Do you stalk your kids???

[StephMK]

I check in silently on DD20, but only to see what she's doing! And look in on her childhood friends to see how they've grown or maybe what boy she has a crush on now.

I do try to check DD13's accounts from time to time because I caught her using "love" to a BF of 2 days. But then also saw she responded to his message that he wanted to kiss her by replying she wasn't ready for any of that. And broke up with him.

I did not monitor much of DD20 when she was growing up because I have always been able to trust her and know she runs with a tame crowd. DD13 is a little more of a wild card.

DS tries to hide stuff but thankfully his friends and sister are blabbermouths so I usually get the scoop. He has a GF and I hear a little of how they interact from DD or his buddies.

It is so hard to keep up with all the ways they can keep in touch. DS loves to drive me nuts by only answering very specific questions. Are you texting? - No, emailing - no, video chatting - yes. There are so many ways they can communicate and some don't really leave a trail. I figure if I push too much to know, they can just hide it somewhere else.

 

[Disney Doll]

Kind of OT but I am always amazed at some of the things people will post on FB.

Sone if them make me cringe and think "why would you post something that makes you appear to be nuts?"

 

[chiefmickeymouse]

I'm friends with DD14 on Facebook and have her password. I told her when she got the account that it would be that way and expect me to check it. DS17 thinks Facebook is "ridiculous and mainstream" but that doesn't stop him from reading MY Facebook feed just about every day!

 

[NHdisneylover]

I think DD17 stalks me more than I stalk my kids She will look up what I comment on here and bring it up in conversation, reads my blog, etc.

I do look at what my kids post on the media I am on (so I see what mine post on faceboo, but do not really use pinterest so I do not see what DD does there, for example).

 

[soccerdad72]

I'm friends with my 13-year old on Facebook and Instagram, but we're best friends.

Wait, no, wrong thread...

 

[eliza61]

I'm past this stage with my kids now because they are older, but I did monitor them when they were younger. My son got himself into a couple very inappropriate situations that we would have never known about had we not been monitoring his activities.

When my kids started using scissors, cooking in the kitchen, cutting the lawn, etc I also monitored them until I was sure they knew how to do the activities in a safe way. I really don't see the difference. Until I felt my kids reached the proper maturity level to not get sucked into certain situations, they were monitored.

Well said Lisa. I monitored my kids also.
Luckily my kids grew up at the early stages of social media.
But I had absolutely no problems "invading" their so called privacy.

 

[lauradis]

I don't necessarily see it as controlling. Did I say that?

We had a conversation such as this at my in-laws this past Sunday. Dh's SIL seemed sort of angry that I don't check dd's phone, fb, etc. She kept asking dd what she had to hide and dd told her very plainly that she didn't have anything to hide that she doesn't do anything that I can't see. She does like to feel that her conversations with her bf and bff are private and I respect that.

She checks her dd's stuff constantly. As in reads the girl's texts as soon as they go out. So, I asked her this same question. The example she used was that some 20 something guy sent her dd a message on one of the messaging apps, found out the girl's age and still wanted to message her. So I then asked her how her dd handled it--she blocked the guy immediately and showed the messages to her mom. I said, "good. that is exactly what dd would do and that is why i don't feel the need check her stuff." She huffed at me and stopped talking.

A lot of people mention the fact that everything online is not private. If they post something, its permanent. And I agree with that. The thing is, if a parent relies completely on checking up on their kid, when they see it, its already there. Not saying you do that, but I do know some parents that have this false sense of security that checking after the fact is all they need to do. If the lesson isn't drilled in first, checking later is sort of closing the barn door after the horse gets out.

I am not dd's friend either, I am her mother. I am here to guide her through to at least adulthood (when the stupid mistakes don't really stop, unfortunately). Not saying that either of us is wrong in how we do it, but I want her to have the lessons and learn to navigate all of this the right way so that when she is an adult, she doesn't then start putting stupid stuff on Twitter or FB or whatever we are using as social media at the time. I see a lot of crazy stuff on FB and I do point it out to dd and say "that's the kind of stuff you don't want out there"

We had a teacher whose contract was not renewed because of things she put on FB, another group of teachers reprimanded for pictures they posted (that were semi-connected to the college) and some of our interview committees do search on FB for the people they are interviewing. I tell dd about all these things and use them for examples in what not to do. I personally do not think that someday a person could lose a chance at a job for something they posted at 15, and so its important to me that she have the knowledge to not only not do it at 15 but to also not do it when she is 25 and Mom's not there to tell her to delete it.

Nope you didn't say controlling but I do understand that other post feel that way.

Nor do I feel you meant it that way.

Just double checking

As far as the example way of "oh you shouldn't do that look what happen to so and so" I do that hoping some of it will sink in. And how would you Handel that? Etc etc.

All my online password are written down in same place as theirs and if they want to read or look at my stuff they are welcome too.

 

[luvsJack]

Nope you didn't say controlling but I do understand that other post feel that way.

Nor do I feel you meant it that way.

Just double checking

As far as the example way of "oh you shouldn't do that look what happen to so and so" I do that hoping some of it will sink in. And how would you Handel that? Etc etc.

All my online password are written down in same place as theirs and if they want to read or look at my stuff they are welcome too.

If your FB is anything like mine dd would probably be more shocked by what some of my friends post than I would be at her's!!!