Do you pay for other family members on vacation?

[stazmatic]

We are renting a house for our next trip. We asked a friend to come with us because last time we went on vacation he seemed upset that he wasn't invited. The house we are renting is large and if this person goes with he would have his own room and 2 of our boys would sleep in the family room. If he chooses not to go, our boys would get this room. Our boys would probably prefer to sleep in the family room anyway so that is not an issue.

This person asked how much it would be and we said about $240 for the week for the house, plus tickets, food and gas. At first he said yes he wanted to go. Now he is saying that since we are already renting the house even without him that he doesn't feel like he should pay. Money is tight, but he spends money on tons of things he doesn't need. We were pretty speechless when he said that he doesn't feel like he should have to pay. I am not sure how to handle this.

Yes, we can afford to pay his way. But I feel like we are being pressured to pay for it now. We were just trying to be nice because he kept dropping hints that he wanted to go. We feel that $240 is cheap for a 7 night rental. Couldn't get a hotel room for that amount. We took the total amount of the house rental and divided it by the bedrooms to figure out how much it would be.
Pros - one extra driver, a little extra help with the kids (not much)
Cons - losing a bedroom, extra expenses
WWYD?

 

[Sandi]

I think there will be hard feelings no matter what you do. I think I would opt to not have this friend come along. He asked what his share would be, then when you told him, he wanted to negotiate. While I sort of agree that your cost of the house and gas are going to be the same whether he comes or not, he should chip in.

If it were someone you wanted to come and you wanted to pay his way, I think you would have said he should cover his tickets and food. Then he probably would have bought a dinner for your group or choose a different way to reciprocate. This guy sounds like he wants to be a free rider.

 

[Sarahlovy]

This person is an adult, yes? Then they should be able to pay for their vacation expenses. You could go down the "well, here is the total vacation expense, how much do you feel as though you should pay?" route, but then you really have to accept what they offer, or uninvite them.

This is why I usually try to figure out how much I would want for someone before I invite them- it is much easier to start with "Hey Joe, would you like to come with us, the cost is $XXX, let us know!"

 

[Pigeon]

I don't go on vacations with other people for this reason, among others. It's always just my immediate family, or we don't go. I won't vacation even with extended family.

I would tell this person that I'm sorry he can't make it, but that I understand everyone has a different financial situation.

 

[phred52]

You were being EXTREMELY generous to just agree to have him join your family in the first place. Having him share in the expenses is just a part of the package which you talked about up front. If he has the balls to say he shouldn't be sharing in the expenses, he also may have the balls to expect to join you 'all expenses paid' on your next trip and the one after that and so on. I'd leave him behind, He may be upset either way, but in staying behind he won't expect to be included free on your next trip.

 

[growinupdisney]

Are situation was slightly different we didn't invite friend but my mother. We asked that she pay for tickets and her food.(Actaully we didn't really ask she basically said how much was her share cuz she wanted to pay $ herself)

We did however pay for her character meals, these were more expensive even though she could afford them we didn't want her to spend the $$ because it was something extra we were doing. She did at times offer to pay for more meals or would slip me a $20 extra here or there even when I told her NO! But, you know how moms can be. She was very helpful to us, she did watch our dd3 when she was napping and we went on the bigger rides with the older kids.


I am actually a shocked he isn't willing to pay for the hotel. maybe not the gas but atleast his share of house, his tickets, and his food. This situation is already causing some conflicts so a week vacation with this person may not be so fun!

 

[mamajo]

I would not pay for this person. Too bad if he feels he's entitled. Since when is it your responsibility to pay for his vacation? Some friend!! I'd just tell him, if you want to go, this is it (his choice) and that it is cheaper than he would pay for a hotel. I'd really like to tell you to forget inviting him all together. How much fun would it be to have this guy's black cloud over your head for the entire vacation and once you got there, what else would you have to pay for?? You'd be guilted into anything he came up with-- especially if he used his kids as "poor little waifs" being left out because he couldn't pay for it.
I'd work up a paper agreement of this is what things cost, this is what you're responsible for. I do it for any trip that we include other people in that way everyone is on the same page and there are no hurt feelings or misunderstandings. It doesn't have to be a ten page contract, but just info provided so he knows what costs what.

 

[GinnyEmma]

I have paid for family to join us. That said, you are giving up space for this person who sounds like a freeloader. I'd find a way out if the invite.

 

[Brer Shay]

Wow, that's gutsy.

"Joe, from your previous comments, we thought you wanted to go along. Your portion of the housing would be $240, but you're welcome to make your own lodging arrangements. Let me know by DATE if you will be going so we can plan accordingly."

He's a grown-up. He can pay his way and come, or stay home and pout. If he does come with you, you may want to clarify how his tickets, food, transportation, etc.. will be covered.

 

[stazmatic]

You were being EXTREMELY generous to just agree to have him join your family in the first place. Having him share in the expenses is just a part of the package which you talked about up front. If he has the balls to say he shouldn't be sharing in the expenses, he also may have the balls to expect to join you 'all expenses paid' on your next trip and the one after that and so on. I'd leave him behind, He may be upset either way, but in staying behind he won't expect to be included free on your next trip.

That's a really good point! I was thinking about this on a one time basis - but you are absolutely right that I don't want to get locked in to this for every trip. Either way this is probably going to cause a problem. I did tell him upfront what the cost would be. It was later on that he came back and said he shouldn't have to pay. We didn't say anything at that point and we are scared to bring it up.

 

[Pakey]

If we invite, we pay for lodging and any food consumed within the lodging. We do not pay for dining out, park tickets (if at Disney), lift tickets (if skiing).

 

[RadioFanatic]

I would pretty much laugh in his face and tell him that (a) you are renting the house, but if he comes your family is giving up a bedroom; and (b) you are not his free ride. Some friend.

 

[girli565]

Then he doesn't go if he doesn't pay, simple as that. It costs $xx.xx amount for a room for a week and if you don't pay then I'm sorry but you can't stay with us.

I've rented a house in Orlando with friends and we each paid our share of the cost. I would never have expected any one to pay my share because they would have paid the full cost anyway. That's really rude to even suggest.

 

[postage stamp]

When my husband and I were still dating his parents invited me to go to Disney with them. I paid for the room I shared with his sisters, even though they would have had to get 2 rooms anyway, I helped pay for gas even though they didn't have to take an extra car, and I paid for my tickets and all my food. They didn't ASK me to, but I did because it was the right thing to do.

I can't imagine the vibe on vacation is going to be very good if all you can think about is the rude guy you are with.

 

[mrsklamc]

It depends on how the initial conversation went. If you said, "hey do you want to go on vacation with us? Your share would be 'x.' (which it sounds like you did,) then if they no longer want to pay, too bad.

If you invited, and then later said 'by the way you owe us 'x' that would be another thing altogether. I know it's hard when it's family, but personally, I would not want to go on vacation with someone like this at all! It sounds like they pouted when they weren't invited, and pouted when they weren't invited for free! Who wants to vacation with a pouter? It will always be something with a person like that!

 

[stazmatic]

Thanks guys! Glad to know I am not crazy. Now to figure out what to say so feelings don't get hurt. My main reason for not wanting him to go now is I know I would totally resent the fact that he was there if I was the one paying for everything.

 

[Mickey527]

I would tell him that you would love to have him go to the parks with you and maybe he could find another hotel that might suit his financial needs better. He probably will be calling within an hour to stay with you.
Also, remember, you will be buying food, drinks and snacks for the house. Have you included that cost into his amount? If you are planning some "adult" beverages those costs can add up quickly and be alot more than $240

 

[angierae]

I'd tell him if he doesn't want to pay, then he can sleep in the family room, because you should be compensated for your boys giving up a bedroom for him. If he weren't coming, your boys would have a room. So there IS a difference between his coming and not coming.

 

[mom to minnie&mickey]

WOW JUST WOW!!! Your "friend" is a user plain and simple. Why you would even want him with you is beyond me. What will be next? The car is going anyways so why should he pay for gas? You are making some meals for the family anyways in the rental home so why should he pay for groceries? Wait for it. Someone so entitled who feels no shame in asking good friends to pay his way will give you many headaches on your vacation. Have you ever vacationed with him before? Do you hang around him often in your everyday life? Tell him at restaurants (especially at buffets) a lot of left over food gets thrown out at the end of the day. Does he get to eat there for free because it won't be costing the restaurant anything anyways? OP you know your situation better than me but personally, I would be running for the hills after a comment like that. I wish you a stress-free and magical vacation.

 

[allonte]

First of all, who gets upset that they weren't invited on someone else's vacation? Then have the audacity to say that they shouldn't pay because you were going to have it anyway? I don't think I'd be friends with this person anymore and they definitely wouldn't be coming on vacation with me. He sounds like a free loader.