Do you struggle with Unforgiveness??

[Kimickey]

I DO!!

I came here to confess to my DIS family that I struggle with unforgiveness!!! Things have happened to me in my life that I struggle, to forgive the offensor. I forgive the person(s) 3/4th of the way and hold on to the the other fraction. I feel as if it gives me power over that individual, to hold that over their head. They never know it, but I hold on to it. What I've found is that holding on hurts me even more, not the person!

I had to confess this because I'm ready to let go fully. What better way could I let go but in front of you guys! I don't care if I'm judged and criticized...I just wanted to let you guys know what I struggle with!!!

 

[LaraK]

Are you kidding? I'm Scicilian. I may forgive, but I NEVER forget. So I guess I don't really forgive either, I'm just polite in my spitefulness.

I accept this fault and do my best to mask it, but it's part of who I am.

 

[Nik's Mom]

Are you kidding? I'm Scicilian. I may forgive, but I NEVER forget. So I guess I don't really forgive either, I'm just polite in my spitefulness.

I accept this fault and do my best to mask it, but it's part of who I am.

LOL!

I will forgive someone once. If they cross me again, it's game on. Seriously, the last person I forgave was my sister. Guess what? She did the same thing to me a 2 years later. So that's it for her. No 2nd chances.

 

[moon]

Are you kidding? I'm Scicilian. I may forgive, but I NEVER forget. So I guess I don't really forgive either, I'm just polite in my spitefulness.

Same here. But is it wrong to never forget? Isn't it wise to remember and be prepared?

I know that you are supposed to forgive and forget, and I feel that I'm not "good enough" or "forgiving enough" if I don't forget, but is just that I don't want to be blindsided again!

OP, I know this reply doesn't help you at all, but is something I've been pondering lately and I thought I'd post it here.

 

[teacups]

I always thought "forgive and forget" was the strangest notion.
I'd love to have those talents... but when it's a big deal I do not.

How do you?

I wish I knew the secret because you are right... it only hurts those of us who hold on to it.

 

[AmazingGrace]

I rarely forgive and i never forget. if someone hurts or crosses me, it makes me think less of that person from here on out. If someone hurts me or crosses me badly enough, I just become a black hole to that person and just cut them out completely, like they never existed.

 

[Cantw8]

I am very quick to forgive and forget to those that I care about. If I hardly know you or don't like you, then NO..I do not forgive and forget

 

[SwedishMeatball]

I rarely forgive and i never forget. if someone hurts or crosses me, it makes me think less of that person from here on out. If someone hurts me or crosses me badly enough, I just become a black hole to that person and just cut them out completely, like they never existed.

I agree. Once I write a person out of my life, there is nothing left to struggle with.

 

[Justanopinion]

forgiving and forgetting are two way different things

The Bible tells me I have to forgive but it does not tell me to forget.

I actually have two different situations in my life where people have wanted either or both forgiveness and forgetting.

With both, I found that it was hard to forgive because neither was remorseful. Neither was sorry at all. I won't forget one for safety reasons. The other one I have tried hard to forgive, but it's hard when the person says they won't say "I'm sorry" because they are glad they learned from it but yet they continued the same behavior. I have truly tried to forgive. But I won't trust until I see signs of sorrow and remorse.

 

[CobraBubbles]

It really depends. I try to but sometimes it is hard, and sometimes I think I have forgiven only to find out that I really haven't.

On times when I have finally truly forgiven it is a big relief and weight off of my shoulders. You forgive for yourself, not for the person who wronged you, and not for the benefit of others. It improves YOUR life to forgive. Many times people who wrong you are going on with their merry lives and not really thinking about it, so don't think that holding a grudge will show them, it usually won't.

I don't believe you should forget though. Depending on what the offense is you might or might not give the person a second or third chance but you do remember and know what to watch out for next time...that's just smart. Although if you love the person it's best not to bring it up unless it happens again.

I try to remember that no one's perfect, and everyone makes mistakes. Even though I don't try to hurt people it doesn't mean I never have and I will need forgiveness sometimes, too.

 

[AmazingGrace]

I agree. Once I write a person out of my life, there is nothing left to struggle with.

I've been trying to tell my dh that. He think I need to "let go" and i tell him that I do let go. i just happen to let go of the person who hurt me.

 

[Judy from Boise]

Have the people you are struggling to forgive asked for forgiveness? To me that is an important key. If they haven't asked for forgiveness.......you don't owe them anything. As a gift to yourself you need to learn to not give their action emotional power over you, that is a gift to yourself.

If they have asked for forgiveness, and you have granted it....then you have an obligation to try and restore the relationship.

 

[suzimar57]

i can forgive (in my heart) but never forget....

 

[freckles and boo]

Life is too short. I don't suffer fools gladly but I also don't dwell on stupid crap. I get mad and get over it. I may put some distance between myself and the person who I feel wronged me, but then I move on.

 

[antmaril]

Forgiveness is a gift to yourself. Obviously, if someone hurts you, it is nearly impossible to forget, but if you truly forgive, you are set free.

 

[Lanshark]

It depends on the situation and it depends on the person. Once I feel a person is untrustworthy, the relationship is over from my side. In other words, if you burn me, that's it. I move on. You move on and I wish you luck but don't contact me. I don't think about it further. Holding a grudge is, IMO, not a productive use of my time.

That said, I can forgive fairly easily if I believe the person is sincerely sorry. I've been told that I am a very good judge of character.

 

[PrincessKitty1]

Forgiveness is a big thing in psychobabble. Everyone is encouraged to "forgive" without examining the notion of the meaning of forgiveness.

To me, forgiveness is about not allowing someone to have the emotional power to hurt you anymore. Often, it's about forgiving yourself for trusting someone you should not have trusted.

Forgiveness is NOT about blindly trusting someone who has hurt you (that's just plain foolishness!). And it's not about letting people know you're OK with being hurt. And it's not about letting people mistreat you over and over because you "forgive" them each time.

 

[sorcerormickey]

I'm a Scorpio - we don't forgive, or forget. It's something I am working on tho.

 

[JC2]

Kim, you're an inspiration. I know you've been through so much.

 

[Diva of Dragons]

To me, forgiveness is about not allowing someone to have the emotional power to hurt you anymore. Often, it's about forgiving yourself for trusting someone you should not have trusted.

Forgiveness is NOT about blindly trusting someone who has hurt you (that's just plain foolishness!). And it's not about letting people know you're OK with being hurt. And it's not about letting people mistreat you over and over because you "forgive" them each time.

A-frickin'-men!!!!! Especially the part I highlighted!!! I've had lingering situation in my life where this is the case. No one I have talked to about it "gets" this piece of the puzzle; not even therapists!!!