Do you think it is rude (weight related)?

[FreshTressa]

When people obsess over their weight in front of a heavier person??

I always see these very thin women complaining about their weight and how fat they are in a group of women, most of which are heavier than her and some much heavier. Do you think that is rude??

Or else they will talk about how uncomfortable they were with their overweight doctor, right there in front of other heavy women!!

This happens quite a bit in my MOMS club, where there are all shapes of women and I just see some of the really heavy women grimace when one of the thin ladies does this.

Is this rude?

 

[Jenn Lynn]

Maybe you consider the person to be thin, but she does think of herself that way. Why can't a "thin" person talk about their weight, but an "overweight" person can? Everyone has body issues. Maybe she thinks her thighs are too big. Who are we to question that? Maybe a size 10 is the "overweight" persons ideal. But for the "thin" person (who is a size 10) her ideal is a size 6.

 

[CarolDel]

No, I don't think it is so much rude as insecure.

There are some people that don't seem to be able to feel good about themselves unless they are making someone else feel inferior.

I think it is ultimately a shame that this person has to draw attention to herself to the detriment of another person (or people). It is kind of smug (and a bit vacuous)

Then again some people can be really thoughtless or just plain tactless, and really self absorbed.

I know it takes all sorts, but ultimately, you just have to feel sorry for people like that.

 

[coliebird]

I have to agree with Jenn Lynn. I am a size 10 now. Most people don't consider me overweight. I feel huge. My entire life I was between a size 5 and 7. I quit smoking, had a baby and was suddenly a very tight size 12. I was miserable (I still am) and am working hard on getting back to a 7/8. So maybe I am not as overweight as others, but I don't think anyone can tell me how I should feel or if I should be allowed to complain about it. I personally feel that the people who are overweight but don't want to do anything about it are the ones who should not complain.

I want to add that I have a friend who is much more overweight than I am and we discuss our weight (and our weight loss plans) a lot and she is not at all offended when I talk about my weight.

 

[CEDmom]

I don't know a woman alive, myself included, that doesn't feel she needs to lose 5 pounds or more. I agree with Jenn Lynn that just because you may think someone is thin doesn't necessarily mean that person thinks she is. Unfortunately it's part of that if only I were _____ (insert thinner, prettier, richer, smarter) syndrome.

On the flip side, I know several people who are quite large and are happy with themselves. Maybe these women who complain about their weight figure that it must not be a sensitive subject with these larger women or they would do something about it.

 

[Pin Wizard]

I think she's starved for attention and needs to go find it somewhere else.

 

[caitycaity]

the obsessing thing i don't think is rude. wierd maybe but not rude. this though:

Or else they will talk about how uncomfortable they were with their overweight doctor, right there in front of other heavy women!!

i do find to be rude. i am overweight. and yet some of my friends make fat jokes or negative comments about fat people right in front of me. i think in our society it is socially acceptable to make fun of fat people, and i don't think that's right. so yes, i think that kind of thing is rude.

 

[pnelson]

I disagree with Caroldel. I don't think it's insecurity on the part of the thin people as much as insecurity on the part of the overweight person. If someone is thin, but still concerned about gaining weight, than they have the right to discuss it. ( And more power to them for being willing to nip a problem in the bud before they are overweight). I am thin, and when I've had a couple of 'bad' weeks and gain a few pounds, then I do start watching it a little and will make some comments. It sounds like these overweight women have some issues that they are not dealing with.

 

[CarolDel]

I understand what you are all saying, and yes the majority of people, regardless of size have bits they may want to change.

In my group of friends there is always a chuckle about who wants to put on weight, lose it, get fit or take it easier, straighten hair or put curls in cause we are all different.

But, and maybe I misunderstood, what I think FreshTessa was getting at ( and I could have picked her up wrong here) was a tiny tiny minority of people that are thinner, fitter whatever and take great pains to point it out and draw attention to themselves about it.

If I got the wrong end of the stick, oops sorry, apologies, didn't mean to "have a go" or try and suggest that only big people can go on about their weight

 

[Disney845]

I also agree with Jenn Lynn. I don't think that anyone can determine what is the "right" weight for someone else. So if a person who looks like a size 8 complains that they wish they were a 4, that doesn't mean they are insensitive to the feelings of seriously heavy women, it only means that their goal weight is lower than some other women's. It isn't fair for you to judge when a person is heavy enough to complain about her weight.

Originally posted by coliebird
I want to add that I have a friend who is much more overweight than I am and we discuss our weight (and our weight loss plans) a lot and she is not at all offended when I talk about my weight.

And I have a similar situation as coliebird. A woman I was friends with since Kindergarten and I are still friends. We "grew up" and put on some weight. Now we are both working towards losing it. We would both like to be back to our HS weight. The difference is that the weight she was in HS is about the amount I gained. I was always much thinner than she was, so now the situation is that I was overweight (in my opinion) at the weight she wishes to now currently be. We do not have any hard feelings towards each other about it in any way. We even joke about it. She was so excited last week because she realized that she had lost 26 lbs. She mentioned how it isn't that noticeable yet, and even made the comment "it would be like you losing 3 lbs or so." It wasn't made out of malice, and I took no offense to her comment. We are both extremely supportive of each other.

 

[KristiKelly]

I too think that most people are not happy with their size, but should also be considerate of those around. I have a friend that is in the size 20+, I'm a sz.10 but would like to be a 6-8, I would never stand in front of her and say "I am so fat" or " I need to lose 10 lbs", I know that my size 10 would be a dream of hers. I also have a VERY vain aunt who loves to talk about what she calls "fat" people. She'll say things like "____ has gotten really big" or "that heavy woman over there", etc. the people she's usually referring to are sz 12-14, the same size as my mom & her other sisters - of course they start to resent her after a while, and by the way she's a 10-should be 12, but would rather wear tight than wear & admit her true size. She wants to lose 5-10 lbs. but won't go to weight watchers because all that's there are "fat people". Yes, I guess I'm one of those fat people. . I would chalk alot of it up to insecurity.

 

[FreshTressa]

Well, I think it is rude, because it makes other people feel bad. I, myself am pretty secure, and am not offended, but I can see by other women's faces that they are.

For an analogy, I think in would be rude for a fairly well off person to sit and complain about their lack of money (all the while wearing designer clothes and driving a nice car) in a group containing quite poor people. I think it would make the poor people feel even worse.

But, I guess most people don't think it is rude, then it must be okay.

 

[Kallison]

I get what Tressa saying and not to overanalyze it, yes I think it is rude. I used to be a size 6, now I'm a 10 going for a 12 if I don't start watching it. I complain about being heavy, yet most who know me think I'm thin. I think I'm tall and hide it well. I don't talk about weight in front of people who are truly obese. I feel uncomfortable about it. Now I have a friend who works out every day and is a size 4. She joined weight watchers last year , she really thought that would help her lose the last few pounds that she is never satisified with. I told her not to come to me crying when the other women beat her up in the parking lot after class. Women obsess about weight way too much, that is pretty much all we talk about at lunch.

 

[Chattyaholic]

Reminds me of when my daughter was in high school, she had severe acne and was taking Acutane. Her best friend was over to our house one day and they were in the bathroom getting ready to go somewhere. Her friend moaned and complained about the ONE pimple on her face. Made my daughter feel so bad because her face was covered with them and she would have LOVED having only ONE!!!

The Acutane worked wonderfully though. She was on it for 5 months and it took awhile to start seeing results, but for her graduation photography session she was totally pimple free!!!

 

[Keli]

I think it is rude for anyone to discuss the weight of anyone else like a previous poster's aunt does. That is a jab at the poster's mom and other aunts who are obviously the same size.
On the other hand I don't think that it's particularly rude for someone I consider 'thin' to talk about their weight or even to call themselves fat when I am clearly larger than them. I realize that it's probably not meant as a personal jab at me. But I have been in situations where it was an obvious plea for attention on their part. I still don't consider it rude but I feel sorry for them that they have such a strong desire for attention. Usually that means they are not getting the attention they need from the normal places they should such as from a husband, boyfriend, family, friends.

 

[katerkat]

I think it depends on the company. I, too, used to be a size 6 and have gained two sizes in less than two years. I know I'm not "fat" but I'm definitely carrying some extra weight where I shouldn't - and I don't look like I am unless you see me in a bikini (which you won't!). So in the right company, I feel I should be able to complain about dieting and exercise. I would not do it in a group of mostly larger women or really, a larger group of people - more likely a small group of friends.

 

[CamColt]

Originally posted by pnelson
If someone is thin, but still concerned about gaining weight, than they have the right to discuss it. ( And more power to them for being willing to nip a problem in the bud before they are overweight). I am thin, and when I've had a couple of 'bad' weeks and gain a few pounds, then I do start watching it a little and will make some comments. It sounds like these overweight women have some issues that they are not dealing with.

Well said!
Usually after the holidays, around this time of the year, I have an extra 10 lbs on me. While some people might still consider me thin and think 10 lbs is nothing, when its a certain percentage of your weight, it IS something. And when some of my clothes dont fit and I can tell my body is not where I want it to be, and where I know it can be, then yes, I do consider myself fat. I may need to lose the same percentage of my weight as someone else who is overweight needs to lose, so why cant we complain together?

 

[Miss Jasmine]

I like all the "assumptions" that the "thin" people are just looking for attention. Yes I moan and groan I need to lose weight, actually it is more of I need to get fitter and tone up, and I AM working on that. Just because I wear a size 6 doesn't mean I have to give up my right to complain about myself. Of course I haven't been this weight all my life, and I do worry about gaining back all that I lost.

You all should check out the WISH board where all types of people are hanging out, people who are trying to lose, people who are trying to maintain, people who have hit goal, etc. Everyone is so supporting of each other, no matter where we are in our plan.

 

[FergieTCat]

I don't think it's insecurity on the part of the thin people as much as insecurity on the part of the overweight person. If someone is thin, but still concerned about gaining weight, than they have the right to discuss it. ( And more power to them for being willing to nip a problem in the bud before they are overweight). I am thin, and when I've had a couple of 'bad' weeks and gain a few pounds, then I do start watching it a little and will make some comments. It sounds like these overweight women have some issues that they are not dealing with.

I will have to disagree with that comment. If a "thin" person is so insecure with her looks/weight that she feels the need to get positive reenforcement at the expense of others, then it is she that has some issues that she's not dealing with.

I can completely understand if the conversation was "I gained a few pounds and I'd really like to lose weight". But if the conversation was "Do you think I look fat?" with the "As her" being unsaid, then yes, it's rude. I think it sounds like the passive agression that women are so famous for.

(BTW, this same subject is even brought up in the book "Odd Girl Out" which covers the subject of female bullying.)

 

[Saffron]

I don't think it's rude to discuss your own body, no matter who is around. If someone wants to make known how they feel about their own body, thin or fat, than go for it, it doesn't matter to me and it doesn't come off as rude to me.

It IS rude to talk about someone else's body though, as in the comments about the doctor, no matter if it's a thin or heavy person that makes the comments.