In a hurry said:
You know, I see the points made, and I think that part of me has just reacted so strongly because it seems the world has become so jaded and callous. And I will say that those of you who are so careful run a lesser risk of being ripped off. I guess that at this point of my life I am willing to risk that, to help in a way that I see as positive.
I was in a very curious predicament over the holidays. A few years ago, we sponsored a family that had triplets. The mom was declared completely infertile and this triplets came after 10 years of infertility with no assistance. We sponsored the family for christmas and it was a great success. Someone I happened to know and send the e-mail to worked at a Mall (as in ran the whole mall) and got Dillards to donate a shopping spree and then had a contact that they were able to get a vehicle for the family. All done in love--no strings attached. Just something my group did and it was very well received.
This Christmas--again, they found someone in need. I felt very weird about it. Very tragic situation. The girls involved were trying very very hard to make do. People donated lots of things for them. They took a turn for the worse in less than 1 month. They got horrible boyfriends (drugs, criminal records), they lost their jobs, and they quit school.
Sometimes gut instict is there for a reason. I do not feel vindicated for not donating--but I would have felt completely foolish had I done so. There were signs based on home visits my friends made that indicated that the success of our generosity woudl be a very very huge long shot and too risky for me to donate in good faith knowing that poor judgement would result in teh donation being squandered.
In my heart I wanted to help--but I knew that not nice people would take advantage of the girls b/c it was an ongoing issue with no relief in sight.
It doesn't make me uncaring. I wanted to help. But I choose not to enable. It was a very sad situation, and what we chose to do instead--was just a better use of resources.
I don't see giving or not giving as being caring. I see judging/insinuating/calling names to be uncaring. You are right all have the right to give as they see fit.
As far as the judging and calling names--if you go back and read that thread very carefully--you will notice that the first slingshots were delivered via those who supported the OP. Nobody judged the OP for it--we were doing our best to explain why we disagreed with the idea.
There are too many needs in this world to just follow my or anyone else's pet causes!
And you do not know enough about anyone on this board to make such a remark. These "pet" causes--people have VERY close attachments too. VERY close.
Ever have to take your dead child's Christmas presents back to a Toy store b/c they died before Christmas? I haven't--but I accompanied someone who did. It isn't pretty--and it was painful...and it wasn't my kid. Can you imagine how the mom felt?
Those who live in glass houses....