Do you think it is possible to "unspoil" kids?

[FreshTressa]

I am very lucky and have easy going, well behaved kids.

However....they are spoiled by material things.

DH works in the video game industry and they have every video game system available with dozens of games for each one (DH gets them all free since he works on a panel that votes for awards)

They are the youngest kids by far in my family...given gifts by generous Aunts and Uncles

The ONLY kids on DH's side of the family.

I like to vacation, so they go on 2 big vacations every year.

When you ask them what they want for gifts, they can't think of anything cuz they have everything materially the could want.

They never ask for anything and aren't greedy...it is just that they just don't value material goods at all. I feel like they have no concept of money or how lucky they are.

How do you teach kids the value of money in such a commercial society? Is it too late to undo?

 

[MariettaC]

I am very lucky and have easy going, well behaved kids.

However....they are spoiled by material things.

DH works in the video game industry and they have every video game system available with dozens of games for each one (DH gets them all free since he works on a panel that votes for awards)

They are the youngest kids by far in my family...given gifts by generous Aunts and Uncles

The ONLY kids on DH's side of the family.

I like to vacation, so they go on 2 big vacations every year.

When you ask them what they want for gifts, they can't think of anything cuz they have everything materially the could want.

They never ask for anything and aren't greedy...it is just that they just don't value material goods at all. I feel like they have no concept of money or how lucky they are.

How do you teach kids the value of money in such a commercial society? Is it too late to undo?

IMHO, make them earn it.

 

[HERSEY]

I say it's never to late. We have have a day with no tv no videos. We either read or play family games non electronic just the old fashioned kind. 1 day at a time we may try to go a whole weekend. I think maybe I'll wait till the weather is warmer so some of the time will be outside less stress for me

 

[clarabelle]

Maybe get them involved in a charity?
My kids and I help with interfaith hospitality network.
An organization that houses short term homeless in churches. Most churches have loads of spaces that does not get used during the week -so people live in different churches for a week -get meals etc.. then move to the next chruch.
Meals on Wheels is usually looking for people to deliver

Do you have a pediatrician? He/she may know of a family in need /foster family that would love some games.

 

[winniedapooh]

Maybe get them involved in a charity?
My kids and I help with interfaith hospitality network.
An organization that houses short term homeless in churches. Most churches have loads of spaces that does not get used during the week -so people live in different churches for a week -get meals etc.. then move to the next chruch.
Meals on Wheels is usually looking for people to deliver

Do you have a pediatrician? He/she may know of a family in need /foster family that would love some games.

Hi clarabelle we do that here too! I remember when I said to my then 15 yo son how lucky he was to have gone to Disney 4 times he looked at me and said no not lucky Mom blessed!

To the OP I like what clarabelle suggested, volunteer work. Sounds like your kids have a lot but volunteering may help them to see that others do not have as much and appreciate more what they do have. BTW your kids sound like really good kids...

 

[mickeyfan2]

Never too late.

 

[Sandcass]

My kids are spoiled as well. BUT they're also 2 of the most thoughtful, sweet, kind, SMART, well behaved, kids you'd ever meet. I don't think it matters what your children HAVE, I think it matters what's in their hearts. They can have every possible possesion, that doesn't make them ROTTEN. That's what I think of when I think of "spoiled".

Mine are NOT spoiled ROTTEN. It doesn't sound like yours are either.

 

[slo]

I feel my oldest DD is a little spoiled. Therefore, when she gets new toys, she has to go through her old toys and give a decent amount to charity. I told her it's not fair that other children (currently telling her those from the hurricane) have no toys to play with, and she has toys that she doesn't play with. Then together we go through her toys and she gives about 5 at a time to the children that have no toys.

At first, she is always unhappy to do this, but I praise her for her doing this and then she feels great about it.

 

[Christine]

My kids are spoiled as well. BUT they're also 2 of the most thoughtful, sweet, kind, SMART, well behaved, kids you'd ever meet. I don't think it matters what your children HAVE, I think it matters what's in their hearts. They can have every possible possesion, that doesn't make them ROTTEN. That's what I think of when I think of "spoiled".

Mine are NOT spoiled ROTTEN. It doesn't sound like yours are either.

I agree with you to a point, but I also see FreshTressa's concerns. A child needs to learn some "value" to material things. It's important because when they get out on their own, and don't have mom and dad there to provide, they need to have a sense of earning things, how hard some things are to come by, rationing out funds in accordance with your budget constraints, etc. They can be great, lovely, moral people inside but not have a clue on how to manage things. Plus, for a child who has everything, when they do get out and get a job and have to live on their own, they will expect to have all the stuff they grew up with. It won't be enough to go out and get the "little" TV, they'll want the plasma....and so on...you see where I'm going with this?

 

[mrsltg]

Tressa- You say they don't "expect" things materially. That to me says they are not spoiled. My dd's are the same. They have more than they could ever need, definitely more than I had as a child - but they don't expect it and they are thankful for what they get. I try very hard to impress upon them that they are VERY blessed just to have a home that's warm in the Winter and cool in the Summer. My 5 year old genuinely realizes that she has much more than many other people and is very grateful for it. I think the best thing to do is have a talk with your kids about how a lot of other people live. Be honest about children in other areas who are not so fortunate. As long as they are not greedy you're doing well.

Good luck!

Erin

 

[Tigger&Belle]

Unless you are always going to be there to give everything to your kids I think that they are better off learning how to earn money and how to save for purchases. We try to do this with our kids, only somewhat successfullly depending on their personalities.

My DD is in college and is on a budget. Her summer earning are supposed to go for all teh extras she needs throughout the school year and last summer (her first year out of high school) she got a job where she hardly worked any hours and turned down some lucrative babysitting jobs for neighbor kids. When she was home for winter break she could have earned $50-60 on her birthday when they called her to babysit, but she didn't want to wake up early on her birthday. She turned down another job, too, so she lost out on a good $80 and now is broke and is complaining to me about her lack of money. She has frittered the money that she has earned and does not have a drive to earn it, partly because we handed too much to her, but mainly because she's very material and wants umpteen pairs of flipflops, tons of beauty products, etc, etc and basically lives beyond her means. She's having to learn a very hard lesson now.

Her 15yo brother is now taking those babysitting jobs and saving a lot of the money. He's also spending some of it, but he's learning to think through his purchases and admits when he's bought something that he regrets and is hopefully learning how to spend and save. He sees what his sister is going through and wants to save a lot of money for college spending. Hopefully he knows how lucky he is to have such generous neighbors next door who need sitters so often.

In your case I do think that volunteering is a good idea. Let your kids see help others and in turn they will realize that everyone is not as fortunate as what they are.

 

[Christine]

She has frittered the money that she has earned and does not have a drive to earn it, partly because we handed too much to her, but mainly because she's very material and wants umpteen pairs of flipflops, tons of beauty products, etc, etc and basically lives beyond her means. She's having to learn a very hard lesson now.

OMG, this is my DD (although she is a 9th grader). I swear the child *thinks* she needs a new pair of flip-flops every week and a new T-Shirt every week. If she earns any money, which is hardly ever, she blows it.

I'm not sure how much of it I caused or that it's just her pesonality. I have the money for a lot of this stuff and, to me, it just seems easy to buy it. But I have forgotten that I am an adult and I have already learned to budget--she hasn't.

One thing you might want to consider--even though your DH gets all this stuff free--you don't *have* to give it to them. I know that it seems a shame not to, but you don't have to. I mean, I live right next to the Abercrombie & Fitch outlet and I can *easily* afford the $6.90 T-Shirts but I've figured out that I just need to stop because it is not helping my DD.

 

[The Mystery Machine]

How do you teach kids the value of money in such a commercial society? Is it too late to undo?

Easy...
Go over ads prior to shopping & clip coupons. Tell them we have to shop for said menu week and we have this much.
We need Target stuff and we have this much to spend for X week.
Take cash with you, a calculator, and have them "add" while you shop.

They "get it" right away. When we are watching our pennies tightly we do this because we have to.

It does change their outlook and gives them a new insight into the workings of shopping and saving money.

 

[Tigger&Belle]

OMG, this is my DD (although she is a 9th grader). I swear the child *thinks* she needs a new pair of flip-flops every week and a new T-Shirt every week. If she earns any money, which is hardly ever, she blows it.

I'm not sure how much of it I caused or that it's just her pesonality. I have the money for a lot of this stuff and, to me, it just seems easy to buy it. But I have forgotten that I am an adult and I have already learned to budget--she hasn't.

With my DD I think a lot of it is her personality. She's kind of hitting rock bottom right now at college and it's hard to see. She wants to go to NYC for a day trip through college this weekend and transportation is only $26 plus whatever she buys and she can't afford it, but wants to go. She called me yesterday about it after already IMing me and last night she IMed me wanting me to make the decision. I wouldn't take the bait and called her a weeny for not making the decision. SO hard to see your child having a tough time, but it's all about the fact that her social life was more important than a fulltime job last summer and if she's going to make changes she needs to feel the pain. She also was able to earn too much money as a teen without saving enough, something that her brother is doing differently. And she could come home for the weekend and let our neighbors know she's coming home and could probably earn gas money plus an extra $30, but it would require her doing some babysitting and not just going out with friends.

Part of it is that my DH and I are very down to earth people who started out married life as poor college students (too poor to have gotten married, in hindsight ) and worked for what we have. We appreciate what we have and want our kids to, also.

 

[puffkin]

I don't think that a kid is spoiled just because they have a lot of material things. I think it is their attitudes towards these things. If they are appreciative and realize that what they have is not the norm, then they are not spoiled in my opinion. If they come to expect these things and are unappreciative or get upset if they don't get this or that....then I think they are spoiled.

I think doing things like donating unused/old toys to the Good Will/Salvation Army, or adopting a family at Christmas or things like that are good and easy concepts to help children learn how lucky they are.

 

[Disneyrsh]

I don't think that a kid is spoiled just because they have a lot of material things. I think it is their attitudes towards these things. If they are appreciative and realize that what they have is not the norm, then they are not spoiled in my opinion. If they come to expect these things and are unappreciative or get upset if they don't get this or that....then I think they are spoiled.

I think doing things like donating unused/old toys to the Good Will/Salvation Army, or adopting a family at Christmas or things like that are good and easy concepts to help children learn how lucky they are.

I agree; I think spoiled kids are the ones who don't appreciate what they have and are constantly demanding more more more. What you really are asking is how to teach them the value of a dollar, which I think is totally different from being spoiled. And I don't think your kids sound spoiled, just very lucky! I'd recommend the Clark Howard book, Clark Smart Parents: Clark Smart Kids. It's all about teaching kids how to value money and how to use it right. Working so far with our kids-my seven year old is now obsessed with saving money-we go into Target and she can't bring herself to spend it, it's pretty funny!

 

[Stitchfans]

I hope it is never too late. My DB has two sets of twins who have everything. They are spoiled big time. SIL motto is if they break it no big deal we can buy them a new one. Meanwhile DB busts his hump to make the money pay bills and buy whatever the kids want.

I don't feel bad for him since he doesn't speak up. But it is good that you are trying to correct this. Always getting what you want can lead to making the person into a very self centered person like my SIL and I am sure my neices and nephew will turn out that way too.

 

[powellrj]

What can I say other than Community Service!! I would say your kids aren't spoiled. They sound like your average middle-upper class kid in the US. Yes they have most of the extras that we never had as kids growing up, but sometimes it doesn't hurt to just show them that not everyone has everything that they do. I know my kids know how lucky they are to have the "extras" they have also done mission trips to inner city areas that are real eye openers. Its not hard to find projects you can do as a family to see how the other side lives.

 

[Mishetta]

I didn't have time to read all the posts but I'm subscribing to it since I want to go back & read it all. (This is a great thread for many parents ~ including ME!)

My 10 y/o DS is the oldest of 2 but he was an only child for the first 6 years of his life. Altho we are a family of simple means, he still has a lot of toys. He's "rich" in comparison to the way my DH & I were raised. I had nothing & my DH had just a tad more than me growing up. I can squeeze blood out of a dime, therefore, we go to WDW twice per year (so far anyway!) He was just acting waaaaaay to cocky for his age & getting greedy, so I sent him to work in a downtown Detroit soup kitchen. Talk about eye-opening! He was very humble when he came home. (I sent him with my cousins who do this on a monthly basis & my cousins are filthy rich.) He felt really good about helping out too so he says he wants to do this more often & we will let him.

Regarding having your children realize the value of a dollar.....if you give them an allowance, you can always have them 'buy' their new video equipment from their Dad. Put a price on it & they have to save up for it to "buy" it from you. You can always secretly slide their money in their own bank accounts (providing they have one), or donate it to charity.

My 10 y/o does not get an allowance for doing chores anymore (he has to do them for FREE like I do!) but he does get a couple dollars here & there for his "A" papers from school & for report cards we give him $5 for every "A" and $2.50 for every "B" he gets. So he saves that money up for something he wants. He just bought the King Kong game for his PSP. Now he will have to save for a long time to buy another game (we can't afford to buy him games at $50 a pop!) As an example that this is working for us, yesterday he took $1 out of his own savings to buy some sort of pen from the student council store. He was all excited about this pen with many diff colors of ink in it. Anyway, he came home with his dollar & no pen. I asked him "what happened? Did they run out?' He said "no, just when I was about to buy the pen, I decided to keep my money instead since I want to save up for the King Kong Movie on PSP." was my first reaction ~ then followed by . Job well done & patted myself on the back!

Good luck to you......it's an invaluable lessons you want to teach your children! Find the method that works for you. I'm sure you'll get lots of good suggestions on this thread. (I'll be back to read it later!)

 

[DVCLiz]

It doesn't sound like your kids are spoiled at all!!! If you want, go over to the Budget Board. I started a thread about teaching teens about money, and you might like to read about how others are doing this.

I think ther's a distinction here. What kids really need is a lesson in personal finance, and that has nothing to do really with how many games or pairs of flip flops they may have gotten in the past from parents or as gifts. I think parents should concentrate on the bigger picture - does your teen know about checking and savings accounts, about how compound interest works, what a CD or a money market account is? Do they get any chance to invest, save or learn about it??

I think it's fine to let kids have lots of "stuff", up to your personal limits as a parent, but I'd want to make sure they knew about personal finance as well. If you want your kids to have a little lesson, have them go through all those games and stuff, see if they are willing to sell some of it, and give them the money to invest in a mutual fund. That's your ultimate goal, after all - to teach them how to manage their money as an adult.