Do you pay for other family members on vacation?

[bethy]

It depends on how the initial conversation went. If you said, "hey do you want to go on vacation with us? Your share would be 'x.' (which it sounds like you did,) then if they no longer want to pay, too bad.

If you invited, and then later said 'by the way you owe us 'x' that would be another thing altogether. I know it's hard when it's family, but personally, I would not want to go on vacation with someone like this at all! It sounds like they pouted when they weren't invited, and pouted when they weren't invited for free! Who wants to vacation with a pouter? It will always be something with a person like that!

Exactly! He sounds like quite a guy. Imagine how much "negotiating" will have go to on throughout the vacation - i.e. when you are out to dinner or at the ice cream stand, for example. Yikes.

We have paid for many a person to vacation with us. But the minute they were to ever to presume that or invite themselves or expect us to cover things that would change the game.

If I'm not planning to pay for someone but wouldn't mind spending some of the time with them then I just say "Hey, btw, we are headed to Disney again in May. These are our dates - we'd love to run into you at the parks!"

 

[dougsmom98]

Tell him that if he wants to sleep in the bedroom it's $240. If he wants to bring a sleeping bag and sleep on the living room floor it's free.

This was exactly my thought. My sister is coming along on our vacation and we are not charging her to stay, but we are also not displacing two of my children so that she can have a bedroom. She is going to sleep in the den and they are getting the bedrooms.

 

[Colleen27]

I wouldn't pay for him. You let him know the costs. Now the ball is in his court as far as whether he wants to pay his share and go, or save the money and stay home.

We travel with family frquently and have never had money become an issue, but we all sit down up front and talk about the expenses and the split (if applicable - sometimes it is just them in one room and us in the other, so there's no shared expenses). How exactly we work it out depends on who we're travling with, where we're going, and other specifics of the trip, but thus far it has been drama-free.

 

[Suz D]

However, if he is a close friend, I may try to find a better compromise. Not free room and travel, but maybe a better structuring of how payment can be split. Like if there are 6 of you (5 in your family and him) split the total cost 6 ways, then you pay 5/6 and he pays 1/6. Same with gas.

This is often what we do. We love to travel with my dear friend, but she's not in the position to travel often. Because she wants to pay her portion, we do it this way so it's less for her and more equitable. I don't know the particulars on the house that you rented so the number $240 doesn't give me an accurate picture of how this works out for you. Because she's a dear friend, she always helps out with the kids and is kind and generous with her time, helps make meals, clean up etc. I always try to persuade her to let us cover the cost of the house since we'd be renting it anyway. We pay for the food because really, how much does one more person eat...but she always brings snacks and lots of other fun things to contribute.

We're looking at renting a house on PEI this summer and the cost is for 4 people. It's an extra $50.00 total for each extra person so that's what we told her that she would owe if she wants to pay something.

But...with all that being said, this guy sounds like he's a bit of a jerk and I don't think I would give him anything. It's one thing when it's not expected, but once the assumption is that you are covering things, you're opening up a can of worms!

 

[stazmatic]

If it helps it's a 7 bedroom home that is renting for $1655 total including all fees and pool heat. I divided that by bedroom to come up with the $240 figure. This person said they may or may not want to go to the parks. But really wants to hang out at the house and by the HEATED (his emphasis not mine) pool. So really if they don't want to go to the parks then it really wouldn't be much help with my kids as that's where we will be.
I am going to tell them I've changed my mind. One of the posts said it perfectly I need to quote that over the phone or something.

 

[danacath]

You won't ride on my back, Jack
Don't be a cheat, Pete
Break out the dough, Joe

Pay your own way, Jay
Just stay home, Jerome
Make your own plans, Dan
No need to be rude, Dude

 

[brat]

Yes, I have paid for others(they helped with the kids) and others have paid for me(My Mom).In fact had planned on paying friends to come with me next month but they can not go.I also have split expences with others.

The extra adult in room fee that many hotels charge is all I ask for when spliting with a friend who can not afford a 50/50 one.Now a friend who I split with gave me gas money based on her weight and the weight of her luggage over the distance we drove(DH did all the driving) based on the extra weight changing gas milage(this was her idea not mine, we would just covered it since we were going anyway).

I split with travel group once years ago where a glitch that we all ended up paying for happened. The rental had cable TV with pay channels.Yup, you guessed it, someone in the group rented pay shows and we all ended up paying for it.Now we make sure that is locked off when we share.Think out all the expenses even those your family skips.Anyone who causes this much problem before a trip might need to know your house rules reviewed.
Hoping your trip is more magical than the planning has been.

 

[stitchlovestink]

Well, to answer the original question, I guess I'd have to say yes. In that situation, I wouldn't charge for the space. I think it's different when two families split a house rental, but for an extra person, I doubt I'd ever charge for space. DD is actually going with another family for Spring Break, and they are driving. We are only paying for park tickets, meals, and spending money. Honestly, I would have felt it odd if they asked for us to pay for part of their house rental.


Now, I'm really surprised at this friend's audacity though. If I were him, I'd just be grateful that I was invited. It just seems like he has a general freeloading attitude- he invites himself on your vacation, and then wants to set terms?

But I think the case you are stating is different...I would bet that your DD is 'rooming' w/ her friend and not occupying a whole room to herself thus displacing other family members (who's parents are footing the bill) from a bedroom into a common area.

He is rude and thoughtless, and you are better off without him. He may have initially thought you meant you would pick up the tab for his portion of the lodging, but when you clarified that his share would be $240, he could have done/said a number of things...

1. He could have kept his rude thoughts to himself and let you know at a later date that he isn't in the financial position to go and left it at that.

2. He could have let you know that his financial position is tough, and could have offered what money he could afford and volunteered to sleep on the couch.

3. He could have realized that your offer was generous and that even at $240 plus his other costs, he was getting a great deal because your knowledge and planning was setting him up for a great time.

But... he chose to put you in a situation that has you questioning yourself and feeling bad. If he isn't worried about insulting you, then why be concerned about what he thinks now? Go and have a great time.

Excellent post!! Very well stated...

We often do pay, but that isn't the point here.

"Oh, I'm sorry. I'm afraid there was a miscommunication. Last time we went it sounded like you'd love to go an be open to splitting expenses - so we thought maybe this would make it more affordable for you and we'd all have a great time. But obviously, if the $240 for the house would be a burden, the tickets and food would be out of the question. I'm really sorry I put you into this position. My boys will be happy to say in the bedroom instead of the hideabed." (Even if they like the family room).

I think this is EXACTLY how I would respond via phone..

This is often what we do. We love to travel with my dear friend, but she's not in the position to travel often. Because she wants to pay her portion, we do it this way so it's less for her and more equitable. I don't know the particulars on the house that you rented so the number $240 doesn't give me an accurate picture of how this works out for you. Because she's a dear friend, she always helps out with the kids and is kind and generous with her time, helps make meals, clean up etc. I always try to persuade her to let us cover the cost of the house since we'd be renting it anyway. We pay for the food because really, how much does one more person eat...but she always brings snacks and lots of other fun things to contribute.

We're looking at renting a house on PEI this summer and the cost is for 4 people. It's an extra $50.00 total for each extra person so that's what we told her that she would owe if she wants to pay something.

But...with all that being said, this guy sounds like he's a bit of a jerk and I don't think I would give him anything. It's one thing when it's not expected, but once the assumption is that you are covering things, you're opening up a can of worms!

bolding is mine...
well that depends on the person, truly! Some individual teens/young adults (or even grown men for that fact!) can consume a significant amount of food/snacks/beverages over the course of an entire week!!!

Yes, I have paid for others(they helped with the kids) and others have paid for me(My Mom).In fact had planned on paying friends to come with me next month but they can not go.I also have split expences with others.

The extra adult in room fee that many hotels charge is all I ask for when spliting with a friend who can not afford a 50/50 one.Now a friend who I split with gave me gas money based on her weight and the weight of her luggage over the distance we drove(DH did all the driving) based on the extra weight changing gas milage(this was her idea not mine, we would just covered it since we were going anyway).

bolding is mine...
I think the add'l adult fee is a very generous way of splitting the cost (disporptionally of course, but allowing the other party to feel as though they are contributing and not free loading)
But regarding that gas bill....
WOW!!! can you say serious math major!!!

 

[PaulaSue]

OP, no pay, no go. Sorry if it was for my Mom or someone who I know couldn' afford it it would be differrent. KWIM

 

[Suz D]

If it helps it's a 7 bedroom home that is renting for $1655 total including all fees and pool heat. I divided that by bedroom to come up with the $240 figure. This person said they may or may not want to go to the parks. But really wants to hang out at the house and by the HEATED (his emphasis not mine) pool. So really if they don't want to go to the parks then it really wouldn't be much help with my kids as that's where we will be.
I am going to tell them I've changed my mind. One of the posts said it perfectly I need to quote that over the phone or something.

So it seems like there are other people going with you if it's a 7 bedroom house and his coming along would put your sons into a family room. (no disrespect intended if you have 12 children however!). If you are sharing the house with others, then DEFINATELY he should pay his portion!

 

[crisi]

If it helps it's a 7 bedroom home that is renting for $1655 total including all fees and pool heat. I divided that by bedroom to come up with the $240 figure. This person said they may or may not want to go to the parks. But really wants to hang out at the house and by the HEATED (his emphasis not mine) pool. So really if they don't want to go to the parks then it really wouldn't be much help with my kids as that's where we will be.
I am going to tell them I've changed my mind. One of the posts said it perfectly I need to quote that over the phone or something.

I'm going to get out my crystal ball here....its flawed but....

If you take him along he won't go to the parks (they are SO expensive). He will sit by the pool in the house you've rented - complain about the heater on the pool not being warm enough - eat the food you bought (his contributions to the groceries will be minimal), and leave you the dishes each day to clean up. You'll come back from the park - frankly exhausted from a full day at Disney with kids - to a guy lounging by the pool who believes that - in addition to being his provider of lodging, you are also his maid - who has eaten the entire package of hot dogs you were going to cook up for dinner, exhausted the soda, and downed a frozen pizza - but kindly mentions that perhaps you should go grocery shopping yet this evening, there isn't any food in the house - and he WOULD have gone and picked up groceries (yeah, right) but you guys had the car.

ETA: With this scenario in mind, even if he tries to get back in after your "gracious 'I'm so sorry to have burdened you' speech" you need to assure him that you would NEVER think of putting him in a tight financial spot and you simply cannot permit him to do so on your behalf. What are friends for? On no account let him weasel his way back in - I wouldn't want a fellow DISBoarder to come back from a long park day of dealing with her own children to have to deal with the dirty dishes of someone who hasn't grown up.

 

[tlbwriter]

So really if they don't want to go to the parks then it really wouldn't be much help with my kids as that's where we will be.

Well, if you were expecting him to babysit, maybe it's not so odd after all that he thought you'd subsidize his trip.

 

[horseshowmom]

I'm going to get out my crystal ball here....its flawed but....

If you take him along he won't go to the parks (they are SO expensive). He will sit by the pool in the house you've rented - complain about the heater on the pool not being warm enough - eat the food you bought (his contributions to the groceries will be minimal), and leave you the dishes each day to clean up. You'll come back from the park - frankly exhausted from a full day at Disney with kids - to a guy lounging by the pool who believes that - in addition to being his provider of lodging, you are also his maid - who has eaten the entire package of hot dogs you were going to cook up for dinner, exhausted the soda, and downed a frozen pizza - but kindly mentions that perhaps you should go grocery shopping yet this evening, there isn't any food in the house - and he WOULD have gone and picked up groceries (yeah, right) but you guys had the car.

That is exactly what I was thinking!

 

[stazmatic]

Well, if you were expecting him to babysit, maybe it's not so odd after all that he thought you'd subsidize his trip.

So it seems like there are other people going with you if it's a 7 bedroom house and his coming along would put your sons into a family room. (no disrespect intended if you have 12 children however!). If you are sharing the house with others, then DEFINATELY he should pay his portion!

I have 6 kids, that I don't expect anyone to help with - ever. Even their father That being said, this person brought up that it would be easier for me with all the kids if they went. Sometimes that's true, sometimes not.

So far there is DH, me, 6 kids, my mom, my mom's friend and her daughter. So 11 total. My mom and my mom's friend both said that $240 was not enough and that I should charge them more. But they gave me the money and will contribute in other ways like gas and food. I don't see a problem there at all.

 

[sparklynails23]

You can't let him stay for free if the others are paying. That wouldn't be fair.

 

[SleepyatDVC]

Drop him like a hot potato. It's one thing to let a nephew crash on your couch for free since you're renting the house anyway.

But a grown man who EXPECTS to freeload? As someone else pointed out, if you allow this ONCE, he might expect a free ride EVERYTIME you rent a place anywhere...

Besides, it wouldn't be fair to the other guests that they have to pay $240 for their room and he doesn't...

 

[horseshowmom]

So far there is DH, me, 6 kids, my mom, my mom's friend and her daughter. So 11 total. My mom and my mom's friend both said that $240 was not enough and that I should charge them more. But they gave me the money and will contribute in other ways like gas and food. I don't see a problem there at all.

I thought he had a lot of nerve before, but now it's really pathetic. Others are paying their share, but he thinks he should go free?

I'm not even sure I would have any trouble telling him that there wouldn't be room for him after all (and I usually bend over backwards trying to be nice). This guy needs to stay home.

 

[Butterx3]

I agree with most of the OP on here, so I don't want to repeat the same thing again. However, if the family friend you invitied can't come up with $240 for lodging, they shouldn't even be considering a vacation in the first place. In our home vacations are extra money we have saved for and planned for. If I didn't have the money, we wouldn't go, simple as that. There are Red flags all over the place with this possible extra guest. His budget seems to be whatever he can eek out of your family.

 

[ChisJo]

You can't let him stay for free if the others are paying. That wouldn't be fair.

I totally agree!

 

[secretpantssam]

If money is that tight for him, he probably shouldn't be going on vacation at all. He is getting quite a discount from you and all your asking is for him to pay his share. I say leave him home!