Do you restrict your teen's cell phone usage?

[TaraPA]

What kind of rules (if any) are in your house for cell phone usage? Is it on 24/7 & they have full access to it at all times? I'm just curious because DS13 just thinks it's the worst thing ever that I turn his cell off at bedtime until he gets up (it's through Kajeet so it's 100% parent controlled).

I had not put any time restrictions on it when he first got it, then noticed he had been sending & receiving texts overnight (which really isn't all that bad I guess, but in my opinion, between school & sports he really needs to get a good night's sleep, uninterrupted.) So I turned off the cell from 10pm-6am on school nights, and from 11pm-9am on weekends (unless he was outside of the house at those times, then it stayed on). Recently his grades have been dropping slightly, mostly because of missed homework assignments. He had been doing his homework before bed, and from our observation, all he was doing between 8-10pm was texting or watching TV. So as his punishment for the detention he got for missing a few homework assignments (and his grades dropping because of it), we took the TV out of his room, and I said his cell is now off at 9:30pm on school nights. I said he can use the time now to be sure his homework is done, or to study, or to sleep if he has none.

DS13 says this is just absurd, none of his friends have a cell phone that ever gets turned off & they have full access to it 24/7. DH also thinks I'm "controlling" him too much by putting limits on the cell phone. So I said I'd poll all the great moms on the DIS & see if I really AM the only mom on the face of the earth that has rules about a 13-yr old & his cell phone.

I say I gave him a chance to manage the cell phone usage wisely, and he hasn't shown me that he can be responsible with it, so therefore as his parent (and the person that pays for his plan) I have every right to say when he uses it. DH disagrees & says even though we pay for it, we gave it to him & it's his, I shouldn't put restrictions on it.

So what rules (or not) do you have for something like this?

 

[SaraJayne]

DS's (14 8th grade) phone and itouch (which he can also text on) are turned off and put in front of the TV in the living room (so DH and I can keep an eye on them ) at 9pm on weeknights and 10pm on the weekends.

I completely agree with you. We pay the bill, we get the final say in what happens with the phone and absolutely will put restrictions on it as needed. It's the first thing taken away as punishment.

Sign me up for the mean Mommy's Club! I wear the title proudly.

 

[LuvOrlando]

I didn't realize you have a 13 year old son too. Well you & I are in the same doghouse because according to MY kids I am the most protective Mom ever because I think it's inappropriate for them to be having texting conversations at midnight, put a PG13 limit on their TV's, banned MTV, get mad when they do homework in the AM, expect them to check in with me when they are with their friends and don't let them roam the neighborhood without accountability or letting me know who they are with when they are out.

I just , the day I have to answer to a 12 year old (DD) or 13 year old (DS) for my decisions is the day pigs fly.

If they are complaining that just means you're doing an ok job

PS- our phone restrictions mean they have to turn them in, I canceled the parental limits on the phone itself because that just keeps them from calling out, dangerous in an emergency or on a sleepover, but doesn't keep other people from contacting them.

 

[cglaura]

A cell phone is a privilege, not a right. The only time I'd say a kid would HAVE to have it, is as you said, to get in contact when he wasn't home.

DD was not allowed to use it when we were out in public (for instance, walking around a store texting or at a restaurant). She could use it in a store, but it had to be brief, one msg sort of thing, not just aimlessly texting all the time.

We were on the virgin mobile pay as you go plan then, so she knew she had to keep it at $10/month, and did well with that.

I never really kept track of after hours use, as I didn't really have any red flags to worry about.

You are not being absurd. You are the parent, and it seems to be interfering in his work.

Amazing when we were kids, we didn't see or talk to our friends from bed time to school the next morning! Sometimes from after school to the next day. No emails, txt, facebook posts. We survived

 

[Robinrs]

My son barely uses his phone. I have to nag him to remember to bring it with him and TURN IT ON!

 

[TaraPA]

If they are complaining that just means you're doing an ok job

PS- our phone restrictions mean they have to turn them in, I canceled the parental limits on the phone itself because that just keeps them from calling out, dangerous in an emergency or on a sleepover, but doesn't keep other people from contacting them.

I love that & will remember that next time I get attitude - "If they are complaining then I'm doing an ok job" -LOVE IT!!!

With Kajeet I actually have the phone completely off for both incoming & outgoing calls & texts except for emergency numbers (home, our cells, work, grandparents, etc). I can add up to 10 emergency numbers that can call in or out even if the phone "Time Manager" says it's off. I like it!

 

[TaraPA]

Amazing when we were kids, we didn't see or talk to our friends from bed time to school the next morning! Sometimes from after school to the next day. No emails, txt, facebook posts. We survived

Isn't it? Kids these days cannot imagine "the old days" LOL! We had one phone - a ROTARY DIAL phone, WITH A CORD, in the middle of the kitchen wall. In beautiful trendy Harvest Gold I might add. There was zero privacy to talk to anyone. And if dad was home from work watching the one TV (non-cable of course) in the living room we couldn't use the phone because we were being too loud. I think we even had a "party line" at one point - anyone else remember those!

 

[XYSRUS]

My 2 oldest have phones...I tell them I give you enough rope to hang yourself...their job is to not hang themselves. I don't have any trouble with them because they know I'll "shut them down"...everything fun in their life, no excuses, no bargaining.

 

[Art 1]

No. Has unlimited usage.

 

[mjkacmom]

My 12 and 14 year olds have them unrestricted. When I was their age, I had a phone in my room, and remember late night talks. However, if their grades were slipping, I might use that as punishment, and letting them get the phone back as incentive.

 

[BernardandMissBianca]

Yes, I have DS14's phone locked (through AT&T) from 10-6 for the weekdays and 11 - 7 on the weekends. He doesn't really make calls but his friends have called him as late as midnight, which doesn't fly with me. Heck, he's usually asleep by 10!
I also have a limit on texts of 1600 a month, he gets a warning on the phone when he's reached 75% of his texts.

Even though those are locked he can still call or text me and his dad and we can call him.

He could care less about the restrictions on the phone but I'm the mean mom because I won't let him have facebook.

 

[ThePetLady7]

No restrictions under normal circumstances for DD13 or DS17. BUT, it is the first thing they lose if a punishment needs to be handed out. I will occasionally hold onto DD's phone if she is distracted while she is (supposed) to be doing homework, or if she is having trouble actually doing something I have asked of her. She suddenly becomes much more focused on the task at hand! LOL

 

[jparc]

My daughter's are 15 & 16. Their cell phones are off at bedtime, off during dinner, off during school hours & off while driving.

 

[srferson]

What kind of rules (if any) are in your house for cell phone usage? Is it on 24/7 & they have full access to it at all times? I'm just curious because DS13 just thinks it's the worst thing ever that I turn his cell off at bedtime until he gets up (it's through Kajeet so it's 100% parent controlled).

I had not put any time restrictions on it when he first got it, then noticed he had been sending & receiving texts overnight (which really isn't all that bad I guess, but in my opinion, between school & sports he really needs to get a good night's sleep, uninterrupted.) So I turned off the cell from 10pm-6am on school nights, and from 11pm-9am on weekends (unless he was outside of the house at those times, then it stayed on). Recently his grades have been dropping slightly, mostly because of missed homework assignments. He had been doing his homework before bed, and from our observation, all he was doing between 8-10pm was texting or watching TV. So as his punishment for the detention he got for missing a few homework assignments (and his grades dropping because of it), we took the TV out of his room, and I said his cell is now off at 9:30pm on school nights. I said he can use the time now to be sure his homework is done, or to study, or to sleep if he has none.

DS13 says this is just absurd, none of his friends have a cell phone that ever gets turned off & they have full access to it 24/7. DH also thinks I'm "controlling" him too much by putting limits on the cell phone. So I said I'd poll all the great moms on the DIS & see if I really AM the only mom on the face of the earth that has rules about a 13-yr old & his cell phone.

I say I gave him a chance to manage the cell phone usage wisely, and he hasn't shown me that he can be responsible with it, so therefore as his parent (and the person that pays for his plan) I have every right to say when he uses it. DH disagrees & says even though we pay for it, we gave it to him & it's his, I shouldn't put restrictions on it.

So what rules (or not) do you have for something like this?

Based on what you've told us, I completely agree with you.

I am curious though, you mentioned that you didn't put restrictions on at first. Once you realized he was doing something you weren't comfortable with, did you give him any warning/rules to follow before turning the phone completely off at certain times?

For example, once you realized he was sending texts in the middle of the night, did you tell him that sending texts between 10pm and 6am was not acceptable and then give him a chance to simply follow that rule?

 

[thegales]

...
DS13 says this is just absurd, none of his friends have a cell phone that ever gets turned off & they have full access to it 24/7. DH also thinks I'm "controlling" him too much by putting limits on the cell phone. So I said I'd poll all the great moms on the DIS & see if I really AM the only mom on the face of the earth that has rules about a 13-yr old & his cell phone.

I say I gave him a chance to manage the cell phone usage wisely, and he hasn't shown me that he can be responsible with it, so therefore as his parent (and the person that pays for his plan) I have every right to say when he uses it. DH disagrees & says even though we pay for it, we gave it to him & it's his, I shouldn't put restrictions on it.
...

You noted that your son was not being responsible in regards to homework. You took an action that was not necessarily to punish, but to let him focus on what needed to be done. I think that is okay.

If / when your son realizes it is up to him to do better, then I think you should turn it back on in the evening. And if he does really well, then I can see turning it on overnight. Let him demonstrate that he can be responsible. But let him know, if grades slip, it gets turned off again.

 

[dis-happy]

I used to have my dd plug her phone in for recharging downstairs at night. Otherwise she would be getting texts all night long and I thought it was ridiculous (especially as far as getting a good night's sleep goes).

My next oldest is in high school now but he's not much of a phone person, so no problems there.

It seems like everything is 24/7 these days and I feel that there's nothing wrong in setting limits.

Was horriified to read on another forum that a someone's elementary aged ds and his friends had downloaded porn to an i-touch. Yikes! Didn't know it was possible. Thankfully, my ds-10 doesn't have one.

 

[mickeyboat]

My DDs are a little younger (10 & 11), but their phones go in my room to charge when they go to bed. They are also not allowed to text at dinner.

 

[Lisa loves Pooh]

I agree With you and disagree with your husband.

My children donnot have cell phones. But they do have other gadgetry. When it cannot be managed well, it gets restricted.

Your husband's statement is ridiculous.

I might also consider suspending it during homework time since he'd rather text than do homework. I suspend myself when my I'm too distracted by my iPhone.

 

[NAB]

My 13 year old son has to turn in his at night too or he will be up at all hours of the night. This would be 10:00 and is not allowed to take it to school either. No need to text durning class. If he needs to call home the school will let him.

Plus periodically we check his texts, some of the conversions with girls were really unappropriate it you know what I mean. Shocked me. So no phone while lying in bed ....

At this age I find everything is socializing with friends, homework and school take a back burner...we are trying to keep them on the front burner by limited the phone.

We too have a rule no phones at the dinner table. Or any electronics for that matter.

 

[gingajane]

Our oldest never needed restrictions. She liked her sleep and turned it off at bed. Middle? WWAAAYY different story. She thinks it is just fine to receive texts at 1 am and does not understand why this concerns her parents. Needless to say, she has restrictions at night and during school hours. Youngest seems to be self regulating.....we shall see.....