Do you let your adult son/daughter sleep with their bf/gf under your roof?

[eh24fan]

My SO and I have already had this discussion, even though the kids are 7 and 6 months. LOL Anyway, while I'm sort of on the fence, I know that when it comes down to it, if it's a long-term situation and they are over 18, then they'll be in the same room. Now if it's a new gf and they just want her to stay over? Nope. LOL I have to like this chick...a lot. LOL Thank goodness we have a long time before this is an issue.

 

[Tinijocaro]

It seems like men with performance issues perpetuate that girls should be virgins nonsense.

This seems like quite an outrageous statement to make. Is this based on personal experience, or are there actually studies on this kind of thing? Some men just don't want a girl who has been with many other men. Sounds reasonable to me. I didn't want a guy who'd been around the block.

 

[PghLybrt]

That would never be an issue. I wouldn't even be allowed in her house in that case.

She's very religious.

I would never be visiting then! I think that is really sad for parents.

 

[Tink&SquirtsMom]

With both my IL's and my parents, my dh and I were expected to sleep in separate rooms when visiting before marriage, despite our living together. I understood because we both had 12yo siblings at the time. I don't know what we'll do when the time comes. It probably won't be a blanket policy for all 3 kids, but more depend on the person they are wanting to share a room with and the kid (is it a serious relationship, etc, etc).

 

[antmaril]

My son will be 21 in December. We are taking his girlfriend with us to WDW in August. I have two rooms at Pop Century. My DH and DS will stay in one room and me and the girlfriend in the other room. Obviously, they are old enough, but not on my dime - no way, no how!

 

[PatsGirl]

OMDG, something else I have to decide??? I'm a single mom to DS17 who's giving me a run for my money on every aspect in his/my life -- I hadn't even thought about this one. Not that I have to at the moment, but boy I am really getting tired of all this decision-making lately! It was so much easier deciding what shade of blue the sky he was coloring should be I guess if he's in a long-term relationship (more than 6 months?) and out of the home already (in college or the service or visiting from his home elsewhere) I'd be okay with this. I know I wouldn't allow random visiting in my home unless of course they were to leave a $100 bill on the night table, lol. And, if he's serious about a woman, enough so that they want to be sleeping together on a regular basis I think it'd be time for him to move on out....I definately believe in "shacking up" and have been known to do it myself once or twice

 

[TinkerbellMama]

I wouldn't mind it at all. I don't think sex before marriage is a bad thing, though. Then again, what are the odds my son would be having sex with his girlfriend in my home, anyway? That would probably be way too creepy for him!

 

[design_mom]

Neither of us stayed over at the future-ILs houses before we got married. I don't think that would have been allowed.

My parents were very old-fashioned with this. When DH and I got engaged, he invited me to a different state to meet his extended family. DH and I would be staying with his grandmother, in separate rooms. (I was actually sharing a room with Gram.) My dad was all upset about it. He didn't think it "looked right" for us to be sharing a *house* before we were married, let alone a room!

I do not think I'd want my adult children sharing a room with their SO until marriage, but I would be okay with them both staying in my house at the same time.

 

[DLBDS]

I would be ok with it. Mine is only 10 so it's not like I'm dealing with this right now. Besides, who wants to do the nasty with their parents in the next room? I wouldn't (and haven't). Sharing the same bed doesn't always mean 'sleeping together' (or...doin' the nasty).

 

[crz4mm2]

Wouldn't bother me at all. DS was dating his wife a couple of years ago (they moved in together right after this trip) and we decided to take a spur of the moment trip to PA. He asked if she could go with us. I said "sure". I had a feeling that she was "the one" (and I was right). We rented a suite and gave them the pull out couch to share. I didn't even bat an eye. He was 24. He told me he was planning to have her move in with him after our trip so I knew that was coming.

My Sister is not married, but has a live in, long term BF. I can't imagine that my parents would require them to spend the night in separate rooms... THey have lived together for 8 or 9 years and I don't suppose they will ever get married. I would not expect them to spend the night in different rooms here either. In fact, I had them stay here our last family trip to WDW to babysit the animals! LOL. They had only been together a little while at that time.

I guess I don't understand the "Marriage" thing. Many people don't get married anymore. You mean you would expect your kids to be married before spending the night together, even if they have no intention of ever marrying? I know, your house, your rules, but that just seems so unreasonable to me....

 

[design_mom]

You mean you would expect your kids to be married before spending the night together, even if they have no intention of ever marrying?

Well, not exactly... I posted above that I would expect my child/SO to have separate rooms unless they were married. If they were in a long-term committed relationship (I'm talking years, not months), I would probably reconsider my stance.

I don't judge people who choose not to get married -- and if DS or DD came to me and said "we're not ever planning to get married, but we're both committed to this relationship" I would be willing to listen... but I don't quite understand why they wouldn't get married, kwim?

 

[disykat]

Nope, my house, my rules. My kids aren't that old yet, but my brother and my now SIL came to visit before they got married and slept separately. There wasn't even a question. We knew they were living together, but they knew our beliefs and were respectful of that in our home. Age has nothing to do with it - they were both around 40. They did the same at my parents house.

 

[crzyred]

lets see how about an opinion from a 22 yr old.

this isn't the popular vote among people my age but oh well, you're gonna get my opinion.

i don't believe in pre-marital sex. with that i believe that sex is something completely private between 2 people. i would feel that i was basically parading around the fact that my bf and i were doing it. i wouldn't feel comfortable with that.

if i lived out of state and come home to visit with a boyfriend, chances are we'd end up on the pull-out couch.

i do agree that if you are sharing a bed, it doesn't mean you are having sex. but i do believe that it isn't so much age you should look at, but also maturity level with that.

no way, no how would an 18/19 yr old be allowed to share a room. but a 25 yr. old in a serious relationship, well whatever i guess.

but i do believe you follow the rules of the house you are in. that's just plain old respect.

 

[crz4mm2]

Well, not exactly... I posted above that I would expect my child/SO to have separate rooms unless they were married. If they were in a long-term committed relationship (I'm talking years, not months), I would probably reconsider my stance.

I agree that you don't have to be married to be in a committed relationship, but I don't quite understand why people who are "living like they're married" don't just go ahead and get the paper that says they are. You don't have to have a big wedding. (With same-sex couples, I understand, of course...) I don't judge people who choose not to get married -- and if DS or DD came to me and said "we're not ever planning to get married, but we're both committed to this relationship" I would be willing to listen... but I don't quite understand why they wouldn't get married, kwim?

I understand what you are saying. I also have to say that SOME people don't WANT to get married. I don't necessarily agree with that (I have been married to the same man for almost 30 years) but some people do.
I am just saying that some people don't ever WANT to get married. I don't know why, they just don't. So for those people, it seems a bit silly from my perspective, to expect them to sleep in separate rooms when they have been living together for years and years, just as if they have been married.

Just the way I see it. Guess we are each allowed to do as we wish

 

[disykat]

I understand what you are saying. I also have to say that SOME people don't WANT to get married. I don't necessarily agree with that (I have been married to the same man for almost 30 years) but some people do.
I am just saying that some people don't ever WANT to get married. I don't know why, they just don't. So for those people, it seems a bit silly from my perspective, to expect them to sleep in separate rooms when they have been living together for years and years, just as if they have been married.

Just the way I see it. Guess we are each allowed to do as we wish

We've already established that the unmarried people sleeping together have a different belief system than the people who reserve that for marriage. That's a given. I don't think it changes the "respect the rules of the house you are in" rule. I think it's the same regardless of the rule - no smoking, no pets, no shoes on the carpet, etc. Whether you personally agree with the rule isn't the point, you simply respect the rules of the house or you find a way to visit that doesn't involve staying in their home.

 

[SplshMtn99]

DH & I were engaged & living together. 23 yrs old. Went to visit his dad out of state along with DH's brother & brother's wife. His dad & step-mom said we couldn't sleep in the same bed. I had to sleep with brother's wife & DH had to sleep with his brother. So even the married couple (brother & wife) didn't sleep together.

With the situation the OP listed, ages & circumstances, by all means they could share a bed if they wanted to.

 

[shortbun]

I never did it in my parent's house but one of my BF's and I shared a bed at his mother's. We were living together and her boyfriend spent the night in her bed when we were there so we shared too. It felt weird to me even though we were living together. I wonder how I'll feel about my son and his SO when the time comes. I'd guess that if they are in a commited relationship, sharing a home, I'd give them their own room. Otherwise, I'm not sure.

 

[Mnementh]

I can't speak for my children, as I have none, but my parents would never let my GF (now fiance) sleep in the same bed (or even the same room) as me. After we got engaged, I was still living at my parents house for about 3 months and when she came by and spent the night, we still couldn't sleep in the same room. We've since moved in together on our own and have had no need to sleep over my parents' house, but I bet if we did, we still wouldn't be allowed to sleep in the same room anyway, until we're married.

Now, HER mom, on the other hand, doesn't mind us sleeping in the same bed when we visit my fiance's family.

 

[azgal81]

My parents have allowed me and my ex to sleep in the same bed in there house. They even got us our own hotel room when all visited my brother down at college.

 

[FoundMyPrince]

No way - not in our home.