do you take your grown children on vacation?

[trip]

She only works parttime - Is she a student? If she is, I'd take her. Heck, if I could afford it I'd take her anyway.

 

[momrek06]

We have two sons..24 & 20. DH & I have been taking our vacations to the WORLD in Late Jan Early Feb when they are away in college..24yo MASTER's candidate & 20yo will be a Junior. BUT whenever I plan our summer vacations I always ask them. They can then decide if they are available and want to go with us. We are all so busy in our lives so having them along in the summer is a BLAST!!!

OP: Ask your DD!!! Yes, I would most definitely include her on the trip. And, basically, this has nothing to do with the fact you are taking your 13yo along...that is a given! But def call DD and see if she would like a little get away with HER fam!!!

 

[HappyLawyer]

i take my grown mother, when my dtr is grown, i will take her, she will cover some of her expenses but i will cover some as well

 

[freckles and boo]

It depends. So many things to consider...

Is she typically a responsible person?
Does she regularly use you as an ATM or is she ordinarily self-sufficient?
Can you afford it?
Would she be putting her job at risk by missing work?
Will she hold it over your head for years to come if you said no?
Are you punishing her for moving out?

It seems to me that 19 is still a tender age for someone trying to spread their wings. As long is she is relatively grateful and doesn't expect regular handouts, I would probably offer to pay and consider a family vacation.

 

[disykat]

It sounds like she simply can't afford to go - whether you pay her trip expenses or not. If I read you right, you'd have to give her rent money etc if she missed work.

Mine aren't that age yet, but unless they are students I'm still supporting I wouldn't. Even then I probably wouldn't because, in my experience, college students can't miss work to go on vacation. I didn't go on any vacations with my parents after I hit working age except for one family reunion (where they paid for all of us). My parents supported all of us through college, but during our high school and college years they took some well deserved vacations by themselves while we stayed home all summer and worked. We did take some Spring Break trips to check out colleges during high school, but our summer jobs really didn't come with vacation time.

If she lives on her own, she shouldn't be expecting you to cover her missed wages. I can see inviting her and paying her expenses on a trip - but paying her missed wages too? That's not the way life works and I actually think you'd be doing her a disservice if you did that.

I'm sure it's tough when you grow up and your younger siblings are still getting have vacations with the parents, but it's got to happen sometime. Heck, I already have to explain to my oldest that he got to do things with us before his younger brother and it will all even out in the end.

Tell her that you'll be glad to invite her at a time when she can afford to miss work, but you won't be making up her lost wages to do so.

 

[BuckNaked]

It would depend...if it were a case of my child living away from home because she is going to college, and I was still somewhat responsible for her, then yes, I would offer to take her. If she were living away from home because she wanted to be on her own and live her own life, then no, I wouldn't offer to take her, unless she was willing to pay her own expenses.

 

[Keli]

I have a 21 yr old dd and I wouldn't take a vacation without dd unless she just didn't want to go. My dd does still live at home while she attends college but I would still pay for her even if she lived away from home until she married.

Once she was married I'd probably still invite her but I would expect her and her dh to pay their portion of the trip.

 

[Nite0wl71]

My DD is 22 and lives on her own. She goes with me and DD-13 on almost all our vacations. She just went with us to Tenn. in May and is going to Disney with us in September.

 

[pospisil]

It sounds like she simply can't afford to go - whether you pay her trip expenses or not. If I read you right, you'd have to give her rent money etc if she missed work.

Mine aren't that age yet, but unless they are students I'm still supporting I wouldn't. Even then I probably wouldn't because, in my experience, college students can't miss work to go on vacation. I didn't go on any vacations with my parents after I hit working age except for one family reunion (where they paid for all of us). My parents supported all of us through college, but during our high school and college years they took some well deserved vacations by themselves while we stayed home all summer and worked. We did take some Spring Break trips to check out colleges during high school, but our summer jobs really didn't come with vacation time.

If she lives on her own, she shouldn't be expecting you to cover her missed wages. I can see inviting her and paying her expenses on a trip - but paying her missed wages too? That's not the way life works and I actually think you'd be doing her a disservice if you did that.

I'm sure it's tough when you grow up and your younger siblings are still getting have vacations with the parents, but it's got to happen sometime. Heck, I already have to explain to my oldest that he got to do things with us before his younger brother and it will all even out in the end.

Tell her that you'll be glad to invite her at a time when she can afford to miss work, but you won't be making up her lost wages to do so.

I agree.

 

[shortbun]

Your family, your decision. In my family, we are always invited to go if we can take time off. If I were her, I'd feel sad and hurt being left out. Sounds like you are mad she moved out. What exactly are you trying to accomplish by not taking her, is there something you aren't telling us that would keep you from taking her? Proving a point perhaps? If she's not able to pay her own bills even now, she needs to stay home and work.

 

[WebmasterMaryJo]

I think decisions have to be made on each family's dynamic.

I would pay for my children to come with me, but that is because I can afford it and they can't, plus we have a really good relationship. If they were surly, or if they would put a damper on my vacation, then heck no, I wouldn't invite or pay for them.

In the OP's case, you are not obligated at all. I think it depends if you would enjoy her company.

 

[MI mom of 3]

In my family she would go. No matter how old we got, even after everyone got married, we were always invited. Of course once we could afford it, we paid our own way. But up until that point, and after if my dad had his way, mom and dad covered everything. Now that mom and dad are on a more or less fixed income we take them with us and we foot the bill. What goes around, comes around.

Unless there is some other reason that we don't know I say take her; it isn't worth the hurt feelings this is bound to cause.

Just my opinion

 

[katerkat]

On bigger vacations, my parents invite us and we invite them. Sometimes we pay our way, and sometimes my parents offer to pay a portion. (Sometimes a significant portion.) We'll be doing WDW with both sets of grandparents in December and a cruise with both my sisters and parents in January 2008.

 

[justhat]

Based on my own situation I would take her. My husband's family is currently in WDW and they took his little brother (18yo) and his gf, his sister (29yo), her husband, and their 2 kids (2yo and 4yo), and here we are, stuck at home. We all feel pretty badly that everyone was included but us (specifically, our daughter, who is also 2yo and LOVES WDW!!). It really stinks that the "whole family" is away together, having a blast, while we weren't included. So if she would feel anything like we do that you're taking her brother and not her, I'd definitely bring her along.

 

[TammiMcMan]

In my family she would go. No matter how old we got, even after everyone got married, we were always invited. Of course once we could afford it, we paid our own way. But up until that point, and after if my dad had his way, mom and dad covered everything. Now that mom and dad are on a more or less fixed income we take them with us and we foot the bill. What goes around, comes around.

Unless there is some other reason that we don't know I say take her; it isn't worth the hurt feelings this is bound to cause.

Just my opinion

Sounds a lot like my family. My parents did that for us and we usually contributed to gas money or at least paid for our own tickets or souveniers. Now that I have a young adult of my own, I can't imagine not taking her with us and yes, paying for what she couldn't. It just wouldn't be a "family" vacation if she weren't with us .

 

[Mad4Mickey]

I still do for oen what I do for the other. I am trying to get my oldest 20 yr old and her fiance to Disney with us : )

 

[disykat]

People still seem to be missing this point. Not only would the OP pay for her trip if she took her - she would also have to give her the wages she missed from taking time off work. Basically they would have to pay her to take her on vacation.

This is not simply about inviting her on a paid vacation.

 

[famofsix]

maybe she misses you and that's why she wants to go. Maybe she needs you right now and this is a way you can connect and build your relationship. Think of the good memories she will make with her bro. Or maybe not...I guess you need to find out her motivation for wanting to go.

My parents always took me until I got married on fam vacations and pretty much paid for everythng except souvies and stuff for myself. When I got married we were invited and paid our portion but parents always treated us to dinner and such even though we offered to pay.

 

[TammiMcMan]

People still seem to be missing this point. Not only would the OP pay for her trip if she took her - she would also have to give her the wages she missed from taking time off work. Basically they would have to pay her to take her on vacation.

This is not simply about inviting her on a paid vacation.

Nope, I didn't miss that point. I love having my DD on vacations with us. If that means paying for her ticket and giving her food money to help out for the time she's missed at work, then I would. DH and I are in a position to do that though and have a good relationship with our kids. I only spoke regarding my own experience. I have no idea what the OP's financial situation is, or how she gets along with her DD. The question she asked was, "do you take your grown children on vacation?". My answer is yes.

 

[Michie]

I have 2 boys in college, and if they have to miss work or school, no they do not go along. I do not think it is a good idea to miss work without pay, even more so if you are just a part-timer. If it was something really special, maybe, but other wise no.