Do you think death is like the end of The Sopranos

[testifyoncruises]

I have a friend dying of AML. He is probably weeks if not days away from dying. We have been laughing and crying. We have been rude, crude and enjoying last meals. We have also been talking about death.

He believes as do DP and I that the moment of death is just like the end of The Sopranos. All of the sudden consciousness along with pain just stops. We think everything just goes black. There are several verses in the Bible stories that confirm this. While I am sad for my friend, I am looking forward to the moment when his suffering ends. Having witnessed someone die I can tell you there is a moment when the face and body just relaxes and there is a peace that was not there before.

My friend just hopes the last thing he hears is that Journey song.

 

[Nette]

I don't really know what I think, but your version is what I've been leaning towards more lately. I've fought the question of God and life after death for the past 20 years or so and still don't have an answer. When my dad died last November, I thought I might have a moment of clarity about it, but alas, I don't. Part of me is sad to think that he just stopped being all of a sudden, but part of me hopes that there is something more... OTOH, I think my dad feared he would go to he** after death, and so I hope that that is certainly not the case. (Not that my dad ever did anything bad enough to warrant he** if there is one).

I'm sorry you are losing your friend, but it is nice that you have both accepted his passing is coming and are making the most of your time left together. *hugs*

 

[barkley]

you know how some people say that at the moment of death your entire life flashes before your eyes? i like to think that instead of it being your entire life it's one moment of clarity where all that individual's unanswered questions have the answers revealed to them. from the important to the trivial and mundane. but there's no emotions associated with them-except perhaps a fleeting sense of satisfaction at having learned the answers.

i lost someone very recently, and i for one am thankful that the pain and suffering of both the individual and those who had to witness it is over.

btw-your friend sounds like he has a great sense of humor, similar to the person i lost. i don't know if she heard any song when she passed, but i have to belive some part of her was calling the shots on the day of her burial.
just as we drove into the cemetary, as i'm sitting with the urn holding her cremains on my lap-the normaly conservative radio station i'm listening to on the car radio ends a serious talk segment with the bumper music of jim morrison singing "come on baby light my fire" it was just so like her wicked sense of humor

 

[Pigeon]

I think that when you are dead, you are dead, end of story. No afterlife, no heaven, no hell. I think it's sort of the same as going to sleep or going under with anesthesia, only that's the end. I'm fine with that.

I'm sorry for your friend's situation.

 

[chisnpeke]

I believe in Heaven and Hell.

If I didn't, I would think death would be like before we are born...just not existing. Weird to think about.

 

[Lady Godiva]

That was the worst episode of the Sopranos evah

 

[testifyoncruises]

I too believe it is like going to a permanent sleep but there is no feeling, no awareness, nothing. I used to be scared of it, but realized there is nothing I have to be scared of...literally. I think the best one can do is live life to the fullest while they are alive. Treat others as you wish to be treated.

We cannot stop death from coming as eventually we are going to die.

 

[memster]

OH I definitely believe there's life after death

 

[Pea-n-Me]

I am trying to remember the end of Sopranos.

But no, I don't believe it all just goes black and that's it. I believe in an afterlife, and that when we leave our body in this world, our spirit enters into another.

I'm so glad you're there for your friend.

 

[jlewisinsyr]

I'm really impressed that you're handling death the way you are, it's a great thing. I personally do not fear death, I do not want to die now as I feel I have a lot to offer in my life to come, but death doesn't scare me and I won't avoid doing something I'll enjoy just to avoid a possibility of it.

I tend to think of things more scientifically, so to me energy is neither created nor destroyed, just transformed. So when the energy of my body leaves, it is going somewhere else in some form or matter. I do not believe our conscious lives on, I believe it is just over, it is a blank event, but the energy we possess continues on, divided over the universe.

 

[Mrs. Charming]

I'm really impressed that you're handling death the way you are, it's a great thing. I personally do not fear death, I do not want to die now as I feel I have a lot to offer in my life to come, but death doesn't scare me and I won't avoid doing something I'll enjoy just to avoid a possibility of it.

I tend to think of things more scientifically, so to me energy is neither created nor destroyed, just transformed. So when the energy of my body leaves, it is going somewhere else in some form or matter. I do not believe our conscious lives on, I believe it is just over, it is a blank event, but the energy we possess continues on, divided over the universe.

That's exactly how I feel about it-- you just worded it much better than I could!

 

[bicker]

I recently finished reading Love and Death - My Journey Through the Valley of the Shadow, by Forrest Church, written by Rev. Church while he was dying of cancer, and written from a perspective he gained through his ministry, which very often included being one of the compassionate hands helping someone to final peace. Tonight is the final night of a five week course my wife and I have been taking - a course for which Rev. Church's book was the text, and the entire basis of the syllabus. The course was pretty deep: Last week's homework assignment, for example, was crafting your own funeral service. <shudder> This weeks' homework assignment was to share experiences regarding a chosen life-affirming mantra, from those outlined by Rev. Church in his book, including:

Whether or not there is life after death, surely there is love after death

and

The one thing that can never be taken from us, even by death, is the love we give away before we die.

and

The purpose of life is to live in such a way that our lives will prove worth dying for.

Like I said: pretty deep.

So these issues have been on my mind this past month or so.

Rev. Church noted, toward the end of the book, that in all his experiences ministering to the death, he has encountered people (who ostensibly had died and were revived) who say that they felt peace descending over them at the moment of death, but has never encountered anyone who reported anything terrible. He hinges on this some of his most heart-felt feelings about death and dying.

It should be noted, though, that the basic message of Rev. Church's book is his linkage between the giving of love throughout your live, and how that makes your life "worth dying for". He indicates that the love we shared in life translates into the greatest comfort to us as we die. He also makes the point that it is important, perhaps critical, for loved ones to ensure that a dying family member knows that it is okay to pass on when they're ready -- that nothing makes dying more emotionally painful than feeling like you're leaving things unfinished, leaving things in a tenuous situation, etc.

Anyway -- most of the book is available to read online, at Google Books, if anyone is interested in delving into it further.

 

[LuvLDM]

I'm sorry about your friend

 

[testifyoncruises]

My friend lost the pool and did not die yesterday. So now someone else will profit from his death.

His is kinda hacked because of the paperwork you have to fill out before you die. His wife will be one rich woman, but he said to get all of that done and get under hospice was like signing for a mortgage on a house.

He wants to find a good taxidermist to hang out at his wife's house if she starts dating again, but I told him he would just end up at some frat house with puke on his shoes and no one would ever dust him.

 

[Cee]

"....and no one would ever dust him."

 

[minkydog]

You and your friend have my sympathy. I have been with several people when they were dying. I"m a nurse, so sometimes that's my job. But other times I was with family members and really, the "work" is no different. I never watched the Sopranos,so I have nothing to compare to, but I do believe in a real heaven and a real hell. And I believe that as people are dying they sometimes see people and pets that have gone on before. Don't ask me how this happens, I don't know. But I have seen my grandfather talking with my grandmother, who passed about 15yrs before. I saw my other grandfather stroking his old cat, who passed at least 30+ years before.

When my father died, he saw that cat too. And his own little cat came to him in a dream one night and spoke to him in German, telling him not to be afraid. Dad didn't speak much German, but apparently this little speech was quite eloquent and he understood every word. Before my dad died he became very restless, crying from time to time. I had gone home(8 hours) to help my kids start back to school, but my sister was there. She called me and wanted to know what she should do. I told her to tell dad that if his mom & Dad came for him he should go with them, not to wait for me to come. Well, Dad did hang on until I could get there a day later. He had been confused all day, but when I walked into the room his eyes flew open and his clearly said,"Oh! it's you!" Then he settled down. I had the nurses adjust his pain meds and he never woke up again. Dad passed peacefully around midnight, with the light of a big full moon shining down on us all. When its my time, I hope I go like that.

Have you ever read "Tuesdays with Morrie"? It's an excellent book which details the last year of life of a college professor who has ALS and his former student who revisits his professor every Tuesday in the year before he died. It is quite interesting and not morbid, like you'd think. I've been reading "Making Rounds with Oscar", by Dr.David Dosa. It's about the cat who lives in a nursing home and sits with patients in their final hours. It's an excellent resource for anyone who might be dealing with a family member with Alzheimers.

I hope you and your friend can continue to "be real" for each other. Personally, I don't think death is to be feared. It's just part of the circle of life. It doesn't really matter to me if the lights go out suddenly or if it's a gradual thing, with visits from old family. I'd like to see my dog again, so maybe I'll get the chance. I'll let ya'll know.

 

[Micca]

I'm thinking either you go instantly (heart attack, fatal accident) and never know what hit you, or you are sedated in a hospital bed where they give you enough drugs to keep you comfortable, and you never know what hit you.

For any other instances(wounded in battle) I only hope it goes quickly for you.

 

[testifyoncruises]

I talked to another friend today who lost his mother. He had been in seminary but dropped out. He doesn't think the lights go out like I do.

The reason for bringing up the Sopranos has to do with my belief that Tony got whacked at the end which is why the screen just went black and the music stopped. Tony hears the bell ring but instead of seeing Tony look up to see who is coming in, all you see is blackness. This goes back to when Bobby and Tony were in the boat and Bobby said that he thought the end was just blackness. No sound, nothing. Tony would have never heard the gun shot because the bullet travels faster than sound.

Today DP and I asked if we could be in line to date his wife because of her windfall. Each dinner with him is really unremarkable from any other dinner except for the fact that we all know that his days are coming to an end. It was irreverent, profane, crude, and immoral, like most good ones are, and had lots of heart-to-heart mixed with just crazy talk. His wife and my DP just shook their heads a few times and tried to be appalled but they laughed as much as we did.

Our group has had our picture taken with something in all parts of the world. My DD even had her picture taken with it an hour after she was born. He really wants a picture taken with it after he is gone, but no one wants to cross that desecration line. His wife may though and we would display it proudly among our group because that is what he wanted.

I am very sad to see him go at only 39, but we are celebrating his life. He is a bit comforted how is wife will be taken care of financially, he just wish his death insurance could be enjoyed NOW.

 

[tinatark]

I read the book, 90 minutes in Heaven, by John Piper.

He died in a car accident - actually, a horrendous accident described in detail in his book. He went to heaven, and his description was very detailed. He said after he was revived (a bystander came up to rescue personnel, asked if he could pray for any of the victims, the paramedics told him the drivers of one car were being extricated, and the other driver "was dead" - he sang to and prayed over Piper for over an hour, then realized he was alive) he was almost selfish with the experience, didn't want to share it with anyone.

When I hear people say they don't know, or don't believe, I always think of the song, "What If" by Nichole Nordeman. She has a beautiful voice and the song is a strong, clear message.

http://www.klove.com/lyrics/lyrics.asp?2433

 

[Luvchefmic]

OP you have a wonderful relationship with your friend & that is beautiful


My thoughts, I am a Christian and believe in a final judgement, a real Heaven & a real Hell. That being said I have had a stranger die in my arms, a special
dacshund die in my arms, and I had the priviledge of being at the hospital bedside when my dear Daddy passed..I think it made it easier ( for both of us)

In my mind I think it will probably be like the movie Ghost the way the spirit ascends from the body and goes one way or the other I also want to believe with all my heart that my deceased relatives and my departed animals will be there right at the moment