Do you love your children differently?

[RachaelRol]

DH and I have one son. DS will be five and was borm 10 weeks early, 3 pounds, had a collapsed lung and spent 33 days and came come with an Apnea monitor for 6 weeks. He went though all of this bc I developed preeclampsia and HELLP syndrome and I nearly had a seizure on the day he was born. He is perfectly healthy minus some allergy/asthma issues.

I will be 33 in September and DH and I are seeing my doctor tomorrow to see if he thinks its healthy for me to have another child.

DS and I have this amazing bond, relationship. I wonder if its bc of what wewent through or bc that's just how it is with each child??

Not , really just wanted to know what others have experienced

 

[MaryAnnDVC]

I think many parents feel that way...that they have this absolutely incredible miraculous being that they've bonded with like they never thought possible, and can't imagine feeling that way about another child. But you do.

Do I love my kids differently? I love all my kids very much, and can honestly say I have no favorites, but I do love them differently in that I celebrate their uniqueness and what special individuals they are.

 

[janet715]

My son and I have one of those amazing bonds. His dad and I divorced when he was 5, and he was never a big part of his life. I never thought I could love another child the same way. We have since found an absolutely AMAZING guy who loves us both and he and I share a 1 year old daughter. And trust me - you DO love your other kids just as much as the first. But definitey for different reasons. I love my son b/c he is my eyes and ears in the sense that he remionds me of things and remembers everything for me.... I love my daughter b/c she is affectionate and funny. The two are like night and day... but I love them equally... but for different reasons.

 

[Stacey2grls]

This is a hard one. I have 2 DD's 7 and 5. My first daughter is just about perfect in every way, everything came easy for her, she is smart, and extremely well behaved, sweet, and well can I say without boasting too much beautfiul. She has never given me a reason for stress or worry. As a baby, she was perfect, she barely cried, slept 12 hours straight, I could go on and on. My second daughter on the hand has had difficulties from day one. She had GERD as an infant, was constantly vomitting, or crying, she could not be consoled. At around age 1, I suspected, that she had some issues that I couldn't place. Around 18 months she was diagnosed as developmentally delayed, and a host of sensory problems. Almost every achievement has been difficult for her. She is now in Kindergarden, in a regular classroom, but receives special services. She is a total handful, constantly into something, needing something, or just making some kind of a mess. But, through all the differences between my 2 daughters I love them the same, just in a a totally different way. Where I love my first daughters stability, I adore my other daughters spontaneity. Where my oldest is well behaved, I love my other daguthers sass, I could go on and on. My second daughter is now finally coming into her own. She is behaving better, and settling down a bit, that now others comment all the time how sweet, and beautiful she is, just like her big sister! I say, it is because she is finally sitting still long enough for people to notice! In the end, you love your children equally, but just in entirely different ways, and for different reasons. Good luck with your future pregnancy!

 

[Beth76]

I had that feeling when I was pregnant with my second. I didn't think I could love another child the way I loved my first son. Well, as it turned out my younger son was a very easy baby and my older son sort of turned into a rowdy 3 year old. Needless to say, it was easy to bond with my younger son while my older son was just irritating me.

Anyhow, now I do love different things about each son more than the other. But, it's the stage of life they're in right now. I definitely don't love one more than the other, generally speaking. But on some days, yes I love one son more than the other.

I have to say that seeing the brothers together gives me way more joy than one could ever give me.

 

[ktpool]

I very clearly remember literally crying to my husband when I was pregnant with my second child that I could never love this one like our first. He said that was crazy...not the most consoling phrase, but you know what, it is absolutely true.

I don't love one more than the other...just different. My heart can melt one minute for my son's goodness and sweetness and the next it can be for my daughter's strength and intelligence.

Don't worry...there is enough love for everyone in a home. It is not just a saying )

 

[RachaelRol]

Thank you very much. Everyone seems to feel the same way. If Dr gives us the okay, I'm sure I'll feel the same way. Thanks for sharing your experie nces.

 

[JVL1018]

I love mine differently..and I have to admit I was afraid I would not love my second as much as I loved my first..and I felt that way for a week or two after he was born, I am ashamed to say..then one night I cried to my husband I don;t think I love Matty as much as I love Julia..and instantly that feeling went away and I fell head over heels in love with my little guy..and I do mean the instant I said it out loud. It was bizarre.

Anyway, my daughter was my difficult baby, cried all the time, cranky..but she has been amazing since she turned about 9 months, a true joy to be around 95% of the time. My little girl, so smart and clever and beautiful.

My son was an easy baby and turned into The Beast around 10 months and didn't come out of that until around 2 1/2. Now he is still more difficult but so funny and amazing and cute and...ohh I can't even explain why I adore them both so much in different ways, I just do.

 

[Papa Deuce]

Hmmmn......

I love DIFFERENT things about each of them more than the other. Like I LOVE Abby's sense of humor way more than the other's. But I love Emily's ability to feel empathy more than Abby's..... and things like that could go on and on.

But, if what you mean is "do I love one child more than the other"?, then no way at all would that be true. I love the uniqueness of both of them EXACTLY the same.

And I have twin daughters, who are almost 5.

 

[RachaelRol]

I love mine differently..and I have to admit I was afraid I would not love my second as much as I loved my first..and I felt that way for a week or two after he was born, I am ashamed to say..then one night I cried to my husband I don;t think I love Matty as much as I love Julia..and instantly that feeling went away and I fell head over heels in love with my little guy..and I do mean the instant I said it out loud. It was bizarre.

You folks are so honest. I'm so glad I asked. I really felt nervous and worried. Glad to see its normal...

 

[LBAK]

We all love our kids but we have to love them differently as each child has different needs. My oldest is learing disabled and has needed much gidance and love from her dad and I and we were there for her. My youngest is extremely intelligent bt emotionally she has separation issues when it comes to leaving me and she needs my love in a different way. They both get my undivided love jst in different ways and I think that is with any parent, child relationship.

 

[thelittlemermaid]

Same here, I love mine differently also. I don't love one more then the other, just differently.

DD6 was born with Down Syndrome and I have been through alot with her. Going from doctor to doctor. Doing therapies with her and the whole 10 yards.

With DS9 he is my rock! I look to him for strength. He was put through so much by the age of 3 that most adults haven't been through yet. The things that happened to my family during that time, if it wasn't for him telling me that everything was going to be ok, I more then likely would not be here today.

Now I am pregnant with #3 and know this little guy will fit in just fine.

 

[RachaelRol]

But, if what you mean is "do I love one child more than the other"?,

Definitely did not mean that, meant different. You hear parents say a lot of I love my kids exactly the same. I think some think love has to be identical, and its wrong to acknowledge loving the differences in the kids.

 

[RachaelRol]

Now I am pregnant with #3 and know this little guy will fit in just fine.

Good luck!

 

[WDWfor5]

As another mother of a preemie I know what you mean. I have three children - DD 7, DS 4 1/2 and DS almost 3. My 4 year old was a 28 weeker and spent almost 12 weeks in the NICU. It was a long, stressful fight and like you're son he's now perfect although small for his age. While I don't love him more than the other two, I love him differently. I remember the struggles, I remember having him turn blue on my lap in the NICU, the tubes, etc. and he is most treasured. My DH used to joke once he came home, that we better not drop the $500,000 Baby

But, like others have said, you love them all differently and just because they're you're babies. My DD was and is my perfect child - she was my easy pregnancy, slept 5 hours straight at 4 days old, is incredibly bright, etc. BUt she's also the biggest challenge in other ways. It's hard to keep her challenged, she never give's up, etc. My DS 4, is a fighter and is afraid of nothing. I love him for his spirit and he makes everyone around him happy. My youngest DS is Mr. Independent even though he's my last baby and know's it.

Good luck with the doctor and wishing you a wonderful, easy preganancy.

 

[ChrisnSteph]

I'm probably going to get flames for this....

Out of my three children, I have a closer bond with my youngest, ds3. My oldest, dd10 is from a previous relationship, and my middle child, ds4, is adopted. Austin is my only surviving child out of the three sons that I have had with my dh. He is in a way my miracle baby. Every time I look at him, I see my two boys that passed away. He is also my most easy-going, best behaved child, and has a special way of just melting my heart. I'll admit that I have a little more patience with him than I do his other siblings, but he's so mellow that he doesn't get in nearly as much trouble. It's been harder with Matt (our adopted son) for a number of reasons, I'm sure in part because we adopted him at an older age. He's also the more rowdy, most destructive and most defiant out of the bunch. We've been told he may be ADHD, so that doesn't make things easier. The bonding didn't happen instantly like I thought it would, and we've gone through family therapy to deal with it. He's such a sweet and social child, but it's hard to deal with the behavior sometimes. My dd is my first born, so I'll always have that special bond with her. While I do have these feelings, I'm careful not to make it known, and I will continue to do that all my life.

 

[RachaelRol]

As another mother of a preemie I know what you mean. I remember the struggles, I remember having him turn blue on my lap in the NICU, the tubes, etc. and he is most treasured. My DH used to joke once he came home, that we better not drop the $500,000 Baby

Good luck with the doctor and wishing you a wonderful, easy preganancy.[/QUOte

We called Andrew our $200,000 baby!! Thanks for the good wishes

 

[Arielle22]

My dd's are 22 months apart. I love them differently from each other and from day to day. Something I find charming 1 day is irritating the next.

I am the 5th of 8 children and I remember my mom telling us that she loved us for our uniqueness and individuality.

I had problems in my 2nd pregnancy and didn't enjoy it as much as my first. When I held my 2nd dd for the first time I looked at her and thought I could never love her as much as her older sister.

But I did. I think as you learn the baby's personality it makes the baby more real to you and helps increase your love.

 

[RachaelRol]

I'm probably going to get flames for this....

Out of my three children, I have a closer bond with my youngest, ds3. My oldest, dd10 is from a previous relationship, and my middle child, ds4, is adopted. Austin is my only surviving child out of the three sons that I have had with my dh. He is in a way my miracle baby. Every time I look at him, I see my two boys that passed away. He is also my most easy-going, best behaved child, and has a special way of just melting my heart. I'll admit that I have a little more patience with him than I do his other siblings, but he's so mellow that he doesn't get in nearly as much trouble. It's been harder with Matt (our adopted son) for a number of reasons, I'm sure in part because we adopted him at an older age. He's also the more rowdy, most destructive and most defiant out of the bunch. We've been told he may be ADHD, so that doesn't make things easier. The bonding didn't happen instantly like I thought it would, and we've gone through family therapy to deal with it. He's such a sweet and social child, but it's hard to deal with the behavior sometimes. My dd is my first born, so I'll always have that special bond with her. While I do have these feelings, I'm careful not to make it known, and I will continue to do that all my life.

I hope you don't get flamed... I think your situation is very difficult. Losing two children I can imagine is very devistating. I can see why you're struggling. It sounds to me like you're doing the right thng. Don't give up on DS4....

 

[kbkids]

My story is so similar to yours. DD was born 8 weeks early - weighed 1 lb 13 oz - because I also had HELLP syndrome. She spent 6 weeks in the hospital, but luckily, has never had any problems whatsoever, minus a little bit of reflux in the first few days.

We had always planned to have our kids 2 years apart. When it came time, I so wasn't ready for another child. Our kids ended up being 3 1/2 years apart - just be cautious - I had HELLP syndrome again, DS also born 8 weeks early, but he weighed 3 lbs 7 oz and only stayed in the hospital for 10 days. This was all due to my overly cautious (thank goodness!) doctor who had me on bed rest at 5 months.

I love them both dearly, but they are totally different children, different mannerisms, different attitudes, everything just totally opposite. And due to that, I just communicate and respond to each of them differently. It doesn't mean I love one more or less than the other, it's just a different relationship.