do you take your grown children on vacation?

[LuluLovesDisney]

DD19 (who has her own place) is disappointed that we are not taking her on vacation(to Mississippi) with us next week. Now, #1, we would have to give her some money to survive on because she only works part-time and doesnt get paid time off. And of course, we would have to pay for everything. I think that because she opted to move out, we are no longer obligated to provide her 'vacation'. Do you take your grown, out-of-the-house' kids on vacation?

Maybe she's just upset that you didn't invite her? (Even though she can't afford to go in reality, maybe she just felt bad she wasn't included.) Is this the first family vacation she hasn't been invited to go on?

I don't think you are obligated to invite her along, nor are you obligated to pay for her way, or especially her wages, however it's your decision. The two main questions are:

Can you afford it?
and
Would you enjoy it?

So, no, parents aren't obligated to take grown kids. (One exception I can think of: visiting an elderly relative who might pass away. I know of someone who skipped a trip like that because they didn't have the cash and it really haunted them. In that case, I would hope a parent would lend their child the money if they could afford to).

The OP reminds me of the first time I didn't get a gift from Santa on Christmas morning. I knew the truth, but it was sad to have the cut off be official. Maybe it's the same with her. She knows the truth is that she's not living with you guys anymore and that she can't afford a vacation, but maybe she's just sad to have it be official. (?)

As far as my personal experience/family - since my first spring break vacation in college, my parents have not invited me on their vacations- Vegas, Boston, etc. However, when they go to their house down the shore (we live in North Jersey, the other house is in South Jersey) they always ask me if I want to go, that I'm always welcome, etc. Whenever I've gone, I've always tried to pay for meals, etc. but they refuse. Also, whenever I go on vacation, they give me a gift (usually Disney Dollars) to "buy yourself a little something". Now, they are talking about going back to Disney, and are thinking of co-planning one with me. I am certain I'd pay my own way, but knowing my parents, I am equally certain they'd find a way to pay for *something*- a nice dinner, etc. When they came to visit me on my WDWCP, I had several coupons for free admission, 50% off food, etc. and I took them to dinner, parks, etc.

 

[Becky2005]

Once I was out on my own, I never went on family vacations. It was a little different for me as I was the youngest.

However, once my siblings moved out, they didn't go on vacations with us either. My sister was married and had a baby by the time I was 16. She lived several states away, she didn't come on our vacations. A lot of our vacations were to visit her but ones that weren't she didn't go.

I don't think I would plan to include my kids in vacation once they move out. There is a 10 year age span between my oldest & youngest. It's quite possible my oldest will be married with her own family before my youngest is out of HS, so I wouldn't think of taking her along.

 

[Lisa loves Pooh]

My mother took me on a cruise when I was 19 and in college.

I would consider taking my college age student along. But once fully self supporting, probably not unless we had some gift reason to do so.

 

[Blueeyes101817]

im 21 and my brother is 20....When my parents decide on a vacation, they let us know, and if we want to go, we pay for it all...For example, in January we went on a cruise and were going on another one in November--We paid for air, the actual cruise, spending money, excursions, and alcohol..although dad did buy drinks a few nights and dinner and paid for some excursions...
I would take her if you could, but her responsibility for the lost wages

 

[HOGFAN]

a little more info to clarify:

yes, we would have to come up with her lost wages(which really wouldnt be that much, she was suppose to work full-time this summer but 'settled' for a job that only gives her about 15 hours a week, she didnt bother to try to find
a supplimental job). Honestly, the girl is basically lazy and is content to barely squeak by and let DH and I support her.

She and her brother dont get along and it would be one fight after another.

All foods/shopping would be on us as the girl saves NOTHING.

If she doesnt get to go, she EXPECTS us to buy her a plane ticket later to do the same trip. which would be $500 for a plane, PLUS we would have to give her some spending money.


Despite all this, we really would love for her to come along, its just her poor planning and laziness that puts us off. I am not sure she 'deserves' to go.

 

[BuckNaked]

Sorry for my bluntness, but I'd tell her tough luck.

 

[freckles and boo]

In that case, go without her and have a great time. Don't allow yourself to be "guilted" into providing money or another trip to compensate her for missing this trip. Unfortunately, (as you probably know) if you keep paying, she will keep expecting it. Good luck!!!

 

[powellrj]

my DS stopped vacationing with us when he turned 18. Not because we wanted him to, but because he didn't want to use his vacation time to go the places we wanted to go. We tried to get him to go on our trip this year with us (he's 23) and he said no. His GF really wanted to go, but he didn't want to use his leave time to go to FL.

 

[LBAK]

HogFan- We too have a wonderful DD but she sounds just like yours. Last year not a penny saved and ashe had the responsibility of a job. She announced she wanted to come with us. OK fine, how much do you have saved for spending? "Um, nothing". Your boss said the time off is OK right? "Um, not really", you see what's going on. We put our foot down and told her that her job was her priority and she had to stay home and work. Hardest thing we have ever done. By the time we came home with DD 9, she had some money in savings and this year she planned her vacation time to coinside with ours. I'm very proud of her. It's your vacation too and you deserve to enjoy it. Last year I would have been annoyed the whole time about giving her money for what she wanted when she didn't even try to save any of hers. It was hard yes, but it was a good life lesson for her and this year she will enjoy it with us! Sometimes they have to grow up first.

 

[Kitty 34]

It definetly depends on family situations but in our family the answer to the question is yes.

I have a 19 yr old DS who went to Disney with us in June and to Mackinaw City in July. If he were to miss school, no we wouldn't have taken him and if he didn't want to go, we certainly wouldn't take him.

We even took his 26 yr old brother to Disney with us in June!!

 

[dizagain]

Well...in your situation, I might actually consider leaving her out. BUT, I vacationed with my family until I got married. I paid for spending and offered to help with food, etc., but my parents paid for almost everything. Since getting married and becoming mommy to the two only grandchildren, my parents have taken us on several vacations. They have rented houses on the beach several times and we only had to get there and pay for a little food and our own spending money. They won't let us pay for much so we always take everyone out to a nice dinner a few times while there. They also never let us pay for anything when they visit us.

I don't feel strange about it at all - they are doing something they want to do and it is MUCH APPRECIATED. I hope to do the same with my children and their families some day.

 

[inaminute]

Once the kids were out and on their own, they were no longer entitled to join in regular vacations--UNLESS it was a specific trip for the entire family. In that case, we pay the entire amount. We might ask one or both to join in other trips, but they have to pay their own way.

But they grew up knowing that once they were out of school, working full time, and living on their own they would be responsible for themselves. I'm available to help them manage their finances or for emergency loans. But, I won't financially support them for the rest of their lives.

In the OP's case, since her daughter is only working part time, I'm not sure what I'd do. Based on what I know, I'm tempted to say that she's out of luck on this one. If she wants a vacation, then she needs to pay for it like every other adult. However, I think I need more information. How is she able to support herself on only 15 hours a week? Is she a student? Are you supplementing her income?

 

[MushyMushy]

People still seem to be missing this point. Not only would the OP pay for her trip if she took her - she would also have to give her the wages she missed from taking time off work. Basically they would have to pay her to take her on vacation.

This is not simply about inviting her on a paid vacation.

I didn't miss the point at all.

 

[WebmasterMaryJo]

a little more info to clarify:

yes, we would have to come up with her lost wages(which really wouldnt be that much, she was suppose to work full-time this summer but 'settled' for a job that only gives her about 15 hours a week, she didnt bother to try to find
a supplimental job). Honestly, the girl is basically lazy and is content to barely squeak by and let DH and I support her.

She and her brother dont get along and it would be one fight after another.

All foods/shopping would be on us as the girl saves NOTHING.

If she doesnt get to go, she EXPECTS us to buy her a plane ticket later to do the same trip. which would be $500 for a plane, PLUS we would have to give her some spending money.


Despite all this, we really would love for her to come along, its just her poor planning and laziness that puts us off. I am not sure she 'deserves' to go.

I've always told my kids that the way I treat them depends on their behavior - bad behavior = not nice treatment. Luckily for me, mine get along.

She moved out - she is an adult. That is a shame she expects you to compensate her for a trip she doesn't go on -- in that case, I wouldn't pay for her, nor give her $ later on so she could go.

I'd say to you -- Enjoy a guilt-free, non-fighting trip.

 

[LiteBrite]

This is really a tough question, given the circumstances. Ordinarily, I would probably say invite her on the vacation, cover the cost of the trip, but she's on her own for her lost wages. If we're talking about a college student who you're still partially supporting, especially then. However, the attitude you're describing definitely needs some adjusting, so it might be time for a little tough love, as in, leave her behind this time so hopefully she'll learn to manage her money better for next year. And about her expecting you to pay for her to go by herself later - no way, no how.

 

[PaulaSue]

I would take her and maybe have a preset limit on what you will pay for.

My parents just asked us to join them at the beach. I am so excited! I was preggo with my 2nd DD and my oldest was only 20 months when we went the last time so the girls will have a blast seeing the ocean.

We (girls and I, Dh has to work) will buy them dinner a few times to help out a little. Maybe your DD can pay for a few things too?

 

[Lynn CC]

We wish our DS who is 19 wanted to go on family vacations with us!
We miss that time together so much. I'd say take her along if you like spending time with her. In the future she may not be able to spend family time. I think it's great that she still wants to go

 

[pearlieq]

I think you should take & pay for your DD19 to go but not cover her living expenses for the lost wages. Like you said she opted to move out.

That seems to be the fair solution. Since her brother is still going, I can see how it seems like she's being left out. But, she's an adult and needs the responsibilites of one.

If she wants to go she needs to save up enough to cover the time she'll be gone, and also enough to cover her pocket money for the trip.

And, of course, a big, HECK NO! to giving her money to "make up" the trip. She'll grow up pretty fast once it stops being easy to depend on mom & dad.

Good luck with whatever you decide!

 

[Mizz Dizz]

I do not have children.
But my parents take me sometimes.

 

[ElizaB39]

a little more info to clarify:

yes, we would have to come up with her lost wages(which really wouldnt be that much, she was suppose to work full-time this summer but 'settled' for a job that only gives her about 15 hours a week, she didnt bother to try to find
a supplimental job). Honestly, the girl is basically lazy and is content to barely squeak by and let DH and I support her.

She and her brother dont get along and it would be one fight after another.

All foods/shopping would be on us as the girl saves NOTHING.

If she doesnt get to go, she EXPECTS us to buy her a plane ticket later to do the same trip. which would be $500 for a plane, PLUS we would have to give her some spending money.


Despite all this, we really would love for her to come along, its just her poor planning and laziness that puts us off. I am not sure she 'deserves' to go.

Well, I guess I would probably change my original answer which was "yes" to "no".