Do You Still Discipline Your Older Teens?

[wovenwonder]

At least he was drinking in the home and NOT drinking somewhere else and trying to drive home. Tell him how you feel but don't get too corporal about it. After all, the next time he might choose to drink away from home and then drive.

When DD turned 18 we didn't make a big deal about drinking. If she wanted to have a drink or two at HOME then fine. She knew that she had that option if she wanted to experiment and did not have to do it in an unsafe manner. She turned 21 this year and it wasn't even that much of a deal to her --- because we never made a big deal about having a couple drinks to begin with.

 

[auntpolly]

Originally posted by sweet angel
Am I the only one who admits to drinking before I was of legal age?

Yes, you bad, bad girl!

 

[sweet angel]

 

[hentob]

I would like to see the percentage of people that WAITED until 21 to have a drink. Low, I am sure.

 

[inaminute]

I did not drink before I was legal age. It was against the law, and I was taught to respect the law.

Besides, my mother would have killed me! She always made it clear that it was her house/her rules. I respected her rules.

 

[midge dionne]

I did not drink alcohol until I was 21 because I started having babies at 18. My sister still lives at home (43) and is a alcoholic. My parents feel there is nothing they can do about and I think they're tired of arguing with her. Maybe if they dealt with the problem when she was in high schoolthere would'nt be a problem now.

 

[danacara]

If you freak out now, he'll spend his first weekend of college over the trash can. The bigger a deal you make this, the bigger he'll rebel when out from under the rules. He's 18; a generation ago this wasn't a crime. He was in your house, he didn't drive anywhere, you say he's a good kid. All of this "taught to respect the law" business comes across as very shrill. This is a chance to make a lot of headway with your son by mellowing out. I'd think pretty carefully about how I'd react.

 

[sweet angel]

You know what's funny? I drank before I was 21, I totaled a car driving drunk (thank God no one was hurt), basically flunked out of college because I was more interested in partying than studying. My parents were VERY strict with me. When I went away to school, I didn't have their rules, so I went nuts.

You know what I am now? A responsible adult. I'm a single mother, hold a full-time job, own my own home and vehicle, manage my money well, etc. I learned from my mistakes. I don't ever drive after even one drink now.

Not everyone who drinks young is an alcoholic or destined to become one.

There's such a fine line between parenting and drill sergeant, and probably no right or wrong answer to the original poster. She's the only one who knows her son the best and knows what may or may not work for him.

I agree that going overboard on lectures, punishment, etc. may make things worse, but you can't ignore the situation either.

 

[missypie]

What I would give him a big time lecture on is the consequences of breaking the law. (Find out first-don't say he will do 10 years in prison if all he will get is a ticket he'd have to pay; might want to stress the "criminal record" part.)

Also, many high schools have VERY STRICT no drinking policies. The seniors who drank before coming to our HS's prom last year were allowed to graduate but they couldn't partipate in the ceremony...explain that one to Grandma and Grandpa who've bought non-refundable plane tickets to come to graduation. The ones who were juniors are cooling their heels for the first 90 days of the semester at the alternative school...they don't have AP classes or cool electives at the alternative school. The kids get kicked off their school teams and activities...explaining these real consequences may have an effect on your child.

 

[mariamouse]

I don't understand how the law allows a teenager to go fight (and die) in a war, but doesn't allow a teenager to drink alcohol? I personally feel that the drinking (and driving) ages should be the same here as in Europe.

I agree that your son deserved a lecture and possibly a slight punishment, although I think a lot of the posters here are being too harsh and hypocritical of the situation.

mariamouse
p.s. I'm only 15 and I know few people who have never drank... and your son is 18, so at least he is not at all in the minority for this generation--whatever comfort that is.

 

[Disney Doll]

How dependent is your DS on you??? If he uses your car, well, no driving because if he drinks and drives your car, he can kill someone and guess who wil be sued? And I wouldn't drive him anywhere either. Walk or ride a bike. I'd tell him this is a very matter-of-fact manner, adult to adult. Probably something along the lines of "Since you drink, we can no longer allow you to drive our car, as it poses too much of a potential liability."

I can tell yout hat my mother and father would have nagged me to death, brought it up every 5 seconds and generally driven me crazy with it.

 

[Tiggeroo]

I think you are on the right track. Emphasize safety, hit him with a light punishment and end it there. Sorry, in spite of some of the posters, most teens drink. I let my 20yo dd have drinks here and there around the house and have since she was 18. I talked about safety. Said never ever drive after even one drink or get in a car with someone who does. And she is a responsible drinker. I think the idea of sending a kid away to college without ever having a drink is more risky.
Now I have 2 sons who just turned 17. The one son is facing enormous pressure to drink because of his job. He's a rookie on the beach patrol and is the youngest guard on the beach. I feel bad for him and wish I could help. He knows I have a huge problem with kids drinking at 17. But he also knows I will pick him up any time no questions asked. And that I wouldn't make a huge deal out of it if he gave in and drank.I will treat the boys the same as their sister. If we have wine with a meal any time now, I'd give them a glass. I know that girls get drunk, I did. But with the boys things seem much worst. Every occasion is an excuse to overdrink. Several kids at our hs that we know have been hospitalized with alcohol poisoning in the past year.
Personally I think that raising the drinking age to 21 made alcohol a much more forbidden/tempting item. It's no longer a bunch of guys drinking some beers while playing softball or sitting on the beach.It's not even a game of quarters. It's keg stands and shot driniking contests.

 

[sweet angel]

Well put, Tiggeroo.

 

[2bemarried]

I think you chose the right punishment for him. He'll respect you if you respect him and don't treat him like a 2 year old. Just the way I see it.

I'll admit that I drank before I turned 21, but I also knew that I would not be driving after having a drink.
My dad's number one rule in the house was, if you want to have a drink...fine..do it here where I can keep an eye on you. I learned to respect that rule and to this day I very rarely drink (maybe once a year).

 

[Kitty 34]

I was 18 when I had my first drink but it was legal at that time in Michigan. Of course then I go off to college in Illinois where the legal age was 21. It was weird to go home and be able to drink but at college I had to behave!

As some previous posters have said, I wouldn't make a real big deal out of it. Just emphasize the dangers of drinking and the fact that right now until he's 21 it IS illegal. At least that's what I would do with my 17 yr old son. Good luck.