for a family to have a party for a child, when the addition of 2-3 extra children would put them in bankruptcy or keep them from feeding their family.

I had no idea people could get so bitter about a party. I was poor growing up. My mom would invite the neighborhood, turn on the sprinklers in the backyard, and serve us all homemade birthday cake. We would have water balloon fights and the take home prizes would be a sheet of stickers. I have the fondest memories of those parties. I bet my mom never spent more than $10 and as many people as wanted could show up and attend the fun.

I cannot afford to have 20 kids have a build a bear party for my daughter, so I don't. You don't HAVE to have a party at one of those $20 a head places for it to be fun, and in fact, in my opinion, and many of the less expensive parties have been way more fun. And there were times when our budget was more tight, and we just had a couple kids over to watch movies. It was still fun. Fun does not have to cost a lot of money.

I love to entertain and welcome friends to my parties. If an extra few show up, I make sure it is within my budget. If an extra eight showed up, I would be shocked, but I would fork over the cash and smile graciously and hope those siblings enjoyed themselves. And it has happened to me at a per head type place, and it wound up costing me an extra $40. But, I realized that it was a possibility before hand and budgeted for it.

I see that it annoys other people, and that is fine for them, a bit shocking to me, but that is their opinion. It honestly just doesn't annoy me that much.
Maybe I'm horrible for not being annoyed. I dunno. I thought I was being nice.

 

[summerrluvv]

That seems like a rather mean spirited comment.

I never said they did not "deserve" a party. They should throw a party within their budget. I don't think it is a good idea for a family to have a party for a child, when the addition of 2-3 extra children would put them in bankruptcy or keep them from feeding their family.

QUOTE]

Right, you are just saying their parents should have one for them because they are poor.

 

[KathyTX]

Lots of opinions have been shared, but it's starting to get a little mean-spirited now.

I think it's time to close this one.