Do you RSVP ??

[rt2dz]

This is my BIGGEST pet peeve. I can not stand it when people do not RSVP. It costs me money and planning problems. I may have to upgrade to a larger package, I have goody bags, balloons, meal and cake to plan for--depending on the party. How flippin' hard is it to pick up a phone, send an email or tell someone when you see them?!? I even used evites last year for one party, and never got RSVPS, even though I know they saw the invitation, from 50%.

I DO always give phone number, voice mail only line (and indicate such so that people don't have to get caught up in conversations), and email. I also have RSVPS due two days before I need them so I can sit down make the calls and give those people a day to return phone calls/emails. I always say, "Just wanted to check that you received the invitation..." Afterall, it "could" have gotten lost in the mail, fallen out of the backpack, etc. Rarely that's the case, but I give the benefit of the doubt. If it were one or two, I'd buy it a lot more than when it is 16, 18 or 22 who didn't RSVP.

As far as too busy. I'm busy too. I always RSVP. And when you don't RSVP to me, you're making my life even worse. I can't plan, shop and get started until I know if you're coming or not. I don't have the time readily available to make 19 follow-up non-RSVP phone calls. It just floors me that people think "being busy" is an excuse for rudeness. Do it immediately if you're not coming.

As far as the find out where idea goes. That could effect whether or not we're coming at all depending on what else is going on. Maybe we can handle an at-home party, but we have somewhere else to rush to that a pool party might not fit with. Or if my child with severe food allergies feels up to watching everyone else eat pizza at the pizza place when he can't and they don't offer alternatives that he isn't allergic to. So then I have to call to see where, then check to see if we can or if my child wants to, and then call back to let you know. That takes up twice as much time on my part and the other person's part.

People should just have a little class and consideration and realize the world does not revolve around them and RSVP! And heck, half the people who don't RSVP are coming and half aren't. The "Oh, if I don't RSVP they'll know I'm not coming" or "RSVP is only for those who aren't coming" arguements just don't work.

Sorry, off my soap box now. I told you this was a HUGE pet peeve of mine.

 

[cruizie]

I always put something like "Please RSVP by X date" and include a phone number and an email address. I find that it is easier to shoot a quick email than to get "stuck" on the phone.

 

[Worfiedoodles]

You've found a Hot Button Issue!

As nearly every other PP has stated, it is so frustrating to go to the effort of planning a party, sending out the invites, and not getting a response!

DS invites his entire class to his birthday party every year (even though he's one of about five kids that has them), and we might get a 50% response. I haven't been including the e-mail for replies, and I will do that this year. Maybe that will help. I do ask them to RSVP by a certain date, but of course sometimes I'll get a call or two after.

I always RSVP either way, and I wish others would, too. My other idea is to do "Regrets Only", but I'm not sure how that would be received. DS's birthday is in late January, so we always get a big turnout -- the parents are eager to have something for their kids to do. We also go somewhere where I'm paying per kid, so knowing how many is kind of important...aaaargh!

Unfortunately, if we did call to find out where, I don't think we'd have many takers...plus ds can't keep a secret, so it would have to be surprise for him, too! And once the first person called, the location would shoot through his class and I'd have people showing up I hadn't counted on... not that that doesn't happen anyway, I always expect 5-6 extra siblings of various ages, since that's what generally shows up.

Can you tell I'm ready to chuck the whole big birthday party experience? DS will be 10, and I think it's time to move on to something with a few close friends. I'd much rather take 8 boys who are his friends than deal with another extravaganza!

 

[PollyannaMom]

I do RSVP (and like another poster, choose e-mail if possible.)

It drives me crazy when people don't answer. And it especially will this year, as DS is having his party at a pool, and they need a good count to have the proper number of lifeguards.

So I'm eagerly reading everyone's ideas, and also wonder what people think is a good time to send out invites - not so early that the card gets lost before the RSVP date, but not so late that people already have plans. - What is just right?

 

[nictodisney]

I always rsvp. Most people around our area don't.

We just rsvp to a child's party. When I was on the phone with the mother I mentioned that there wasn't a date on my invitation. She said she always leaves it off - people call to see when the party is and she gets her rsvp. I know this won't work for more formal parties but I'm considering for my sons next birthday invite. Just an idea

 

[bellebud]

You've found a Hot Button Issue!

My other idea is to do "Regrets Only", but I'm not sure how that would be received.

Can you tell I'm ready to chuck the whole big birthday party experience? DS will be 10, and I think it's time to move on to something with a few close friends. I'd much rather take 8 boys who are his friends than deal with another extravaganza!

i wouldn't do regrets only... those are the people who don't really want to have to rsvp. I'd do acceptances only, and maybe add a note of something like 'please rsvp for head count' to remind people why you need the rsvp. This makes more sense anyway, we all need to know how many ARE coming, not how many ARE NOT coming. knim?

i ditched the big party this year w/ my dd8's bday... I took her and 3 friends to the mall on our 'teachers conference day' last thursday. It was perfect. the mall was empty (regular school day for all other schools), we did build a bear, lunch at ruby tuesdays and a movie. oh, and did about 1/2 hour in payless trying on ladies high heeled shoes (that was the highlight of the day for them i think). It still cost me a bit, but it was so worth it.

for my ds6 for his 7th bday next summer, i've already mentioned to dh that maybe we'll do a small one for him too. maybe him and 2 friends fishing w/ dh for a half day. still not sure about that one... but as they get older, I like the parties getting smaller, and focusing on a few good friendships and something they really love to do.

OH, and the best part... no invites! just 3 phone calls.

 

[kimberh]

We just went through 3 parties in our family and very few RSVP's. I don't understand the reasoning for not calling or emailing. It is rude! We are from large families, if they all don't or do come, we are planning 40 plus people. That is buying a lot of needless food if they really are not coming. If they do come and I have not planned on them, then I am very short. My friends do RSVP, but last week I did make calls. It is unreal! Why mail the invitations?

 

[SillyGirl30]

I have learned that very few people RSVP. I have even tried regrets only. This didn't work any better. So now I just purchase enough food for half the number of people I invited. Which seems to be the amount that comes.

 

[runwad]

In my family we always do "REGRETS ONLY" and never had a problem with it. Especially now a days you can put an email address in there too, no problems.

I hate RSVP but I do call it is rude not to but I try to call when I know they won't be home so I can leave a message and be done with it.

 

[Tinkerbell2002]

I have also found putting email down helps anymore. People can email at 11 at night to RSVP when they certainly could not call at that time.

I love the email idea. I am definitely using that on the next invitation. I often remember stuff I forgot to do late at night. Thanks for the idea.

 

[ILoveDisney&Cruising]

I always RSVP but I know most people don't. Maddening!!!! Not to mention rude - I mean, how are you supposed to plan????? Grrr!

 

[jennifer293]

I thought it was just the people in my town that didn't RSVP..lol I ALWAYS RSVP!!! I just don't see what picking up the phone for 2 minutes is going to hurt anybody just to say YES OR NO!!!

 

[jendan2002]

I always RSVP! I think it is just common courtesy to reply to an invite if asked to do so!!

 

[kashkdz]

I pretty much agree with everyone's post...When someone is nice enough to invite you to an event (say a child's party), it's only considerate to RSVP if asked on the invitation. Common courtesy....We've had a few events where less than 1/2 responded, and there's nothing more frustrating than calling a parent and asking them if their kid will be attending, and having a reply such as (1) "Oh yes, sorry I was too busy to reply..." or (2) "Nope, Sorry I didn't reply..". NEWS FLASH (my thoughts to the replies)...(1) We are all busy, and I EVEN found the time to send you (or your child) an invitation, and (2) Gee THANKS! One less invitation I have to send out next time....

 

[EnchantedPrincess]

I always RSVP as well...and get annoyed as well when people don't RSVP. For my dd's 3rd birthday, I sent out an e-vite (on www.evite.com) and almost everyone rsvp as soon as they received the evite for my dd's birthday party. I have friends who do both the evite and an invitation in the mail.

 

[disney_me]

I always RSVP! I think it is just common courtesy to reply to an invite if asked to do so!!

Common courtest?? Whats that!! Courtesy is falling by the wayside. Party is tomarrow and DD asked 15 kids from school to come and only 7 have RSVP'ed. I have made 16 goodie bags so I should have enough. Also I got a great surprise from my sister in VA. She will be up for the weeked (death in her in-law family) so her 4 kids will be coming to DD's party too. I'm sure we will have fun tomarrow.

 

[I believe]

I do RSVP many don't though. DD just had her 8th bday and we invited 22 of her girlfriends 12 rsvp'd and 21 came. (The one that couldn't called and said she couldn't come that day.) The last 4 bdays have been like that. Last year I tried Regrets Only. That worked better. I didn't get any calls and they all came.

 

[mjantz]

It makes me insane.... happens to us all the time

I did LOVE a clever way one of my DD's classmates' parents handled her bday party last week though! I will use it myself! They sent out an invite for a Halloween themed bday (for 7/8 yr olds) to be held Sat. Oct. 20th. They said to RSVP by Oct. 18th to find out WHERE it was going to be held.... this forced the guest to have to call to find out where it would be (it ended up being at a karate studio owned by their friend that they transformed into a "dance-hall" for the night) They told me the night of the party that it worked like a charm

That's what I was going to suggest. If you give the date that gives people a better idea whether or not that day is free for them. If it is, then they can call & clarify the time & let you know if they have a soccer game or whatever.

We've pretty much stopped big parties (the kids get to invite a friend or two to a movie or whatever they want to do) but if we decide to do another big party I will use this 'trick' myself.

 

[MoeFam]

This totally changed for us when we started using Evites. They can answer right there on the email and there is no waiting around for calls. Plus the kids can see who else is coming and that can help plan carpooling etc.

 

[Benducci]

This is a pet peeve of mine. Some people do not feel the need to rsvp. So I call people up & remind them that I need a headcount. I put my phone number & my email on the invite but you still get the few who tell me that they didn't realize the rsvp date.