Do you pay your kids to babysit their siblings?

[spima3]

Our oldest is 12 and we occasionally leave her to watch the younger two,
9 1/2 and 7. We aren't gone long, less than an hour, but she will sometimes ask us to pay her for sitting.

I think it is just part of making the family work, but wonder if others pay for this "service"? If she were older and we were gone for hours, I would compensate her for her time, but don't think it would apply to this situation.

Also, at what age would you consider leaving a child home alone for brief periods of time? Our 9 1/2 yr DS hates shopping and I will leave him home alone to run to the store, again for less than an hour. He understands the rules, and knows if their are any serious issues to go to the neighbors.

Our 7 year old is very immature and I doubt I will ever trust her alone.
Would you consider maturity or age the bigger factor?

lori

 

[powellrj]

depends on the situation. We started out paying for babysitting, but then we changed it to only paying when it was going to be for a fun situation like a night out with DH. If I was only going to the store of a short time, no that was part of your job as a family member.

Once our oldest DS was gone and it was the younger 2 we never paid because we never called it babysitting. It was more a leaving you alone situation. They really watched each other. IF we would have paid DS to watch his sis, he would have made her life awful, but if we told them they were going to stay by themselves, they were fine. They could keep occupied and not get into trouble. Now they are both old enough to stay alone so there isn't a problem.

 

[NeedaVacation03]

Your kids are almost the same ages as mine. It sounds like our 7 yr olds are very similiar. Mine isnt so much immature, but has an attention span problem. Things can go on in the same room as her and she has no idea.
I do not pay my kids to watch for short periods of time. I have had the two oldest watch the 2 little ones for a day (while I am home) working on a project. They are responsible for breakfast and lunch, as well as keeping them occupied so I can keep working. When they do that I do pay them something. I think that watching out for each other for a little while is part of being a family. I do not want to encourage the idea that every good deed deserves cash. We do things out of love(or because mom ask you too) rather than for financial gain.
My 10 year old has no desire to stay home alone so I have not had to cross that bridge. But my 13 year old loves it.
How do the same parents create 4 very different kids? I ask myself this pretty regularly.

 

[disneyvacalover]

I too leave my 12 1/2 year old to watch his siblings for sometimes up to 3 hours. And I completely agree that it's his responsibility to help the family so he does not get paid. However, I do constantly shell out money for extras like dances, snacks, sports events, outings w/friends etc. Believe me this cost much more than paying him to babysit and having him pay his own way for everything (incidently I do this this is a good idea as well).
As far as the right age goes it really depends on the child and the amount of responsibilIty that comes with the babysitting. For example will they be babysitting a behavior problem child or a child with that needs any kind of special care, or babysitting 8 kids at once etc.) There really is no set age by law.
It is important to remember that whoever babysits your children if something happens to them on their watch you the parent are ultimately responsible as you chose the babysitter.

One other important note. ALWAYS HAVE A SAFETY PLAN SET UP FOR YOUR CHILD. A LIST OF PHONE NUMBERS OF WHO TO CALL IN AN EMERGENCY, NOT TO ANSWER PHONE UNLESS THEY HEAR THEIR PARENTS VOICE ON THE ANSWERING MACHINE, NEVER ANSWER THE DOOR ETC.

 

[disneysnowflake]

Two of my sisters, now age 48 and 50, still complain about having to watch us while my parents went to the grocery store. They were never paid and always resentful of it. They were 11 and 13 years older than me. You'd think after 30 years or so they'd get over it. It was only every other week for about an hour.

After the older ones moved out, my next oldest sister (who is 7 years older than me) used to watch me sometimes. Once in a while my parents would go out for pizza after I went to bed. My sister would watch me. My sister got paid a couple of dollars for doing so. That made my oldest sisters even more upset seeing they had to do the babysitting for free.

I guess it depends on the family.

My older son is 4 years older than his brother. We'd allow him at age 13 to stay with his younger brother for an hour or less. We never paid him. He didn't mind staying home with his brother because he can't stand shopping.

 

[Taylors6]

We have a daughter who is 14 and she occasionally babysits her siblings - ages 9 and 5. She has been able to do this since she was 12 (well 12 1/2), I think it just depends on the maturity of each child. My 9 yr may never be able to be responsible for himself...let alone anyone else!

We do not pay her, as we too feel that its part of the family contribution.

We will pay her if she babysits due to my DH and I working...like one a day out of school and I am scheduled a 4 hour day shift. I feel like if she is doing it for us to make money then its a little different. Sometimes when she is sitting for something like us going out to dinner...when I know she could have found her own fun stuff to do...I compensate her by telling her we'll host a bonfire or something the next weekend, or picking up a piece of athletic equipment (new knee pads etc.) that she didn't have to have yet but could really use. She is always really glad to accept that...and a couple times has bartered with me asking for a bonfire or for me to transport a van full of kids to the mall instead of payment on a "working babysitting" arrangement.

 

[mjbaby]

My parents didn't pay me if the sitting was part of an overall family need, like when they went to sign settlement papers for a new house or for a doc appt. they wanted/needed to attend together, but they paid me when they went out to a movie or dinner or something. It wasn't much, maybe a dollar an hour back then, but they also tried to make it worth my while in other ways, too, but letting me pick a movie to rent for when my sisters were asleep and making sure there were special treats to snack on. It never bothered me all that much to do it.

 

[mrsbornkuntry]

My oldest is 10 now and my youngest is 2 so with such an age difference I'm sure this will come up in our family eventually. Dh and I have already decided that if one of our older ones babysit they will be paid for it. My opinion is that I am the parent and caring for the children is my responsibility, not theirs. Of course this is JUST MY OPINION and I don't have a problem with anyone else not feeling that way. I came to this conclusion last year because living on an Army base alot of families are one parent families while the spouse is deployed and I would see alot of SAHM whose kids were watching the younger ones all day, especially during the summer and the older kids had no life while the younger ones weren't given any real attention.

On the other hand, I do expect my kids to help me with the younger ones, especially the toddler, occassionally while I am at home and DH is gone, for example, DD will watch 2yoDs while I give 5yo DS a bath, or they will hold his hand in the grocery store, or play games with him while I'm trying to cook dinner. I don't keep them home/indoors for this specific reason however. I will just pick whatever kid is around and say "hey, since you aren't busy will you play play-doh with DS2 while I make dinner." They also walk the kindergartner to school when I'm unable to, like today when I have another child home sick that I need to stay with.

As far as how old to leave them home alone, I agree with other posters that it is a maturity thing. I would suggest that you sign them up for a red cross babysitting course if they're going to be watching siblings, though. Also check your state laws, some states DO have laws governing this. Personally, I'm not sure if my DD will ever babysit for any extended period of time because she tends to be mean and bossy when she's in a mood, but my 9yo DS will definitely reach that point, probably around 12 or 13 years old because he's always great with younger ones. I do have to make sure that he KNOWS he's supposed to be watching them, otherwise he tends to be oblivious to what they're doing.

Funny story, when my 9yo DS was at his Grandmothers being watched he was out playing in the yard with then 3yo DS and their Grandma was watching them out the window, 3yo Ds decided to go in, Grandma opened the door and let him in. A few minutes later 9yo came to the door in tears saying "Grandma, I lost Zachy!" She forgot that he had come in and went outside looking for him for a couple minutes before she remembered that he was in the house with her!

 

[Callie]

My mom never paid my sister when we stayed home alone because it was our choice too

 

[Kellyscrapbooks]

This hasn't come up here yet, but my thought process is that babysitting for things like quick trips to the store, stuff like that won't be paid. Those will be considered being part of the family and helping out as needed.
HOWEVER, if it's for a long time or if I am going to do something fun, those will be paid situations, and paid or not I will never expect my oldest to always give up her stuff to watch her brother. I have a friend that does that to her oldest all the time. It's awful, the poor girl never gets to have a life of her own, her parents go out EVERY Fri and Sat night, plus sometimes on weeknights.

 

[meandtheguys2]

I don't pay my 12 1/2 year old. And frankly he is too smart and too helpful to be a pill about it. I can't imagine an adult whining about such a thing years later!

He has plenty of privileges that he doesn't pay for, and I won't live in a house where we are nickle and diming each other.

eta: We only go out a few times a month. And they hate shopping and errands, so they beg to stay home then.

 

[kathi29]

My SS14 sometimes watched DD8 for a few hours. We pay him in the form of deducting off what he owes us for the balance on his PS3. If he didn't have that to pay, we would still give him something.

He is giving up his free time to supervise her, and if it is a day off school he is saving us the money we would pay another sitter or the daycare. It's a win-win.

 

[StephMK]

My kids are 12 (13 next week), 6 & 4. DD12 does watch the younger two if I run to the store, etc. & I don't pay her for those times. Usually she is compensated in some way though - gets to stay up later for a TV show, her choice snacks from the store, sometimes nothing. She knows this is part of helping as a family member.

If we will be out for a specific event, we do arrange it w/her ahead of time & pay her. I figure if we didn't have her, we'd be paying for a sitter so she deserves to get paid. However, I do pay her less than I'd pay an older sitter. She is very responsible, our hardest problem is just making the younger two respect her as the authority figure while we're gone.

 

[pearlieq]

If it's just covering for an hour or so while you run errands, I don't think it's necessary to pay for it, but if the kid is sitting while you work or go out for an event, they should be compensated in some way--either with a reduction in their other chores or cash.

Everyone has a piece of making the family work, but kids aren't indentured servants either!

 

[mlwear]

I was never paid for watching my siblings. I never even thought to ask.

The school sent this and I think it is a good reference. Guidelines from CPS for the state of VA for supervision.
Age: 0-6 A child may not left unsupervised for any length of time. 7-9 A child may not be left alone for extended periods of time (longer than 1.5 hours). 10-11 A child may not be left alone for extended periods of time (over 3.0 hours). 12-18 A child may be left alone if there are no emotional or medical problems and if the child is comfortable with the situation. 12+ Children of this age may baby-sit for children who are at least four years old for periods of time not to exceed four hours. 14+ Teenagers of this age and older may baby-sit for infants. 16+ Teenagers of this age may be left alone.

I think those are pretty reasonable. I wouldn't feel comfortable leaving a 7 year old alone for 1.5 hours, but that is me. I don't really understand the need for the 16+ can be left alone, unless that means overnight or if they have medical problems.

 

[kinntj]

My kids are less than 2 years apart, so there won't be "babysitting" involved. We'll leave the kids alone when they are both at an age where I feel they are responsible.

I watched my younger sister when I was 11 for a couple of hours here and there. We are 11 years apart, so yes I was left with an infant when I was 11, but my DM left strict rules. No money, as it was a responsibility for being part of the family, as well as chores and such. My mom would bring me some kind of treat from the store on a special day. My grandparents also lived a stone's throw away, so they were always around.

There's no one solution that fits all families. All families run differently and you'll have to get with your DH and decide what is the best for you. You can always just leave them alone at first for 1/2 hour and then work your way up if showing signs that things will be o.k. for longer.

Good luck.

 

[Grumpy's Wife]

I have three children. DD15, DD10 and DS7. I pay the teenager when it's something fun for DH and I. If we are going to a school function I don't pay her. DH and I going out to dinner then she gets paid. I don't think she expects to get paid because she never asks for the money. DH and I both agree that if it's for our enjoyment they we pay her.

 

[kinntj]

I was never paid for watching my siblings. I never even thought to ask.

The school sent this and I think it is a good reference. Guidelines from CPS for the state of VA for supervision.
Age: 0-6 A child may not left unsupervised for any length of time. 7-9 A child may not be left alone for extended periods of time (longer than 1.5 hours). 10-11 A child may not be left alone for extended periods of time (over 3.0 hours). 12-18 A child may be left alone if there are no emotional or medical problems and if the child is comfortable with the situation. 12+ Children of this age may baby-sit for children who are at least four years old for periods of time not to exceed four hours. 14+ Teenagers of this age and older may baby-sit for infants. 16+ Teenagers of this age may be left alone.

I think those are pretty reasonable. I wouldn't feel comfortable leaving a 7 year old alone for 1.5 hours, but that is me. I don't really understand the need for the 16+ can be left alone, unless that means overnight or if they have medical problems.

I also don't agree with the 7 or 8 year old being left alone for 1.5 hours. Maybe 1/2 hour or if you're in the neighborhood and can easily be reached? I'm paranoid though, so I would jump up the ages. I wouldn't even put in 7-9 year olds at all. I would start with 10 for 1.5 hours and then go up from there. I know you guys wouldn't agree with me, but 7-9 year olds can be very iffy and immature. I would want to be talking on the phone with them the whole time I was away.

 

[rocky41102]

I watched my younger sister when we were growing up. I wasn't paid specifically for babysitting, but I received a weekly allowance (not much, but a little) and that was considered part of what I was responsible for in the house.

 

[bookgirl]

I don't think kids should be paid for cleaning their rooms, dusting, pet care, dishes or watching a sibling while mom or dad is busy with a chore or caring for another child. But,

If you have an appointment or go out shopping or for a night out then yes they should be paid. That goes a little beyond the chipping in for the family thing.

My goddaughter is 3 years older than her one brother and 11 years older then the youngest brother. She was always watching and helping with the boys. She watched them in the summers when the youngest hit three and had major chores to do as well. She was the one who took care of the boys and dinner if mom was working late or had school (dad is from a culture where house and kids are "womens work"). She was held to a higher standard as oldest, was expected to do most of the chores (until the middle child was old enough to take on some of them), and make sure that she wasn't needed to help with the baby before making plans. When she began to drive she was also expected to help with transporting brother to sporting events. She did not get paid. It was one of the few things me and my best friend every really disagreed about. It should not have been her "family" responsibiility to be free child care. My best friend works hard and so does her husband they always have and they are good parents they just have a very strict sense of what thier kids responsibilties are.

Jess has very strong opinions about her brothers, she loves them but she doesn't want children (she's 18). I think she'll get over that but right now she feels like she's already raised kids, and has had enough. I feel bad that she has that attitude.

Granted I don't think that the OP is abusing the babysitting of her oldest I'm just giving an extreme example. But even a little resentment is better avoided, most kids would be happy with even 5 bucks and that little tidbit would go a long way to making the oldest child feel appreciated.